Hugh Houston's Blog

This blog was borrowed with permission from Be Broken

If you are human, you face temptation. Every day. Multiple times a day.

But just because you are tempted doesn’t mean you have to give in to temptation. You are made in God’s image and therefore your life is meant to reflect Him in all of His goodness and righteousness. And through faith in Him, you can do just that.

The following are 13 Bible verses* to help you resist temptation and live in the freedom and victory God offers you through Jesus Christ. In Him, you don’t have to say yes to temptation ever again. Praise God!

1. There is a way out! 1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. ​ There is no such thing as a “unique” temptation. Also, there is no temptation for which God cannot provide a way out. So, when tempted guard against thinking that you are being tempted so uniquely that even God can’t get you out of it. Look for His promised way of escape. Then take it!

2. Jesus knows how you feel.

Hebrew 2:18 For because he himself has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted. Hebrews 4:15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Even though Jesus never sinned, He did know what the weight of temptation felt like; he was “tempted as we are” and “suffered when tempted.” ​ The next time you feel the burden of any temptation, remember that Jesus knows what that temptation feels like and how to carry its weight — and He is standing ready to help you in that moment. Share your burden with Him.

3. Submit to resist. James 4:7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Satan is called the accuser and he uses temptation as a way of bringing accusations against you to try and convince you your life isn’t worth loving. Every time you give in to temptation he “tattles” to God about you and tries to rub your nose in your failure. But Satan is no match for God; his authority is subservient to God’s. Therefore, if you want to win the fight with Satan you must submit to God first. Then, from such a position of humble allegiance, you can tell the enemy to get lost — and have the full backing of God when doing so!

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4. Pray for deliverance. Matthew 6:13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Jesus taught his disciples to pray for deliverance from evil. I think it’s safe to say, then, that this would be a good thing to pray. Daily. (Probably even multiple times a day…)

5. Don’t blame God! James 1:13 Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. ​ Some temptations can be so incredibly strong. It can seem as if there is no possible way to resist. In such moments it can be easy to “blame” God for these temptations, almost as if to say, “God, whatever happens next I can’t help because you don’t seem to be around right now. So, I guess this is on you.” But God cannot tempt anyone to do evil. This is antithetical to His holy character. We must own our temptations and cry out to God for help in our weakness. He is faithful to help us when we humble ourselves before Him.

6. Stand firm (together) in your faith.

1 Peter 5:9 Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. The devil is said to “prowl around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” That’s what temptation is trying to accomplish: your destruction. But you are called by God to resist him by standing firm in your faith and remembering that you are not alone in this fight. Calling to mind (or on your phone!) your brothers and sisters in Christ around the world is a great and powerful encouragement in your battle to resist the temptations of the roaring lion who is trying to devour you. Just like in the wild, if you stay in the herd you are much safer against the lion’s attack.

7. Walk by the Spirit Galatians 5:16 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. Do you want a guarantee of victory over temptation? This verse gives it to you. To “walk by the Spirit” is mutually exclusive from “gratifying the desires of the flesh.” Therefore, when temptation strikes, call out to the Spirit of God who dwells within you and follow wherever He leads you.

8. Carry God’s Word in your heart. Psalm 119:11 I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you. Memorizing Scripture is good, but chewing on it until it becomes part of your heart and soul is even better. Notice in this verse the direct link between carrying God’s Word in the deepest part of your being (heart) and how that affects whether you will give in to temptation. When your heart beats to the rhythm of God’s Word, you will resist temptation.

9. Put on the armor!

Ephesians 6:10-11 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. Resisting temptation is a battle; a war! You would never dream of going into physical battle without the right equipment. Fighting temptation is no different. Gear up with the full armor of God:

Belt of truth (v. 14)Breastplate of righteousness (v. 14)Shoes fit to bring peace (v. 15)Shield of faith (v. 16)Helmet of salvation (v. 17)Sword of the Spirit (v. 17)

Along with all this armor, you must “pray in the Spirit.” Be battle-ready against all the wily schemes of the enemy.

10. Make a covenant. Job 31:1 (NIV) I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman. A covenant is a serious commitment that carries specific consequences if broken. In your battle against temptation, get serious about your areas of weakness and consider making a covenant like Job did. He wasn’t flippant about what he would allow himself to look at with his eyes. He took his gaze seriously. What aspects of your heart, mind, and body might you need to make a covenant in order to resist temptation more successfully?

