Elissa Eaton's Blog: Writing and creating is my passion - Posts Tagged "laurel-canyon"

Posting a few snippets of chapters from my novel to let you all get a taste!
Cheers!
Elissa

Too Old to be a Hooker...Too Young to be a Madam
Elissa Eaton
CHAPTER THIRTY TWO
A RENDEZVOUS WITH DEATH ON PSYCHEDELICS
ETERNALLY HOLLYWOOD MORTUARY

I can choose anything except temptation.
Oscar Wilde


It was the summer solstice, the longest day of the year. I awakened that grey morning in a twilight sleep. The voice in my head was saying, ‘we're not safe’. I didn't feel sane, being involved with a loser like Antonio. He was always leading me into a dark ditch.
At dusk, I was startled by a loud bang on my door knocker. I looked through the peephole and saw Antonio's darkly decadent face.
"Hola," he said in his calculating way.
"It's my ruthless lover," I answered without opening the door. Chelsea had come by and we were going to see an Indie film at Laemmle Sunset 5.
"Open up, April. Do you feel like being corrupted today?" he asked seductively.
Chelsea broke the silence, letting him in.
We jumped into the manipulative, chemically fueled Latin's black Mustang convertible, the wind whipping my sun bleached hair.
"Where are you taking us?" I asked as he popped a bottle, the bubbles squirting all over my face tickling my nostrils.
"It's a surprise, my princess. You'll just looove it," he answered.
Antonio pulled up in back of a mortuary somewhere in the heart of Hollywood. "We’ve arrived, Chicas. I have an embalmer friend who works here. He says it's easy to get in at night. Chelsea, you take the wine, April, here's the blanket, and I'll carry the rest."
With a little persuasion, we hopped over the fence and invaded the privacy of the tombs of the lonely strangers of the night.
Smiling, he lit up a glass bowl of cocaine and we passed around a joint, swallowing the mood altering acid.
"I wonder if this is bad karma invading their slumber. It's so peaceful and serene here," I said self justifyingly. “It’s a little spooky.”
"Si. I love it with you girls. This place makes me feel so at home," he said moving in closer.
"I fret over what outfit to wear to the soirées, but I always rock the room. If we were dead we'd never have to worry about clothes again," Chelsea laughed.
"And you'd still rock the grave. Let's shake up this place," Antonio smiled. "Pick a tombstone to pose on," Antonio coaxed, pulling us up from the grass.
"Beloved father and son," I wonder if those poor chaps had small willies?" Chelsea mused, mesmerized.
"I love crashing a party with the elite. It's a class funeral parlor. My friend told me there are a lot of movie icons buried here," Antonio bragged. "Your beauty and nudity will be protected by me and my camera. I loove both of you," he said, planting passionate kisses on our mouths. "I'll be your graveyard loover tonight."
"I welcome a little competition and If I had only one lifetime I'd want to be with both of you. Would you girls consider my balls?" he said as Chelsea mischievously, slowly pulled the zipper down on his denim jeans and we lay drunk and stoned, clutching each other's bodies heating up the starry night ‘til the red glare of sunrise.

‘Too Old to be a Hooker...Too Young to be a Madam’ is available at the following
Los Angeles Bookstores:

Barnes & Noble The Grove, Barnes & Noble Third Street Promenade, Barnes & Noble Bookstar Studio City, Book Soup, Skylight Books, Vroman’s, The Canyon Country Store, amazon.com, Kindle and other online retailers.

Posting a few snippets of chapters from my novel to let you all get a taste!
Cheers!
Elissa

Too Old to be a Hooker...Too Young to be a Madam
Elissa Eaton
CHAPTER THIRTY ONE
ANTONIO
PART ONE

The first time I laid eyes on him I thought to myself, that man is my executioner! That man will destroy me.
Tennessee Williams


