Anne Poirier's Blog

How negative self talk effects your health

“It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day for a neighbor…”     Or is it?

Most of us remember the gentle tune that started the PBS show Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood, inviting us into a world of kindness, connection, and authenticity. We all felt we could connect in some way to the people and characters that showed up there.

The problem that I found, was that I could watch Mr. Rogers, or any other show that reflected kindness, compassion, and acceptance, however, when the show was over, I was left with myself and the voices in my own head.

I had a whole neighborhood living up there and they certainly were not kind and compassionate.  The neighbors living in my head felt more like enemies and bully’s instead, because they were constantly putting me down, criticizing, judging me and comparing me to others.

These voices began to feel like not only neighbors, but roommates too.

Roommates and neighbors

Where do these voices come from?  Why are they so loud?

Well, the truth is that we learn how to talk to ourselves from our experiences and the people around us.  We took in what they said and then began repeating it to ourselves over and over and over again.

They get planted in our brain like seeds in a garden. We planted these seeds as children, about our who we think we are, due to what other people are saying about us, and about how we interpret others actions, and words.

As a result of all of this, these seeds take root and become what we believe to be true about ourselves, our identity. (dive deeper by reading The Body Joyful…where I share how this all works!)

Let’s take a minute to talk about these inner neighbors, these familiar voices in your head that have taken up residence and love to weigh in on every move you make, or action you take.

Your neighbors may sound like:“You’re so fat and lazy, no wonder no one wants to hang out with you.”“You’ll never be good enough.”“What’s wrong with you? Are you that stupid?”“Who do you think you are?”“You blew it. You always blow it, you can’t do anything right.”

These are some examples of what my inner roommates used to say. (They started as neighbors, but as the years went on, they got louder, and meaner.)  They were consistent and constant, and therefore became roommates, who never asked for permission to move in.

They just showed up and spoke up, gathered friends and got louder and louder.  In addition they don’t pay rent, and they’ve been there for decades, degrading, nagging, shaming, judging, and criticizing me.

Sometimes they even pretend to be motivating. But really? They just made me feel smaller, more stuck, and more ashamed of myself.

I know I am not alone.

I have worked with hundreds of others who have very similar roommates and neighbors.  Showing up daily, making sure they are heard: loud and clear.

The Weight of Words

Brene Brown talks about how our inner critic is both the Bully and we are the bullied.  Thus, we are both bullying ourselves and being bullied at the same time.  Our inner self-talk isn’t harmless.

It has a very real impact on your:

Behavior: You stop doing the things you love, and start doing things to try and quiet this inner voice.  (dieting, exercising, drinking, smoking, shopping, seeking approval, etc)Health: Negative self-talk triggers the stress response (fight, flight, freeze and fawn), raising cortisol levels, that contributes to weight gain, erratic behavior, sleep disruption, and inflammation.Body image: You start to believe your body is the problem and blame it for everything that is not going wellEmotional well-being: Feelings of more an isolation, anxiousness, and exhaustion, lead to depression and addictive behaviors.

When you’re constantly bombarded with this type of internal criticism, the choices you make tend to reflect that via your behavior.

So, you may:

Numb with food, alcohol or another type of numbing behaviorCancel plans with friends. (No is an easy choice)Isolate and hide yourself from others.Skip joyful movement…because ‘it doesn’t matter anyway’Retreat under the weight of “not enough” -by assuming what others might be thinking.

And then you blame your body for all of it.

And, the root cause isn’t your body.    It’s the inner voices talking about your body.

Rewriting the Narrative: A Neighborhood Makeover

This negative, degrading self-talk keeps us stuck.

Let me ask you this…How has beating yourself up been working for you so far? (definition of insanity; doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results)

What if you could evict those old, mean, critical and bulling tenants and you could recruit some new neighbors that were kind, compassionate, supportive, and encouraging?

Maybe then…

Decisions would be made on based on self-preservation and care, not fear.You could eat with intention, not guilt and shame.There may be movement because it feels good, not because you thought you “had to.”You’d see your body as an ally, not an enemy.

Every week I talk about how self-compassion puts you in solution mode, while self-criticism keeps you stuck in the problem.

Why not start to enlist some more compassionate self-talk?  What do you have to lose?

It starts with a choice.

Your self-talk shapes your inner world. The way you think and feel about yourself.

Not only that it also shapes your outer world via your choices and decisions.   None of this is about “thinking positive”.  It’s about creating a safer, kinder place to live inside your own head.

So, the next time your inner critic starts bullying you, yelling at you, imagine holding up a new lease agreement:  “This headspace is under new management.”

Time to find a new space to dwell, way on the outskirts of town…

Remember…

You don’t have to keep your harshest inner critics living in your bedroom.  It’s time to retire those voices and move them out of your neighborhood.  You have the choice to choose new ones that honor who you truly are.

Because your worth was never up for debate. And your overall health begins with the way you talk to yourself.

If you are interested in learning how to shift your thoughts and self-talk so you stop hiding in the shadows and start showing up fully in your life, sign up for the Midlife Body Reset Masterclass September 25, 7pm ET.

The post Evicting the Inner Critic appeared first on Shaping Perspectives.

If you’ve spent years fighting your body like I have, by logging endless hours of cardio, running miles and miles, and taking class after class…all in the name of weight loss, you’re not alone.

For decades, society has drilled into us the same message: Work harder. Go faster. Do more. No pain, no gain…(and cardio is the way to do it!)

The 90 billion dollar a year Diet Culture stepped in and conveniently tied exercise to weight loss and shaping the body and as a result it ended up turning movement into a “have to”, “should do”, “need to do” chore that we had to put on our to do list. And our bodies were initiated into a never-ending project of trying to fit in to the current (and every changing) body ideal.

Diet culture and Society’s thin ideals…

taught us that our bodies were wrong if they didn’t look a certain way…if our body didn’t fit into society’s mold, then we were unworthy…not good enough…lazy…unmotivated…undisciplined…etc.

This taught me my body was just wrong. I was not good enough, unless I could look the way I was supposed to (according to society). So, I kept trying to change it through exercising harder, longer, and more…and the more I did, the more frustrated I got, because my body stayed pretty much the same. All this work…for nothing, again and again.

This decreased my self-esteem, self-worth and self-confidence big time.

I thought that my worth= the weight on the scale

What finally helped was when I divorced exercise from weight and body size and shape. The more they were connected, the more disordered my behavior was.