11. Love (and obey) Jesus. John 14:15 If you love me, you will keep my commandments. -Jesus The most powerful force against temptation is not willpower, it is love. When you understand the depths of God’s love for you through Jesus, your love for Him will grow. And the evidence of your increasing love for him will come through greater obedience to His commands. The barometer of our love for Jesus is our obedience to His commands. And His commands are not burdensome. His commands lead us away from sin and toward righteousness. His commands are good and help us resist temptation. Trust and obey… 12. Use Your Sword. (God’s Word!) Matthew 4:3-4 And the tempter came and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread.” But he answered, “It is written, “‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’” Jesus faced every kind of temptation you and I face. He was also directly attacked by Satan in an attempt to get him to stumble and fall into sin. In every temptation that Satan brought, Jesus fought back with Scripture. God’s Word is a sword (see 9 above). Therefore, use it as the weapon it is. Fight the enemy’s temptations with the one weapon he cannot overcome. Respond like Jesus, “It is written…” In order to do this kind of battle and succeed you must know the Word of God. Therefore, spend time every day filling your mind and heart with the Word of God so that when temptations come, you are equipped to fight them off successfully.

13. Ask for help! Hebrews 4:16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. By God’s grace we have access to all the help we need for resisting temptation — if only we will ask! When you are tempted, don’t waste time trying to “figure it out” or do it on your own. Instead, “draw near” as fast as you can to the Lord, eager to receive mercy and grace as you battle temptation. These are just a handful of verses to help you resist temptation. Dive into God’s Word every day so that you might know Him more and learn to walk in His ways. Over time, your faith will grow and you will experience more and more victory over temptation. ​ Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen. -Jude 1:24-25

Lies I told myself kept me trapped on the compulsive hamster wheel of porn addiction for years. One of those lies was that I convinced myself that my secret sin was innocuous, I wasn’t hurting anyone. Mine was a victimless “crime” so to speak.  What I did was done in private.  After all, I was only looking. 

What I failed to face up to was how the time I spent seeking the rush of lust was time taken away from my wife, my family and my relationship with God. The aenergy I devoted to staying up late to see something which might bring me some excitement was energy lost to all of the things which mattered most in my life.

I’ll never forget one of the things my wife said to me when after thirty years of marriage I told her about my secret addiction to pornography.  She had no idea that I led this double life, but she knew something was wrong.  She said I had become a very unhappy person.  She said I was not fun to be with.  She knew something was wrong but could not put her finger on it. 

I made myself believe that my private sin did not touch my family yet in reality it was like a radioactive substance contaminating everything I touched.  Why?  Because it changed me!  It made me a different person and certainly not a better person. 

Facing up to this fact is sad but true. Porn was taking its toll on me which meant that porn was taking its toll on my marriage and my family. Not to mention what lust was doing to my relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ.

I never wanted to confess my sin to my wife because I knew she would be devastated to learn that I was looking at and lusting over other women behind her back.  How could I at the same time make myself believe the lie that “what she doesn’t know” won’t hurt her.

Only the truth can set us free.  And the truth is that while I claimed to be a man of God and claimed to love my wife and my children, a part of me could not let go of the love of self and seeking a thrill for my own personal pleasure.

James 1:8 says “Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.”       And that was me!  I was living a double-life. In my heart I said my desire was to love the Lord and love all people, yet I continually gave in to the compulsive urge to view something provocative.

I don’t like pain.  Yet pain was a blessing sent from God.  It wasn’t love for God or love for my wife and children which drove me to finally seek help.  It was the pain I felt from being enslaved to the devil and my own selfish desires. They were eating me up from the inside out.  Impure thoughts were overrunning my mind and tortured me throughout the day.  I thank God that my conscience never died, but that it accused me and tormented me until finally one day I knew that I just had to find help or what was already terrible could only get infinitely worse.

If you have been running from the truth allow it to offer you freedom today.  Admit that your life is out of control.  Admit that you are not the person you want to be. Admit that your family deserves better and that your Heavenly Father deserves so much better. Run from your sin into the arms of the only One who can save you.

Change is not easy.  Believe me, I know.  But change IS possible.  Change takes time. After all I had spent decades repeating the same mistakes, day after day and those habits did not die easily.  But with God’s help and brothers in Christ pointing me in the right direction, I began to do what the Bible had told me to do all along.  I began to take every thought captive.  I set down firm boundaries, running away from every hint of impurity and running to my Savior.

Thank God for God!  And thank you Jesus for never giving up on me and for offering me a new life, a life worth living, a life with no regrets.  Of course I still make mistakes.  Just this week my wife told me I need to focus more on the positive things in life and serve the Lord and others with joy in my heart.