Antonio was a cross between a stallion and a pitbull. I was enamored by the thirty-something macho Mambo King. He was the epitome of Don Juan from hell, a gigolo type number.
One twilight evening a patch of sun set high above the Hollywood Hills lighting up the Hollywood Sign, bathing it with golden hues in the enchanting land of the lost. My retreat was reminiscent of a cottage in the countryside. As the pale blue sky darkened, Antonio darkened my mood. He was holding an embroidered royal blue box, two bottles of Marqués de Riscal wine, and a long stemmed crimson rose in his hands.
"Como esta, my little chiquita," he said in his thick spanish tongue. "I hope you're not angry at Antonio for stopping by, but you disconnect phone again."
"I've been very busy. Ignore my mint green face mask. Welcome to my humble hacienda, Chico," I said. His hair was slicked back in a ponytail. An Adidas bag slung over his arm. His demeanor breathed the air of decadence.
"Te amo, my beautiful princess. I'm your Knight of Pentacles, your Prince of Darkness. I've brought you my cajones for your well being," he said proudly.
I opened the box laughing hysterically as chines echoed through the spacious house.
"Your Latin boy-toy feel love for you," he said putting his arms around my waist.
I felt the hardness of Antonio's body, his manhood bulging beneath the zipper.
“It’s still here, can’t you feel it?” he pleaded. “You’re so sexy. You have such a high class trashy look.”
“I just can't handle your jealousy. I have fun with you, and we've shared all of our deep dark secrets, but I'm not ready for a live-in lover.” I said with conviction.
"You hurt me when you say I'm much more involved with you than you are with me," he said holding me tightly. "You make it hard all the time. My cock no lie." he said pressing my hand between his thighs.
I tried pushing him away, but to no avail. Giving way to temptation, my hand sliding down his leg.
"Feel it, it belongs to you, my darling. I want we should be together. I really communicate with you. You're the only woman I know that's smart enough to deal with me," he begged.
"Commitments usually get me committed," I said firmly. "Let's keep it light."

"Si, you make me so happy. I love it with you. When you're not with me, I dream with your big chichis and red pusita."

Antonio just didn't fit into my life plan. Vanity was the only thing he ever invested in.
"Look at me, April. No one has a body like this, no?" he said lifting up his sweatshirt, patting his ripped abs. "I want we should just go, my princess."
"But Antonio, let's get real. You've acquired a taste for the finery of life. You, live on a farm? I don't think so."
"Let's not talk about it anymore. I'm in the mood for a club tonight. There's a bar on the strip that has live salsa, hip-hop and great Latin bands," he said.
"Okay let's get all glitzy and glammed to the nines and go dancing," I perked up a little, running over to my vanity, painting my face with rosy cream blush..
"It will be an evening of sensual, sinful treasures. It's the trashiest, flashiest club in LA," he smiled.
Brushing my hair, studying myself in a full length mirror in front of my closet door, I asked, "What should I wear tonight?"
"I wonder what would look good on me, April," he said rummaging through my cluttered closet while polishing off his wine, pulling out my Dolce and Gabbana gown. "Darling, I just love your red sequined dress. Is it vintage? I hope you won't take this the wrong way, but I think it would look better on Antonio than you. And by the way, I was Dietrich in a cabaret act in Madrid. And I look better blond, but I'm not gay," he said unconvincingly.
“Oh, I see that,” I laughed, trying not to act shocked.
Antonio pulled a long blonde wig out of his gym bag dancing around the room to the sounds of The Gypsy Kings, wearing my dress dabbing his face with make-up, preparing for the nightlife.
"I much prefer Versace, but do I not look like The Siren of Sequins?" he asked.
"You look like the devil in drag diva," I laughed. "But I like a man that's full of surprises."
Much to my amazement, Antonio was just another case of confused chromosomes. But he was my only answer to Antonio Banderas, and definitely more available. I just hoped that he wouldn't stretch out my dress.

