Stephanie Wild's Blog

I don’t claim to be a scholarly authority on Jesus. This is just what I have come to believe from all that I have read, heard, seen, felt, and experienced.

(What do you believe and why?)

Jesus was a courageous firebrand; a Jew who lived under Roman oppression - fully human - who aligned his will completely with Infinite Intelligence - fully divine - who lived and died and was resurrected so that we could understand that we are Spirit first, and that the purpose of living on earth as humans is to test spiritual principles and pursue spiritual growth. He has ascended to the higher realms as a Spiritual Master and will help any who call upon him.

Jesus in Context

The beginning of the first millenium CE was a tumultuous time. Jerusalem was home to a settled population of about a hundred thousand people and subject to Roman occupation.

Rome would forge alliances with the aristocracy in every city they occupied and in Jerusalem, that meant the handful of wealthy families who maintained the Temple cult. If the Romans wanted to control the Jews, they had to control the Temple.

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Michael Avi-Yonah’s model of Herod’s Temple, as it may have looked in Jesus’s time.

Rome stationed legions of troops throughout Judea, with six hundred Roman soldiers residing atop the Temple Mount itself.  Rome appointed and deposed the high priest - essentially transforming him into a Roman employee. Likewise, the Romans paid the Temple priests handsomely to collect taxes, to collect the tribute for Caesar, and to keep order.

Roman rule, especially coming after a century of independence, was detested by the common Judeans.  And it was into this environment that Jesus was born.

Jesus the Human

He was born in Nazareth (or maybe Bethlehem) and grew up a poor laborer. He became a disciple of John the Baptist until John’s arrest. Then Jesus placed himself, and his whole ministry, in opposition to the oppression of the Roman overlords and their collaborators. Like John, Jesus preached the imminent arrival of the kingdom of God, which would be an earthly, political state ruled by God or his anointed, a messiah.

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Jesus may have looked something like this

Jesus was not the only one to foment rebellion. Other Jewish prophets, preachers, and would-be messiahs wandered through the Holy Land. This was the age of zealotry. Jesus was not the only one to be arrested and crucified for sedition, but Jesus is the one who is remembered. And I think that is because of his divinity.

Jesus the Divine

Jesus preached that the kingdom of God was a state of political liberation for the Jewish people AND a state of Spiritual enlightenment. A state where people would strive to live in humility and service; in kindness and love and non-attachment to material things.

As he taught the lessons of Spirit, he demonstrated what was possible when one lives in accordance with nature’s physical and spiritual laws. And this got a lot of attention.

Jesus was an exorcist and faith healer; he was a prophet, a psychic, and a medium. So, by the time Jesus entered Jerusalem on a donkey as the Jewish Messiah, he was already infamous.

He was known for bringing several people back from the dead, for healing numerous others, for casting out demons, for walking on water, for manifesting food and wine, and animals, for being clairvoyant… he had been doing it all since childhood.

Jesus the infant

I really enjoy celebrating the birth of this luminous being during this, the darkest time of the year. I love thinking about the infant Jesus and his mother, Mary, nursing him. I love to think about the angels who heralded his birth and the wise men who visited with their metaphysical gifts.

I don’t care that we don’t know exactly everything about his life and times or when exactly he was born. I don’t care that the stories have been misunderstood or misinterpreted. I just love that the world tries kindness and love and forgiveness for a while; that the vibration of the planet rises.

I don’t care what the tradition is or when it developed or where it came from. I like it all: the pagan candles, the gnostic meditations, the Christian carols, the American movies, the Australian kangaroos who pull Santa’s sleigh; the German trees covered in snow; the nativity scenes in the desert.

I love it all, because it all reminds me of the birth of this extraordinary being. When I am reminded, it inspires me to work towards being more like him.

Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these…

- Jesus (John 14:12) 

I am hearing a lot about how people are hating the holidays; hating the expectations of being polite to family and giving a certain standard or gifts and preparing decorations and food, moving the ridiculous elf...

Just don’t! You don’t have to. What will happen? Those who hold those expectations will be disappointed and angry. You know what’s under anger? Fear.

Fear of what? Losing something they have or not getting something they want. But those « somethings » are illusion. Those somethings are mere representations of what we all really want - pure Love-

You can give pure love without exhausting yourself. In fact, if you are exhausted, that’s a clear sign you are not in pure Love.

Sit. Breathe. Allow Cosmic Consciousness/God/Spirit to wash you in Love.

Then, make decisions from there. Cook less, invite someone to help; buy less; invite someone to share a cup of tea and really listen to the answer to, « how are you? »; forget the elf, get down on the floor with your kids and ask them what they’re thinking; decorate less; one candle can be sacred.

Slow down, be in Love with those around you.

For those following along at home, I had my heart broken last, back on January 30th of this year. So, just about 11 months ago.

Now, I’m not afraid of having my heart broken. I got through the first one in 60 hours. I got through this one in 12. (Hmmm - I just noticed that that’s about 12 hours a year according to the length of each of those romances.)