I’m so deeply grateful not to be chained to lust like I was in the past.  Confessing my sin was hard but finding freedom and a new relationship with my wife has been amazing, a true gift from above.

May you and I walk in the light today so that slowly we can become the kind of people God wants us to be and the kind of people we want to be.

Would you like to learn more about unmasking lies and walking in the light?  I invite you to take a look at my book:  Jesus Is Better Than Porn

The following article was written by Chris Harper and appeared on betterman.com on January 1, 2024.

My son was exposed to pornography last week. He is ten years old. It happened on a BetterMan trip to Nashville, Tennessee. One evening, Malachi (my son) and I were invited to a dinner where I shared about the state of manhood and how BetterMan is helping men win. I was encouraged as leaders from Vandy, Belmont, Crew, and other schools and ministries weighed in.

A lot of talk was around the effects of pornography—the pervasive use among young men—the soul-crushing impact porn has on one’s life. Nearly everyone at the table had a porn story. 

[Side note: recently, the University of Toronto commissioned a study to see the effects of pornography use on the male brain. The study never got off the ground. Why? Because they needed a baseline of 20 students who had never watched/used porn. They couldn’t find 20 students]

My ten-year-old heard the whole conversation. As we were pulling out of the drive, Malachi looked at me and asked, “Dad, what is porn?” As much as his ten-year-old mind and heart could handle, I explained to him what porn is. He responded, “That’s awful…” 

Yes, it’s awful. Absolutely horrendous. 

As we drove off, a feeling of thankfulness rushed over me. I recalled when I was introduced to porn. I was ten years old, and a friend wanted me to come over and see something “really cool…” I still carry the scars today. 

Which is why I am thankful. When I was introduced to porn, it was a celebration, “Check this out…” When my son was introduced to porn, it was through devastation, “Turn and run…” He heard story after story about the devastating effects of porn.  

My first taste was sweet. His first taste was bitter. I am glad he was on the trip with me. And I hope he never loses that taste.

Here is my hope for you this New Year: the taste of sin in your life is so bitter you can’t help but spit it out. The sin you’re about to commit is so repulsive you can’t swallow. The sin crouching at your door is so disgusting you wouldn’t dare go near. 

I pray you come to despise the taste of disobedience and sin. 

How do you do that? By feasting on something far better. Far more delightful.

Years ago, I had a swingin’ tomahawk at Smith & Wollensky’s in Boston. To this day, it is the best steak I’ve ever had. Nothing else compares. 

I believe it was Tim Keller who said, “We are exposed to so much brokenness that we must constantly expose our hearts and minds to beauty to heal them…” Keller might have been playing off Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, who wrote, “A man should hear a little music, read a little poetry, and see a fine picture every day of his life, in order that worldly cares may not obliterate the sense of the beautiful which God has implanted in the human soul.”

Both men articulate something we repeatedly see in Scripture: the power of beauty. The truth that beauty feeds the soul, and beauty heals the soul.

Brothers, whenever you read something beautiful, see something spectacular, or experience something delightful (like the tomahawk at Wollenskys), you preach a message to your soul. A message that good trumps evil. A message that the light swallows the darkness. A message that King Jesus is making all things new. 

Sin’s power is that it obliterates our sense of the beautiful. The power of beauty is that it crushes our desire to sin. When we see, and taste, and experience the tomahawk, nothing else will do. 

My prayer this year? That we experience the beautiful. We read about Jesus. We see Jesus. And we experience our Savior in new ways this year. 

May sin be bitter. And Jesus be sweet. 

Here’s to seeing the beauty in 2024. 

God, Give Me A Deep Humility, A Well-Guided Zeal, A Burning Love, and A Single Eye. — George Whitefield.

Timothy Keller mentions this quote in his book: PRAYER: EXPERIENCING AWE AND INTIMACY WITH GOD.

In this blog I will copy what Keller writes as he reflects on this quote and the four requests Whitefield makes in his prayer to our Father. I include it here in part so that I can go back and read it from time to time. I pray that you and I will use these ideas as we seek to please our Lord.

“Deep humility. Examination: Have I looked down on anyone? Have I been too stung by criticism? Have I felt snubbed and ignored? Consider the free grace of Jesus until I sense decreasing disdain, since I am a sinner too, and decreasing pain over criticism, since I should not value human approval over God’s love. In light of his grace, I can let go of the need to keep up a good image—it is too great a burden and is now unnecessary. I reflect on free grace until I experience grateful, restful joy. 

