Bill Conrad's Blog - Posts Tagged "responsibility"
The Worst Thing I Almost Did
Entertainment follows a specific pattern. A character is defined, they encounter difficulty, which leads to action followed by resolution. A classic example is Luke Skywalker learning the truth about his father. The audience loved the suspense, the surprise, and the amazing aftermath. Real life has similar dramatic moments and people appreciate the drama of resolving their own issues.
In life and in a story, we appreciate a beginning middle and end. We don’t often consider something that might have happened to be a relevant circumstance. I am referring to something different from a narrow escape such as a person starting a fight and then narrowly escape being punched. The person would learn that it is not a good idea to get into fights. My topic is slightly different; allow me to explain.
Around the age of 20, I went to the movies with a friend. Afterward, we walked toward the parking lot. Near our car, we came across an 18-year-old walking (away from us) with his father. This kid had gone out of his way to look like a complete punk. He had put in safety pin piercings all around his head, grotesquely shaved off his hair with orange/yellow hair dye and wore a satanic shirt. A great example of all that is wrong with society.
Well, this obscene sight upset me and I decided to do something about the idiot who ruined my evening with his deplorable personal choices. I walked up to him with the intent of saying, “You look terrible!” I actually planned to say something far worse, but this blog is intended to attract friendly readers.
When I came to him in anger, my opinion changed. The 12-year-old boy had been severely burned and his entire face looked radically disfigured. The severe damage made him look a lot older. The safety pins were actually surgical staples from a recent reconstruction operation. The majority of his hair would never grow back and what little remained had been stained by orange antiseptic around the staples. His “satanic” shirt upon closer inspection proclaimed his survival success at a Christian youth camp. The boy smiled at me. I immediately understood the sight before me as a happy child with his father who had just attended their first movie together after a traumatic event.
I walked away feeling like the biggest jerk in the world. To this day, I reflect upon that moment and I believe the experience helped me to become a better person.
It is difficult to write a character that experienced an event like this. Bill almost insulted a boy and then he felt bad. Why? It would read a lot better if Bill actually insulted the boy and then the boy began crying. Side note, the smile crushed me even more than his crying ever would have. At that moment, the boy became a bigger man than myself.
Readers cannot relate to a near event. “Bill thought about the incident for weeks.” Why? Technically, Bill didn’t do anything wrong. So, the kid smiled at him. Big deal. Hey Bill! Man up and move on! No harm, no foul.
This incident highlights the limitations of writing. My feelings about the incident are valid but abstract. The kid’s smile defines the moment, and that’s not logical. The defining moment should have revolved around painful conflict.
Well. What can we conclude? Number one. Be careful who you insult. Number two. Life is complex and rarely predictable. Number three. Real life can be difficult to write about and readers will not necessarily relate to an incident in the same way as the author. Number four. It’s fun to explore these topics.
In life and in a story, we appreciate a beginning middle and end. We don’t often consider something that might have happened to be a relevant circumstance. I am referring to something different from a narrow escape such as a person starting a fight and then narrowly escape being punched. The person would learn that it is not a good idea to get into fights. My topic is slightly different; allow me to explain.
Around the age of 20, I went to the movies with a friend. Afterward, we walked toward the parking lot. Near our car, we came across an 18-year-old walking (away from us) with his father. This kid had gone out of his way to look like a complete punk. He had put in safety pin piercings all around his head, grotesquely shaved off his hair with orange/yellow hair dye and wore a satanic shirt. A great example of all that is wrong with society.
Well, this obscene sight upset me and I decided to do something about the idiot who ruined my evening with his deplorable personal choices. I walked up to him with the intent of saying, “You look terrible!” I actually planned to say something far worse, but this blog is intended to attract friendly readers.
When I came to him in anger, my opinion changed. The 12-year-old boy had been severely burned and his entire face looked radically disfigured. The severe damage made him look a lot older. The safety pins were actually surgical staples from a recent reconstruction operation. The majority of his hair would never grow back and what little remained had been stained by orange antiseptic around the staples. His “satanic” shirt upon closer inspection proclaimed his survival success at a Christian youth camp. The boy smiled at me. I immediately understood the sight before me as a happy child with his father who had just attended their first movie together after a traumatic event.
I walked away feeling like the biggest jerk in the world. To this day, I reflect upon that moment and I believe the experience helped me to become a better person.