I know I may sound heart less or
cold hearted . . . but remember, time is an illusion.

So, I could, in fact, get through this stuff in literally no time at all. And that is my goal - to reach an understanding of Infinite Intelligence so intimate that I am always at one with it and do not have to suffer at all, but am always at peace.

There are two keys: one is accepting that my thoughts create my perception - my thoughts are not reality. And the other is accepting that everything in the world is for the purpose of my own best interests.

This reminds me of the three of swords in the tarot.

The suit of swords represents the intellect - thoughts. Notice how, on this card, the swords are piercing the heart but the heart remains vibrant. These swords are mere perception. They do not in reality harm the heart.

My thoughts about my romance are what makes my heart hurt - nothing else. Not the other person.

And, everything in the world is for the purpose of my best interests. In accepting this, all of a sudden, my thoughts change, my perception changes, and my feelings change.

I am through it. And I can even be grateful.

Knowing all of THAT means that I don’t have to be afraid of a broken heart..... this romance that I experienced over the last year would not have happened had I been afraid. I would have missed out on the pleasure and the spiritual growth it brought me.

Jump in, everyone! Do not be afraid to love. Do not be afraid to leave peacefully.

As a spiritualist, Hallowe’en is my favorite season, next to Christmas. I love it because everyone is thinking about or trying to or at least curious about communicating with the spirit realm.

Hallowe’en can be traced back thousands of years. For a bit more on that, you can read this post.

The way people in the United States celebrate Hallowe’en these days is a combination of spiritual and secular stuff. I think it’s cool. I love that people who might not normally think about ‘the other side’, do so at last once a year because it includes a fun party. It’s a perfect opportunity to express things about ourselves that we might not be comfortable doing throughout the rest of the year, and that is always a chance for spiritual growth, even if we don’t think of it that way.

So, one of the icons of contemporary American Hallowe’en is the pumpkin Jack O’Lantern. Here’s the history of it, so you can engage that hottie at the Hallowe’en party.

Will O’the wisp, fool’s fire, fairy lights, corpse candles - some of the names and explanations that are given to the wispy flames that appear above the peat bogs in Britain.

And some people - very unromantically - refer to is as swamp gas.

In my favorite stories, night time travelers are lured out into the bogs by these flickering flames and of course, misadventure befalls them or their family.

But the story of Jack O’Lantern is a bit different. This story comes from the 1500s Ireland.

OK, so Stingy Jack invited the Devil to have a drink with him. (Because that’s what Irish people do - drink with the Devil!)

Stingy Jack didn’t want to pay for the drinks, so he convinced the Devil to turn himself into a coin that Jack could use to buy them with.

The Devil agreed. (Because the Irish are brave and clever tricksters with the gift of the gab.)

Once the Devil turned himself into a coin, Jack put it into his pocket next to his silver cross. The cross, of course, trapped the Devil in the coin.

Jack eventually freed the Devil, making him promise not to bother Jack for one year and not claim his soul upon death. So far so good.

After the year was up, the Devil came back around and this time, Jack tricked him into climbing up a tree to pick a piece of fruit.

While he was up in the tree, Jack carved a cross into the trunk of the tree. Jack let the Devil down once he promised Jack not to bother him for ten more years. And again, not to claim his soul upon death.

When Jack died, he was not allowed into Heaven and the Devil would not allow him into Hell.

The Devil sent Jack away to find his own Hell - with just one burning coal to light his way. Jack put the coal into a carved-out turnip (which was the standard lighting of the time) and has been roaming the Earth with it ever since. Jack, of the lantern.

The story of Stingy Jack evolved so that he became a very nasty and scary character - and people would carve faces on turnips, beets, potatoes and so on and place an ember inside and leave them in the window to scare him (and other nasty spirits) away.

When this story made its way to the Americas with the British immigrants, pumpkins were found to be perfect (easier to carve) for this purpose and the carved pumpkin itself became known as a jack o'lantern.

We can see the pumpkin jack o’lantern hit the mainstream in 1824, when the wife of the Mayor of Atlanta placed them in the window for their Hallowe’en party.

And then, one of the most wonderfully creepy of Hallowe’en stories - the Legend of Sleepy Hollow - was written by Washington Irving in 1892. And we were given the headless horseman (based on a character from the 1500s) with a Jack o’lantern head. Oooh shivers!

In the American story, the Headless Horseman pursues Ichabod Crane and the next morning the only trace of him is his hat - next to a smashed pumpkin.

Check out these modern renditions….

The ballad of Stingy Jack (animation)

Stingy Jack (movie trailer)

The Ballad of Stingy Jack (song)

How the headless horseman became headless (from the movie, Sleepy Hollow)

Ichabod and the headless horseman (Disney animation)

When Hallowe’en comes around, we start to hear that the “veil between worlds” is at its thinnest.