A well-guided zeal. Examination: Have I avoided people or tasks that I know I should face? Have I been anxious and worried? Have I failed to be circumspect, or have I been rash and impulsive? Consider the free grace of Jesus until there is no cowardly avoidance of hard things, since Jesus faced evil for me, and no anxious or rash behavior, since Jesus’ death proves that God cares and will watch over me. It takes pride to be anxious, and I recognize I am not wise enough to know how my life should go. I reflect on free grace until I experience calm thoughtfulness and strategic boldness. 

A burning love. Examination: Have I spoken or thought unkindly of anyone? Am I justifying myself by caricaturing someone else in my mind? Have I been impatient and irritable? Have I been self-absorbed, indifferent, and inattentive to people? Consider the free grace of Jesus until there is no coldness or unkindness, as I think of the sacrificial love of Christ for me, no impatience, as I think of his patience with me, and no indifference, as I think of how God is infinitely attentive to me. I reflect on free grace until I feel some warmth and affection. 

A single eye. Examination: Am I doing what I do for God’s glory and the good of others, or am I being driven by fears, need for approval, love of comfort and ease, need for control, hunger for acclaim and power, or the fear of other people? (Luke 12:4–5). Am I looking at anyone with envy? Am I giving in to even the first motions of sexual lust or gluttony? Am I spending my time on urgent things rather than important things because of these inordinate desires? Consider how the free grace of Jesus provides me with what I am looking for in these other things.”

The intent of this article is not to justify lying, rather it is an explaination of why addicts use lies so much and so often. Obviously to live a life worth living you and I need to learn to practice rigorous honesty.

(author: A. Michael Johnson, Ph.D. PLLCJ)
04/15/2004

Addicts lie. They lie to maintain their double lives. Maybe some addicts learn to lie just to support their addiction, but usually not. Lying usually begins much earlier. Children learn to lie if their parents and other caregivers are too fragile to handle the truth. They learn the skill of lying to manage the emotions and behavior of their caregivers. They learn to lie to protect themselves from punishment, shame, anger, judgment, and rejection. Those things are toxic caregiver junk. The learning doesn’t happen all at once.

Children start out speaking the truth. It’s the obvious, easy thing to do. If the caregiver loves and accepts the child as the child speaks the truth, regardless of the content of the truth, the child keeps speaking the truth. But if the child gets junk from an adult after speaking the truth, the child begins to lie. Each time a child gets junk after she or he tells the truth, a little bit of learning happens. An alarm begins to develop. The alarm says, “Warning, Warning, Warning -You will get junk for speaking the truth -Warning, Warning, Warning – Protect yourself”. After a while, that response becomes quite automatic. It bypasses the part of the brain that could assess the reality of the situation. The decision to lie becomes automatic. A Lie-O-Matic is installed in the child’s brain.

Why don’t kids just take the toxic shaming caregiver junk? Children and other humans require continuous proof that they will survive right now. For children, the language of that proof is love, acceptance, attention, and evidence that their caregivers know what they are doing. When children get that proof, they feel safe and they tell the truth. But, when they do not get that proof, they feel a bone deep, primal fear that utter annihilation is at hand. Like any other animal, they do what is possible to feel safer. One thing to do to feel safer is to lie. Survival is the fundamental thing – more important than the truth.

There is a danger detector in the Lie-O-Matic. The detector sets off the alarm when the fear of annihilation occurs. The Lie-O-Matic sets its level based on experience. It optimizes protection. Suppose a kid gets junk when she tells the truth about cleaning her room but does not get junk When she tells the truth about doing her homework. The alarm will go off around room cleaning but will not go off around homework. If a kid gets toxic junk when he tells the truth about his feelings, he will come to lie about his feelings. If a kid gets junk for talking about her perceptions, she will come to lie about her perceptions. If the kid has been really, really, scared, more lying will happen. If a kid has been less scared, less lying will happen. The Lie-O-Matic is a clever, sensitive, flexible device.

Like all good alarms, the Lie-O-Matic alarm bypasses unnecessary steps. It operates largely outside of awareness. The alarm triggers the unconsidered decision to lie. The Lie-O-Matic does not prevent the person from being aware that she or he is lying. In fact, the Lie-O-Matic instructs the person to lie. But the content of the lie requires that the person tune into the facts of the situation and use their imagination. That is certainly a conscious process. The Lie-O-Matic does prevent the person from thinking about why he or she is lying. The decision to lie is automatic.