It is difficult to write a character that experienced an event like this. Bill almost insulted a boy and then he felt bad. Why? It would read a lot better if Bill actually insulted the boy and then the boy began crying. Side note, the smile crushed me even more than his crying ever would have. At that moment, the boy became a bigger man than myself.
Readers cannot relate to a near event. “Bill thought about the incident for weeks.” Why? Technically, Bill didn’t do anything wrong. So, the kid smiled at him. Big deal. Hey Bill! Man up and move on! No harm, no foul.
This incident highlights the limitations of writing. My feelings about the incident are valid but abstract. The kid’s smile defines the moment, and that’s not logical. The defining moment should have revolved around painful conflict.
Well. What can we conclude? Number one. Be careful who you insult. Number two. Life is complex and rarely predictable. Number three. Real life can be difficult to write about and readers will not necessarily relate to an incident in the same way as the author. Number four. It’s fun to explore these topics.
Thinking Like a Kid
The weather was hot yesterday, and I was rooting through boxes in the attic to locate a pair of binoculars. As I sorted my junk, several trinkets reminded me of days gone past.
I filled one small box with achievement ribbons, and there was a blue one for the science fair experiment. I won first place. Then there was an enormous pile of old homework I should have tossed years ago. Yeah, I still did not throw it out. I am such a packrat…
This trip down memory lane reminded me of what it was like as a kid. I had so much hope, yet I knew nothing about life. I solved all my problems with passion and not logic. Yet I sure thought I knew everything. In fact, I was positive I knew everything.
As I sweated and cursed to myself for not being able to find the binoculars, I began thinking about how much I had grown since writing that homework. Then I saw an old school picture that reminded me of my kindergarten playground.
That environment was rough, fun, confusing, and an enormous learning experience. For example, playing with big bouncy balls taught coordination. Kids solved issues by yelling or fighting. Girls were hard to talk to, no matter what I did.
Yet there were many BIG questions. Why was the adult in charge of the playground so strict? Why were the older kids so mean? Why can’t the younger kids stop following me around? Why does that bully keep taking my lunch money? Why did I get in trouble when the other kid did not? Why do we only get 30 minutes on the playground?
I stopped momentarily to wipe away the sweat and thought, “Well, at least I am an adult now.” Meaning that I know these answers. Right? Adults no longer have playgrounds. We have BATTLEGROUNDS! Tanks, planes, guns, The United Nations, laws, judges, lawyers, talk shows, the internet, banks, and Amazon! We can do anything, and it will always be correct. Why? Because we are adults! And if you dislike it, you will go to your room without supper!
Yet, there is the Ukraine war. Why did it start? Why has it not stopped? What is the difference between now and my playground? Clearly, adults have sage wisdom and solve problems diplomatically.
Well, hold on. Not ALL adults have sage wisdom. Just like kids, we make mistakes too. But we would never think like a bunch of school kids arguing over whose turn it is on the swing. Right?
Now, I had stopped rooting through all my junk and tried to prove that I was indeed better than the younger me. My old homework certainly proved that I was an adult. 2+2=4 I know that now. Check! Yes, I am indeed an adult.
Then I took a moment to invent a circumstance to prove I (and others) was an adult. A man makes a terrible choice resulting in a stolen car. He gets caught and faces trial. There, his lawyer argues against the prosecutor while being mediated by an impartial judge, and a jury decides his punishment. A straightforward and logical process. This is how adults do it, not like a screaming match over a swing.
Yet… Not all trials are just, and the result never satisfies all parties. Take the person who got their car stolen. Does the jury make the car thief drive the victim around until they return their vehicle? No. How is that just or fair?
Want more proof? If the jury declares the defendant guilty, does the judge force the thief to apologize? No. Yet, the kindergarten yard monitor always forced kids to apologize even when they had done nothing wrong.
What does that mean? It means society is not as advanced as we think it is. And the tragic Ukraine war provides the proof. Here is a full summary of the situation. One kid wanted to play on the swing while another was on it. Then, a fight broke out.
Where is the yard monitor to break up the fight? Why don’t lawyers, judges, prosecutors, the police, talk shows hosts, insurance companies, YouTube influencers (I hate that word), banks, and Amazon step in to break up the fight? Not their job? Ha! That’s a cop-out answer. All the people in charge are adults. (Except YouTube influencers. We universally agree they are bratty kids.) It is an adult’s job to act mature and do adult stuff. Yet…
I did not find my binoculars and left the attic loaded with sweat and dust. I felt awful because my homework reminded me that while part of me had developed into an adult, I had a long way to go.