Someone asked me recently to talk a bit about this ‘veil’. OK, so this veil is a metaphoric veil of perception. It is not anything physical, because the world of the living and the world of the spirits exist together but in different dimensions (different vibrations). We are not in fact separated by time or space at all.

Sometimes a different metaphor is used, like, mist, or hedge. I mean, you can use whatever image you like. It is just a way to describe going from unknowing to knowing, spiritually.

The metaphor seems to have been born when Plutarch (a Greco-Roman of the 1st and 2nd centuries) wrote about a statue he saw in the Egyptian city of Sais.

The statue had an inscription that read, "I am all that has been and is and shall be; and no mortal has ever lifted my garment." Plutarch used the term peplos; which in English means "mantle" or "veil".

Plutarch identified the goddess as "Athena, whom [the Egyptians] consider to be Isis." But the statue was in fact, Neith (Goddess of all creation), mother of Aset - Isis in Greek - (Godddess of death) and mother of Ra (God of the sun).

(Please note that I’m not an Egyptian scholar, and the family tree and responsibilities of the Egyptian and Greek gods changed over the centuries, so you may find conflicting information, especially about Aset, who went from obscurity to stardom - as Isis.)

The goddess Neith

was the first and the prime creator; the creator of the universe and all it contains and she governs how it functions.

In any event, the metaphor took on a life of its own.

In the 16th century, the metaphor was influenced by the symbols associated with of Artemis/Diana. ‘Veil of Isis’ came to represent the inaccessibility of nature's secrets.

From the late 17th to the early 19th century, isis and her veil represented the Enlightenment.

At the end of the 18th century, it was a metaphor for revealing the awe-inspiring truth of nature.

Getting closer to my religion, Spiritualism… in 1877, Helena Blavatsky (mother of Theosophy) wrote a book called  Isis Unveiled. Isis is not prominent in the book, but the metaphor is clear: Blavatsky writes that philosophers try to lift the veil of Isis, or nature, but see only her physical forms.

And, these days we hear about the "parting of the veil", "piercing of the veil", "rending of the veil" or "lifting of the veil" in contemporary witchcraft.

So there you have it.

For Westerners, the veil between worlds is the metaphysical boundary between the illusions in which we live on earth and the truth of Nature (which I would call ‘Infinite Intelligence’).

I’d love to know how the ‘veil’ it is described in other cultures - does anyone know?

In the mean time, let’s take advantage of the season and connect to the other side!

Hallowe’en is my favorite time of year, as it is for many Spiritualists.

We acknowledge that the veil between worlds (the earth realm and the spirit realm) is at its thinnest around this time of year, we feel it, and we take advantage of it. It’s really fun.

I’m a medium, so I literally live between the worlds; I deliver messages from one side to the other and help people gain greater spiritual awareness on the way to enlightenment.

And when it’s easier for me to evolve and play - I go for it!

The veil is not a physical thing - it is a metaphoric veil of perception - sort of a spiritual fog between the everyday illusion we live in on earth and the reality of Infinite Intelligence.

And the reason the veil is thinnest in Europe and the Americas, in October, is because over the centuries, this time of year has become the time when a great many people are thinking about death and dying - what that might mean and what might come after.

So many people are wondering about and trying to communicate with the other side that it becomes easier for us to connect as we join together in raising our vibration… when we raise our vibration and the spirits lower theirs, we can see one another through the fog.

Ironically, the Roman Catholic church had a lot to do with this as they tried to convert indigenous peoples to their brand of christianity. What ended up happening was that these festivals that celebrated the afterlife in some way all took place at the same time of the year rather than at different times.

Check out the infographic I made to show how the celebrations most familiar to Westerners came to happen over the same three days of the year. There are others, too, arund this time, like the Haitian Day of the Dead known as Ghede (November 2) and the Bolivian Day of Skulls (November 9).

If Hallowe’en and the Day of the Dead have anything in common, it’s that they are both days on which people acknowledge the presence of the spirit realm.

In other places around the world, festivals acknowledging the spirit realm happen at different times of the year.

For example, The three-day Japanese Obon festival, also called the Festival of Lanterns, is a Buddhist observance dedicated to the spirits of ancestors that happens in August. Chuseok is a three day festival in South Korea that happens in September.

I haven’t visited those, but I’d love to, and I would bet that the veil was thinner at those times in those places.

If you want to take advantage of the thinning veil her where I am in the USA, let me know, and we can set up a reading.

And stay tuned for more about Hallowe’en - why we talk about the ‘veil’ , and the different kinds of spirits that make an appearance around Hallowe’en,

If there’s anything specific you’ve been wondering about, just email me and I’ll do a post about it.

Love,

Reverend Steph

I’ve had more than the usual number of questions from clients about confronting perpetrators of sexual assault and abuse, lately.

Honestly, even for me, the number of women revealing past abuses is shocking. It feels terrible, but it’s a good, good thing. Let’s purge this stuff. Let’s process this stuff and move onward and upward! I am here for this!

