Jo Pilsworth's Blog

If you hear the word ‘autism’, what is the first image that springs to mind? That will depend on your exposure, won’t it.

I was in my 50s when I was diagnosed in 2023. Autism or signs of autism start to show from around 2 years old, but when I was that age, autism was viewed very differently. PubMed is a database of clinical publications and research. Clinical journals from as ‘late’ as 1978, the year that I started in senior school, were still using words phrases like ‘severely dsyfunctional’ or ‘retarded’. Yet, in primary school, where we were streamed according to academic ability, I was in the top set. When I started in my primary school, I remember being tested for my reading ability at age 8. The school used a series called “Through the Rainbow”. At age 8, I was on to the top books in the range, the Silver and Gold readers, which were not to be taken home as the child was believed to be advanced enough to not need practice.

So, how did that equate with words like ‘retarded’? Quite clearly, it did not, particularly considering that I passed my 11+ test at the age of 10, and started senior school a year early, one of five girls in my year.

From age 12, I had a list on my bedroom wall of what was required to be a solicitor. My parents had decided that would be my career. I was a good girl, quiet and studious, and quite different to my ‘bold as brass’ sister. I didn’t question that path. I didn’t question when we ‘chose’ our O levels, which leant heavily on Arts, with no s wince whatsoever. My A-levels were chosen from that same list. I remember I was sitting in the barbecue area of the pub car park, when I opened the results envelope, knowing I needed two Bs and one C to study Law at Leicester.

Well, I didn’t go to Leicester.

I recall feeling that I had disappointed my parents in a big way, and that it was my fault. Can you imagine what it feels like to sit down for a History exam and be unable to remember a single date?

Of course now, we would refer to this as burnout. But back then?

Back then, it wasn’t called burnout, not for me. My mother suggested a secretarial course, as there would always be a need for secretaries. How things have changed.

One year later, one Linguist Secretarial course later, and I was ready to enter the workplace at the Faculty of Classics in Cambridge.

STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT THRILLING EPISODE.

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Don’t forget to buy my books!

It’s January. Time to knock some stereotypes on the head. Will I make a difference? Who knows? Perhaps if even a fifth of the people following my Blog shared this post on social media … Will you be amongst that group?

Image courtesy of The Autistic Teacher

Shall we start by making one thing absolutely clear: I AM AUTISTIC. It is not something from which I suffer, and it is not preventable, caused by vaccines or my personal favourite, because I hadn’t been a good (insert religious persuasion here).

My brain is wired differently. A computer running Linux and a computer running Windows can both run a word processing program, but they do so slightly differently.

This guy is worth following also

So what does it mean, being autistic? What springs to mind when you say the word? In my sister’s case, it was something shameful. Yet my father, who was in the throes of dementia, was cool with the fact that I was the same daughter he knew.

For me? I don’t like sudden noises, or shrill noises. Imagine if you had a screaming playground of kids around you constantly? That’s how it can seem to my brain. That is why you may see a lot of autistics wearing headphones or earbuds. Okay, the whole world seems to wear them, but the whole world is not autistic. How I learn something new can be different. I can pick up languages relatively quickly, but learning a new system may take a bit longer, particularly if I am taught in a haphazard manner.

For example, if you start a new job, would you rather have a training plan where you cross off each new skill or procedure? Or would you be okay with your trainer picking a topic at random, or even worse saying they had covered something without giving you the chance to confirm it?

Follow The Autistic Teacher

Hang on a sec, all that is not that different from non-autistics … Let’s revisit that one later, shall we?

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Don’t forget to buy my books, by the way.

Find the Diaries of the Cwn Annwn on Amazon

What if legends still walked among us?

#shifterromance #shapeshifter #mythsandlegends #welshlegend #wolfshifter #romancebooks #romanceseries #indieauthor #indieauthorsofinstagram #kindleunlimited #kindleseries #iamwriting

One of the things that I added to my resume recently was that, as a self-published author, I had to learn about marketing my books. After all, Amazon won’t do it for me. And, of course, it is not a good look to lose track of which sort of initiative one intends to run and where.