So, I took a shower and then looked in the mirror. “Those grey hairs do not prove maturity.” Yet, sometimes it is fun to think like a kid. Go to the beach and swim in the waves without a care.
As a parent, I do not want to think like a kid. I have responsibilities, and they require solid decisions. Yet, I cannot avoid immaturity. I do not know why I cannot switch off the adolescent part of my mind, and the worst part is that I cannot even tell when it is occurring.
What can I do? Like any dilemma, I can only do my best and try to learn from my mistakes. The problem is that I find myself on that same kindergarten playground when push comes to shove.
You’re the best -Bill
August 02, 2023
I filled one small box with achievement ribbons, and there was a blue one for the science fair experiment. I won first place. Then there was an enormous pile of old homework I should have tossed years ago. Yeah, I still did not throw it out. I am such a packrat…
This trip down memory lane reminded me of what it was like as a kid. I had so much hope, yet I knew nothing about life. I solved all my problems with passion and not logic. Yet I sure thought I knew everything. In fact, I was positive I knew everything.
As I sweated and cursed to myself for not being able to find the binoculars, I began thinking about how much I had grown since writing that homework. Then I saw an old school picture that reminded me of my kindergarten playground.
That environment was rough, fun, confusing, and an enormous learning experience. For example, playing with big bouncy balls taught coordination. Kids solved issues by yelling or fighting. Girls were hard to talk to, no matter what I did.
Yet there were many BIG questions. Why was the adult in charge of the playground so strict? Why were the older kids so mean? Why can’t the younger kids stop following me around? Why does that bully keep taking my lunch money? Why did I get in trouble when the other kid did not? Why do we only get 30 minutes on the playground?
I stopped momentarily to wipe away the sweat and thought, “Well, at least I am an adult now.” Meaning that I know these answers. Right? Adults no longer have playgrounds. We have BATTLEGROUNDS! Tanks, planes, guns, The United Nations, laws, judges, lawyers, talk shows, the internet, banks, and Amazon! We can do anything, and it will always be correct. Why? Because we are adults! And if you dislike it, you will go to your room without supper!
Yet, there is the Ukraine war. Why did it start? Why has it not stopped? What is the difference between now and my playground? Clearly, adults have sage wisdom and solve problems diplomatically.
Well, hold on. Not ALL adults have sage wisdom. Just like kids, we make mistakes too. But we would never think like a bunch of school kids arguing over whose turn it is on the swing. Right?
Now, I had stopped rooting through all my junk and tried to prove that I was indeed better than the younger me. My old homework certainly proved that I was an adult. 2+2=4 I know that now. Check! Yes, I am indeed an adult.
Then I took a moment to invent a circumstance to prove I (and others) was an adult. A man makes a terrible choice resulting in a stolen car. He gets caught and faces trial. There, his lawyer argues against the prosecutor while being mediated by an impartial judge, and a jury decides his punishment. A straightforward and logical process. This is how adults do it, not like a screaming match over a swing.
Yet… Not all trials are just, and the result never satisfies all parties. Take the person who got their car stolen. Does the jury make the car thief drive the victim around until they return their vehicle? No. How is that just or fair?
Want more proof? If the jury declares the defendant guilty, does the judge force the thief to apologize? No. Yet, the kindergarten yard monitor always forced kids to apologize even when they had done nothing wrong.
What does that mean? It means society is not as advanced as we think it is. And the tragic Ukraine war provides the proof. Here is a full summary of the situation. One kid wanted to play on the swing while another was on it. Then, a fight broke out.
Where is the yard monitor to break up the fight? Why don’t lawyers, judges, prosecutors, the police, talk shows hosts, insurance companies, YouTube influencers (I hate that word), banks, and Amazon step in to break up the fight? Not their job? Ha! That’s a cop-out answer. All the people in charge are adults. (Except YouTube influencers. We universally agree they are bratty kids.) It is an adult’s job to act mature and do adult stuff. Yet…
I did not find my binoculars and left the attic loaded with sweat and dust. I felt awful because my homework reminded me that while part of me had developed into an adult, I had a long way to go.