 I do address the question of confrontation in my book, The Art of Forgiveness. It can be a really powerful step on the path to healing. But it is not, absolutely not, ever, at all, the one thing that will “fix” us or free us.

If we are at the beginning of our healing journey, it can feel great though; it can give us a rush of hope and optimism because it is a real moment of personal power – a reclamation. It’s evidence that we can throw off the shame we have been carrying and place it where it belongs – on the perpetrator.

If we are further along our healing journey, it can feel very satisfying, as well, to be living truthfully – the way that life on earth is supposed to be lived. We can also feel good about helping other women by our example.

If we are near the end of our healing journey, we can feel good about helping the perpetrator (who is in terrible pain and fear, although he may not know it) and healing the psyche of the planet.

 

We are spiritual warriors and it’s a fierce battle we are waging now.

 

It may be a difficult concept to internalize, depending on the stage of healing a person is at, but the war is not with the abuser or with men - it is with our own fear. As we face that fear and dissolve it layer by layer, we make ourselves free.

  

I’m going to give you three examples from my life…. They are all completely true and happened just this way.

 

And I’m here to hear yours if you wish, and to help you move toward raising your vibration and taking control of your happiness.

 

Confrontation near the beginning of the healing journey

I was about 25 years old when I confronted my father about the abuse he perpetrated on me when I was a child. I was terrified to do it. At the time, I don’t know what I was terrified of. I was just paralyzed by inchoate fear. I was anxious all the time. I was drinking heavily to obliterate the constant terror.

Now, I know what I was terrified of. I was terrified of going insane; I was terrified of having to really accept the fact that this had happened to me. Because once I faced the perpetrator, that was admitting it. And I was afraid that admitting that such a terrible thing had happened would be too much for my mind and soul to live through.   

But it did not kill me. Now, I wish I had had better support. And I wish I had had experience of the Love of Spirit. But I did not. None of my close or extended family believed me or supported me.

I did have my boyfriend. He drank heavily like me. But he believed me without question. And he sat with me at the dinner table and drank expensive scotch that my father paid for, while I called my father every curse word I could think of. Over and over and over again.

My dad sat there weeping crocodile tears and denying it all and blaming me for ripping the family apart. I hated him all the more.

It made me feel better, but not much. It was a beginning though. It was the beginning of understanding that this spiritual burden – the shame, the guilt, the fear – were not mine to live with. My anger gave me strength to shift the energy and to raise my vibration just a bit.

 

 

Confrontation in the middle of the healing journey

My date and I pulled up in front of the Karaoke place. Shabby met gaudy on this block. We rushed across the street through the rain and the colored reflections and squeezed ourselves up a flight of stairs to the reception desk.

“She says we get our own room,” my date said.

I followed him down the hallway. Our room was the size and shape of a bus shelter. There was a strong, chilled breeze coming from above. Somehow, it was colder inside than outside. We sat down side by side, looking at a huge monitor. I wrapped my coat more closely about me. I half expected an interrogator to appear.

“Whoa. OK. This really is Japanese style,” he said.

“Yep. No crowd unless you bring one.”

He looked at me and smiled. “You are really attractive.”

Oh god help me, there was no word to describe that but creepy. A complete nonsequitur that was a comment on my physicality meant he was not interested in my spirit but only my body. From that moment, I was working my way out of there and very far away from him. But not very effectively.

I looked into his wet eyes, smiled, and said, “Thank you.”

I should have said, “Look, I made a mistake coming out tonight, I am suddenly very tired and cold. I would like to go home.”

But I sat and smiled and answered all kinds of questions about my life like a good girl. I answered my date’s questions without enthusiasm and without flirtation; I felt no need to construct any kind of image for our pleasure and play; I wanted desperately to leave yet I stayed.

 

Half an hour passed and I felt my patience leave me.

I said, “Better sing for me, dude. Make it good. I am freezing.”

“What do you want to hear?”

“Please. You choose.”

He sang Live Like You Were Dying by Tim McGraw. Not really a sexy song, not really a romantic song; I suppose it could be inspirational but for the comical emphasis on a mechanical bull named Fu Man Chu. 

 

At the conclusion of the song, I finally got up enough courage to say, “OK, I think I’d like to go, now.” 

I stood up, took a couple of steps toward the door, and all of a sudden he sprang up in front of me and shoved his lips into mine. 

“Uh. That was uncalled for.” I tried to take another step forward. He stayed in place. 

“Please let me out.”

“I’m not stopping you.”

“Good. Step aside, then.”

He stood there. I stood there. These karaoke rooms were kinda soundproof. I was momentarily terrified but locked eyes with him and transformed terror into anger. He stepped aside. 

I walked quickly out without looking back. He followed closely behind. When we reached the corner of the block I raised my arm to hail a cab. 

He said, “Where shall we go?”

I said, “I am going home to eat.”

