Lorna Collins's Blog

How do you summarize a friendship of over fifty years? Ihave been wrestling with this for a couple of weeks. I still can’t figure itout, so I’ll start at the beginning.
We met Bernie when my mother-in-love bribed us to attendingchurch with her. We had stopped going to church several years before. We had livedout of the state, and when we returned, our previous church was gone.
In the interim, Larry’s folks had purchased a mobile home inDana Point. When we came back to California, we began to spend all our weekendsthere with them.
Mother’s birthday was May 6. A week or so before, sheannounced, ”All I want for my birthday and Mother’s Day is for my family to goto church with me.” So, we went.
That first week, we discovered that the pastor was a surfer.It was enough to get Larry to go back. The next time we went, the pastor’s wifegreeted us by name! I later discovered she’d had the ability to really see andremember people from the time she was young. She never forgot a name. This wasBernie.
She was far from the stereotypical pastor’s wife. She didn’tplay the piano or teach Sunday school classes. She sang in the choir, participatedin Bible studies, and took part in women’s activities. She attended all thewomen’s retreats and contributed wisdom to all of them. Schwenck family 1972She didn’t look like a stereotypical pastor’s wife, either. Herlong hair hung to her waist. She wore short skirts and knee boots—or whateverwas comfortable. Since this was a “beach church,” people accepted her as she was,and she did the same. She always seemed to see the best in people.
The door to their house was never locked. Their friends and theirchildren’s friends knew they could walk in at any time—and they did. Bernie’sonly request was that if folks showed up and she was busy, they could eithertalk to her while she continued or they could help. And if she was watching asporting event, guests were expected to join her. (They could cheer for theopposition, but she would cheer louder for UCLA or the Dodgers. And she wouldyell at the referees if she thought they made a bad call.)
Bernie had worked as a PE teacher and coached thecheerleading squad in New Jersey while Bob was attending Princeton Seminary.She had a real passion for sports, having been a cheerleader in high school andcollege. She never missed a game or sporting event for either of her childrenor her grandchildren.
Larry and Bob and our friend Diana Gardner (nicknamed “Gidget”)formed the Community Presbyterian Surf Team. They had great times surfingtogether, and Bob became Larry’s best friend.
After the Schwencks’ first trip to Hawaii, they became ashooked on the islands as we were. By this time, we had gone quite a few timesand had visited all the islands (except Niihau). The four of us began to vacationtogether. In time, we traveled all over the world, and we always enjoyed spendingtime together.
We usually followed the same pattern. We would startplanning a trip several months in advance when we discussed the details. SinceI am somewhat of a control freak (an understatement), I usually made thearrangements for flights and hotels, etc. (unless they had miles or credit theycould use to book their own). In our first meeting, however, each of us chose onething to do on the upcoming trip. I usually selected something adventurous,like taking the helicopter flight over Kauai or visiting the leper colony onMolokai. Larry’s choice always involved surfing. Bob usually picked somethingfun, like bike riding down Mt. Haleakala on Maui. Bernie, however, alwayswanted to do the same thing: paddling the outriggers on Waikiki. She said, “Thisis the only place on earth where you can do this.” And she loved it. Bernie 3rd from left

We all liked “funky” places to stay, and we always tried tosave money. However, we found some incredible places where we returned onfuture trips. Fortunately, we had quite a few friends who lived in the islands,so when we were there, we tried to visit them. I have terrific memories ofspecial adventures with dear friends.
Bernie always went along with whatever craziness I planned.She’d say, “I just want to go along and have fun.” The only other thing shewanted to do in Hawaii was spend time sunning on the beach. Because I am fartoo fair to spend much time in the sun, I either went shopping, or swam laps inthe hotel pool, or read a book.
On one memorable trip in 1990, we were joined by our friends Don andKaren Seapy. Don always said it was his very favorite vacation. The highlightwas the glider flight over Dillingham Airfield. l-r: Larry, Bob, Bernie, Don, Lorna, Karen

When Bob did an exchange pulpit in Scotland, we stayed withhim and Bernie and spent several days with them before we visited with myfamily and did a bit of sightseeing. When he did the same thing in New Zealand,we went to visit before exploring the country on our own. In both places, wemet lovely people from his guest congregations, some of whom we are still intouch with.
We also traveled to places in the US together, and many ofthose trips resulted in great memories—like the Rainbow Motel, the very worstplace we ever stayed. (Bob picked it.) Even the not-so-great experiences becameshared legends and the sources of much laughter.We visited Italy, Ireland, Australia, France, and other spotsin the world with them. We never failed to enjoy our travels.
Through the years, Bernie and I cried together and laughedtogether and shared lots of love. We lost friends and loved ones and grievedtogether. We comforted each other and knew we could count on each other.
But, who do I count on now?
Bernie passed away on May 23 after a battle with Parkinson’sand a couple of strokes. It’s hard to believe that her vibrant spirit and contagiouslaugh and smile won’t be there for us anymore. There are so many things I willmiss: hugs, and wisdom, shared silences and shared laughs, moments when nowords are necessary, and moments of understanding.
I visited with her each of the three days before she passedand was able to tell her it was okay to let go. I assured her that Larry and I wouldbe there for Bob and her family, and they would be okay because she helped tomake them the strong, loving people they are. I prayed with her and told her Iloved her. I assured her that I was certain her daughter Erin would be waitingalong with her mother and other friends and family. And I assured her God wouldgreet her with: “Well done, good and faithful servant.” I truly believe this.
But my dear friend left a huge hole in my life and that of theothers who loved her.
After she passed, I did what I do. I helped Bob write herobituary and then created her obituary website: bit.ly/459dNMl
I also spoke at her memorial service and created the video: https://youtu.be/cSJoF6a4nfM
But these small things just can’t begin to capture who shewas and what she meant to me and to those who loved her. I shall miss her forthe rest of my life.

 Since May, eight of our friends have passed away besides BrookeBailey, about whom I wrote about in May. (She died on the fifteenth.)

…Andthey just keep coming…

Bob Wille

Bob Wille
Sherry Derr-Wille and Bob
Bob was the husband of one of my writing partners. They hadbeen married for just short of 60 years. He died on May 10.