‘Too Old to be a Hooker...Too Young to be a Madam’ is available at the following
Los Angeles Bookstores:

Barnes & Noble The Grove, Barnes & Noble Third Street Promenade, Barnes & Noble Bookstar Studio City, Book Soup, Skylight Books, Vroman’s, The Canyon Country Store, amazon.com, Kindle and other online retailers.
Too Old to be a Hooker Too Young to be a Madam

Too Old to be a Hooker...Too Young to be a Madam
Elissa Eaton
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
LANCE LUST

Sigh no more ladies, sigh no more, men were deceivers ever.
Shakespeare

Sometimes his streaked yellow hair reminded me of mom’s own lemon meringue pie. Not bad coming straight out of a Clairol bottle No. 24: Born Blond. Lance was a six foot one scarecrow, arms and legs like tentacles, teeth as white and even as a picket fence. When he looked at me with his piercing blue eyes, I felt like I was being seduced by the Pacific Ocean. This loser went straight from West Point to hard core in a single bound. Call it talent or was it his scent of madness that lured me into his entrapment.
The only talent Lance had was in the bedroom. Like a cardinal bird he was hatched in a plywood shack in Humboldt, Tennessee. The nocturnal creature prowled the hard lands, seeding the world.
“Baby cakes, let me get another Lucky Lite beer and my Saratoga Golds,” he asked.
After he’d gulped down a few beers he became melancholy, hung over from the night before, experiencing another mood swing. Then he’d go on a crying jag.
“You know I try to do good, honey, don’t you? I read the Bible every day,” he whined as one of his religious programs blared from the radio. “You know that I don’t mean to ever hurt you, honey,” he said sheepishly.
I don’t think he tried to hurt women intentionally, but his over inflated ego ruled his ever ready dick. Even as far back as Bayou Territory women had been too easy for him. Sex was like a dress rehearsal with duller climaxes after he'd tired of his prey.
Lance was born a movie star. He was seduced by the Hollywood hype with easy money and the promise of success, never really liking to work. Before landing in L.A., the ex-con climbed the somber concrete walls of the Terminal Island Federal Correctional Facility after painting his face with black shoe polish, then robbing the Bank of Hawaii.
And can you believe that when they sprung him loose for being an ideal prisoner, he ran an orphanage for emotionally disturbed monks. Although he was probably more emotionally disturbed than any of them.
His favorite career was as an X-rated skin flick idol.
“I can make love to all these pretty little chicks and get paid for it at the same time,” he bragged. “Well someone has to do it, it might as well be me. I never met a woman that I couldn't satisfy,” he reminded me when he was in a drunken stupor.


‘Too Old to be a Hooker...Too Young to be a Madam’ is available at the following
Los Angeles Bookstores: Barnes & Noble The Grove, Barnes & Noble Third Street Promenade, Barnes & Noble Bookstar Studio City, Book Soup, Skylight Books, Vroman’s, The Canyon Country Store, amazon.com and other online retailers.Too Old to be a Hooker Too Young to be a Madam

TOO OLD TO BE A HOOKER...TOO YOUNG TO BE A MADAM
Elissa Eaton

Chapter Three

THE LURE OF LAUREL CANYON

(LOVERS, STRANGERS, TRUFFLES AND TARTS AND EX-CONS A LA CARTE)
- fiction inspired by true events



Yes I had many intimacies with strangers...intimacies with strangers was all I seemed to be able to fill my empty heart with. I think it was panic, just panic, that drove me from one to another, hunting for some protection - here and there. In the most unlikely places.
 - Tennessee Williams

'69 was my favorite year, my favorite position and I was a great vintage. Man landed on the moon and I landed in Rome, throwing my garnet wedding ring into the Fontana Di Trevi. I just had to be free. I helped unfold and experienced the full flowering, hedonistic, reckless Rock n’ Roll youth movement.

It was the night of the spoon, better known as cocaine. Growing up in the sexy, psychedelic '60s, the beat generation where Timothy Leary, the acid guru, ruled, we rocked. The beat went on with Sonny and Cher as we floated down the cosmic corridors of consciousness to nirvana. Being the original flower child, I was provocative, highly spirited, sensual and I believed in free love, thai sticks, tie dye and hallucinogenics. The '60s was my great awakening. A spiritual journey where I realized that I wasn't who I thought I was. 

Life wasn't what I thought it was supposed to be. And being nothing I was everything just being. After dropping peyote, the truth serum, I had a metamorphosis. What a magical year. I was Cosmopolitan Playgirl of the Year.