When the Lie-O-Matic is first installed and adjusted it is a subjective truth that the kid will be annihilated by too much caregiver junk. When you are a kid, you think like a kid, feel like a kid, act like a kid, and lie like a kid. As an adult, when the Lie-O-Matic alarm goes off, you again feel like a kid and, so feeling like a kid and with the decision already made, you again lie like a kid. Lying to avoid toxic junk was a good and safe short cut when you were a kid. But now you can use your mature mind and resources to keep you safe. You can no longer be annihilated by what is now phantom caregiver toxic junk. Now the Lie-O-Matic is a problem and a part of the psychological system that supports your addiction. The Lie-O-Matic and its Lie Ability is truly a liability.

Fortunately, the Lie-O-Matic system includes two signals that are detectable and that can be used in a scheme to recover conscious control of the alarm. The first of these signals is the experience of fear. However, faint, the fear that triggers the Lie-O-Matic can be detected by the healthy and mature part of your brain. This part of your brain may need practice learning to detect this signal, but with effort and help, that can be done. The second signal that can be detected is the activation of the fabrication system. The fabrication system constructs the particular lie before it is uttered. It invents new lies, searches the archives for old lies that have worked, or old truths that can be used as lies. It assesses the plausibility and discoverability of lies, and keeps a record, however imperfect, of lies told. One of the delightful aspects of the fabrication system is that it takes time to decide what to do. Lying takes more time than does telling the truth. It is a fairly simple thing to develop a mindful oversight of the fabrication system so that rational, fact-based, mature decisions can replace those mandated by the Lie-O-Matic.

With these two sets of signals in mind, one can make more rational and mature decisions about lying. Often, there are more healing and effective ways to soothe the frightened child within us. Often we can see the harm we do others and ourselves when we choose to lie. Often we can predict the shame we will feel by lying and avoid that shame. Often, we can stay in the truth.

Understanding how you came to be a liar is important because it helps to strengthen your compassion for yourself. You did not learn to lie because you were a bad person. You learned to lie because you were a frightened child protecting himself. That understanding is not a justification for continuing to lie. The understanding helps to remove obstacles to living in the truth. And living in the truth is a central thread in the fabric of recovery.

Any and every step a person can take to turn their back on habitual sin and seek holiness is certainly a good thing.  For the person who has been masturbating and looking at porn every day to spend 2 days, 2 weeks or 2 months without indulging in these harmful practices is a blessing.

Yet as a man who tried counting days for a few decades, I suggest that in the end this method is flawed.  I vowed to try harder next time.  I told God and myself that I would never go back and look at porn again.  I managed to have many good streaks along the way.  Yet failure always loomed around the corner.  At some point, it always felt like this sin had an irresistible pull on my heart.

It’s been 18 years now since I began my recovery.  I’ve talked with hundreds of guys who install apps on their phones and count their days of being porn free.  But what I notice is that most of them seem to think that the longer they go, the harder it gets.  They believe that there is a pressure cooker boiling inside of them and they will inevitably explode at some point.  I believe this kind of thinking is totally off base.

For one thing your primary sex organ is not located between your legs.  You will find it between your ears.  Everything you and I do and say begins in our thoughts.  Therefore the more we learn to control our thoughts by ruthlessly eliminating any and every impure thought before it can even come close to lodging in our brains, the closer we are to freedom.  The more we do as Paul said and fill our minds with that which is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, of good repute, excellent and worthy of praise, the closer we are to living a life that pleases God, a life worth living.

When we feed our minds with that which is holy and godly, each day this task gets easier, so much so that Jesus could say that his yoke is easy.  What’s hard is to fill our minds with trash and filth, and then attempt to walk in purity.  That really is impossible.  If counting days means “white knuckling it” and resisting porn and masturbation on the outside while allowing lusty thoughts to inhabit our brains, then of course it will never work.

I remember reading a book about how to quit smoking.  I was surprised when the author was totally against slowly cutting back on how many cigarettes a person smokes per day.  He said that when a person cuts back, the result is that each cigarette becomes that much more important.  They look forward to it so much that it becomes even harder to break the habit.  His strategy was to see all the evils and consequences of smoking, as well as all the benefits of living without smoking, in order to finally kick the habit for good.

From my experience the best strategy for defeating any sin, especially habitual sin, is to give each minute, hour and day to Jesus.  Focus on pleasing him right now.  Memorize Bible verses that help you see what to do and what to avoid. Allow those words to marinate in your mind.  Practice intentional living.  Do the next right thing. When you make TODAY a day worth living, a day lived with Jesus, then you will never have to worry about tomorrow.  You won’t need to count the days you no longer do something you don’t want to do, because you are too busy living for Jesus today.