So, I took a shower and then looked in the mirror. “Those grey hairs do not prove maturity.” Yet, sometimes it is fun to think like a kid. Go to the beach and swim in the waves without a care.
As a parent, I do not want to think like a kid. I have responsibilities, and they require solid decisions. Yet, I cannot avoid immaturity. I do not know why I cannot switch off the adolescent part of my mind, and the worst part is that I cannot even tell when it is occurring.
What can I do? Like any dilemma, I can only do my best and try to learn from my mistakes. The problem is that I find myself on that same kindergarten playground when push comes to shove.
You’re the best -Bill
August 02, 2023
I’m Responsible for Everything
In my junior year of college, I was struggling. It was because I had poor teachers, no girlfriend, unfocused studying, and complex subjects. I nearly dropped out of college but wanted to try one more year.
That was the summer of 1990, and a commercial for the book Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard blasted the airwaves. It promised to answer all of life’s questions, and I picked up a copy. The book was confusing, contradicting and did not help my situation, but there were life-enhancing tidbits. The author included contact information for local Scientology offices.
I set up an appointment since my life was spiraling into the drain. They directed me to a chiropractor’s office (he allowed them to use the building at night), and the people explained all about Scientology and how it could help.
I signed up for one introductory course, which included lessons, exercises, group activities, and one-on-one conversations to explain their philosophy. The course had badly Xeroxed pages with well-used reference books and passionately dedicated people.
I got a lot out of these sessions and obtained a new focus on life. The following school year, I hit the books hard. My grades turned around, and I felt much better about life. Continuing my self-improvement journey was natural, and I contacted them for more courses.
They no longer borrowed a chiropractor’s office; the new location was in an elegant downtown office building. They had replaced the badly Xeroxed pages, well-used books, and friendly people with slick workbooks, many new books, high prices, creepy people, and a distrusting atmosphere. I signed up for one expensive course and stopped after four sessions. Did they call me and ask why? No, they got their money.
Would I recommend Scientology to address your problems? If you could travel back to 1990 and have the same experience as I did, yes. Today, I would not recommend going near the organization because it has twisted into a monster about money, power, control, and mental dominance. Stay away! Yet, I think there is room for a rebirth. Take the good parts, add great people, and leave the monster behind. We could call it Hubbard’s witnesses:)
It is now 2023, which provides some perspective. How much of this knowledge do I use/practice in my present life? That is tough to answer. My 1990 life lacked focus, and the course was just what I needed. The combination helped build my mental foundation, and like my house’s foundation, I think little about it.
Yet, I have recently considered one of their lessons, “I am responsible for everything.” The intent was for the student to visualize taking on their lives. If you see a problem, fix it! What about world hunger? If it is important enough for you to be aware of the topic, contribute to the solution. What about the other million things wrong in this world? Please make a list and start working on it. The point was not to give up, but I never comprehended their approach because it was too big. How can I be responsible for everything?
Well, I want to take another whack at it. The lesson intends to identify all problems and cause you to do something about them. Directly take on the challenge and stop being on the sideline. That is undoubtedly good advice, but the problem is the execution. World hunger? The Ukraine War? All the upcoming movies look awful?
Even if I focused 100% of my entire life on one of those big issues, I would only make a minuscule difference. Such an approach would set me up for failure because I could never live up to my responsibilities. Yet, I now understand this was not the point. The point is to take on personal responsibility by identifying what is an essential responsibility.
World hunger may be at the bottom of the list, but there is something minor I can accomplish. At the supermarket, they have food for kid’s programs. Every time I shop, I could put in a dollar. Fix what I can fix. To do so, I need confidence so I will not back down. Is that good? Improving one’s life is always good.
That was the point, but they could have done better with that lesson. Form a list of responsibilities and a plan for each. Yet, being responsible for everything is a smack in the face. It is too difficult. The Bible, science, philosophy, and laws have similar confusing areas. They apply flat concepts that sound simple yet are deeply complex. Religious scholars, scientists, philosophers, and lawyers spend their entire lives trying to understand the true meaning of these powerful principles. With wisdom, one will appreciate that the journey is more important than the destination.