It was when I told myself the truth that my relationship with my body changed:
The Truth: Your body’s worth as a human being has absolutely nothing to do with its weight, size, or shape.

And changing your perspective on this, opens the door to a new way to think about exercise.

Turning the page on movement- Find What Moves You

Are you ready to think about movement differently? It’s about remembering the truth that our bodies were designed to move, to play, to stretch. Babies love moving, and as they grow they move and play and stretch all day long. Do you remember the time when you couldn’t wait to get outside and play?

So how about we think about that? Switching up the way we think about it. Shifting the words from exercise to movement and play.

This new perspective changes the approach. You can start to experiment with new ways to move your body. Ways that feel good to you. Because when you find what truly brings you joy, movement becomes something you look forward to, not something you dread.

Have you ever danced in the kitchen when your favorite song comes on? That’s movement.
So is walking your dog, gardening, stretching in the morning sun, or playing tag with your kids, nieces, nephews, grandkids.

Joyful movement expands the definition of exercise to include anything that makes you feel alive, whether or not it fits into the traditional “fitness” box.

Let’s trade in Harder. Faster. For more Joy, Fun and Freedom.

It’s time to swap the “have-to’s” and “should’s” for movement that makes you laugh, smile, and want to do it again.

Adding in Play

We know movement has incredible benefits…
• Improves mood and boosts energy
• Promotes better sleep
• Strengthens muscles and heart health
• Counters depression, anxiety
• Reduces stress
• Improves self-confidence
• Enhances brain power
• Increases connection, presence, and freedom in daily life
• Maintains independence
• Improves quality of life

But what about play you ask? Well, look at the benefits play brings to the table…

• Improved brain function and problem solving
• Stress reduction
• Boosts creativity and imagination
• Increased coordination
• Improved relationships
• Increased energy
• Encourages laughter, boosts mood
• Increases empathy
• Builds confidence and self esteem

And here’s the best part: BOTH movement and play are valid, valuable, and empowering whether or not your body changes.

The new way to move your body

Caution: The following ideas may cause joy, laughter, and a surge of childlike wonder.

Beware: They’ll still challenge your muscles, balance, flexibility, and endurance, without feeling like “exercise.”

Proceed with care: Choose activities that light you up. Try them alone or with friends. Indoors or outdoors. Five minutes or three hours. The only rule? Keep it fun.

Ideas to Try:
• Dancing—alone, with friends, down the street, anywhere
• Walking in nature
• Swimming or water aerobics
• Biking with friends
• Gardening
• Hula-hooping
• Jump rope or hopscotch
• Pickleball, ping-pong, or pool
• Medicine ball slams (hello, stress relief!)
• Rollerblading
• Bowling (real or wii)
• Cleaning to your favorite dance playlist
• Disc golf or foot golf
• Playground fun (yes, grown-ups allowed)

Comment below and tell me what you are going to try!

Movement doesn’t have to happen in a gym or on a treadmill. Why not swing on a playground, wander a beach, stroll a mall, hike a trail, or climb a mountain just for the view? Bring a friend for laughs and connection or try something you’ve never done before…no pressure, no judgment.

Skip the “shoulds” of traditional workouts and let your body guide you. Instead of focusing on how movement looks or what it burns, tune into the energy, freedom, and joy it brings to your body.

A Final Word of Encouragement

Try to move in ways that feel kind, not cruel. This is where body confidence grows.
Reconnect with that part of you who once said, “I can’t wait to go out and play.”

Join us at The Body Joyful Revolution. Where we separate worth and weight. Find food freedom, and embrace bodies of all sizes, shapes and weights.

The post Divorcing Exercise from Appearance appeared first on Shaping Perspectives.

I found strength training while healing from my battle with Anorexia Nervosa, back in the late 1970s. It made me feel safer and stronger in my body. I went to a tennis club my parents belonged to. They had one Universal Machine. That was it. At first, it felt intimidating. But before long, I felt empowered, and I liked the way it made me feel.

But unfortunately, by the time I got to college, aerobic classes were all the rage and aerobics became an answer to the all too familiar feeling of body shame that showed up at college with me. Mirrors everywhere. Leg warmers. Thongs. Headbands. (can you say Jane Fonda?) I was in love.. Aerobics replaced weight training and became the tool to “control my weight”…or so I thought.

Finding my way back.

It wasn’t until much later that I found my way back to the gym, and I am glad I did.  Fortunately, I continue now to love how strength training makes me feel. Over the past few years, I’ve shortened my workouts, made them more fun and functional, and realized how lucky I’ve been to have rediscovered them, especially as I get older.

To be honest, I think that strength training became a key part of my body neutrality journey, because it shifted my focus away from what it looked like and towards what my body could do.

Strength and Body Neutrality

When you embrace body neutrality, you shift the question from “How do I look?” to “How do I feel?” And when you pair that with strength training, the benefits run far deeper than the surface.

Strength training is about being able to:

Carry a laundry basket without straining your back.Hoist a suitcase into the car by yourself.Lift your grandchild into your arms or play on the floor with them.Move through your day with less effort, more energy, and greater confidence.

As the Kite sisters (Lindsay and Lexie) say: The body is not an ornament, it is an instrument. The instrument that we use to live our lives in.

What I have realized now that I am in my 60’s, is that strength training can help you; hold onto your independence, improve your function and mobility, reduce your daily stressors and support you in emotionally regulate yourself.

This is the recipe for longevity and improved quality of life, especially as you enter midlife and beyond.

As a side benefit, strength training supports bone density, joint health, mobility, stability and balance.

But…most importantly, it builds a quiet confidence that whispers: I can handle this (whatever this is).

 

Build Confidence, One Rep at a Time

You’re allowed to want to feel strong without it being about “toning” or “tightening.”
And, you are allowed to move your body not because you dislike it, but because you respect it.

This mindset shift is an act of reclaiming movement for function, power, joy, and vitality.

That’s where true body confidence grows, not from how you look, but from what your body can do and how it supports your life.

Lifting weights feels different. It builds muscle tone and strength, yes…but even more than that, it becomes a way of showing up for yourself. Of taking up space instead of seeking to be invisible.

And doing it one rep at a time.

 

Strength training can help you feel more confident in your body

And it doesn’t have to be fancy. You can:

Use just your bodyweight (try 10 sit-to-stands)Carry groceries (an old-school farmer’s carry)Mow the lawn or shovel snow (push, pull, lift)Head to the gym or use resistance bands, weights, balls, or machines.