Adverts: Facebook or Amazon? Outlets: go wide or stick with Kindle Unlimited? Newsletter builders: do people even read them? Newsletter costs: the likes of Mailchimp only allow a maximum of addresses on their free accounts, and that does not remove the non-responders or unsubscribers. Author book fairs? Free book initiatives? Price reduction initiatives?

As I have mentioned before, I am autistic. Too much ‘stuff’ will lead to meltdown, So, I need to have this organised. Dates are always key. For example, I will be taking part in ‘ZoeBub’ which is a massive free book initiative, with over 1000 romance books available to download to an e-reader FOR FREE, on one day every quarter. The expectation is that each author will publicise the event both in the run-up and on the day when social media will need to be absolutely wall-papered with notifications and posts.

So for one day, you have to be tweeting constantly? It is one of those things where the more you post, the better the response is likely to be. The website is http://www.romancebookworms.com

That wasn’t so difficult.

But then, you have special offers.

My short story, Cân Y Môr, is in the “Shift You Not” anthology, which is on a special price via Amazon for 99c or 77p. That’s it, less that a dollar or a pound for an anthology. This particular anthology is only available until 5 July, so grab it while you can

That will be all for now. I need to ensure that this information is also in my newsletter and need to send that out, after incorporating all the names from my last newsletter builder.

Legends come from stories. Stories are told of deeds. Deeds are committed by those who have walked the earth. But what if the creatures of those legends still walked the earth, still doing those deeds which have made them legends? Welcome to the world of the Cwn Annwn, Guardians of the Celtic Underworld, in service to Mallt-y-Nos.

Born in Wales as Henry VII took the throne, Gabriel Black serves an ancient goddess. A visit to the Carpathians introduces him to his Mate, Aaleahya. Sometimes he helps humans. Sometimes he cannot help them. Sometimes the losses he must face make him wonder if it is even worth it?

Dare you walk in his world?

The Diaries of the Cwn Annwn is a myth and legend inspired series written by a group of friends around the world. As of 2022, there are eight books in the series with more to come.

I am the sort of person who was proud to have been in paid employment since I started working. So the realisation that, give or take, it has been a year, gave me pause for thought. That was a big gap in my CV.

Let’s face it. One of the questions either on an application form or if you are granted an interview

Now, I could use some of that toxic popularity that is so popular on well-being pages, like tomorrow is another day or the right opportunity is just around the corner.

What I find does help is to have other plans than finding a job. Sure, money is tight, so living it up is probably not an option. Today, for example, I made some experimental chocolate cookies. I suspect they will be as bitter as anything, as I may have overdone the amount of cocoa, but hey, that’s why the gods invented custard. If you have a garden, spend some time out there. I was really surprised at the amount of birdsong today. Go for a walk. And window-shopping costs nothing.

There will be good days, and there will be bad days. On a bad day, even if you just sit by the back door and daydream, that is a step in a good direction. One step at a time has always been my motto.

That new job will come.

And by the way, stay tuned for a fantastic offer at the end of June …

Legends come from stories. Stories are told of deeds. Deeds are committed by those who have walked the earth. But what if the creatures of those legends still walked the earth, still doing those deeds which have made them legends? Welcome to the world of the Cwn Annwn, Guardians of the Celtic Underworld, in service to Mallt-y-Nos.

Born in Wales as Henry VII took the throne, Gabriel Black serves an ancient goddess. A visit to the Carpathians introduces him to his Mate, Aaleahya. Sometimes he helps humans. Sometimes he cannot help them. Sometimes the losses he must face make him wonder if it is even worth it?

Dare you walk in his world?

The Diaries of the Cwn Annwn is a myth and legend inspired series written by a group of friends around the world. As of 2022, there are eight books in the series with more to come.

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That sinking feeling when you realise that you committed to writing a story for an anthology and that means working out a pair of new characters, and a story although this anthology has a theme …

Of course, I don’t make things easy for myself, because I also run the risk of falling into the research black hole, one of the joys, for me, of being neurodivergent.

So, what does this process look like? Where do I start? There is a start, isn’t there? Of course, there is!