He said, “Can I come?”

I said, “Are you kidding me? No. For one thing, you kissed me without permission. Let’s just end things here.”

“Without permission?”

“Yes. I think that might be what they mean by ‘stealing a kiss.’”

His perception of himself was so far from my perception of him. His perception of the kiss was one of mutual consent yet I felt assaulted. How was such delusion possible? 

I had experienced this is high school. Guys with horrendous teeth and bad acne had used to thrust themselves on me and my friend at school dances. I remember asking one to “Please, leave me alone,” He stood right in front of me and said, “No.” 

And now, standing on a dark cold corner in New York City I felt disgusted again. A cab pulled up, I got in. I opened a window to stave off the wooziness and tried not to watch the city lights whoosh by. I closed my eyes, let the rain ping my nose, and thought that would be the end of Mr. Country. 

Unfortunately, it was not even close to the end of my relationship with Mr Country. He texted me to ask me out again a couple of weeks later. I said, “No.” He asked, “Why?”

I could have said something like, “I just don’t want to,” and then not answered anymore texts. But, I was upset at the profound miscommunication so I said, “You kissed me without permission and I didn’t like it.”

He exploded. “Without permission?! What was I supposed to do? Ask?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Say, ‘Can I kiss you?’”

“That would have been nice, yes.”

“Would you have?”

“No, I wouldn’t have. I didn’t want to kiss you. Nothing in our conversation or my behavior indicated that I wanted to, and so, you jumped up in front of the door, preventing me from leaving, and stole a kiss.”

“You are crazy.”

“I am just letting you know my point of view. My perception. My feelings. Please respect them.”

“I didn’t prevent you from leaving.”

“That was how it felt. That’s all. I didn’t like it.”

“You are imagining it.”

“That’s how I perceived it.”

“You are not living in reality. No wonder they took your kids away.”

“No one took my kids away. I share them with their Dad.”

“What mother would let her kids not live with her full time?”

I should have stopped there. But I went on and on and on, hoping against hope that I could enlighten him. He continued to claim I was insane and I calmly persisted in stating my perception until I got tired and hopeless and had to catch up on work. I deleted the conversation and his number. 

Six months later he tried to reconnect.

“Golf?” he asked. 

“Who is this?”

“Chris. We kissed.”

And there we were again. The entitlement and delusion. (We hadn’t kissed. He had planted one n me without asking.)

 

I replied, “Stop texting me.”

He wrote, and this was the kicker, this was when I understood, “If you really didn’t want to see me, you would stop first.” 

I could have done so much better for myself. I did not need to appease him for as long as I did. But at the time, and even looking back, I felt great that could clearly see and clearly say and feel no shame in believing that this was my perception. This was my feeling. This was the truth.

 

 

Confrontation near the end of the healing journey

his guy I had had one date with was deliciously Parisian. He had lived in Paris, where he had studied literature. He had gloriously thick and curly hair. He smoked and brooded and wore tight jeans but wasn’t skinny; he was muscular. 

He asked me to lay out some lingerie. Ok, why not? I threw on a robe and some music and lounged about more or less naked while I waited. 

He arrived. He chose red shoes, black stockings with garters, and the most elaborate bra. Snooze. Completely predictable. And really, red shoes with black stockings? I was bored already, and regretted having invited him. Sunday on my fire escape with a coffee and public radio for company would have charmed me a great deal more.

He picked up a fairly sheer black scarf and wrapped it around my eyes. Well, this could lend a little surprise to the proceedings. He buckled my wide leather belt around my wrists so that my hands remained in front of me. He pushed me gently down onto my couch and pushed my legs apart. 

I felt hot breath on my vulva and some light pressure, then nothing. Ooh, a nice tease! I played along - I squirmed a bit and relaxed into the fun of anticipation. I imagined what might come next,

Then he pushed my knees up toward my ears. Ugh. I hated that feeling of ultra exposure; it is surgery not seduction; it is cold not warm; it is display not dance. I lowered my legs. 

I was about to stand up and put an end to the proceedings when he pushed me down onto my knees on the floor. I gave him a chance, hoping there would be a bit more play; a bit more warmth; a bit more of an invitation to feel something together.

 

But he stepped over me onto the couch and sat. I could feel his knees just brushing the side of my torso. He stroked my hair. This was boring. He was too passive. He was just sitting there. What was he doing……?

 

Fuck. He was taking pictures. 

My heart raced. I had to do this just right. I cocked my head slightly so as to let some light in through the scarf. I had to do this exactly right. I remained perfectly still. I waited. He placed the camera phone down onto the couch; I could barely see it, but there it was. 

I lunged for it. My two hands together, constrained by the belt, covered it completely. He grabbed my wrists as my feet came up from the floor; I threw my weight back and away from him so as to avoid stumbling over his legs. I broke free and ran on my toes, in my high heels,  toward the bathroom.