What matters most is the Consistency.

It’s not about chasing a number.It’s about showing up again and again, in the spirit of self-care…not self-control.

Start from wherever you are…

Let it be playful. Let it feel good, and let it remind you:
Your body is capable. Your body is worthy. Your body is wise

Reflection Prompt:

What does feeling strong mean to you—
• Physically?
• Emotionally?

Join The Body Joyful Revolution on Facebook for body neutrality and body confidence support, education and activities.

The post Strength Training is Body Confidence in Action appeared first on Shaping Perspectives.

Oprah had a sign above her dressing room door that read:
“You are responsible for the energy you bring into this room.”

So, I always am thinking about the energy I want to bring into the rooms that I enter. What I have come to realize, is that how I feel in my body has a lot to do with how I am able to show up, because it impacts my self confidence.

I know I am not alone. I hear it over and over again, because how we feel in and about our bodies hugely impacts the way we feel about ourselves. If we wake up and try on lots of clothes, and nothing fits quite right, or we step on the scale and it says something we are not happy with, it impacts our mood.

Bad mood = Bad energy.

When we are feeling like this, frustrated, unconfident, and depressed about how we look, we walk with our head down, shoulders hunched and guarded. The energy we exude is less than optimal, so regardless of where you go, or what you do…that energy follows you around.

I think about the image of Pigpen from Charlie Brown. He carried with him a dust cloud…our energy is like Pigpen’s dust cloud and it impacts everyone we come in contact with.

So, when we are feeling let down by our bodies, or are hating on them…we are carrying around a dust cloud of hate, disgust, and negativity.

The truth is when we don’t feel good in our bodies, we get caught in the loop of self-judgment, comparison, and shame. And it is hard to feel confident, present, or connected with others.

Our inner dialogue becomes a constant humming of…“They must be thinking I’m…”“I’m such a…”“Will they notice that I have….?”“Why did I eat that! I am such a loser.”“Stupid body…ruins everything”

This constant inner critic dims our light, our energy, and impacts our self esteem and self confidence.  It leaks into our relationships, our work life, our family, and the way we show up in the world.

Feeling disappointed, frustrated, and angry with the body impacts everything we do, what we think, our energy and how we show up.

Building Body Confidence can change everything.Something powerful happens when you stop fighting your body and seeing it differently.  You can start doing this by shifting your focus away from the body’s appearance and towards all the things it does.

By shifting your thoughts towards body appreciation, everything can change. Think about being grateful to be able to hear the sound of the raindrops, take the independent trip to the grocery store, enjoy the warm hug of a friend, or the see a beautiful sunrise.

When you start thinking this way, you begin a shift from body criticism to body appreciation. 

This allows you to to stop pouring your energy into picking yourself apart, and start putting that energy into noticing the little things, smiling more, and choosing to say yes to the things, places and people that are important to you.

None of this is about being in the ‘perfect body.’ (what the heck is that anyway?)

It’s about starting to feel at home in the one you have right now, allowing you to free yourself from constant comparison, shame, and doubt.

When your body becomes the home that you live your life in, you begin to appreciate it a bit more, thus you show up with a whole new kind of energy. A new perspective on not just your body, but your body in the world.

A more appreciative perspective starts to build confidence.

And this new feeling of confidence impacts the energy you have in…

The places you go (meetings, movement, dinner tables, new adventures)The relationships you have (family, professional, social, and self)The things you do (the actions you take, the dreams you pursue, the boundaries you set, the way you care for yourself)

Creating a ripple effect to everything else.

It is here that you will feel less judgement and more self-compassion. Find yourself with more brain space for joy, purpose, and meaningful relationships.

You find yourself saying YES to more things, and may move your body because it feels good. You ask yourself what you need, and then give yourself permission to meet those needs with kindness and curiosity….

Because this isn’t just about how you feel in your body, it’s about how you experience and live in it.

Becoming body confident supports you to…Take up space, in conversations, in photos, and in experiences.Trust your body as an ally, not an enemyStop hiding and isolating.Model self-acceptance and body respect for the next generationShow up as your unique and authentic self… unapologetically.

“My relationship with my body, along with a new determination to find ways to move it, are an amazing new way of living for me. Moving is painful, but I’m finding things I can do. I’m learning to ask myself what I really need and how to listen to my body.”    Callie M

This is the power of body neutrality, appreciation and confidence. It changes the conversation inside your head, and frees you to lead with your heart, stand in your truth, and bring a different kind of energy into every space you enter.

This kind of energy? It is contagious and magnetic. It will follow you everywhere, just like Pigpen’s dust cloud. And it is EXACTLY what the world needs more of.

People like you showing up… as only you can.

You carry yourself differently when you’re not battling your body, and body confidence becomes your quiet superpower.

This is a picture of 5 year old me. That power-pose shows confidence. I lost her for so long…I am so glad to have her back.

If this message resonated with you, I invite you to subscribe to my Substack for more reflections, stories, and practical tools to help you feel more at home in your body…no diets, no shame, just truth, compassion, and confidence.

 

The post How Body Confidence Is a Quiet Superpower appeared first on Shaping Perspectives.

But I don’t want to have to do that! I want to keep writing my mom’s story!

I have been writing my mom’s story here lately, and it’s been pulling me forward. It seems writing calls to me.

First it was The Body Joyful…putting my story down on paper and sharing my shame. Then, Not a Fat Annie stepped out of a meditation, and just HAD to be written, so I wrote it, because…As Elizabeth Gilbert shared in her book ‘Big Magic’…

‘When a story or idea comes to you it is not just a product of your own mind, but rather a creative force seeking a human vessel to bring into the world. If you don’t acknowledge and act upon that inspiration, the idea will move on to find another creative who is willing to take the opportunity to manifest it.’

Then there was Body Neutrality…

The next writing started when I realization that there was no ‘how to’ manual on embracing Body Neutrality. And that when I embraced body neutrality…my life changed. SO…why the heck not? Write something that can support that? Thus…The Body Neutrality Playbook was born, and I am so proud of this one. She is stepping up and saying SEE ME! So, I am sharing her with researchers, colleagues, clients…and she is changing lives too.

These books show up in my brain, and then poured out of me like a teapot boiling over. And to be honest, over the last five years while all this was happening, my mom’s story was tapping me on my shoulder.