Lynette Christy

Lynette
On June 26, we finally located her younger brother just to discoveredshe had died about six months ago. We’ve looked for her off and on for years.He told us she had married and moved to Ecuador—quite likely the reason we hadn’tbeen able to reach her. Larry and I and his best friend and Lynette doubledated for a couple of years. Larry’s friend passed away in 2008. We had hoped toshare this video of when we were all together with her. We sent it to herbrother to show her son.  h ttps://youtu.be/uKh4mhEqStM

Teri Atkinson

Teri
She was related to our great-niece, Savannah. Her motherdied when she was eleven, and her grandmother died ten days later. Terri was likea surrogate grandmother to Savannah and a lovely lady. We shall miss her.  https://tinyurl.com/4vkkwh9m

Shaun Corrales

Shaun
Shaun was my cousin, Eileen’s oldest child and her only son.He passed away on May 22. He was only 55 years old. https://www.echovita.com/us/obituaries/ca/templeton/shaun-luis-corrales-19855537

Bernice Smith Schwenck

Bernie
Bernie passed away on May 23. I will write more about herseparately.

Nelloise Blue

Nell
Nell passed away on June 27. She had been a member of ourchurch for many, many years and was a loving and sweet friend to many of us.

Wendy Jenkins

Wendy
Wendy was a longtime friend and church member. She passed away today, July 10. She had aninfectious smile and a wonderful sense of humor. (She always accused me ofdying my hair!) She took a bad fall a couple of weeks ago. We visited her inthe nursing home, and she was anxious to get back home. She did return, butthen had a series of strokes. I shall miss her very much.

 

Far too many in a short time.

 Losing those we love is always hard. We all expect ourparents to die someday. If we are married, we assume one or the other of us willgo first. And if we are blessed to live long enough, we will begin to loseclose friends. However, what we do not expect is for young people to diesuddenly.

I am currently helping to facilitate a GriefShare group , andseveral of the people in that group have lost children. I know I will never understandjust how they feel, but I can’t imagine anything more wrenching.

About an hour after I returned home last Thursday, whilescrolling through Facebook, a photo of a dear young lady we loved appeared.When I read the caption, I began to sob. Larry was sitting next to me and askedwhat was wrong. I was crying so hard I could hardly answer him. I managed toget out, “Brooke died.”

His answer was to be expected: “Huh?”

“Brooke died.”

This time, what I’d said finally registered, and I watchedthe pain on his face.

I cried for several hours…

~~~

Brooke’s mother, Arleen, was one of our daughter Kim’s bestfriends in high school. She spent hours with us, and Kim spent time at herhouse. As with many of Kim’s friends, we stayed in touch with Arleen throughmarriages, divorces and kids, mostly through email and then later throughFacebook.

She finally met Jim, and her life became more stable. Theyhad a daughter, Brooke.

Kim worked at Disneyland for several years, and Arleen andBrooke had passes. When she could, Kim met them there, and they enjoyed thepark together.

I remember her telling us that Brooke’s favorite ride wasThe Haunted Mansion Holiday. Even though she was little, Brooke was never afraid.She loved Jack Skellington.

A few years ago, Arleen called us. She had a favor to ask.Brooke was enrolled in IPoly High School, located on the campus of Cal Poly,Pomona. Only the top students qualified, and Brooke was a terrific student.This program combined the usual high school curriculum along with college-levelclasses and self-directed learning.

Arleen explained that for her senior project, Brooke had toselect a career she might be interested in pursuing and then find a mentor towork with her through the school year. The commitment was for fifty in-personhours plus emails and phone calls throughout the year. Arleen knew we wereauthors and that I was editing. Brooke decided she wanted to find out aboutthis career, and Arleen asked if we would be willing to work with her. We didnot hesitate to answer, “Yes!”

So, during the next eight months, her folks drove her downto our home in Dana Point from their home in San Gabriel Valley every few weeksso we could spend two or three hours with her while they went to the beach.(Fortunately, they both love the beach!)
Arleen, Brooke and Jim

We started with the basics: story structure, character development,world building, etc. We have an extensive collection of books on writing, andevery time Brooke came, she went home with two or three. The next time, our visitstarted with a discussion of what she had learned from the books.

In October, I suggested she take part in NaNoWriMo: NationalNovel Writing Month. Participants commit to writing every day, completing abook within the month. I told her if she finished, we could edit it togetherand publish it. She was excited at the prospect.

Larry is a plotter, so he and Brooke discussed creating anoutline ahead of time so she would know what her story was about and where itwas going. (I, on the other hand, am a “pantser.” I write by the seat of mypants and let the story evolve through my characters.)

She started out enthusiastically, but about halfway through,she lost interest. She completed the book, but she said when she finished, she didn’tlike it and didn’t want to publish it. We agreed the experience was still agood exercise.

I gave her a couple of chapters of a book I had edited and askedher to take a shot at it for practice. She brought it back, and we compared hernotes with mine. She did a great job with it.

Larry completed his sci-fi book, The McGregor Chronicles: Book 3 - Alien Invasion, while we were working with Brooke and invited herto be a beta reader. She gave him several suggestions, which he included. Andshe is mentioned in the Acknowledgements. Her review is quoted in the Readers’Comments section of the book.

Periodically, we had to log into her school portal to recordthe number of hours we’d spent and answer a few questions about what we haddone. She did the same.

During one of our last sessions, she sat with me as Iuploaded a manuscript I had edited and formatted for an older gentleman. I’dasked if I could call him during the process so I could explain what I wasdoing, and I asked his permission for Brooke to look on in real time so shecould see the actual steps. As a former teacher, he was delighted to have her.She watched and asked questions of me and the author. It felt like it was themost valuable time we spent with her.

She had to produce a final project and chose to do aninteractive PowerPoint for her class about what she had learned. She sent it tous ahead of her presentation, and we were impressed with her work. So was herteacher. I think she got an A+ grade on it.

Of course, we attended her graduation and cheered loudly alongwith her large family when she walked across the stage.

High School GraduationShe decided to take a gap year before starting college.During that year, the family moved from California to Florida.

She did return to college, where she graduated with honorsand immediately started on her Masters degree. We expected to hear great thingsfrom her.

She was one class short of completing her degree when hermother found her in her bed last Thursday morning…

~~~

We are still processing the news, but we are also verygrateful to have had Brooke in our lives. We came to love her very much. Wehave no grandchildren, but Brooke became like a grandchild.

Thank you, Brooke, for the sunshine and joy you gave to thisworld.

 

Thanks to her sister, Amber, and her godmother, Chris, forthe photos.