‘Too Old to be a Hooker...Too Young to be a Madam’ is available at the following
Los Angeles Bookstores:

Barnes & Noble The Grove, Barnes & Noble Third Street Promenade, Barnes & Noble Bookstar Studio City, Book Soup, Skylight Books, Vroman’s, The Canyon Country Store, amazon.com, Kindle and other international online bookstores.Too Old to be a Hooker Too Young to be a MadamToo Old to be a Hooker Too Young to be a Madam

Too Old to be a Hooker...Too Young to be a Madam
Elissa Eaton
A Sexual Tragedy
April Moon and Lance Lust

April Moon
Everyone calls me April; coming out cracked as a yoke, lying in a bed of four-leaf clover, I burst upon the theatrical scene. The full moon was riding behind when Hollywood took me under its tainted wing. I had a vision wrapped in tinfoil. Now, a star-spangled mirage of too many premiers at the Grauman’s Chinese - the sweet life dream, champagne by the carload, Beluga caviar at $100 a tin. My lifestyle somehow recalls the era of babies and bathtub gin - a definite rebuke to the puritan ethic.

I’m a dichotomy. My occupation is stunt woman, actress and artist. Mainly, I’m a poet. My Silver Cloud 280 Z climbs the mountain entertaining chrome-tipped celebrities and artists - perpetually in a state of intermission.

I live the fringe life of Hollywood - streaking through each day like a comet careening off its course - traveling abroad to London, Paris and Rome.

Squandering my genuine talents in the smoky lights of the discotheques - relentless caper for all those who float between the darkened rooms, sleeping the legend of their youth into the noon.

Then I met Lance.

Lance Lust
Sometimes my streaked yellow hair looks like mom’s own lemon meringue pie. Not bad coming out of a Clairol bottle - No. 24: Born Blonde.
A six foot scarecrow. Arms and legs like tentacles and teeth as white and even as a picket fence. Peering at the world through these piercing blue eyes that think everything is the Pacific Ocean.
Call it talent or my scent of madness - whatever you want.
I was hatched in a plywood shack in Humboldt, Tennessee. Like a nocturnal creature prowling the hardlands, trying to seed the world. Let me get another beer and my Saratoga Golds. You know I try to do good - always reading the Bible, watching my religious programs.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hurt women intentionally. Even as far back as Bayou Territory they were too easy for me, like a dress rehearsal, wearing duller climaxes.
Yes, I was born a movie star, easy money with its promise of success, never really liking to work. I climbed the somber concrete walls of the Terminal Island Federal Correctional Facility, went over the wall and under the bridge after robbing the Bank of Hawaii. Then, when I walked out, I ran an orphanage for emotionally disturbed monks. I passed the wrong bar at college, coming straight from West Point to hard core in a single bound. Being an x-rated skin flick idol, you could make love to all the chicks and get paid for it at the same time. My favorite loop was a movie called “Lipps and McCain”. I played Lipps and had to make love to three girl scouts. By the end of the shoot, everyone got their cookies off. I never yet met a woman I couldn’t satisfy. Later, I became a computer consultant and came in last at the demolition derby. Then I flew back to Hollywood. Well someone has to live this way, it might as well be me.
So I go with the flow. But flesh is just another lesson I have to learn. For me, my life is a fight and wound which dreams of being healed.

‘Too Old to be a Hooker...Too Young to be a Madam’ is available at the following
Los Angeles Bookstores:

Barnes & Noble The Grove, Barnes & Noble Third Street Promenade, Barnes & Noble Bookstar Studio City, Book Soup, Skylight Books, Vroman’s, The Canyon Country Store, amazon.com, Kindle and other online retailers.Too Old to be a Hooker Too Young to be a MadamToo Old to be a Hooker Too Young to be a MadamToo Old to be a Hooker Too Young to be a MadamElissa Eaton

Book Notes—Eaton’s Novel Gaining Fans, Book Signing Set
Beverly Hills’ own Elissa Eaton has seen her racy first novel Too Old To Be A Hooker Too Young to Be A Madam, earn a four-star rating on Amazon and a 4.7 rating from goodreads.com.