My mom passed away in 2020, when I was in the midst of The Body Joyful (she witnessed the birth of that book from above) that the voice started. It was this teeny, little voice in my head that was telling me to sit down and write her story, because it always left me in awe of her.

Then there was MOM

So, this past April I started. Researching, writing, and pondering her life. It was during my morning pages (see The Artist Way for more on that!) that the idea of writing her story by way of letters came to me. And not just any letters.

Write letters from your mom to the brother she never met. To the brother whose picture hung on her bedroom wall when she was a child.

So I started writing letters about her life. And it has been like a magnet, that has pulled me for forward ever since.

Wait, that is not right…because writing this story hasn’t just pulled me forward, it has fueled me inspired me and given me purpose. My mom’s story deserves to be told because it is so remarkable. Through this writing I have experienced awe, respect, admiration, and deeper understanding. It has sparked new thoughts, new beliefs, and perspectives on life and the way I live it.

Finding your flow

Each and every week, I made my way to the Library, find a cubby or study room, and off I went. Hours would go by in a blink. This story has re-connected me with ‘flow’. I have only feel that when I write, and I sometimes find it on walks on the beach.

I love writing letters from my mom to her brother Russell. And now, that little voice, that ‘story’ that Elizabeth Gilbert writes about is not complete, because it needs more. I want to share the lessons I learned from her, her fun sayings and the opportunities for others that this story shines a light on.

New projects appear…

And right now, I shouldn’t write about my mom’s story and keep going because I have so many other things that I need to do, things that need my attention ,you know, like the nine to five job, the bonus new curriculum and the training that has been added there….and I find myself saying, “But I don’t want to!”

Beyond that, I’ve decided to take on a project, due to the success of both The Body Joyful and the Body Neutrality Playbook. And that is to create a 2-day virtual event, where I can share all of the life enhancing strategies and activities I have learned (by moving and growing through my own dysfunction) to women who might find themselves in the midlife WTF stage of their lives.

I am saddened and angry that our society continues to judge and shun women when they live in a larger size body, when they are aging, when their bodies do not fit society’s ideals. And I have steps and strategies that can help support this. So yes. DO THIS.

But I don’t want to…

Because my brain is saying. HEY!!! You are not finished here yet! When you finish telling your mom’s story…THEN, you can do all this other work!

But I don’t want to, I want to keep writing my mom’s journey. I want to put everything that is my head together, so it’s finished. I don’t want to ‘let it marinate’ and come back to it later after the event, and yet that’s what real life is telling me I need to do. And I have to say, I hate it. I hate the… you should, you have to, you need to, and I know you all get this.

You really want to do one thing, yet you know you should be doing something else.

It is part of our life’s journey. So, I am pausing with both the ‘shoulds’ and the ‘have to’s,’ while I sit with the ‘I want to’ parts of all of this.

The truth is, my mom’s story can wait. The event has a never ending timeline, physically, cognitively, and emotionally for me.

With a live event on the calendar, not only should I get it ready, I need to get both the lead magnet e-book out, and create the webinar that will share the event.

And still, my inner voice says I don’t want to.

And yet, I will. I will finish the e-book, do the webinar, create the life-changing event, call the people, write the emails, post on social… because that is what I need to do right now.

And still, I don’t want to…cause my mom is waiting. And as I write that…I notice something. I notice that my mom is right here with me.

She is always with me. I know and feel that. Then, I hear my moms voice. She says go…do the things you know you need to do, then come back. As a matter of fact, I hear her say, you can come back to me for my birthday, right around Christmas.

I protest for a moment. But I don’t want to… And then, I take a deep breath and say, and I know you are right. (why are mom’s always right!).

So, I am taking a break in mom’s letters because it is the right thing, right now.

I know you understand this inner pull and push.

So, if you find yourself saying the same thing over and over again…pause, take a beat, and ask yourself, if whatever the thing you are doing and spending time on, might be worth delaying gratification for, in order to do the things that might not feel quite as invigorating, but they may still very much be worth doing. They may enhance some aspect of your life. They may move you forward. They may, in the end make a very big difference.

Take a look at your I don’t want to tasks with…

Curiosity, not judgment.Compassion not criticism.Understanding not justification.A thought-out response rather than an impulsive reaction.

It is then, when you see if from multiple perspectives, you can make a choice.

So, I don’t want to, but I am. I am choosing to focus on some other things, while I push the brakes on my mom’s story. So, if you have been following along, now you will know why you will see a shift.

A shift that WILL make a difference, and one that will be productive. And before I know it, I will be returning to mom’s letters and lessons with a new perspective. Now I get to anticipate and look forward to revisiting my mom within her written story.

 

The post But, I don’t want to! appeared first on Shaping Perspectives.

There’s a pink stuffed monster named Izzy sitting on the back of my couch. She’s not a scary monster.  She is actually a ‘Not so Scary Monster’ stuffed animal. Izzy has been with me through six moves, 4 states, countless conversations, and had even sat on the dashboard of our car during long drives, guarding toll money with a sketchy sense of joy.

The Good Gift:Izzy was a gift. She was good gift. Well, actually she was a great gift.

Izzy came into my life one Christmas, a year after my divorce. Things were fragile between me and my daughters.  I was a mess.  Still in self-destruction mode, and trying so hard to do my best to hold things together. That special Christmas morning, Ashley and Alyssa handed me a box.  The fact that they actually got me a gift surprised me.  Not because they wouldn’t think to, but because I was so full of self loathing, I didn’t deserve one.

After a time, I finally opened it… to find the very stuffed animal I had once fallen in love with years before.  We had all seen it at FAO Schwarz in NY…and at that time, hadn’t been able to justify buying for myself.

I sat there, staring at little Izzy, and I cried. And I cried.  Tears of gratitude, appreciation, love, and something even deeper: a feeling of being seen.

Izzy wasn’t just a cute stuffed animal… She was proof that my daughters had been there fully.  They remembered, cared, and wanted me to feel loved. And I have loved her.  Izzy, has now become a representation of the love I have for my adult children…

In the years after I received Izzy, I started to heal.  Not only my relationship with my daughters, but also the relationship with myself.  It was because I loved her Izzy so much that almost unconsciously, I took care of her. And in doing so, something else clicked in my brain.