This is a link to her obituary. https://www.dignitymemorial.com/obituaries/boca-raton-fl/brooke-bailey-12379068

 

Karen, David, Kathy, Eileen, Lorna, Ron

My maternal cousins and I grew up together. We all livedfairly close, so we saw a lot of each other. Aunt Muriel and Uncle Gordon(David and Eileen’s parents) lived in El Sereno. Aunt Evie and Uncle Frank (Karenand Kathy’s folks) lived in Monterey Park. We lived in Alhambra. We were withinfive miles of each other.

We spent all of the major holidays together. Mom hostedEaster, Aunt Muriel had Thanksgiving, Grandma had Christmas, and Aunt Evie andUncle Frank had New Year’s Eve. Known as “Hogmanay” in Scotland, New Year’s Evewas a very big celebration. (My grandparents were both born and raised in thatcountry.)

David was the oldest. I was next and fourteen monthsyounger. Three years later, all the “littles” were born. My brother, Ron camealong in May, Eileen arrived in August, and the twins were born in December.

Aunt Evie and Uncle Frank put in a swimming pool, and wespent a great deal of time during the summer at their house. Lots of happy memorieswere made there!

We all knew each other’s neighbors because we played withthem. Many years later, a couple came to our church. I recognized her as thelittle girl who had lived across the street from my cousins, Eileen and David. Theyhad a large family, and we had played at their house often.

I babysat for my aunt’s neighbors and knew them and theirkids very well. When I was in my twenties, I went to work for an income taxpreparer. I ended up working for my aunt Evie’s best friend. I had taken careof her kids. She and I also became good friends over the next few years.

When I was in my early teens, Aunt Evie and Uncle Frankmoved north to San Mateo in the Bay Area for work. The first Thanksgivingholiday after they moved, Eileen and I took the train to visit them. Sheenjoyed playing with the twins, and I got to spend time with Aunt Evie.

We still got together fairly often. In high school, I dated oneof David’s friends, and he dated some of mine. We practiced dancing together toall the latest music. He embarrassed me by screening my boyfriends!

After Aunt Evie and Uncle Frank moved away, Aunt Muriel andUncle Gordon hosted the Hogmanay party as well as Thanksgiving. Aunt Evie andUncle Frank sometimes came down for the holidays.

Eventually, I married, and David went into the Air Force.Then he moved back to the East Coast where he married. We all loved his wife.They later moved back to California where we got together with them once in awhile.

Life moved on, and we all became busy with our own families.Larry and I visited Aunt Evie and Uncle Frank a couple of times a year. We sawKaren and Kathy while we were there.

The last time we were all together was at our 50thwedding anniversary party in 2015.

Karen, Kathy, Lorna, Ron, Eileen, David

Ron passed away five years later.

This past weekend we celebrated the life of Aunt Evie, whodied at 101 years old. She’d had a long and happy life, so we all wanted to bethere to celebrate her. The remaining cousins all came.

Kathy, David, Lorna, Eileen, Karen

I still love my cousins and am grateful for all thewonderful memories we share.

 

Aunt Evie was my favorite relative on my mother’s side of the family. She was young and fun, and I loved her dearly.

Born Evelyn Ella HigginsonMethven on August 28, 1923, she was the youngest of three girls. Aunt Murieland my mother, Vera, were raised as good Victorian children—seen, but notheard. Evelyn was seven years younger than Muriel and six years younger than mymother. She belonged to a different generation.

Mom said they all spoiled her. She and Muriel treated herlike their very own living baby doll. And she was “cute as a button.” She had aheart-shaped face and big eyes, and charmed everyone.

She was also an independent spirit. She took part in sportsand had lots of friends.

When she was about five, the family moved from their home inEast Los Angeles to a new house in West Hollywood, then a part of Beverly Hills.At the time, many young people who would later become film and TV stars alsolived nearby, and Evelyn new quite a few of them.

Down the street lived the George family. One member of thefamily was of particular interest to Evelyn: Frank, the third of four sons.They dated throughout high school. Grandma always said she didn’t need to guesswhere Evelyn was. All she had to do was look down the street. Usually, Evelynwas draped over the front fender of a car looking down into the engine compartmentwhile Frank was working underneath. He was crazy about cars. And they loved todance!

Mom described how they would come home from a dance andEvelyn’s chin was raw from rubbing on Frank’s suit jacket. They danced thejitterbug and all the other popular dances of the day. He lifted her up and flippedher over his shoulder and then pulled her through his legs.

They were engaged the evening of my mother and father’swedding on October 27, 1942. Frank and Dad were both in the Army at the time.

They were married on August15, 1943.

She moved with Frank to Washington, DC, where his job wasteaching pilots to fly, using the LINCsimulator. Following his time in the service, they moved back to WestHollywood, and Frank opened his own garage. It was a lot of responsibility, buthe loved working on cars, and did so for the rest of his life.

On December 1, 1949, Evelyn gave birth to twins: Karen Annand Kathy Lee. By this time, they were living in the “little house,” an ADUbehind my grandparents’ home. My family had lived there until I was two yearsold. By this time, Grandpa had died, so Grandma liked having Frank and Evienearby.

Evelyn really appreciated the help with the twins as theyhad many allergies, both of them to different things. Karen was allergic to cow’smilk and had to drink goats’ milk. Not easy to find in those post-war days.

This was also the era when babies were put on feedingschedules. However, the twins were on different schedules: one was every three hoursand the other was every four hours. Evelyn was exhausted!

Frank was working very long hours in his business, so theyweren’t able to spend much time together. They met with their pastor forcounseling, and he suggested they plan a “date night” once a week where theycould spend some time away from the children and reconnect. Friday nightsbecame their special time, and they continued this practice for many years.

After my father died, when I was seven, my mother wasdetermined to raise us by herself with no help from anyone. This includedfamily. (My mother had an over-developed sense of pride.)

Evelyn and Frank did what they could to give my brother andme special attention Uncle Frank attended Indian Guide meetings with mybrother, and Aunt Evie spent time with me.

Christmas was a challenge. The three sisters agreed to givesmall gifts only to the kids and to their mother. They set a limit. I think itwas about two dollars each at the beginning for our gifts. Later, it may havegone to five. In those days, it was possible to buy toys for that amount.

When I was about ten, we arrived at Grandma’s for ChristmasDay. My eye was immediately attracted to a HUGE package. When I checked thetag, it had MY name on it! It was about 3 feet wide, two feet high, and twoinches deep. I couldn’t wait until after dinner when we could finally open ourgifts!

