Isabella Martin's Blog: Thoughts And Stuff - Posts Tagged "update"

When I started editing book 3 of my Possessed series, I told myself that it would be easy. “Just check it and go.” I told myself. Well, it’s become a MUCH bigger project than I’d anticipated and honestly? I have massive respect for everyone who is in the same boat as me. I keep finding things to change or remove, add or correct, and I’m exhausted. But, this is also hard. And not just for the reasons I thought it would be. I just... find myself not wanting it to end. I love this book series, and I know that when I finish editing, it’s over. I’ll be on to the next one. However, I’m done stalling, and I want to edit today. My goal was to at least get 1,000 words done. See, here’s where I’m at currently:

1: I have 2 chapters that need writing

2: After that, I have 3 chapters that need severe editing and grammar check

3: I’ve gotta make a cover for book 3, and I’m fearing no that this might be the hardest part. I’m honestly not good with covers and working on one/ making one scares me a bit.

4: Writing a description for it. I don’t even know how I’m gonna start with this. Besides covers, descriptions are not my strong suite.


So, with all of this said, that leaves me wondering. I know I want to do this, and I’m ready to just sit down and get to work, but what am I gonna do about this lack of inspiration? It’s like every time I try to write, I’m stuck and I hit that writers block wall. I know I’m scared of finishing these books, because I love them so much, but what am I supposed to do? Sit around and do nothing with book 3 forever? No. I won’t do that. I can’t do that. I refuse to just abandon the series I’ve put so much love and care into. And YET, it feels like that’s exactly what I’m doing if I finish it.

I feel like, when it’s over, that’s it. What more can I write in the series besides the main books and maybe two spin off books? After that, I feel like I’m abandoning it. Leaving it in the wind and waiting for the dust to settle. And I hate that. I know every series comes to an end, but I didn’t realize it would be so hard to say goodbye. And, even now as I’m writing this, I’m sad. I’m an honest person, especially when it comes to my emotions. So I’m not afraid to say, even knowing I’ve got two more books left after the third, I’m crying. Mostly on the inside, but still. I mean it’s gotten my eyes to tear up just thinking it’ll be finished soon.

So, that’s all for today I think. Look forward to me keeping you posted as I try to work through whatever phase I’m in right now. See you tomorrow.

I’ve been trying really hard to pull up book 3 sincerely yesterday, but for some reason I feel like somehow I’m loosing motivation. However, it feels like all the motivation I have is being turned into hope. Hope that I CAN do this. Hope that one day this will be worth it.

Putting things into perspective, I don’t really feel like I have a lot left to do. It’s only until I say I’m going to write that I start to procrastinate. I start to think that I’m too tired or I just straight up don’t do it. Do I just give up? I start to wonder. And you know what? I started to. I’m afraid of giving up though. I don’t want to give up.

I’m going to write today, I swear I am. This is me not letting myself give up. I love my books. I love writing. But it’s more than that. I love the people in this community. The friends I’ve made. And I can’t give up. Not for me, but for them. I could never let down the people who have supported me and been so kind to me.

I’m so lucky to have the people I’ve met, who have given me support and encouragement. And I feel terrible for not listening to them and letting my negative thoughts get to me. Thinking things like I’ll never go anywhere so what’s the point. Being afraid that I’ll crumble if I inevitably get negative feedback.

Usually I’m too afraid to say how I truly feel, but I’ll be honest. Im tired. Not just physically but mentally. And I don’t know why. I try to get myself to do the things I love, but now all I want is to watch YouTube and sleep. And I’ve had enough. I’m frustrated with myself for letting it get this bad. But now I don’t know how to get out of this.

Anyway, I think that’s all I can write for this blog today. I’m going to pull up Possessed right now and get going, no more stalling.

Ok so update. I think I might’ve cracked the code and actually found some motivation? I’ve been doing a live reading of Possessed book 1 and now book 2 and it’s forcing me to actually get writing done. I know that I have to get the editing done otherwise I won’t be able to do the reading, and that’s motivation enough for me to get going.

I got 300 words written yesterday and I feel pretty good about it. Not sure how long I can keep this up but you can bet I’ll be doing it for as long as I can. Even if it’s only 100 words, at least I’ve gotten something done. And that’s what counts.

Hi! Wow 2020 was A YEAR. So much happened, good and bad. But I am finally back, and I want to do daily blog posts again! Stay tuned, because I have a new project I cannot wait to announce in 26 days ;)