 

ENTER: The Good Gift / Bad Gift Theory

Here’s what I’ve come to believe: we naturally take care of the things we value. When we receive a good gift, something we truly love, it’s easy to treat it with kindness, care, and appreciation. We protect it, talk about it, show it off, and handle it with care and appreciation.

And yet, when we receive a “bad” gift…something we don’t really care for or want, didn’t ask for, or even dislike, we tend to put it the back of the closet, a donate it, regift it, or forget it altogether. We certainly don’t treat it with the same reverence.

The similarity between gifts and body is interesting…striking almost, and as I thought about this, I asked myself, if I think about my body as a bad gift…how might I be treating it?

 

“Do You Treat Your Body Like a Bad Gift?

Many of us have spent years and even decades treating our bodies like bad gifts, myself included.  We’ve judged them, neglected them, tried to exchange, or shrink them. We’ve believed that only after changing them, they would be worthy of love, care, or attention.

But what if you shifted that perspective?

What if you could see your body as a good gift?

Not because it’s perfect by society’s standards. But because it is the body that allows you to experience your life in.

It allows you to see a sunrise, dance with a partner, hug a friend, tell a story, cry unconditionally, connect with family, produce a PowerPoint, laugh at a sitcom, grieve with your loved ones and heal from your past experiences.

If you started to see it as the gift that allows all of that, would you be more likely to take care of it?  To listen to it?  To nurture it?

 

The Power of Body Neutrality

When I realized how lovingly I treated Izzy, the voice I gave her, the place of honor she held in my life, I started to ask myself this painful question: Why haven’t I ever treated myself like that?

The answer was clear: I didn’t think I deserved it. I felt I didn’t deserve it. And yet…how has thinking like that been helping me? It hasn’t.

I had been living the definition of insanity. I was doing, thinking, feeling the same things over and over again, expecting a different result.  So, If I wanted a different result, I had to start doing some things differently.  Alyssa, Ashley, and Izzy taught me this.

I started small. I didn’t try to start loving my body (are you kidding, that was just inconceivable) because that felt too far. Instead, I stepped into body neutrality.  This resting place between body hatred and body love. I began with a body gratitude practice. I assigned my “Maxi Me” (my supportive inner voice) the job of finding three things to appreciate about my body each day.

“My legs allow me to walk, move and have independence.”“My face can smile to share with someone else”“My ears can hear the sound of children laughing”“My belly carried and brought four children into the world.”

It was simple and it was powerful.

This simple shift of focus towards appreciation led me to care a bit better for myself…and that care led me to start trusting myself.  I started to realize that I could think of my body as a good gift or a bad gift, and I realized that was completely in my own control!  My body is my business.  Period.

 

Your Body Is Your Business

Your body, as it is today, and how it has been in the past has shown up for you every single day of your life. Through joy and heartbreak, success and failure, love and loss…it’s been there.  It may have been able to do things that it can no longer do.  It may not be able to do things you have expected it to be able to do, and nonetheless, it has been there with you.

It has been your most loyal companion. Maybe it is time to treat it like the good gift that it is.  (Even if it is not working the way you wish it would…hating it for that impacts how you move through your days).

Body Neutrality makes room for the times you are not all that happy with it.  That doesn’t mean that it is still not a good gift.  Are you willing to see your body through a different lens, one of respect, appreciation, and worthiness?

The truth is that when you shift your thoughts, your emotions and actions follow. You show up differently, thus you live differently.

And you begin to believe: I am worthy of kindness and support, especially from myself.

How might you treat yourself like a good gift today?

Join The Body Joyful Revolution for more body image, joyful movement, intuitive eating, self care, emotional regulation, stress management and self talk resources, connection, community, tools and education!

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2024 is almost history.  How was it for you?  Did you try anything new?  Learn anything new?  Get rid of some old habits that where not serving you?   Start a new habit that is helping move you forward in the direction you want to go?

Regardless, it is actually a great time of year to think about this next year that is upon us. Every year at this time I write my own Destination Postcard.  I have written a blog about it before as well.  So what a great opportunity to repost it for you

As you all know, this year, once again turned a crazy one.  As for me, more things came true this year due to me taking the time to write THIS Letter, last December (2023!)

So, let’s all do this again.  Because things have changed.

It is now the perfect opportunity to step back and look at your life from a different perspective.  What did you learn about you last year?  About what is important to you?  Why not take that information and put it to good use!

Your year-end letter

An old client of mine used to send out a wonderful year-end holiday letter. It would always contain the adventures of her four-footed friends Timber and Josie, herself, and the states that she and her husband had “knocked off” their list.

You see, after they had achieved the goal of climbing all of New Hampshire’s “4,000 footers”, they became antsy for another goal—one that involved the two of them and would be exciting and enjoyable to accomplish.

They decided it would be a fun and interesting way to see the country if they set a goal to visit and spend at least one night in each of the 50 states. They posted up a map of the United States in their den and the fun began.

I always loved to receive this letter to see how their goal and vision was being lived, what states they had pinned, and what adventures they had in each state.

As we start this brand-new year, we tend to think about what it might contain, asking the question…I wonder how this year will go down?

How to make your dreams come true this year.

Do you realize that you have more power than you think over your own 2025 destiny and how you’ll make your dreams come true? YOU DO!

Take the challenge:

We call it creating your own “Destination Postcard”. It can also be framed as your own year-end holiday letter. It’s a way to share with yourself how you want to feel, what you want to do, and what changes you want to make this coming year.

As you know from our last blog, I am not a big fan of New Year’s resolutions, yet I am a fan of the power of thought and visualization.

That’s one reason I’m also a fan of journaling.  Here are some of the other benefits  of journaling. 

Are you willing to take a few minutes to “see and feel” YOUR 2025? To actually visualize what it will feel and look like when you sit back with a cup of coffee on December 31, 2025 and reminisce about your past year?

It’s so easy for our days to slip by.  Do you ever wonder where a week or month went as you pause long enough to think back? Isn’t it true that more often than not, you can’t even remember what you’ve done?

Without taking time to form intentions and think about what you want to do, feel, or experience, the likelihood of you doing, feeling, or experiencing anything at all disappear.

An exercise in visualization.

An exercise I do a lot is one involving talking out events, in present tense, that have yet to come. I talk about how a future event turned out, with embodied excitement and joy. It has helped me release any stress about an upcoming situation and enter it with calmness and confidence.