Inside was a Betty Crocker Junior Baking kit! It heldminiature cake pans, cookie cutters, a mixing bowl, spoon, measuring spoons,cookie sheet, plus several mixes for cookies, cakes, and icing. I heard mymother scold Evelyn about exceeding the limit, and my aunt told her she hadfound it on sale. I knew it was a lie, and so did Mom, but there was nothingshe could do about it.

I felt so loved, not because of the size of the gift or becauseAunt Evie had dared to stand up to my mother, but more because she understoodwho I was and knew this would be the perfect gift for me. I baked all themixes, but I kept the cooking items and used them for years. I still had themwhen I my own daughter was born, and she and I played with them. I think shemay still have them!

In the early 1950s, Evelyn and Frank moved to a new house inMonterey Park, California, just a couple of miles from our house in Alhambra.We spent a lot of time with them—especially after they put in a swimming pool.

When I was about twelve, I began babysitting for Aunt Evieand Uncle Frank. Because I knew so many of their neighbors, I also babysat fortheir kids.

Eventually, Evie and Frank hired me to sit with the girlsfor their Friday night “date nights.” Even then, I recognized this as a way togive me a little extra spending money, which my mother could not object to.

Aunt Evie picked me up on Friday afternoon and took me to theirhouse, where she had already prepared dinner for the girls and me. After theyleft, I fed the girls, and they watched TV until their bedtime, while I cleanedup the kitchen. Then I oversaw their baths and got them into bed.

Then, I had the TV to myself and could watch my favorite TVshows: 77 Sunset Strip and Hawaiian Eye. At home, I rarely got tochoose what I wanted to watch, so this was a real treat!

Then, I locked up the house and went to bed in their guestroom.

In the morning, Uncle Frank fixed breakfast, usuallypancakes. (They were his specialty.) From Aunt Evie, I learned to love themwith plain yogurt and fresh fruit. This is still my favorite way to eat them.

It was about this time that my relationship with Aunt Eviechanged from aunt and niece to friends. I used to tease her that she was my favoriteplaymate!

Uncle Frank’s job took him to San Mateo, so they moved therein the early ‘60s. The first Thanksgiving break following their move, mycousin, Eileen and I took the train up to visit them.

Aunt Evie was a phenomenal seamstress. She made all her ownclothes and for years, she made all of the girls’ as well. On this particulartrip, I took fabric and patterns to make Mom and me dresses. Aunt Evie taughtme how to make self-belts, and how to put in invisible zippers. These were twodresses Mom and I both wore until they fell apart, and we loved them.

After Larry and I were married, we went to visit them onceor twice each year. Larry was an engineer and was genuinely interested in thedetails of Frank’s work. He would listen to Frank’s stories and ask appropriatequestions. They got along very well. Evie and I frequently left them and wentshopping.

Before we arrived, Aunt Evie would find fun, new places tovisit with us. We also had some we all enjoyed and visited each trip. Spenger'sFresh Fish Grotto in Berkeley was a favorite as was the Alta Mira Hotel in Sausalitofor brunch. We especially loved Allied ArtsGuild in Menlo Park. They had a wonderful restaurant and lots of littleshops. I often bought Christmas gifts there. When Evie was a docent at Filoli, we visited several times. Once she gaveus a behind-the-scenes private tour.

We also went into the city (San Francisco) to sightsee, shop,and play. We spent time at Pier 39 and Ghiradelli Square, and Evie often foundfun new places to shop for bargains.

In 2011, Aunt Evie had a stroke. A couple of months later,we went to see her. I was amazed at how she managed. She had gotten along wellwith her physical therapy. The only real aftereffect of the stroke was herissue with speech. She was sharp as ever and knew what she wanted to say, butshe got frustrated at not being able to get the words out.

Their daughter, Karen, was concerned about her folks livingin their big house with many steps as they got older and began to have somephysical challenges She decided to ask them to move in with her so she couldcare for them. Before this could happen, however, Uncle Frank was hospitalized.He passed away on January 4, 2017. They had been married for 73 years.

Since the moving plans were already in place, Evelyn movedinto Karen’s house. The twins cleaned out the family home (a daunting task!)and rented it. Evelyn and Frank had purchased two other homes when they firstmoved to the Bay Area, and those provided rental income for their retirement.

A couple of years later, Karen’s daughter and son-in-lawmoved to Reno. Property was reasonable, so Karen sold her home in California andmoved to Reno, Nevada. Kathy was still working and living in California, butshe planned to follow her sister when she and her husband retired. They visitedoften.

In 2023, Aunt Evie turned 100 years old. Karen and Kathythrew her a great party to celebrate. Most of the family attended, as well as manyof her friends from California. She had a wonderful time and even got out onthe dance floor.

Kathy and her husband, Jay, moved to the Reno area not longafterward, so she was able to spend more time with her mother.

On November 5, 2024, Aunt Evie died after a shorthospitalization.

I am very grateful to Karen for her dedication and careduring Aunt Evie’s last few years. She was able to provide her a marvelousquality of life, and Aunt Evie truly enjoyed herself.

We were able to see her in June of 2024, and spent a coupleof days with her. We shared memories of her early life, and she laughed and we sharedpictures. I loved her for my entire life, and I am grateful for all the wonderfulcherish memories of her.

Here is the link to a video I put together in her memory: https://youtu.be/FFcOc25IDvg

 

I first met Luanna when she and her family started attendingour church in the early ‘80s. She was very shy, and I didn’t get to know hervery well at first.

Her husband, Len, was outgoing and friendly, and so was herdaughter, Sandra. Lu’s parents also attended the church, and I got to know them,too. Her dad was sweet and quiet—a real gentleman. And her mom was creative.She made beautiful decorations from shells. I have a magnet on my refrigeratorshe made as well as an ornament on my Christmas tree.

Len was severely wounded in Vietnam, but I learned quicklyenough not to call him “handicapped”! Even though he was missing a large partof his brain and was completely paralyzed on his left side, he believed hecould do anything. And the longer I was around him, the more I believed it,too.

After a while, we got to know both of them better. Idiscovered that Lu had a wicked sense of humor. She might have been shy, butwhen she opened up, her true personality came forth—sometimes with a vengeance.It took several years, however, before she became comfortable enough around meto let it show. I discovered we both loved irreverence, and she always made me laugh.