Of course we will face hard days and difficult days.  And yes, triggers are everywhere.  But when we have a strategy of how to deal with these situations, how to turn our problems over to the Lord, how to ask a friend for help, etc, we will find healthy, godly solutions for each situation as it arises.  God will give us strength for today.  We can leave tomorrow in his hands.

Perhaps counting days can serve a purpose to help a person wake up and see that a new life is possible.  But over the long haul, living a life worth living is more about making today count and focusing on using this moment for good.

When you and I simply do what Jesus said and love God more than any and everything and love our neighbor as ourselves, we will see that today is a marvelous present the Lord has given us. A day to be used to bless others and to give glory to the One who made us and gives us life.

Would you like to learn more about stepping out of the darkness and into the light?  Take a look at my book:  Jesus Is Better Than Porn

In the post game interview after his number one seeded Milwaukee Bucks had just been knocked out of the NBA playoffs by the eighth-seeded Miami Heat reporter Eric Nehm asked Giannis Antetokounmpo this question:

“Do you view this season as a failure?”

Among other things Giannis replied: “So every year you work is a failure — yes or no? You work towards a goal. It’s not a failure. It’s steps to success.”

For over thirty years of my life I told myself I wanted to break free from the habitual sin of lust and porn.  Yet I was a failure.  I say that because I kept going back and repeating the same mistakes week after week, year after year.  “Try harder next time” without changing strategy, doomed me to failure.

When I finally began to seek help and make serious changes in my life I could see a real difference.  Yes, I still messed up.  But as I journaled about what happened, I was able to see and identify where I was getting off track and what I needed to change in order to avoid repeating those same mistakes next time.

It’s not easy for a child to learn to ride a bicycle, but with time and practice, the child can learn to ride a bike without even thinking about keeping his balance.  Like a kid learning to ride a bike, I fell down many times.  But I would just dust off my pants and get back on my bike and start pedaling again.  At the time it seemed like an endless task, and sometimes, it felt like I would never make it.  But with God’s grace and mercy, I fought each battle in an attempt to win the war, and He helped me every step of the way.

As Giannis stated, learning and growing is a process.  We need to use every mistake as a building block to help us throw off old habits and develop wholesome, godly habits. With God’s help we can view stumbling blocks as learning experiences. In order to move forward we must learn from our mistakes and do better next time.  These are steps we take on our journey to the light.

Bad habits are a curse; good habits are a blessing.  In order to live the life I wanted to live, I needed to unlearn my bad ways of acting and begin to develop good habits.  Just like learning to ride a bike, the person who wants to learn a new sport or acquire a new habit will fail.  Slips and falls are to be expected.  Then with the Lord’s help we must see where and why we failed and intentionally work to acquire new habits.

My journal was especially helpful in this regard.  It was a place to go and write out what happened.  When I made a mistake, I then had an excellent opportunity to analyze how it took place.  What led up to acting out?  What changes would I make to avoid “slipping up” next time? 

I realized that so many of my behaviors happened subconsciously, without me really thinking about them.  Lusting had become second nature for me.  I had developed the habit of looking for something to stimulate me.  While I may have said I was opposed to this kind of behavior, my actions showed I found it pleasurable.  In order to get rid of these bad habits, I needed to replace them with good habits. I had to remain focused and maintain my mind in “battle mode” in order to make good choices quickly and easily.  Recovery is basically the process of replacing old, unhealthy habits with positive habits so that the right thing becomes the “automatic” behavior.

All of this has been in the Bible for close to two thousand years.  Writing to believers in the church in Rome the apostle Paul said:  “Don’t be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what is the good, well-pleasing, and perfect will of God.” Romans 12.2  In order to find a new life and break free from the old behavior patterns which had become my “go to” way of coping with life, I had to renew my mind. 

Are you a failure?  Not when you use mistakes as stepping stones to move closer to your goal. God gave each one of us the ability to choose. Today you can choose to learn from past mistakes, ask for help, make a plan and move forward to carry out that plan.  And do all of this of course, with prayer and help from our Father in heaven.

Learn more about living a life worth living in the book:  Jesus Is Better Than Porn

As I look back on it all now, I was A WILLING SLAVE. Sin called and I answered. It was so charming, alluring and exciting. It felt so good. What could be wrong with that? Sin offered me pleasure and I wasn’t hurting anyone. Sin made thousands of promises and I believed them all, but I don’t think sin kept a single one.  I really should have grown suspicious (but I didn’t) when I was never satisfied, no matter how good it seemed at the time. I always wanted more. It was never enough.