How to start.I was able to finally….I started a….It was so exciting to…It felt so amazing to…I loved it when I finally…

This might be something that could be written for me….

“It has felt so amazing to really step back into my writing this year!  Not only have stopped beating myself up for putting it aside after Not a Fat Annie was published, but I also jumped back into writing another Aly Rose book!  AND also completed the Body Neutrality Playbook, I have had great intentions about for over a year now!

I am also enjoying more dancing, walking, cycling and hiking,  My body and mind have not been clearer.  2025 has been a great year of growth in all aspects of my life.  I have so much more energy and confidence. I look in the mirror and smile all the time now.  It has been an amazing year.”

What would you like to do, feel, or experience this year?

What to see your body differently?  Get your Unlocking Body Neutrality Guide here!

Take some time this week to sit down and write yourself an end-of-year holiday letter or destination postcard, outlining how you made your dreams come true. Write it as if you are dictating on December 31, 2025. Read it often, post it somewhere, or schedule to send it to yourself every month.  And click here for Unlocking Body Neutrality…the free eguide that inspired the full Body Neutrality Playbook!

I can’t wait to hear how your 2025 was. Mine has been fantastic!

Want to be part of a community making their dreams come true too?  Click here to join the Body Joyful Revolution!  A community of women, regardless of weight, size or shape empowering other themselves and women to feel comfortable and confident in their bodies!

The post The Key to Thrive in 2025 appeared first on Shaping Perspectives.

In a world often obsessed with societal ideals of beauty, the concept of body neutrality has emerged as a refreshing approach to self and body acceptance.

The concept of Body neutrality changed the way I saw myself, because it focused on the bodies function rather than its appearance.   It was only when I realized I could question the traditional narratives surrounding body image, that I was able to accept a new way of thinking about it.  I write all about my journey towards self-acceptance through body neutrality in my best selling book The Body Joyful, My journey from self-loathing to self-acceptance. 

Understanding Body Neutrality:

Body neutrality is a paradigm shift that encourages individuals to focus less on the appearance of their bodies and more on what their bodies can do for them. It transcends the conventional notions of positive and negative body image and advocates for a neutral stance. Because of this, we are able to acknowledge the body as a vessel or vehicle for experiences rather than an object of judgment.

Body neutrality emphasizes the importance of self-compassion, mindfulness, and self-care. It inspires you to redefine the relationship you have with your body by encouraging a shift from self and body criticism to body acceptance and appreciation.

Let’s dive into the transformative power of body neutrality and explore 12 tips to cultivate a more neutral, confident, and self-caring relationship with our bodies.

12 Tips for Practicing Body Neutrality:Mindful Self-Reflection:   Take a moment to reflect on your thoughts and feelings about your body. Identify any negative self-talk and replace it with neutral or positive observations. Become aware of your inner dialogue and actively move to challenge harmful beliefs, through shifting your self talk. (see number 4)Gratitude for Your Body’s Abilities: Shift your focus from appearance to functionality. Express gratitude for the incredible things your body allows you to do, whether it’s dancing, walking, or simply breathing. Recognizing the capabilities of your body is a cornerstone of body neutrality.Dress for Comfort and Expression: Choose clothing that makes you feel comfortable and expresses your personality. Wearing clothes that feel tight and uncomfortable only exacerbates negative feelings around the body.  Embrace your own personal style as a means of celebrating individuality and detaching from societal beauty standards.Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the kindness you would offer a friend. If negative thoughts arise, respond with self-compassion.  Validate your feelings. Talk to yourself in a positive supportive and encouraging voice. Use a calm tone, and listen to Self-Talk Plus.  Flood your brain with more neutral, supportive and encouraging words and phrases. This will help you develop a nurturing and understanding relationship with yourself.Challenge Beauty Standards: Consciously question and challenge societal beauty standards. You are the only you. Period. Choose to redefine beauty on your own terms, by celebrating diversity and uniqueness rather than conforming to the external expectations of others.Media Literacy: Be mindful of the media you consume. It is important to curate your media ‘diet’. Does your social media feed promote body diversity, positivity and neutrality? Delete, block and unsubscribe to anything that contributes to you feeling bad about yourself or your body and add feeds that fill you up!  Ones that make you feel good, inspire you, and help you to see yourself as the amazing, unique, one-of-a kind human that you are.Focus on Health and Well-Being: Shift your goals from achieving a certain appearance to prioritizing health and well-being. Listen closely to your body.  How does if feel when you eat certain foods or move in a particular way?  Choose to treat your body with respect, by paying attention and being mindful of its physical, mental, and emotional needs.Surround Yourself with Positivity: Engage with communities that promote body positivity and neutrality.  Decrease the time you spend with others who buy into society’s thin ideal and focus on diet culture’s allure. Create a supportive environment that values individuals for who they are rather than how they look. Intuitive Eating: Approach food with mindfulness and gratitude. Listen to your body’s cues.  Eat when you are hungry, stop when you are getting full. Savor the experience of nourishing yourself. It is important to break free from restrictive diets and embrace a balanced, intuitive and joyful approach to eating.Celebrate Non-Appearance Achievements: Acknowledge and celebrate achievements unrelated to appearance. Choose to highlight for yourself the importance of your accomplishments in various aspects of life.  This fosters a sense of self-confidence and self esteem that is unrelated to physical attributes.Incorporate Self-Care Practices: Integrate self-care into your routine, whether it’s through a soothing bath, writing in your journal, quiet time with a book, or a nature walk. Taking care of yourself is an essential component of nurturing a positive relationship with oneselfSeek Professional Support: If negative body image persists, consider seeking support from a mental health professional.  Reach out to myself at anne@thebodyjoyful.com or a qualified body image professional.  I stand by the power of coaching or therapy to help navigate and transform a persons relationship with their bodies.

 

Body neutrality is a radical affirmation of self-worth that empowers you to embrace your body as unique, valuable, and worthy of acceptance.

 

There are a lot of things to think about as you begin a journey towards body neutrality.  I recommend starting with practicing one or two of the tips above.   This will help you begin to form a new and more neutral relationship with your body.  You are worth it.

Body Neutrality offers you a roadmap to self-acceptance, confidence, and self-care.

By adopting a more neutral perspective on your body, you can embark on a transformative journey toward a healthier, more confident, and self-caring relationship with yourself.

For a free copy of The Body Joyful-My journey from self-loathing to self-acceptance, email anne@thebodyjoyful.com and I will send along a digital copy for you.