In 1990, I did not think I appreciated the concept of enormous responsibility because I did not have life experiences. Raising a child was indeed a new level of responsibility. I now think this concept is getting onto the lifetime path of being a more caring person. In retrospect, I have been on the responsibility journey all along. These milestones include graduating college, getting a job, living independently, having my family, and passing life lessons to my daughter. Plus, there is writing. I must take care of my characters and readers. Yet, I have the endless freedom to invent a new race or language. I could even travel back in time to fix a mistake. That’s kind of cool, but a lot of responsibility.
You’re the best -Bill
December 27, 2023
That was the summer of 1990, and a commercial for the book Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard blasted the airwaves. It promised to answer all of life’s questions, and I picked up a copy. The book was confusing, contradicting and did not help my situation, but there were life-enhancing tidbits. The author included contact information for local Scientology offices.
I set up an appointment since my life was spiraling into the drain. They directed me to a chiropractor’s office (he allowed them to use the building at night), and the people explained all about Scientology and how it could help.
I signed up for one introductory course, which included lessons, exercises, group activities, and one-on-one conversations to explain their philosophy. The course had badly Xeroxed pages with well-used reference books and passionately dedicated people.
I got a lot out of these sessions and obtained a new focus on life. The following school year, I hit the books hard. My grades turned around, and I felt much better about life. Continuing my self-improvement journey was natural, and I contacted them for more courses.
They no longer borrowed a chiropractor’s office; the new location was in an elegant downtown office building. They had replaced the badly Xeroxed pages, well-used books, and friendly people with slick workbooks, many new books, high prices, creepy people, and a distrusting atmosphere. I signed up for one expensive course and stopped after four sessions. Did they call me and ask why? No, they got their money.
Would I recommend Scientology to address your problems? If you could travel back to 1990 and have the same experience as I did, yes. Today, I would not recommend going near the organization because it has twisted into a monster about money, power, control, and mental dominance. Stay away! Yet, I think there is room for a rebirth. Take the good parts, add great people, and leave the monster behind. We could call it Hubbard’s witnesses:)
It is now 2023, which provides some perspective. How much of this knowledge do I use/practice in my present life? That is tough to answer. My 1990 life lacked focus, and the course was just what I needed. The combination helped build my mental foundation, and like my house’s foundation, I think little about it.
Yet, I have recently considered one of their lessons, “I am responsible for everything.” The intent was for the student to visualize taking on their lives. If you see a problem, fix it! What about world hunger? If it is important enough for you to be aware of the topic, contribute to the solution. What about the other million things wrong in this world? Please make a list and start working on it. The point was not to give up, but I never comprehended their approach because it was too big. How can I be responsible for everything?
Well, I want to take another whack at it. The lesson intends to identify all problems and cause you to do something about them. Directly take on the challenge and stop being on the sideline. That is undoubtedly good advice, but the problem is the execution. World hunger? The Ukraine War? All the upcoming movies look awful?
Even if I focused 100% of my entire life on one of those big issues, I would only make a minuscule difference. Such an approach would set me up for failure because I could never live up to my responsibilities. Yet, I now understand this was not the point. The point is to take on personal responsibility by identifying what is an essential responsibility.
World hunger may be at the bottom of the list, but there is something minor I can accomplish. At the supermarket, they have food for kid’s programs. Every time I shop, I could put in a dollar. Fix what I can fix. To do so, I need confidence so I will not back down. Is that good? Improving one’s life is always good.
That was the point, but they could have done better with that lesson. Form a list of responsibilities and a plan for each. Yet, being responsible for everything is a smack in the face. It is too difficult. The Bible, science, philosophy, and laws have similar confusing areas. They apply flat concepts that sound simple yet are deeply complex. Religious scholars, scientists, philosophers, and lawyers spend their entire lives trying to understand the true meaning of these powerful principles. With wisdom, one will appreciate that the journey is more important than the destination.
In 1990, I did not think I appreciated the concept of enormous responsibility because I did not have life experiences. Raising a child was indeed a new level of responsibility. I now think this concept is getting onto the lifetime path of being a more caring person. In retrospect, I have been on the responsibility journey all along. These milestones include graduating college, getting a job, living independently, having my family, and passing life lessons to my daughter. Plus, there is writing. I must take care of my characters and readers. Yet, I have the endless freedom to invent a new race or language. I could even travel back in time to fix a mistake. That’s kind of cool, but a lot of responsibility.
You’re the best -Bill
December 27, 2023