While I did it all of my own free will, I certainly did not realize what I was getting into. I never dreamed that sin would hound me for years and years to come. But I can’t say I didn’t want to sin. How long could I go without thinking about sin? How many hours would go by before I would want to pull up those lusty thoughts and fondle them in my mind?  I claimed I was enslaved by this entity sometimes called pornography or lust or desire.  But when I face the truth head-on, I’m forced to admit that I sabotaged myself.

I kept telling myself that what I was doing was harmless. It was my private problem.  I would take care of in due time.  Yet I never told anyone. Not my wife. Not my best friend. Not a soul.

I took advantage of every opportunity I had to see just a little more and take another peek. I became an expert at looking over my shoulder, covering my tracks and not getting caught. Why go to so much trouble, if what I was doing was okay?

I was a slave for over 30 years. I don’t know why I waited so long to finally tell someone. But eventually, I realized that I would never escape unless I got help. I was already in a very bad place and I perceived that this could easily get exponentially worse.  That’s when I knew I had to take action. Contrary to what I had told myself for all of those years, I was not a victim. I was a willing participant.

What looked so delightful and promising was actually very deadly and enslaving. It has the power to destroy me, my family and almost everything I value. Thousands and thousands of lives have been destroyed by this trap called lust.  I don’t want to be a slave, and with God’s help, I will not be a slave any longer.

The Bible says in Romans 6:16-23:

“Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you have come to obey from your heart the pattern of teaching that has now claimed your allegiance. You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.

I am using an example from everyday life because of your human limitations. Just as you used to offer yourselves as slaves to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer yourselves as slaves to righteousness leading to holiness. When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness.What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death!  But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life.  For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

How much better to be a slave to Jesus than to be enslaved by uncontrolled passions and desires.  Living in sin only leads to regret and destruction.  Doing what is right and good and true leaves me smiling, knowing that it was all worthwhile.

I don’t have to be a slave anymore.  Jesus came to give sight to the blind and set the captives free (Luke 4:18).  I’m not doomed to give in to my selfish cravings, following every desire that pops into my head.  God, in his great mercy, offers life to the dead and hope to the hopeless.  His grace not only offers you and me forgiveness for all of our past mistakes; He also provides the means to do good works. This is our mission in life!  Read Ephesians 2:3-10.  We can become the kind of people who normally and naturally produce good fruit.  Now that’s a life worth living!

Learn more about living free in Jesus in the book:  Jesus Is Better Than Porn

Half-measures never worked for me.  I told myself I was working to turn my back on lust and porn.  I prayed.  I made vows to God.  I renewed my commitment both to seek God more fervently and to be more vigilant about fleeing sin. Yet I never confessed my sin to anyone. I never reached out for help.

I thank God that somehow one day He touched my heart using fear and desperation to drive me to make finding a new life a priority.  That was 17 years ago.  Along the way I’m sure I have met hundreds of guys who have shared with me their desire to break free and turn their backs on this compulsive addiction.  They have seen how it torments their souls and makes them prisoners of their own selfish desires. Many have asked me to help them.  I always say I’m more than happy to share the steps I took that enabled me to overcome habitual sins that had kept me trapped for over three decades.

I explain to them how they need to write out a battle plan.  I share how keeping a daily journal is like being your own psychologist and is so insightful.  I suggest groups they can join, courses they can take and books they can read.

What percentage of these guys have followed through on these suggestions? I imagine it is less than five percent.  I wish I knew why?  I wish I knew how to help motivate them and show them that no matter what the cost, the end result will be totally worth all the effort they put in.

Yet it seems that for lack of vision or lack of effort they only put forth half-measures and thus they remain perpetually stuck on the hamster wheel of habitual sin.

What’s hard is what actually works and what’s easy never will work.  Half-measures probably won’t even get you halfway down the road to recovery.

Everyone who has successfully completed the 12 steps knows this to be true.  There is no such thing as almost sober or almost clean.

This one short verse in Paul’s letter to believes in Ephesus makes all of this very clear:

“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” Ephesians 5:3

We can’t follow Jesus half way. Either Jesus is our Lord and King or we place our own desires on the throne of our hearts.  Too many church members have allowed greed to gain a toe hold in their lives.  And far too many who claim to be disciples of Jesus have allowed far more than a hint of impurity to dwell in their thoughts.

“Not even a hint” means it’s all or nothing.  No half-measures.  A total commitment is what it takes in order to reverse habits which have held us captive for years or even decades.  But it is possible to break free from materialism or from lust.  The choice is yours and the choice is mine.

Will we go all out?