 

I threw the camera phone into the toilet and wrenched the scarf from my eyes as I turned around to see him coming toward me, yelling.

 

Instead of cowering, I strode toward him, opened the front door of my apartment and stood my ground. My left foot was over the threshold of the door so he couldn’t close it, my right hand was on my  hip, and my left arm was outstretched with my left hand pointing at his face. 

“No photos without permission. Get the fuck out of my apartment.”

“No. Give my phone back.”

“No.”

“It’s my phone! My life is in that phone.”

“Too fucking bad. Get out.”

“No. Please. Don’t be a bitch.”

“You’re the bitch. You just completely violated me.”

“I’m sorry. Please. Please. Give me my phone.”

“No. You should have asked permission to take photos. Get out.”

“Please. Please. I’m sorry.”

“Too late.”

I stood in heels and lingerie. For all the neighbors to see. Without shame. He stood in silence and distress. He started to cry. He put his hands over his face. He retreated to the couch and sat, rocking back and forth and mumbling. 

“I am so worthless. I am such a fucking asshole. I am so messed up.”

I let my adrenaline subside. I propped the front door open, I removed my shoes and stockings, and I covered myself with my robe while I kept my eye on him.

Then, I went to him, took his head in my hands and said, “You are not worthless; you made the wrong decision; I forgive you.” He cried harder. 

“I haven’t cried in years.” 

“It’s about time, then.”

I closed the door. I took him a heavy glass of water. He got a cigarette out and began to light it but abruptly turned to me and said, “Can I smoke in here?” 

“Yes, I’ll get you an ashtray.”

I put coffee on and dressed myself cozily. I kept quiet. I sat. He sat across from me. I smiled at him. “Would you like some bread? I just baked some. It’s good.”

“Yes, please.”

We shared bread from a wooden board and drank warm coffee. The sun was bright and weak. He said, “I am so lonely.”

“Well. This is not the way to make friends.”

He looked at me with hatred. 

“The bread is delicious, right?” I asked. 

“It is. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. What were you going to do with the photos?”

“Just delete them.”

“So why did you take them?”

“I don’t know.”

“You could have asked. I might have said yes.”

“Would you have?”

“That’s irrelevant. You should have asked permission.” 

“I know.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Think about it.”

“My life sucks. I just don’t know what to do.”

“About what?”

“No. I just don’t know what to do—ever. Like, when I wake up, I don’t know what to do or where to go. “

“Do you have a job?”

“I’m a student. I can’t concentrate for more than an hour. I get restless. I just go out at night and get drunk. I could have a girlfriend. So many girls like me, but I do shit like this. Shit to just get a thrill.” His voice was still unsteady. He looked up from the floor. 

“Can I have my phone now?” 

I laughed. “Are you fucking kidding me? It’s mine now.” 

He jumped up and ran for the bathroom. It would be completely dead by now, anyway. He returned with a dripping phone, mumbling, “Damn, those photos would have been so hot.”

“Yeah. Maybe. You know what’s really hot, though?”

“What?”

“Asking someone if you can fuck them and hearing them cry ‘hell yes!’” 

Two more hours passed as we talked, until finally, he said, “I think I am ready to go now.” 

A week later I texted his number, knowing he would not recognize mine. “Hey! You have a new phone?” 

He replied, “Yeah. The other one was completely dead.” 

“Good. A nice fresh start, then.” 

No reply. But at least no pictures.

 

I felt great about this one – I did not allow shame to make me small and quiet. There is nothing to be ashamed in wearing lingerie, enjoying playing around with blindfolds, exploring different kinds of sexy games. There IS shame in depriving a person of their choice.

Since I had done a lot of spiritual growth, I was able to place that shame precisely where it belonged – with him. I was able immediately to forgive him and hold on to no anger and no resentment.

Believe it or not, he even asked me on another date a few months later. I swear to God this is true. I said yes, and used the time to ask him what he had learned since this incident between us. He had taken a class in feminist theory and he told me that he now understood that it was wrong to have deprived me of choice.

I asked him how he could not have understood that before. He said he didn’t know.

Well, I know. It’s cultural conditioning. And we have the power to change that.

Last time, I shared my opinion that ego should be a controlled substance, and promised to follow up with how to take control of the ego.

If you missed the last post, you can read it here. But let me recap…

What the ego is

Ego, the way I use the word - the way most metaphysicians (like Marianne Williamson, Byron Katie, and Eckhart Tolle) use the word - means the self that observes and interprets (in contrast to the soul/spirit/essence, which is the self that experiences).

The ego is perception; the spirit is knowledge. Perception is time-bound; knowledge is timeless.

The ego is made up of thoughts. And thoughts are ephemera: memories, tribal beliefs, desires, expectations, opinions… all that stuff we are thinking about the past and the future that runs around in our mind and creates the story we live in. It’s not real. We made it up.

As we recognize our perceptual errors, we can see past them and experience Spirit. Forgetting our misperceptions, and with nothing to hold us to the past or chain us to the future, we can experience the Now.