The post How to embrace Body Neutrality in 2024 appeared first on Shaping Perspectives.

I was lucky to be interviewed by  Ditsa Keren at Delivery Rank last month on Body Image.  It is the story of Shaping Perspectives…A Woman’s Way to Joy.  You can read the full article HERE.  I thought it would be a great way to start the new year here on the blog.  Enjoy.

Shape your Limiting Perspectives on Body Image and Transform your Life!

Anne Poirier, CSCS and expert in eating disorders, shares her own struggles with body image and eating disorders with DeliveyRank and explains how she helps people free themselves from negative beliefs about their body and weight.

How did you come up with the idea of Shaping Perspectives?

Shaping Perspectives perfectly reflects our company’s concept because the individuals we serve tend to suffer from skewed beliefs and behaviors related to food, eating and exercise. Simply put, they have internalized a negative and distorted self-image..

When we coach them to start recognizing these issues and changing their focus, the latter lose the power and grip that have kept them prisoners inside their own bodies. The way we see our bodies has been influenced by societal standards that determine how we are ‘supposed’ to look, as well as what we should think about food and how much we should weigh. From a different perspective, we begin to see and treat ourselves differently.

I think about Wayne Dyer’s old saying: “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change”.

And that is our motto at Shaping Perspectives.

Could you give us some background about how this company was launched?

I was motivated to launch this company based on my own journey. I had an eating disorder as a pre-teen, which really altered the way I related to food and how I saw my body for much of my life.

My own journey through decades of disordered eating, compulsive exercise and negative body image and self-talk constituted the fuel to find a better, different and more enjoyable way to eat, move and live.

With the support of my husband (and business partner), I went to graduate school to study eating disorders, hired the support of a therapist and coach, wrote a book called The Body Joyful: My journey from Self-loathing to Self-acceptance, and started the company Shaping Perspectives- A Woman’s Way to Joy.

Is your program based on specific traditions or is it personalized to suit every client’s needs?

Our diet-free program has specific tools, strategies and steps, based upon proven ‘best practices’ yet it is also personalized for each client’s wants, needs, experience and history.

Our steps include: Intuitive Eating, Body Image Work, Self-Talk and Self -Compassion, Stress Management, Joyful Exercise and prioritizing Self-Care. I always start from the place where the client is having the most difficulty. How the client sees and thinks about their body? Is he/she binging? Is he/she completely feeling overwhelmed and running on empty? Then we create an individualized action plan to take them from where they are to where they want to go.

Do you innovate and experiment with different nutritional programs? If so, which success stories are worth mentioning?

The only nutritional program I work with is Intuitive Eating, which includes hunger, fullness, satisfaction, peace with food, mindful eating and emotional eating, among other things. Intuitive Eating gets a person in touch with why, when and how they eat. It includes 10 principles, including hunger, fullness, satisfaction, peace with food, mindful eating, emotional eating and how the body responds to food.  (Like noticing what foods bring you down, while others make you feel energized) It was created by my mentors Evelyn Tribole and Elise Resch. (Supported by over 100 research articles)

One of my clients sent me a text about how practicing Intuitive Eating has changed her relationship with food. She said this:

“In the past, I spent all this time, money, and energy (mostly emotional energy) planning, eating and then feeling BAD about myself! Because of Intuitive Eating, I no longer spend all this time obsession about sweets and beating myself up. No wonder I have so much energy now!” ElizaWhich diet/nutrition/therapy programs are the most popular among your customers?

Most of my customers have been dieting for years, or decades and are ready to get off the dieting roller coaster for good. Because they lack trust with themselves and their bodies, we first help them shift their perspectives, self talk and beliefs about dieting, food and body.

We next address the emotional connections to food. Why do they turn to food when not hungry? What are the emotional needs that are not being met, and what are their expectations about how food will fix everything, at least temporarily. What is the need they are trying to fill?

Finally, I support them as they implement and master the 10 intuitive eating principles. For those individuals who stress eat or binge eat do a deep diver to uncover the reasons they are choosing to utilize food to solve the problem, issue, anxiety, worry etc.

Does your approach address issues like trauma or childhood issues leading to eating disorders or a flawed body image?

Yes, my method which is called the Body Joyful Solution does address trauma and childhood issues leading to eating disorders or a flawed body image, by exploring the origins of people’s body image, relationship with food and the types of beliefs they have about themselves.

As a certified eating disorder specialist, eating disorder survivor and member of the National Eating Disorder Lived Experience task force I have both personal experience and specialized training to help my customers connect past traumas or childhood issues, such as being weight teased, bullied, starting a diet at an early age, having poor body image etc…

In addition, I internalized society’s thin ideal and dieting cultures messages that surrounded me, both of which are the leading precursors to eating disorders. And, we do explore the origins of our body image and the types of beliefs we have about ourselves, that stem from childhood experiences, people and environments.

I personally internalized many common everyday conversations about ‘right size’ and ‘wrong size’ bodies, about good foods and bad foods and terrible foods..

So in the work that I do, we address all of these issues to help the client better understand why they have been stuck on particular behaviors for years. I use the term “No Wonder” a lot: “It is no wonder that you responded that way, nor that you thought that would fix everything, or that you turned to food for comfort because that is what you learned”.

The Body Joyful Solution is effective because it meets a person where they are and provides support via simple tools and strategies to help them develop habits that guide them towards food freedom, body peace, and self-acceptance.

How does your method work and why do you think it is most effective?

I believe in my method because it goes beyond food, weight and body image. We take the totality of a person into consideration. We examine their levels of stress, relationships, emotions, old beliefs, old patterns, sleep patterns, food, movement, self talk, self-care and self- worth. It is a fully comprehensive system. It is not just about food.

Apart from working with individuals, do you also work with businesses and organizations?

I have shared the Shaping Perspectives philosophy with a few organizations, such as Church groups, Health and Physical Education teachers, lawyers and nurses, as well as the New London Hospital, Martins Point, Colby Sawyer College,  NHAHPERD, Women Standing Together, Plymouth State Women’s Leadership Summit, To Be A Champion, Nelson-Reade Law Office to name a few.

What is one thing that helped you in your entrepreneurial journey that you would do over and over again?

In addition to ongoing personal and professional development: Delegate. We hired a virtual assistant without whom we would be lost! I am delighted to have hired Jam and would hire her over again and again!