Inspired by Eaton’s own erotic adventures, the book is the story of April Moon a charismatic Jewish American temptress born and bred in Beverly Hills, seduced by the lure of Laurel Canyon.

A precursor to 50 Shades of Grey, the story take the champagne and gin-soaked heroine through drugs, dangerous liaisons, fame, bisexuality and betrayal in the Hollywood Hills of the ’60s, ’70s and ’80s.

Eaton a former Cosmopolitan magazine Playgirl of the Year, worked as a Hollywood stunt girl for directors like Ken Russell and Robert Altman among others.

Created at The Writer’s Program at UCLA, the book has drawn high praise and appreciation from instructors.

“Too Old To Be A Hooker Too Young To Be A Madam is over-the-top Hollywood high camp, wild and evocative. Funny, great detail, wild, wild satire,” said Eve La Salle Caram, instructor in fiction writing.

Eaton is set to sign copies of her bawdy book at the 11th Annual West Hollywood Book Fair, from 10 a.m.-6 p.m., Sunday, Sept. 30 at the West Hollywood Library and West Hollywood Park, 625 North San Vicente Blvd.

The free event offers free parking and free shuttle. For more information, visit www.westhollywoodbookfair.org.

If you want to find out more about the steamy, salacious sex in 'Too Old to be a Hooker…Too Young to be a Madam' for your beach read, you'll have to buy my novel. These are just snippets to entice you! Elissa Eaton


CHAPTER FOURTEEN
JAMES WOODS, IN THE WOODS
BLAME IT ON MY BREASTS

Some women my age, or younger, ‘ve got breasts that look like a couple of mules hangin’ their heads over the top rail of a fence.
Tennessee Williams


It was a hot, muggy morning. The last day of summer. Soon autumn would paint her pallet with earthen hues of burnt amber and scarlet star-shaped leaves. Patrick and I had taken a drive to the end of the world, a barren wilderness called Saugus. Although I'd studied the Stanislavski method, I was a free-spirited, reckless, big city girl who loved to escape from conformity and with each job in the movies ended up wearing less and less.
After all I was a player in Hollywood, the heart of corruption, vulgarity and ridiculousness. Being a sexual radical, I loved bearing my robust breasts and terrorizing my conservative elitist family and future conquests along the way, but this was an exception. I was cast in an X-rated film as James Woods' floozy, boozy girlfriend Honey whom he pimps out to a truckload of wetbacks at a flophouse. The set was designed with harsh lighting, and my bare body scorched the screen.
Woods had a dark hidden raw sexuality and enough animal magnetism to match his star power. It was tasteful nudity and raunchy dialogue. My pimp was running the joint. One scene was shot in the woods. The actor was laughing while hosing me down.


‘Too Old to be a Hooker...Too Young to be a Madam’ is available at the following
Los Angeles Bookstores: Barnes & Noble The Grove, Barnes & Noble Third Street Promenade, Barnes & Noble Bookstar Studio City, Book Soup, Skylight Books, Vroman’s, The Canyon Country Store, amazon.com, Kindle and other online bookstores all over the globe.

If you want to find out more about the steamy, salacious sex in 'Too Old to be a Hooker…Too Young to be a Madam' for your beach read, you'll have to buy my novel. These are just snippets to entice you! Elissa Eaton

CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT
JADED BUT NOT FADED
NAKED IN SYLVESTER STALLONE'S COFFIN

The cinema has no boundary. It is a ribbon of dreams.
Orson Welles


The rumor was out in Hollywood that Sylvester Stallone was filming an avant garde mortuary scene in a movie at Universal Studios. The voice of Rush Fix the horny casting director from the studio came frantically screaming through my answering machine.
“Hi honey,” I said, grabbing the phone. “Do you have the plumb job for me?”
“April, how old are you today?”
“I forget.”
“Do you still have those long racehorse legs, honey how much do you weigh, and is your hair blonde, black or orange this week?”
“I'm five pounds over, but it all went to the right places,” I answered proudly.
“Good,” Rush said. “Sylvester Stallone is looking for a zoftig over the hill, floozy looking redheaded, leggy actress with big tits and big hair to play a dead, nude hooker in a film he wrote. Sly's staring and directing also. He saw your pictures from that bikini shoot.”
“When's the interview?” I asked.
“It was yesterday. Why didn't you call me back?”
“I was staying at Rod Steiger's house in the colony. Rod thinks I have an autonomic personality and I should do more dramatic roles,” I said.
“You should always be prepared for the unexpected,” he scolded.
“Sorry,” I said apologetically. “Any dialogue in the script?”
“The only lines you'll have are on your face. Now tell me what you're wearing?”
“The same thing I was wearing last time I saw you. I’m stark raving naked.” I answered.
“Well push up those luscious bumps into your corset, Redhead Galore, and get to Universal in a half hour. I'll leave you a drive on pass, it's Stage 30. And don't be a stranger. Stop by my office after the interview and let me know if you got the job.” Rush groaned.
“How much does it pay?” I enquired excitedly.
“It's a week's work and it pays three thousand dollars with overtime,” the man replied.
Hanging the phone up, I frantically laced up my bustier, threw a long fire engine red wig on my head and raced recklessly over Mullholland in my black Corvette convertible. The mystical mountains were carved into a pale velvet blue sky like a roller coaster ride at Magic Mountain. As I walked on the set two guards escorted me to Stallone. When we met he shook my hand and, with his tough guy attitude, "Nice to meet you,” he said. “Yous can use the dressing room over there to put on this robe, then come back here.”
I put on the faded blue terrycloth robe and walked into Sly's dressing room.
“Lose the wig and the robe, kid.” He demanded gruffly. I slipped out of the robe. as it fell to my ankles standing in front of the icon, in all of my bold, bronzed nakedness. I was really glad that I'd gotten an awesome suntan at the beach, but I was shaking and I needed to go somewhere after for a glass of wine to kill my hangover. Maybe I'd pop into Musso and Franks. I shouldn’t have drank so much at the beach but I was having so much fun, it was worth it.
Sly grinned at me approvingly. “You're great,” he said as his eyes swept my body. Now I felt the power. “You'll be Moaning Mary, she's a dead, crackhead hooker. She tripped on a marble and broke her neck. Before we embalm her, we're going to pack her in dry ice and sell her to the winos in Hell's Kitchen for five dollars a pop. They'll just think she’s a heavy sleeper. We start shooting tomorrow. It's a four day shoot, don't wash your hair until we finish your scene. See you on the set.”
The next morning I was in make-up and hair at 6:00 a.m. sharp.
“Good morning, Doll,” the gay hairdresser said. “Would you like some breakfast while I’m transforming you to look like LaLa Lady of the Living Dead?”
“No thanks, honey, I'm in the buff for a week on this set. I have to starve, but I’ll have some coffee.” I answered.
“Well you look pretty good. Now don't pay any attention to me, I'm just going to put some talcum powder and KY Jelly in your frizzy hair to make it stand out more for the effect.”
“Okay,” I said. “I'm all yours.”
“After I'm through with you, you'll go to make-up and they’ll put white foundation all over your face and body. Now don't you be taking a bath until we're finished with your sequence and you know there won't be any wardrobe, don’t you?” he laughingly shared.
I was horrified. “Oh my God. I have to show up for a premiere tonight, I can't go looking like this. Sweetheart, be reasonable,” I moaned. “I'll look like an escapee from Camarillo after electric shock treatments.”

‘Too Old to be a Hooker...Too Young to be a Madam’ is available at the following
Los Angeles Bookstores: Barnes & Noble The Grove, Barnes & Noble Third Street Promenade, Barnes & Noble Bookstar Studio City, Book Soup, Skylight Books, Vroman’s, The Canyon Country Store, amazon.com, Kindle and other online bookstores all over the globe.

reviews for
Too Old to be a Hooker...Too Young to be a Madam:

*****5.0 out of 5 stars
Great Read!!!! September 4, 2012
Great surprise to find out that this book is not what you think it is. This book is a cultural and psychological exploration of a hedonistic and morally tumultuous time in our history at the epicenter of the 1960's movement. The protagonist, April Moon is an emotionally disorganized, rebellious and ambitious character who is seeking ways to affirm her beauty, desirability and efficacy through sexual exploits and self- medication.
The author, Elissa Eaton, cleverly writes in a style which reflects the chaotic inner self of her main character. Her writing conventions are flaunted in a T.S. Eliot fashion thereby emphasizing the careless nature of the times and the figures in this book. Ms. Eaton has a talent for descriptive writing which allows the reader to experience the purposeless and demeaning life of April as she struggles to find herself in self destructive ways. April's glory days portray the quest for fun and adventure through the empty pursuits that the culture of Hollywood has branded its own and the values of the most decadent times in modern history. Only those who lived through this time period in this specific area of the country can truly understand the exploits that the author has illustrated in this complex and revealing romp.
There could be a movie in the future of this book. It would allow the audience to more robustly explore the depths of April's psyche, hopefully minimizing the sexual aspects and instead highlighting the self -serving ethos of the times that threw the most powerful nation on earth into a trance of shock and moral trauma.
by: KE

*****5.0 out of 5 stars
Think about it, August 18, 2012
Think about what your life would be like if your mom was selfish and blamed you for not having the life experience at 14 to push back on an older boy putting the moves on you. See through the graphic prose in this novel and think about asking your daughters and nieces how they would handle some of the choices April made during her life. How would they manage to hang onto a good man like Patrick? Think about whether you feel compassion for April like I do. Thanks to Elissa for having the courage to write this novel and for leaving the ending open for us to imagine a happy one. April deserves that.
by: Bee Happy







****4.0 out of 5 stars
January 2, 2012
Too Old to be a Hooker, Too Young to be a Madam... I was looking for some books to download into my kindle and came across this book. I must say it was really good. I liked that it was based on truth as well. I'll recommend it.
by: Mari


*****5.0 out of 5 stars
TOTALLY AWESOME! September 20, 2011
Too Old to be a Hooker...Too Young to be a Madam centers around the main character April Moon, a lusty Jewish American Princess from Beverly Hills. This novel is also an exploration of her entourage of damaged, passionate, self obsessed and quirky characters. Eaton's unique dialogue is at once hilarious and shocking. A highly entertaining portrayal of the Hollywood Hills in its heyday.
By TT

*****5.0 out of 5 stars
This novel is awesome. September 16, 2011
This book has given my marriage a five minute make over. The steamy provocative prose and wicked humor and wit portrays Eaton as THE hottest female novelist of this generation. This read will definitely spice up your sex life.
By: SK

*****5.0 out of 5 stars
Book is Hot Hot Hot! September 10, 2011
Love it, Love it, Love it! This book makes sex in the city look like The golden girls. I love a book with lots of spice. If you like books with attitude and a sex life, this is it! This is not a book for your mom, so girls, hide this one ;).
By: CK


****4 stars on goodreads.com April 2012
I was lucky to win this interesting novel. This is not a boring book. You would have to read it in one sitting if it contained pictures.:) The lady this book has been based on has burned through a lifetime in such a short time.I think in a way that's sad. I also believed she has done it her way and that's okay.
I did enjoy the quote, "Like dangling raw meat before a starving dog". A reference a man made regarding his addiction to alcohol.
By: ES




*****5 stars
Sexual adventures of a female warrior September 24, 2012
Elissa Eton writes honestly from the heart about life in a fast lane that's more like a rollercoaster drop! Skewering sexual stereotypes as she moves through a haze of sex, drugs & rock and roll, Too Old To Be A Hooker, Too Young To Be A Madam, offers great reflections on the sexual revolution as it fluctuates wildly from salacious hilarity to poignancy, sometimes in the same paragraph - no easy feat. Astonishing and frank, it is above all, entertaining!
By Christopher Varaste

I'll be there, signing copies of my novel
Too Old to be a Hooker...Too Young to be a Madam
from 4 to 6:30 pm

Watch out "50 Shades", I'm the original!!

11th Annual West Hollywood Book Fair
Sunday, September 30, 2012
10 a.m. to 6 p.m.
West Hollywood Library and West Hollywood Park
625 North San Vicente Boulevard.