From the time Len was wounded in 1969, her goal in lifebecame to encourage him to be everything he could be. He was labeled “unretrainable.”She talked him into attending Saddleback College. He eventually graduated fromCal State Fullerton with a degree in Political Science, even though everyonesaid it was impossible.

Lu and Len loved to travel. After Sandra left home, theybought a 5th wheel and drove all over the US—including Alaska. Ludid all the driving. They spent time in Hawaii, too, which they both loved.They often stayed in the military hotel in Honolulu and bought timeshares onMaui, which they shared with Sandra and her husband, Steve.

While attending Saddleback, Len began to write a book abouthis experience in Vietnam. He worked on it for twenty years before he felt itwas completed. By this time, Larry and I had joined the same critique group hebelonged to (LagunitaWriters). One of our members told Len the book wasn’t finished yet. He’d writtenall about his experiences in Vietnam, but he hadn’t explained how he had beenable to learn to walk and talk and do all the amazing things he’d accomplished.So, after twenty years of working by himself, he invited Lu to help him tellthe second part of his story.

When they finally finished, the book was over 1300 pages! Hisgood friend, Larry, told him, “Len, you’ve written the complete book for yourfamily, but now you have to cut it down enough so it will sell.”

Len understood. So, for the next two years, we met with themevery Wednesday night, usually at our house. One of us took care of dinner, andthen we spent a couple of hours working at the computer cutting the size of thebook. We went through it three times, line-by-line, word-by-word, until it wasat its final length of 440 pages.

It was published in 2009 as PromisesKept; How One Couple’s Love Survived Vietnam.

Although Lu had written half of the second part of the book,she still told everyone, “I was a biology major. I’m not a writer.” PromisesKept won the 2010 EPIC Award for Nonfiction. It has become hugely popularwith veterans’ groups.

While they were working on their book, I started a projectwith three other friends. It was an anthology about four sisters with a commonthrough-story. However, one of the participants had to drop out because ofhealth issues. We could have made it about three sisters, but the overall outlinewas for four.

I mentioned it at one of our weekly meetings. The following week,we went down to see Lu and Len at Camp Pendleton where they were spending aweek camping. She asked me about the project, and I explained it to her. Sheasked if she could take part. By the time we left that day, she had outlinedher character and the story she wanted to tell.

She was the first one finished with her novella! And hersbecame my favorite story in the book. SnowflakeSecrets was published in 2008, before Len & Lu’s book. From thenon, I told her she could no longer say she wasn’t a writer!

This was the first of six anthologies, all set in ourfictional town of Aspen Grove Colorado, and Luanna was part of all of them. Seasonsof Love came next, followed by Directionsof Love, AnAspen Grove Christmas, TheArt of Love and …Anda Silver Sixpence in Her Shoe. Snowflake Secrets was a 2009finalist for the Edward Hoffer Award, finalist for the 2008 Dream Realm Award,and a 2009 EPPIE award. Directions of Love won the 2011 EPIC ebook Awardfor best anthology.

  

 
 

 

I must have finally convinced her that she WAS a writerbecause she eventually published two more stand-alone novels: LoveFrom the Sea was published in 2016, and Upin Flames published in 2020.

     

 

One thing we shared  in common was a love for everythingDisney. We had annual passes, and they got military passes each year. We wentwith them often. Each time we passed the wheelchair rental, we’d suggest Lenrent one.  “Heck no. Those are for peoplewho need them.” Despite his total paralysis, he had learned to walk with a fullleg brace (hip to ankle) on his left leg. His left hand was in a sling. Hebalanced by carrying a cane in his right hand. He’d learned to swing the bracewhile balancing on his good leg. He couldn’t drive, but he took the buseverywhere. Most of the drivers in Orange County knew him. When we were eatingwith them in a restaurant, someone would approach and greet him—often a busdriver.

He took part in classes to train physical therapists on howto work with people with his level of paralysis. He called them his “physicaltorture” classes. But he was proud to have been able to help train others tohelp people like himself.

He also took part in The Vietnam Head Injury Study. Everyfew years, he flew back to Washington D.C. for a week of tests and interviews.In later years, Lu went with him. They never could explain how he was able toaccomplish so much with as severe an injury as he had sustained. Of course, thereal secret was Lu. She knew when to push and when to step back. He neverwanted sympathy or help when he didn’t need it, and those of us who spent timewith him learned this quickly.

For years, the four of us ate brunch together after church onSundays. During his last couple of years, Len was in and out of the hospitaland rehab. Covid made everything much worse as he was often in quarantine. Luwas at loose ends without him to care for.

He was moved to a nursing home at some distance from theirhome, and she drove to see him several times a week. After Len died in 2022,Luanna lost much of her interest in life, and we saw her fading. Her memorybegan to fail, and her zest for life ebbed.

Finally, Sandra moved her into a lovely assisted livingfacility. She did better there, but she eventually started falling and forgotto take her medications. After yet another stay in the hospital, she was interrible shape. Once again, Covid quarantines kept us from visiting. When wefinally saw her, I was shocked. She could barely communicate, and she lookedterrible. I called Sandra about our concerns. She said she couldn’t get anyinformation from the facility and was very frustrated since she lived inMinnesota and Lu was in California.

Shortly thereafter, she moved Lu back to a facility a fewminutes from her home. I couldn’t believe the change the next time I spoke withLu. She was back to her old self! The caregivers at her new place monitored hermedications and kept a close eye on her. And she flourished.

She made friends, played Bingo, watched movies, and cheeredfor the Vikings.

She was terrific for nearly a year. But then, she developeda UTI and was hospitalized. When she finally was well enough to return to herfacility, her mental state had reverted to where it was when she leftCalifornia. And she refused to eat. Being a type-2 diabetic, this contributedgreatly to her downhill slide. She was put on hospice for a few days and justseemed to fade away.

I am convinced she is now with her beloved Len, where she haslonged to be ever since he died. And I’m sure she is making jokes and laughing.At least, that is how I will remember her.

 Sunday, April 7, 2024

After the terrific party on Saturday, Sunday took on acompletely different tone.

We all got up and attended the church service. Silvia,Toshi, and Kim were warmly welcomed. Many of those in attendance had been atthe party the day before and were still in a celebratory mood.

We returned a couple of hours later for a much more solemnoccasion.

The time had come to celebrate the life of our Japanesedaughter, and Toshi’s wife, Kae.