Why we should strive to dissolve the ego

Dissolving the ego, that is, becoming the mistress of our thoughts, is the way to be calm and happy.

With thoughts gone wild, we can go from despair to anger to self-pity to vengefulness to relief in a matter of minutes. We can hold a grudge for years and remain disgruntled and dissatisfied.

We might take all of that out on other people. We might go out and eat and drink too much and buy things we don’t need so we feel better for a minute or so we can just shut our head off. We might seek out entertainments to ‘take our mind off things’.

With thoughts under control, our Soul can express itself. Without the distraction of all those thoughts, we can hear the whisper of intuition. And then, we can make decisions from a place of serenity and certitude; we can enjoy each moment more profoundly, we will feel less anguish.

How to dissolve the ego

So let’s get to the point of this post. The process we use to dissolve the ego is called forgiveness. Yep, forgiveness. Just stay with me here.

The process of forgiveness bridges the gap between perception and knowledge. Once we are on the other side, we live free from anger and resentment. When we are free of the ego we are calm and happy. (This is what A Course in Miracles calls a Miracle.)

We don’t forgive to be charitable or good, but because what we are seeing is not real. We forgive to experience the Now; the true love of the Universe; the truth of existence. We forgive to be free of anger and resentment; we forgive to be calm and happy.

Whenever you hear yourself say, “I don’t like that…” or, “I have been an idiot” or, “He’s an asshole”, it’ the ego speaking. Those thoughts are judgments or opinions or the like. They come from the self that observes and interprets.

But, whenever you experience unconditional love, that’s spirit. That’s experiencing the Now; the present moment. When you are not thinking about the past or wishing for the future, your ego is dissolved and you are experiencing the truth of the moment. You will notice that you are calm and happy.

A Course in Miracles is a practice book for dissolving the ego; for correcting misperceptions. And this stuff does take practice. How many times have you heard the words, “spiritual practice?” Yeah, we have to practice this stuff. Every day.

To stay in the moment, we have to tune in to our bodies and notice what we are feeling. We have to accept what we are feeling. We have to sit still and hurt, if necessary. We have to allow that sensations to flow through us. We have to resist the urge to identify our ‘self’ with those sensations.

To stay in the moment, we have to observe our thoughts and accept that they are ephemera; that we are making them up; that they are perception and not truth. We have to allow the thoughts to drift away like clouds. We have to resist the urge to identify our ‘self’ with those thoughts.

When we stay in the moment, we can access Spirit and the words that come out of our mouths will not be judgmental or mean or fearful, they will be tolerant and kind and courageous.

The short answer

The short answer is: stay in the moment. That’s how to dissolve the ego, to forgive, to be happy. Simple, but not always easy.

EGO, EGO, or EGO?

I've been musing a lot on the ego, lately. It seems to me that being in control of our ego is a great way to stay calm and happy.

People throw the word, "ego" around a lot. "He has a huge ego!" "Ugh what an ego.." "Your ego is getting in the way." "It was a great boost to my ego."

Used this way, let's call it the everyday way, the ego is a person's view of themselves; their sense of self importance. And for a lot of people, especially women, the ego needs strengthening.

I went to Rockstar Camp a few weeks back, as most of you will know, and that was a wonderful way to strengthen my ego. I came out of it less afraid to fully express myself; and more inspired to share my personal knowledge, experience, and wisdom with others.

But when we talk about the ego in metaphysics (or philosophy maybe), the ego is the entity that thinks. It's not just the VIEW we hold of ourself, it's the SELF that observes our self. "I'm an idiot", "I'm afraid of the ocean". "I'm not happy with you right now." The ego is speaking. Whenever we say, "I",  our ego is speaking. 

So, in metaphysics, the ego does not need strengthening; it needs dissolving.

They are complimentary activities though.... 

If I dissolve the metaphysical ego - the "I" that says, "I can't go on stage and be a rockstar, I will look ridiculous" , then my true essence - my SOUL - can take over. My true essence is not afraid! My Essence is perfect just as it is. It just IS. So,  I go on stage and I have fun and people enjoy it and my everyday ego - my view of myself - improves.

And then there's the ego that psychoanalysts talk about, along with the superego and the id. And it was Freud who came up with all that and honestly, I can never keep the concepts straight, but I am sure they're very helpful and I think therapy is awesome.

But, moving on to what I DO understand...

THE METAPHYSICAL EGO

The metaphysical ego is the one you read about in the work of Eckhart Tolle and Pema Chodron and other such teachers. The metaphysical ego is the one that A Course in Miracles deals with.

This ego is the self that observes and interprets; whereas the soul/spirit/essence is the self that experiences. 

The ego is made up of thoughts. The soul/spirit/essence is made up of pure consciousness.