Learn more about how to break free from habitual sin in the book:  Jesus Is Better Than Porn

A Guest Blog Post: By Stuart Tutt

I have always viewed my addiction to pornograhy; though I didn’t call it that for years, as a means to an end. A way to get off basically. A way to fall asleep on those weird nights when my mind would not shut down. A way to relieve the tension of lust. But I never really understood what it was doing to me personally until a few short years ago. And it was not until last year that I truly realized what my addiction was doing to you.

I never thought for one minute that you did not like what you were doing. You seemed to like it while I was watching you have sex, whether it was with a girl, a guy or multiple men.

I never thought that you were hurting while making any of the films you were in. I always saw a smile and I always heard good moans.

I never thought of your concern for your child, who might be at home, while you were filming. I could not get past what was in front of me to think along those lines.

I never thought of you as a person who had feelings because I did not know anything about you other than your body and what films you made. ( I know that one is harsh, but if you ask any porn addict to think about it, they will probably say the same thing.)

I never saw you as someone else’s wife or husband or future one for that matter. Because a wife or a husband would not do porn or so I thought. I was wrong!

But most importantly is the fact I never saw you as a child of God. No child of God would blatantly do what you do. And yet, here I am a child of God asking for your forgiveness for a blatant sin of my own.

I have learned so much. God has shown me so much and one night He hit me on the head with the biggest thing He can hit anyone with. He hit me with the Holy Spirit! God basically said “Stuart, I will never be able to save my sons and daughters until you stop watching them do things that are not a part of my plan for their lives.”

I started crying. I hit my knees quick! It was the only place to go. And no, I was not crying like a baby. It was a gut wrenching weeping for over an hour. It shook me to the core of my very being. And I pleaded with God for forgiveness for the things I have done to you as a result of my selfishness.

Please forgive me for not seeing you as a child of God. I now know that you are a child of God, whether you know it or not. We all are! And He loves each and every one of us regardless if we have called on Him or not. God wants to save you and He has a plan for your life. And it is not selling your body for selfish men and women like me.

Please forgive me for not realizing that you actually do not like doing those scenes. I now know that, for the most part, you are forced to do things that you did not “sign” up to do. But that in order to get paid you must do many unimaginable things. No person, male or female, would sign on the dotted line knowing they would end up being called to [edited out so as not to be too graphic.]

No one sees what goes on behind the scenes….

If any man or women really knew what goes on when the cameras are not rolling they would cringe. No one knows the pain you all endure. No one should endure that amount of pain. No one should [ another edit]. Many do not know that you became addicted to drugs just to numb yourself from the pain so you can get through the scenes. No one sees the tears, the blood and the bruises. No one knows you probably cry at home in bed at night because you do not know a way out of the hell you are in.

Not many think of the slow progression to hard-core. What you signed up for was a quick sex scene for rent money. Then they offer more money for you to have sex with [ more editing]. No one sees the pain on your face as the camera pans to the action. You have feelings, a heart, a soul.  You love, you cry and suffer pain.

Please forgive me for being one of those who inflicted that pain on you! With every click of the mouse I helped pay for you drug addiction. I helped pay for the suffering you have endured because of my selfishness.

I know I can never repay any of you for that. But I am willing to say I am sorry, ask for forgiveness and let you know that God loves you! He wants your freedom! He sent His son Jesus Christ to die on a cross just for you to have that freedom. I plead with you to reach out to Jesus, the one who saved me. The same one who convicted me of my sins! The same Jesus who has healed me can heal you as well. I promise. Take Him at His Word.

Dear porn star, I love you too! I am your brother and I am praying for you! I am praying for your salvation, your freedom and your heart.

Will I ever look at porn again? I would be lying if I told you I would not, for images are all around us on a daily basis: advertisements, books, displays, etc. But I will never look at it the same, that is for sure. The changes are already taking place. As I look at the Victoria Secret women as I enter the mall every day to go to work I just smile and say pretty bra and keep going. I no longer have the thoughts of what is she like under said bra. God is renewing my mind on a daily basis. I am walking in the freedom and love that can only come from God.

I would like to thank Shelley Lubben for allowing me the honor of reading her book Truth Behind The Fantasy Of Porn: The Greatest Illusion On Earth. Her story, testimony and our conversations helped God reveal a lot! This book is a must read! Period! It is available on Amazon.com here.

God Bless everyone and please join me in praying for the porn star.

Stuart

Here is the link to Stuart’s blog and the unedited version of his post: Please forgive me!

For more help finding freedom from this terrible evil called porn take a look at this book: Jesus Is Better