Unfortunately, some of the people who knew her were unableto attend, but quite a few of the church people and some of the folks who werepart of our writing group came. (Kae and Toshi had sat in on our meetingsseveral times when they were here visiting.) As always, the most importantpeople were there.

Rev. Bob Schwenck facilitated the service since PastorLeanne Strommen was out of town. This seemed appropriate since Bob not onlyknew Kae and Toshi from their frequent visits, but he conducted their weddingin the same church in 2003.

He threw Kim a curve ball by asking her to read the 23rdPsalm. (He was supposed to read it, but he thought it would mean more if Kimread it. I had asked the family if they wished to speak several days earlier.Larry said he wouldn’t be able to get through it. So did Kim and Toshi.)

Kim got through it but with lots of emotion. Kae was herdear sister, and they were close.

I had known I wanted to tell everyone what Kae had meant tome and to our family. I’d spent many sleepless nights during the previous monthtrying to edit all the things I’d wanted to say about this precious member ofour family. I finally decided just to speak spontaneously.

I told about how I had only given birth to one child but howwe had acquired quite a few others through the years. The first foreign studentin our home was with us that morning. Silvia had arrived the week after wemoved into our new home in Dana Point in 1987. She was followed by Yuka,Yasuko, Yuko, Fumiko, Yoshiko, and another Fumiko. Our last one came in thespring of 1998. Kim hosted a student, Ikue, and her neighbors, the McKinneys,hosted another, Kae. Because they lived so close, the three girls spent a lotof time together—much of it at our house. (I always said we got three for theprice of one with this group!)

My mother provided quite a bit of their transportation sinceLarry and I and Kim were all working at the time. She fell in love with allthree of them. She couldn’t remember their Japanese names, so she referred tothem by their characteristics. Ikue was “the little one” since she was shortlike Kim. Fumiko was “the funny one” since she had a great sense of humor andloved to laugh. Kae was “the pretty one.”

1998 California – Kae, Lorna,Ikue, Fumiko

Later that summer, we moved to Osaka, Japan to build theUniversal Studios Japan theme park. During our stay, we saw all but one of “ourkids.” We saw Kae and her then-boyfriend the most often as they visited usabout once a month.

When we returned, Toshi worked for a company which requiredhim to make trips to the US. Whenever he came, he tried to extend his trips tospend time with us. He sometimes brought Kae with him.

Even though they were legally married in Japan, they wantedtheir wedding in California. So in 2003, they were married in our church.

Wedding 2023

They continued to visit us whenever they could, and our homein Dana Point became their second home.

On our anniversary in 2010, the phone rang at 3:00 a.m.Toshi was calling from the hospital. Kae had collapsed and was not expected tosurvive. All we could do from the distance was promise to pray for her. And weasked the church prayer chain to join us. Despite the “less than 5% chance” herneurosurgeon gave her of surviving, she not only recovered by thrived. And she(and he) credited all the prayers for the miracle.

A couple of years later, she became a Cordon Bleu chef. Thenext time she visited, she prepared a beautiful four-course meal for us and ourfriends.

Chef Kae

In April of 2022, she was supposed to start a class toward completingher master’s degree. Instead, she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer andentered the hospital.

By June, Toshi began talking about bringing her home toCalifornia one last time. However, her doctor would not clear her to fly untilOctober. As she entered our house, she smiled at me. “Mom, I’m home.” And forher, this was the place she considered “home” more than anywhere else.

On December 20th, Toshi texted me that she hadlost consciousness. A few hours later, He called Larry. “She’s gone.”

I suggested perhaps he could bring her ashes here and spreadthem at Dana Point. He told me he had a note in her writing making thisrequest.

And this was the day.

Even though Toshi had initially said he couldn’t speak, hechanged his mind. His words were articulate and heartfelt as he described thisbeautiful soul.

Then Rev. Bob read a scripture and a poem he had written forher.

We then showed the memorial video about Kae. https://youtu.be/RJw-NYz3dBU

Following the service, we gathered at our home for a smallreception. Then we proceeded to the marina to board a catamaran to take us outto sea so we could spread her ashes.

Larry had reserved the small catamaran, and fourteen of uswent out beyond the breakwater just before sunset. Just as he had for my motherand my brother, Larry released her ashes into the ocean.

I had taken a basket of roses to the church for the service,and we tossed them into the water. https://youtu.be/lUBfjQ-eSYk

Larry’s brother and sister-in-love, Casey and Lucy, couldnot join us, but the rest of us went to dinner at the Wind and Sea in theMarina. We had kept our promise to Kae.

 

The Rest of the Week

On Monday, we spent time with all three of our kids.

Silvia, Toshi, Lorna, Larry, Kim onour front steps

We delivered Toshi to the airport for his 7:30 a.m. flighton Tuesday morning, after which, Silvia, Kim, and we went to breakfast at Mollie’sin San Juan Capistrano (Kim’s favorite breakfast pace).

Then we went down to the Outlets in San Clemente, where Kim and Silvia bought a few gifts to take home with them.

We ate an early dinner at Harpoon Henry's and then went to the point to take a photo.

Silvia, Lorna, Larry, Kim at DanaPoint

Silvia was supposed to have left on Wednesday, but there wasa mix-up about her flight time. She was supposed to fly to Hong Kong for acouple of days to visit a friend. However, it worked out okay since her friendwas ill. Silvia’s travel agent was able to book her on a different flightleaving on Thursday afternoon.

We were able to spend a little more time with her and enjoyedit. Then, on Thursday, we drove her down to LAX with plenty of time before herflight.

Since we had all day Friday to spend with Kim, we got her aticket to Disneyland and spent the day with her there. We all enjoyed bothparks, as always.

Saturday was her day to do laundry and repack for her triphome to Texas. She had a 7:45 a.m. flight out of John Wayne, so we got herthere by six. She had an uneventful trip.

The house seemed quite empty when we returned. We hadthoroughly enjoyed having all three of the kids with us. After the very busyweek before, we were determined to rest and relax for a couple of days.

 Saturday, April 6, 2024

The big day had arrived.

Toshi got home in time to change his clothes and help loadthe car with everything we needed to take to the church by ten a.m.

We had gone with a surfer theme. Our goddaughter, Tracy, hadcreated the invitations, and her mother, Pat, created all the tabledecorations.

There were two cakes—one chocolate and one vanilla. Woodiesand vans were in evidence.