Is there anything else you would like to add or highlight, some anecdote or story to share with our readers?

One of my clients confessed she didn’t suspect that taking care of herself and eating intuitively and joyfully (knocking down worry, criticism or judgment), would improve her relationship with her kids. But it did. Now that her cup is full and that she is no longer stressed and worried, she has become much closer with both of her kids. This is invaluable!

One other client said to me just the other day: “I finally realized I couldn’t hate myself thin”. Those words have changed her life.

About Anne

Anne Poirier CSCS, is a nationally recognized Body Image Expert, author of the Body Joyful, founder of Shaping Perspectives… A Woman’s Way to Joy and leader of the Body Joyful Revolution.  As a pioneer and leading voice for the body neutrality movement she has been featured and cited in major media outlets around the world including Shape, Women’s Health, Tracy Anderson Magazine, New York Times, Washington Post, Newsy, Livestrong, Huff Post, ABC, Fox, CBS and NPR.  As a long-time eating disorder survivor, non-diet coach and certified self-talk trainer Anne has been a guest 55+ podcasts and serves on the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) Lived Experience Task Force. In a 35+ year fitness and coaching career and now as a certified Intuitive Eating Councilor, Eating Disorder Specialist and Life Coach, Anne helps women free themselves from diet culture and society’s thin ideal using her Body Joyful Solution.  Anne can be reached at anne@thebodyjoyful.com  For a digital copy of the Body Joyful: My Journey from Self-loathing to Self-acceptance by texting or DM Anne.

About DitsaDitsa Keren PR Writer, Delivery RankDitsa is a tech blogger and entrepreneur with a passion for innovative solutions that eliminate food waste and increase food security.

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As we age, not only do we gain more and more wisdom, learn more about what we love and what we don’t, we also begin to see more wrinkles, sags, or gray hairs when we look in the mirror.

We wake up one morning and our arms look different.  The dress that fit just right a couple years ago, doesn’t look the same today.  Our bodies change, just like our minds do, as we get older and experience more life.

We all have our own ‘body hang ups” that we have talked about for decades.  ‘If only my nose was smaller, if only my thighs were more toned, if only my belly wasn’t as big…’ Body dissatisfaction is something that starts earlier and earlier these days.  Thus, those of us in our 40’s 50’s and beyond, have spent a long time with these degrading thoughts about ourselves.

Talking Body Image 

In today’s age, body image is something that young people talk about on a consistent basis.  You see blogs and books about how to accept your body.  There’s Body Positivity, Body Liberation, Body Neutrality and more.  The attention that is given to young people’s bodies is obvious.  And it is no wonder, it is all around them.  From social media to the checkout counter.  “Society’s Thin ideal” has captured their attention.

As we get older, it becomes less ‘important’ or socially acceptable behavior to worry about body image.  As a matter of fact, very little attention is given to older people’s experiences.  Yet, the pressures they face to ‘look good’ or ‘look younger’ continues as they age.

While you may think that attitudes around body image relax as we get older, the reality is that many people struggle with self-esteem and body satisfaction throughout their whole lives, and sometimes even more as they age.

The feeling of being invisible as we age

We can actually start to feel invisible in the conversation around body image as we get older.  AND, we are bombarded with messages around “the threat of aging”.  Any time you turn on the TV or thumb through a magazine, you see numerous beauty products on display targeting “anti-aging” products that can help you ‘fight the aging process’ and help you appear younger.

Why… after a life that has experienced so much, do we have to try to appear younger than we are? And why is it important to take a closer look at this?

To start with, poor body image can have a serious impact on both physical and mental health.  In a study back in 2014, by Katheryn Jackson, found that women aged 42-52 specifically who were dissatisfied with their bodies were twice as likely to report clinically increased depression symptoms in relation to those who were satisfied with how they looked). As a matter of fact, body dissatisfaction remains fairly stable and constant across one’s lifespan.  Meaning, if you were dissatisfied with your body at 15 or 26 or 37, you are more likely to continue to be dissatisfied in the years to come.

Self Esteem and Body Image

Another thing that is clear as we get older, is that poor body image has been linked with low self-esteem and anxiety, and in some cases, this can lead to something even more serious, the development of an eating disorder.

It’s important not to confuse body dissatisfaction with an eating disorder, but to bring awareness to the risks for older people.  A review of eating disorders in people over 50 found that more than half of these disorders developed for the first time at ages 65 and over. Not only that, over half of this group also some type of anxiety or depression disorder as well.

So, what can we do to address this concern as we get older? The key is early recognition of a person’s behavior. Behaviors such as isolation, withdrawal, over obsessing around food, appearance or exercise are just a few signs we can look out for.

Gracefully accept and appreciate your body. 

Our bodies that have brought us through all of our experiences and have been there throughout our lives.  They were there in the very beginning and will be there at the very end.  They have been part of our greatest achievements and successes and also a part of our lowest of lows.  The grief, sadness, failures and illnesses have all been experienced through your individual physical body.

From this awareness, we can start to see our bodies from a different perspective.  They are pretty amazing, to still be here, and functioning after all they have been through.

Here are a few ways we can strengthen our own body story.

 

3 Ways to see your aging body (in a new way.)Take a look at your body through the lens of your experiences. As you do, write down as many things as you can that your body has been through.Has it been through childbirth?Has it climbed a mountain, sat at the edge of a bed, where a sick or dying friend or parent lay?Has it overcome illness, physical or mental, been part of a team, or group that made a difference?Has it been broken or hurt. Cheered for or celebrated?Start a body gratitude practice.In the morning when you look at yourself in the mirror, find joy or contentment and smile or give yourself a high five (See Mel Robins High Five Habit)At night when you go to bed, write down one or two things your body did for you that dayTreat your body with the kindness and compassion you hope that all of your friends treat themselves with.Speak to yourself in a kind and compassionate voice.Honor your own self-care (when you are tired, take a nap if you can. When you are hungry, eat, and when you’re sad, cry, or journal, or call a friend for support.

You will never be any younger than you are today.  How about we start to honor and value every day that we get to live in this body, rather than see it as something that needs to be fixed.  Because it doesn’t.  It just wants you to hear it, value it and enjoy it.  Your body deserves love.  Join us in The Body Joyful Revolution, where women of all ages, sizes and shapes come together to feel more comfortable and confident in their bodies. Want some support finding body acceptance?  Schedule a free chat.

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