Ego is the conglomeration of opinions, memories, beliefs, expectations ... any and all thoughts we have. That's it. Our ego is our thoughts.This conglomeration of thoughts can feel very solid and real; it feels like our personality; it feels permanent. But thoughts are not solid or real or permanent. 

 

So what is real and permanent?

Pure consciousness is real.  Being-ness is permanent.  Some people call it God or Source or Spirit or All or Essence or True Love. Call it whatever you like. Being Spiritualist, I tend to call it Infinite Intelligence. 

SPIRITUAL GROWTH

Moving from identification with Ego to identification with Essence is spiritual growth.

As humans, we will never, and should never, completely dissolve our ego. If we did, we'd have no personality and we would just sit there; we wouldn't be able to make plans or laugh at a joke or choose someone to date.

The goal of spiritual growth is to dissolve the ego to the point where it is small enough for us to control. 

Remember, the metaphysical ego is the conglomeration of opinions, memories, beliefs, expectations ... any and all thoughts we have. Ego is our thoughts. Essence is our consciousness.

HAPPINESS

So what? Why should we bother to try to control our ego?

So that we can be happy.

So that we can live free from anxiety, anger, resentment, loneliness, anguish, heartbreak, and fear. Thoughts gone wild cause all those nasty feelings. Thoughts under control means our Soul can express itself; thoughts under control means we can tune in to the sounds of the Universe; we can communicate with Infinite Intelligence; we can breathe in True Love. And this is where profound peace, serenity, and happiness is found.

HOW TO DO IT

If you'd like to join us as we work through A Course in Miracles and get into the habit of dissolving our egos and experiencing Essence and more permanent happiness, join us in the Facebook group. 

And stay tuned for the next post... 

Much love,

Reverend Steph

 

 

 

I feel like I may be giving away everything with this post. Because this is the secret to everything; the secret to the art of romance; the secret to freedom; the secret to happiness. If you get this you won't need me or anyone else as a therapist, coach, or mentor.

Just forgive. 

You may believe that forgiveness is a thing reserved for very difficult situations like violence done to you, or profound emotional betrayal, but forgiveness is a process that we can live every day.  

Forgiveness is the letting go of the past.

It is the means for correcting our misperceptions. Once we are no longer in the thrall of the past, we are free to experience each present. When we are in the present moment, we are free from anger and resentment because we are connected to Spirit. Happiness arises.  

Let me share an experience ...

I have been dating a young man who I really adore. We have such a hot, fun time together: he's complimentary, kind, generous, attentive, and all those good things. He's tall, dark, and handsome. He's half my age. He's clever, hard working, and whispers filthy things to me in two languages.

So, just recently, the day after we had spent a really intimate night together, I noticed that he'd blocked me on all the social media channels.  Hmmm. 

What would you do?

I know a lot of people would feel their stomach drop, get mad, get sad, and then share the news with their friends. Their friends would say something like, "that guy can go fuck himself; he's not worth it; what an asshole; forget him; his loss; the right guy will come along one day..."  And then a lot of people would block his number right after they cursed him out via text message. 

Why would a lot of people do that? Because they are living in the past. 

They have been taught somewhere by someone in the past that an awesome, sexy, intimate night with a guy means that he should text the next day with sweet little messages of affection, or ask them to meet his parents, or invite them back the next weekend, or whatever.  And if he doesn't do that... they should feel angry. Because if he doesn't do that it means that he thinks they are... what? A slut? Trash? Ugly? Not good enough for a "relationship"? And if he thinks that, then he's an asshole...

Have you noticed how far away from reality we are by this point? We do not know his thoughts and feelings; we are assuming that he did something because he thought something  and that makes him something bad.

What a mess. We have just concocted all this in our own minds. All these thoughts and feelings have nothing to do with reality. Reality is the present moment. All these thoughts and feelings come from the past. Past lessons, past experiences, past conversations. All our thoughts are judgments about the past.

So, if forgiveness is letting go of the past,  how do we do that?

Here's what I did in this situation.

I saw he had blocked me. I felt my stomach drop, I got mad, I got sad, and then I breathed. I noticed the cascade of chemicals flow through my body. I sat still and noticed myself present, in the present moment.  I noticed my hand with my ring on it; I noticed the books lying on my bed; I noticed my thoughts coming and going. I noticed my thoughts change and change again. He's an asshole. I'm an asshole. He's scared. I'm gonna be lonely forever. I'm an idiot. He's nuts. He's wrong. And within a few minutes all the emotions and thoughts had passed. I was calm and happy.

That is the process of forgiveness; that's how you do it. 

Then, I thought of my young lover. And because I had let go of believing that my thoughts and feelings were reality; because I had stopped wanting him to have behaved differently; because I had stopped wanting the past to be different, I could think of him as he is: a human who changed his social media settings.

And then I laughed out loud. I texted him, saying, "LOL. I noticed you blocked me... I guess I freaked you out again? Take care."

I looked around my room, I looked at my cat, I observed my thoughts and I said to myself, all is perfect just as it is.