I am a very visual person when it comes to writing. I need to find the right sort of face which will act as inspiration for my new story. Also, I need to find the right creature that works with the anthology theme. The theme is that ‘even villains deserve love’. I could have made it easy for myself. Casimir, the main man of Cysgodion, definitely filled the role of a villain as far as the characters of “Beta” were concerned. But, by “Cysgodion” and “Merysekhmet”, he seems to have redeemed himself.

Not Casimir then.

The one creature I have yet to include in my stories is the vampire, hence the picture of a vampire bat. But … there is a similar problem to people assuming that all sexy romance must be like FSOG. There are series like The Originals. There are books and movies like Twilight. Then we have Hotel Transylvania and characters saying “Blah, blah blah!”. Vampires have been done to death. So the first thing I had to irk out was how did my vampires differ? Was I going to let someone else choose the definition?

Where would be the fun in that?

But first things first, I needed a face, or rather faces. It would be a M/F romance, as I don’t feel confident enough to diverge from that yet.

[image error]First the face, then the cover

My story, my rules. I may well have to include that as a note at the start of the story, because otherwise, I am sure readers might be a bit cross that I didn’t follow ‘official’ lore. I needed my characters to be out and about, so the traditional avoidance of sunlight wouldn’t work.

Lily turnout out to be a high school History teacher. My male character was law enforcement, but in the vampire parallel to the FBI. I haven’t found a face for him, so whilst I have an idea of his name and lineage, I really need that face.

So, as they used to say … “Stay tuned …”.

Bran Cadwgan is one of two Betas of the Cwn Annwn. He believed he would never be granted a Mate by the Goddess as penance for past mistakes, but discovers that he was wrong. Will he succeed in proving to both her family and his Mate that he is worthy of her sharing his life?

Alix Gosselin is the only daughter of the Gosselin Alpha and his mate. She was the “Gosselin Princess” growing up in an abusive home, until she fled first to attend boarding school and then for a career in law enforcement. Her parents had proven that the myth of a mate who would love and treasure you above all else was just that, a myth. Then, she encountered a biker whilst investigating a series of female disappearances in a suspected sex-trafficking ring. Her life would never be the same again. Alix wants to believe the story she is told by her biker, but she knows her father will not let her ‘throw herself away’ on a ‘mere biker’.

Bran and Alix, both have preconceptions to overcome. Both of them will be faced with challenges. Will the growing bond between them be sufficient? Based on the legend of the Welsh Cwn Annwn, and incorporating Jo’s love of myth and legend, Beta introduces a cast of Cwn Annwn, wolf shifter and human characters, weaving romance with the contemporary world. Dare you walk in our world?

https://books2read.com/u/mqN9D8

This is the difficult bit. At the time of writing, I am yet to find a job. In fact, the last six months is the longest that I have been out of work since I was nineteen. With that, comes the reason why I decided to switch to using a pen name for my romance novels. As anyone who has tried applying for a role which involves an application via a company’s website, there is the question of whether the applicant is disabled or requires any adjustments.

My son taking part in a Run Archery event

The problem is that in declaring a non-visible disability, does it put the applicant at a disadvantage?

Let’s go back a couple or three decades when I was making my first forays into the world of employment. My parents thought that, since I had failed to achieve the grades needed to study Law and become a solicitor, the world of banking might be an alternative. I had an interview at one bank which will remain nameless where the bank manager stated that I would probably be marrying and having children before long. To say I was surprised was an understatement. Yes, I had a boyfriend, and chances were that we would marry at some point, but to have this total stranger assume I would have children, and therefore, leave my job?

Of course, now, employers can’t ask those sorts of questions. But I can’t help but feel that the disability question has taken its place. All employers claim that they adhere to the relevant rules, but do they? Or, do they look at an applicant with even a hidden disability and mentally shake their heads?

I have had one manager, who said she had worked with autistic people. She may well have, but not all autistic people are the same. Another manager, who had already admitted that she wanted rid of me, was also told I was autistic. Her attitude was that it didn’t matter, that I still had to pull my weight. And yes, there would come a point where I would slip up and she could be rid me as she wanted.