Heather Taylor arrived shortly after we did. She created aphoto booth with an ocean background that looked a lot like Doheny. She hadalso brought a printer, and her son, Eric, made prints for everyone who wantedthem. (These were the “party favors” for our guests.)

Our caterer (Chef Freddie) arrived with his team to finishpreparation of the lunch. And Pat and Bruce brought the centerpieces and helpedarrange everything. (The church sexton had set up all the tables the eveningbefore.)

Thank goodness Toshi was with us. We had brought a video ofLarry through the years to show. There was a TV, but we didn’t know how to setit up. Thankfully, Toshi figured it out.

Silvia and Kim helped me pass out the colorful leis we hadbrought for everyone.

Chef Freddie set out a lovely salad bar, and at noon,everyone who had arrived was encouraged to help themselves. Freddie had assuredus there would be plenty of food with some left over afterward. He was right!

Our guests entered, were greeted with leis,  and found seats.

Meanwhile, we plugged in the PA system, so we could makeannouncements.

By about twelve-thirty, most of the guests had arrived. ChefFreddie announced the menu, and his servers brought the food to thetables.  Lunch consisted of chickenbreast (stuffed and non-), roasted vegetables, rice pilaf, mushroom gravy, anddelicious fresh rolls and whipped butter. Yummy!

A few more people showed up during food service, and we hadmore than enough food for everyone plus large containers to take home. (We arestill finishing off some of the chicken we had frozen.)

Next, we showed the video we had prepared. https://youtu.be/4cop9YkI8nE

Everyone enjoyed looking at all the old photos and Larrynarrated part of it.

His oldest friend, Scott Campbell, had planned to surprisehim by attending. However, a business trip interfered. He sent a letter, andLorna read it. His account of a couple of incidents was slightly different thanLarry’s recollection, so he had to clarify.

Several times during the party, we requested that peoplehave their photos taken, and most did. Everyone seemed to have fun with theidea, and Eric made lots of prints for our guests to take home with them. (IF you were a guest and did not get yours, please let us know.)

I put some of the photos on a video for you to see: https://youtu.be/MHG-wE44mBU

I had asked Larry’s brother, Casey and his best friend, BobSchwenck, to speak about Larry, and they both did a wonderful job. https://youtu.be/oFXkolkDCKQ

Cake was served, followed by a toast (with sparkling applejuice).

Most everyone had a picture taken with Larry. All our kidstook great pictures with him and each other. These will provide great memoriesof a terrific event.

Too soon, it was time to call it a day, and we bid ourguests goodbye.

The whole day was a fitting tribute to a wonderful man,husband, father, and friend.

 

Tuesday, April 2, 2024

We woke early on Tuesday after not sleeping well the nightbefore, despite being exhausted. This was our only day to finish the laundry,put the clothes away, empty the luggage and store it, straighten the house,open a week’s worth of mail, pay bills, visit the bank and post office, shopfor food, and prepare for the following week.

We managed to get most everything done, but by earlyevening, we were worn out. To bed early.

Wednesday, April 3, 2024 – Larry’s Birthday

We would be celebrating Larry’s birthday with a party onSaturday, but his actual birthday on Wednesday was spent on trips to theairport.

Kim had not been able to visit during the holidays, so weflew her out for this occasion. She would be staying for two weeks. It soundedlike a long time when we made her reservations, but we had a lot planned.

She arrived at noon at John Wayne (Orange County). Since itwas lunch time, we stopped at a restaurant to eat.

We’d just placed our orders, and Kim asked, “What time willSilvia arrive?”

OOPS!

Our Spanish daughter, Silvia, was arriving in the afternoonto surprise Larry. She was our first foreign student, who had come to us rightafter we moved into our house in Dana Point 1987. She was fourteen years old.She arrived with a Spanish high school group, although she was actually fromTenerife in the Canary Islands. We had stayed in contact with her through snailmail, email, and Facebook.

Lorna, Silvia, Kim, Larry 1987

She had gone on to a career as a model, completed heruniversity degree in Public Relations, was named Miss International in 1990,and worked in Spain.

A few years later, she arrived to spend the summer with us.

Lorna, Larry, Silvia in San Francisco

She had worked as an actress in Miami for a few years beforethe pandemic. During that time, she had talked about coming to California for avisit, but her work schedule never allowed for a trip. It had been nearlytwenty years since she had last been in California. However, she had somephysical problems and returned to Tenerife, just in time to be quarantined. So,she still had not returned to Miami, although she expects to do so soon.

Kim, Silvia, and I had made plans for Kim to pick her up atLAX at four o’clock in the afternoon while Larry and I would be picking up ourJapanese son, Toshi, at John Wayne at three. We had intended to surprise Larrywhen Silvia arrived at the house.

However, the surprise came a little earlier than planned. Atleast, he was surprised—and delighted

Toshi’s flight from Tokyo was on time, and we collected him.

Kim and Silvia arrived a little before six. They had pickedup food on their way home, so we all sat down and ate dinner together.

This was the first time Silvia and Toshi had met, and theyhit it off well. (They both knew about each other, as do most of our kids.)

While we had been out, the cleaners arrived. They hadfinished by the time everyone arrived home.

We were all tired. Silvia and Toshi both had a bit ofjetlag, and Kim had been up early to catch her plane out of Plano, TX. We wereall in agreement to go to bed early. I think most of us went to sleep early,although as he usually does, Toshi remained on Japanese time in order toconduct some business meetings on Zoom while he was here. (I have no ideawhen—or if—he sleeps.)

Having all three of them in our house was a terrificbirthday gift for Larry.

Thursday, April 4, 2024

Silvia spent the morning enjoying the rock garden. She foundit a restful and peaceful place to unwind.

Silvia relaxing

Kim got up early and started the coffee, but she went back toher bedroom to rest for a while longer. Toshi slept in a bit.

Once everyone emerged, Toshi suggested brunch at Bonjour Café, one of our favorite restaurants.

Toshi, Kim, Larry, Lorna, Silvia

In the afternoon, Larry’s niece, Carrie, and her family fromUtah, along with his brother and sister-in-love, and their great-granddaughterall came to visit. Shaun’s son, Tyler, arrived with them. Shaun arrived a bitlater.

Carrie and Loren and their family had to be back in Utah bythe weekend, so they would be unable to stay for the party. They brought pieand ice cream to celebrate Larry’s birthday. Shaun’s birthday was that day, sowe celebrated his, too. Larry was delighted!

