Iman Refaat's Blog

I was moved by a burning desire. The desire to change. The desire to reveal. The desire to shake.

Many people wondered how I made it. How did I succeed to write for an hour on daily basis at 5:00 am in the morning, regardless of the weather and the circumstances. How did I persist and defeated all the challenged I faced until I had my novel ‘Fabulous Veils’ published?

The desires. I desired to change the rotten culture. I desired to reveal the brainwashing under the veils; the veils of religion, traditions and love. I desired to shake our misconceptions, limiting beliefs and thinking patterns.

My desire was for the families. Some people mistaken me for a feminist, while I’m not. My calling is for the community and its smallest unit; the family. ‘Fabulous Veils’ is a call for change, for actions. From all sides. A change from the men’s perspective about their wives and their roles towards their families. A change from the women’s perspective about romance, marriage, parenthood and spirituality. A change from the perspective of youth about rights, freedom, civilisation and open mindedness.

Dedicating my Mondays Arabic articles in November for the Teenagers, I decided to share some glimpses from ‘Fabulous Veils’ on weekly basis. Sharing scenes in which Teenagers were involved. Whether as a main or side character. I will not comment on the scene. Comments are open for the readers. I will just open a window to my perception.

The window this time is: 

Our children do and will do mistakes. In such cases, what difference will it make if we pause before reacting, then become proactive by dealing with the reason of the behaviour instead of the behaviour itself?

Leaving you with the Glimpse…

“Your daughter has a boyfriend ya Hanim wenty nayma ala wedanek,” Sherif had screamed back then. 

“What? What are you saying?” 

“What are you doing as a mother? You know nothing about your daughter?”

“Who said so?”

“I’m telling you. Your daughter is indecorous!”

“I can’t understand what you’re saying, stop shouting.”

“Stop shouting? Is it all that matters to you?”

“I can’t hear you. Calm down and explain.”

“Explain what? I’m telling you your daughter has a boyfriend. My mother saw her in a car with a boy last night.”

“And who said he’s a boyfriend. Maybe he’s a schoolmate.”

“Schoolmate driving a car? You want me to lose my mind?”

“Maybe it’s the brother of one of her friends.”

“And why was she riding with him in the car alone? And since when is she allowed to ride cars with her friends’ brothers? And where was the damn driver?”

Gameela started to sweat. 

“What was she doing last night in that car, with whom and where was the driver?”

Gameela remained silent, trying to put the words in an order that would put her into tolerable troubles.

 

Do we own the power of our actions? Are we acting or reacting? Are our actions aligned with our values? Do we act according to our moods or according to our principles? Our actions represent us. We were born with the freedom to choose. To live happier lives, we need to make better choices regarding our actions.

 https://youtu.be/nHr2l4yHgCA

If we take a step backward to observe ourselves from within, what would be the emotional states dominating us over the period of a day? Would they be positive or negative states? To which extent are we allowing our feelings to turn us into powerless human beings?

 

In our 5th episode, my sister Cherry Refaat and me focused on how to go beyond verbal communication. How to read between the lines, how to read people feelings from their voices. How to use hard times to nourish our relationships through effective and compassionate communication.

Words are powerful. Once they are released they can’t be pulled back. Are we owning the powers over our words. To which extent do we use our words to create and shape the life we wish to live and the relationships we hope to have?

In this video my sister Cherry Refaat, Mars and Venus Coach, explains another set of mistakes people make in their conversation while colliding.

As a human being we all have four main powers. The power of thoughts, the power of feelings, the power of words and the power of actions. How powerful are you? Are you owning the powers of your thoughts?

 

Mistakes. While communicating many of us collide. And when we collide we start doing mistakes. In his book of ‘Why Mars and Venus Collide’, John Gray displayed a list of mistakes people commit while communicating in time of collision. In this Episode, my sister Cherry Refaat, Mars and Venus Coach, shares examples of the mistakes John Gray presented in his book. Moreover, we brainstorm together possible ways to avoid doing these mistakes in order to have relationships of better quality.

 

My heart is aching. Yes. It is aching. Exploring with the teenagers I coach the obstacles they face and which catch them from moving forward in life I feel devastated. Labelling. Whether it’s done by a parent, a family member, a teacher or a trainer. Labelling is one common factor behind the teens’ struggles. It starts with a label an adult uses, hoping to let the teenager perform or behave in a better way. ‘Stupid’, ‘Slow’, ‘Ugly’, ‘Fat’, ‘Impolite’ are just few examples. The teenager, trusting the adult figure, starts to believe this label and considers it as a part of his identity. With repetition, the label gets reinforced in the subconscious and the teenager starts to act accordingly.

Labelling. It breaks my heart seeing real gems struggling in life and living with poor self-confidence because of labelling.