And that brings us to the issue of why would I choose to use a pen name. Simple enough. I write paranormal romance. Of all the sub-genres of romance, it is the one which almost guarantees ‘steam’. So, yes, I write sex scenes. Are you able to imagine how frustrating it is to be asked if my books are like FSOG? Or, do I give free copies to colleagues?

On that note, I shall leave you. As Mental Health Awareness month draws to a close, please look after yourselves. As a survivor, I discovered that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

A random chocolate brownie cake, coated in chocolate ganache and giant milk chocolate drops

Welcome back. So much for me writing a blog post every week. So we jump from late February to mid-April and Autism Acceptance Month.

Back in February, I identified four problems that arose from the discovery that I was likely autistic:

‘proving’ that I was autistic, family acceptance, perception of total strangers and perception of work colleagues.

Proving that I am autistic

Is self-diagnosis any less valid than an official diagnosis? I was restocking some shelves in the branch of The Works where I was working when this discussion came up. My Assistant Manager had a son who was ‘really’ autistic in her words. She described him. She felt that because I did not display the same symptoms of being autistic as her son, then I could not be autistic. Now, the thing about autism is that it is a spectrum. This graphic from the CAMHS Professionals website tries to explain the perception vs actuality:

The point is that being on the autism spectrum is not a straight line. I am not ‘less autistic’ than my former colleague’s son. We are both autistic, but we have different ways that autism affects us. So, because the way that autism affects me, does not mean I am less autistic.

How does this link to self-diagnosis vs an ‘official’ diagnosis? There have been times when because of the doubts over the validity of self-diagnosis, that I have wondered was I truly autistic? H|owever, as the diagram indicates, the autistic spectrum comprises different facets of a personality and the different levels in each of those facets. That said, I think I will be relieved to receive an official diagnosis, if only because it will help address ‘problems’ #2 and #4.

Family Acceptance

Ironically, part of the process of official diagnosis as an adult is that the clinician needs to speak to family members in order to gather their recollections of me as a child, and whether I displayed missed signs of being autistic. Apparently my voracious reading is one some indication. Bear in mind that we are talking between 1970 and 1985, so we shall have to wait and see what comes of that.

Work Colleagues

This is the biggie. April is Autism Acceptance Month. Yet, it is still necessary for me to feel I can’t declare that I am on the autistic spectrum in order to find a well-paying job.

Welcome to British Summer Time, that dreaded moment when the clocks ‘leap forward’, we lose an hour’s sleep and the digs are as confused as hell that breakfast is early and dinner is just confusing.

As I sit here waiting for the DVLA (driving licence people) to answer the phone, I was pondering on my decision to change the page I have used to date just for promoting my books to something a bit more.

Four years ago, I discovered that I scored quite high on a questionnaire to determine whether I was on the autistic spectrum. I wasn’t surprised. Too many things started to make sense. For some, late diagnosis meant being diagnosed in their 20s or 30s. I was 51 years old. Of course, I still had people who didn’t believe that this was possible. How could I have not known for 50 or so years? Both strangers, colleagues and my own family reacted differently.

My employer at the time, The Works, said it wasn’t a problem. After all, the son of our HR Partner was autistic. His father had about an inch of paperwork to prove it. Did I have such a document? That was problem #1.

Then my sister said I shouldn’t tell anyone. She was concerned that people would look at me, and her, differently. Problem #2.

Then there was how total strangers perceived the word ‘autistic’. One female customer sympathised with me, saying she worked with autistic people. I mentioned having a neuroscience-based degree. She decided to remain silent. Such perceptions made Problem #3.

Related to that was the perception of colleagues, those with whom I worked on a daily basis. Problem #4 could be summed up in a colleague saying how much she admired how much people with autism could achieve. Well, ouch!

See the whole series of the Diaries of the Cwn Annwn here: https://smile.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08WL17FTX

Let’s face it. Paranormal romance has an expectation of love scenes. Depending on the author, that can be a fade-to-black scene, left to the reader’s imagination, or it can be blow by blow, full-on, spicy sex.