Years ago, I had given Carrie’s older son, Eli, my electronickeyboard. Last year, I sent him my melodeon. He has become quite a musician, ashe demonstrated for us.

The younger son, Asher, recently has been playing his dad’sguitar.

Larry had two Ovation guitars of his own. One had not beenplayed for years. (He doesn’t really play either of them anymore, but he has afavorite.)

He brought down the one he had stopped playing for the boysto see.

Asher opened the case, removed the guitar, and startedstrumming. Then he took it into another room before his brother could get it.He never came back.

I started to laugh. It clearly was meant to be his. I toldhis mom, “Well, Eli got the keyboard and melodeon, so it’s only fair that Asherget the guitar.”

We really enjoyed seeing all of them. Larry especiallyenjoyed the pie and ice cream.

During their visit, Silvia went to the backyard near thewaterfall to record her Thursday podcast. Sheinterviewed Larry and me at the end of her broadcast.

The afternoon went quickly, and we had another busy day aheadon Friday with the party on Saturday.

Silvia and Toshi left for a short while to go to the beach tosee the sunset. Kim took our other car to run some errands of her own.

Silvia at the beach at sunset (SanClemente)

We all agreed on another early night, and Toshi had moremeetings scheduled.

Friday, April 5, 2024

Friday was the day to get all the pieces in place for theparty on Saturday.

Toshi borrowed our car to meet friends in San Diego. When heis here, he tries to get together with his So. Cal. friends. Since they plannedon a late night, he said he would stay in San Diego until Saturday morning, buthe promised to be back in time.

Silvia’s friend, Stephanie, came down to pick her up, andthey spent the day in Los Angeles. They had a great time.

We loaded some of the party items in the car. Then we wentto Costco to pick up the cakes (one chocolate, and one white) for the party andflowers for Sunday.

We enjoyed spending the day with Kim and looked forward tothe Big Event the next day!

 April 1, 2024 – Part 1

I didn’t sleep very well. I was concerned about our transportto the airport arriving on time to give us some breathing space before ourflight. Now that the celebration was over, my mind was going a mile a minutethinking about everything I had to get done as soon as we got home.

We got up and went down to breakfast. Then, I worked on myblog and Larry read until it was time to check out.

We left the bags with the bellman and headed out for a lastwalk at CityWalk.

But first, we said goodbye to the minions. The whole hotelhas been re-themed with them, and the employees’ costumes are alsominion-themed.

With the minions at the UniversalPort Hotel

We enjoyed being in the area one last time. People were headedtoward the park, and others were exploring the shops and restaurants atCityWalk.

Since it was close to noon, and since our plane wouldn’tleave for several hours, we decided to get a light lunch. McDonalds was rightthere, so we went in. A lovely young man was talking orders—and he spokeperfect English.

I ordered a six-piece McNugget “set-o” (the same as ourcombo). He informed me I could only get the six-piece as a Happy Meal.

“Sounds perfect to me.”

Larry ordered the same.

After getting our drink orders, he asked what toy we wanted.We both declined.

We found a two-person table and took our time enjoying ourlunch.

We still had about an hour before our airport transport wasscheduled to arrive, and it was cold out, so we stopped by Starbucks forcoffee. We sipped our drinks while we people-watched. It was still a thrill tosee people emerge from the train station excited about going to the park. This reactionwas what we had hoped for when we were working there. And, here it still wastwenty-three years later.

With about twenty minutes left until our ride was to arrive,we returned to the hotel and reclaimed our bags. We waited inside until Larryreceived a text that our ride was on the way.

After a short wait in front of the hotel, our van arrived.

The ride to the airport was without issue as was check-in. Wechecked our large bag and got our boarding passes. Then we headed to thedeparture gate.

Larry rushed through the airport. I had a hard time keepingup with him. Of course, our gate was a LONG way from the entrance. We had towalk through all the Duty-Free shops and food areas to get to another section.Then we had to take a train to yet another area to find our gate. (Kansai isnow about twice the size it used to be.)

We finally arrived—and there was no one there. I finallyasked Larry why he had been in such a hurry. He said he thought we were toolate to make the plane. Times for all transportation in Japan are on 24-hourclocks, but we had entered the time on our calendar in 12-hour time. Larry had misreadthe departure time. We arrived at the gate well over an hour before boarding.

I found a seat, and Larry took our empty water bottles torefill them.

Little-by-little others began to arrive. Then the crew driftedin. As each group appeared, they turned to the waiting passengers and bowed. Gotta love the Japanese.

Finally, it was time for our group to board.

Everything went smoothly. We got settled in and blew up ourtravel pillows. I remained optimistic that I might get some sleep during theflight, even though I almost never do.

After we were airborne, we were served beverages. Then theyserved dinner: either chicken or pork bowls. I chose pork, and Larry had thechicken. They were accompanied by the usual assortment of small side dishes. Thefood was okay, but it didn’t begin to compare with the meal we received on thetrip to Japan. I ate some, and Larry finished the rest.

I closed my eyes and tried to rest, but I couldn’t sleep. Idecided to watch a couple of movies. I saw Wish. It was disappointing, andI could understand why it wasn’t considered one of Disney’s best. Then Iwatched Anyone But You. Kind of a dud as well.

I turned off the entertainment and closed my eyes. I still didn’tsleep, but rested a bit.

 April 1, 2024 – Part 2

Even though we left Japan in the evening of April 1, we arrived in LA about noon--on April 1. We had recovered the day we had lost on the way over.

Fortunately, this flight was much shorter than the one toJapan. (The flight to Japan was about thirteen hours. The one back was aboutnine-and-a-half.) About an hour before we landed, lunch was served: a kind oftaco salad with several small dish accompaniments. As usual, I ate the entrée andleft most of the rest. Larry ate his and then picked at the things he wantedfrom my tray.

We left the plane and went through customs. The process wasmuch more streamlined than it was the last time we arrived at LAX. Everythingwent pretty quickly.

We finally got out of the airport and called our driver,Danny. We told him where we were waiting, and he arrived before long. We are soblessed to have found him!

After an uneventful drive, we arrived home in the afternoon.

We took all the dirty clothes to the laundry room andstarted the washer. Then we began to unpack.

We weren’t hungry, so we skipped dinner. Good thing since wehad no food in the house.

Since we were tired, we decided to get to bed early. Westill had a lot to do for the week!