For me, it has always depended on the character. For example, Fane Anghelescu, my Hellhound Alpha, has a forceful personality, although he would not attack a female. However, he is an incubus, and increases his power through sex magic. For him, the more enjoyable and involved the act, the power he will generate, as this illustrates:

Taking a shower … such a simple, everyday action. And yet, with you my little Hunter, that simplicity is more. The pulse of your blood in your neck, as you tilt you lips to mine. Your lips, slightly parted, inviting me to taste, to savour your passion.

The feel of your body beneath my hands, lithe, yet your skin slick with the woody scent of liquid soap. My hand is beneath your chin, holding, imprisoning, but who is the prisoner? Who is the captive? Is my little Hunter caught, and has she entrapped the wolf? Does the wolf care?

Love did not make me weak. It gave me purpose. It showed me the value of caring. And no matter what, your love and the memories of our moments together will remind me and keep me strong

In comparison, we have Casimir, the so-called Psycho Gosselin. By his own admission, he has done things which are despicable. He acknowledges that he is far from saintly. It would not be wrong to say he despises that character he must portray. Only with other members of the Hellfire Pack can he let his guard down. He had never expected to find a Mate, so to realise that Daniela is his Mate makes her all the more precious to him. In return, Daniela appreciates the image he must portray. With her encouragement, he is able to close the chasm of misunderstanding with his sister Alix.

When it comes down to it, every author needs inspiration, so I shall close with the video that gave me just the ambiance I needed for Gavril and Aaleahya, the leads of the Cwn Annwn. With them, it was a love affair that lasted over 200 years until Aaleahya was killed. In ‘Alpha’, Gavril is wondering whether he will find his Mate, or will he suffer the fate of his own dam? A trip to the Carpathians and he meets Aaleahya, a Roma girl. There was no need for him to be the stereotypical ‘alpha male’, because they were so well matched. She was a strong female, for all that her Mate was older than her.

Tenderness by Thomas Synnamon

See the whole series of the Diaries of the Cwn Annwn here: https://smile.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08WL17FTX

This is just a little bit exciting for me. Who am I kidding? It is a lot-a-bit exciting. After much consideration, I have come up with the list of books which I aim to publish over the course of 2023, roughly at the rate of one every quarter. Would you like to know more?

Am Byth will fill in the gap between Cysgodion and Merysekhmet, with the story of how Casimir develops his plan to bring the legacy of his sire to an end. But he has enemies, not least of whom is Lamashtu, the demoness unable to comprehend why this mere shifter has turned on her. For this, he will suffer and those close to him will pay. What will this mean to those close to him: his Pack Beta, Rosa and his Mate, Daniela Echeverria.

Daimonas follows on from the story of Fane, the Alpha of the Anghelescu Hellhounds. Someone is targeting Fane’s pack in a way that is all too personal. First he is accused of the deaths of two undercover cops, and Alix has to use her ingenuity to have additional forensics done in an attempt to prove his innocence. This results in a meeting between the forensic scientist, Caroline, and the chief mechanic of the Chain & Sprocket workshop, Drahomir Anghelescu. Now that the pack is free of Lamashtu, Fane and Stefania have realised that they are Mates, freeing the rest of the pack to discover their own partners. When Drax realises that he and Caroline share a bond, he is faced with how he will let the slender, but isolated forensics specialist into his world, without endangering her by exposure to the Pack’s enemies.

Heliwr picks up the story of a series favourite, Detective Jake Petersen, but with a twist. When he agrees to help Alix over a spike in smuggling into the New York Ports, little does he realise that the culprit will also prove to be his Mate. This story will be co -written with Bethan Thomas, who wrote the part of Stefania in Fane.

Tan A Daear is the story of Alex Vasilev, elder brother of Sergei from Medved. After being involved in a helicopter crash, Alex wakes to find himself in a hospital room with a broken leg. The head Physiotherapist has been tasked to ensure he doesn’t lose muscle tone, but there is more to her than meets the eye. Jadzia doesn’t realise everything that she can do, other than knowing that she can help the unusual patients under her care heal faster. She certainly doesn’t realise how close to danger she is. Will she accept Alex’s help?

Stay up to date with the world of the Cwn Annwn, the Daughters of the Ddraig and the Hellfire Pack. here to go to the series page