Jayanti Anubhav's Blog

He looked straight into her eyes and fixed his gaze. His twinkling eyes shone through the thin layer of dusk.  It was a meaningful glace. Her eyes were roving hurriedly from one direction to another, stumbling at his gaze once in a while. She felt the stream of blood rushing up on her cheeks. People around them had no meaning of their presence. There was a secret between the two. Two strangers, who belonged to different worlds, knew nothing about each other had a secret, binding them together. A secret, that they had confessed their dislike towards each other in words.

Strange was this union…

She didn’t know what he thought about her. Did his revulsion towards her, measured as deep as the words he had chosen to express it? She didn’t quite know his side of the story. But she knew hers. She knew how it felt when he walked up and turned his face away in disgust. She exhibited indifference, but she couldn’t help feeling the comfort of his presence, even though it was layered with such abhorrence.

She felt torn from within like never before and for reasons unknown. She wished to run to him, hold him tight and tell him not to detest her so much, but she couldn’t. There was a dark shadow between the two, dividing their lives into two different parts. She never in her life had felt so vulnerable to be loved and he resolute to shove her away. She longed for his presence around her, even though it wasn’t meant for her. She longed for the moment when she could trace one little moment of affinity between them. She wasn’t longing for his love as love had ceased to exist for her. She longed for the day, when he walked straight to her and held her hand softly to whisper in her ears “I don’t detest you”. But she knew her longings are not meant to be true.  It would and it must just remain a wishful thinking. 

An Excerpt From :  (To Be Released)

Stars are at an arm’s distance, murky night snuggling into the dense blanket of gloom, grey tiny rings of smoke circling around my eyes, blurring my vision. Tall majestic mountains lay grim quietly witnessing  the universe falling silent as despondency takes over an existence.

It hurts… terribly… miserably…

Voices echo, words come forth with daggers thrusting deep into heart where all those beautiful moments of joy and togetherness rush towards the corner in fear.  The eyes are defiant to act resolute. The world through the thin layer of moist and mist appears detached and far away. Crisp air blowing my hair doesn’t really care about how I feel. It feels coarse when I try to wipe my tears off.

When I see around, there are so many human faces, so many lives. All are rushing to their destinations. I stand still, frozen in time. I wish to run, but don’t know to whom. Everyone has someone to go to. Happy or unhappy but each of them has someone. Someone to love or someone to loathe. I, silent and gloomy, wait for belonging.

I am drowning, fighting to hold on to a breath; but I fail. Hollowness comes closer as I see it approaching. I try to break away. I make an attempt to escape. Futile…nonetheless. I hold my breath and wait. For what? I am still to figure out. May be, I wait for the moment to be understood. I wait for the moment to bring these questions to an end, where they have no ways to come back. I wait to belong to someone. I wait for togetherness beyond words.  I wait to reach out to you beyond any limits. I wait for your whispers, I wait for the warmth. I wait for the deep meaningful silence and I wait for your hand tapping on my shoulder and when I turn, I wait for you to tell me that I belong to you. 

(Excerpts: )

After a long while, today I placed my books back to my shelf. The simple wooden shelf that I had bought as a student to display my prized possessions- Books, has been with me ever since. The smell of wood has now become more prominent than ever, like relationships that become stronger with time, filling your senses with nostalgia every time to run your fingers through it. You feel the warmth of days gone by. But, then there is a day in life, when you just wish to become someone else. I felt it too. I threw all my books in a box, never to see them again. Why, because the letters in those tiny bundles of paper were mocking me and my existence. So, I decided to drop them from my very own being, unceremoniously. They didn’t deserve a teary farewell.

No mingling with words today. Life has been on a fast lane for a couple of years. Today, when I look back I realize some of the threads have broken inadvertently, leaving no trails to trace their origin back. My books were also a part of the caravan that was left behind. I had shared a lifetime with them. They had witnessed my tears, my smiles, my dreams and my nightmares too.  Then one day, they decided to remind me all those days, which I had wished to erase from deepest of my reminiscences.

My heart gradually becomes unfilled with each day, deepening the extent of void. I wished to write, but thoughts were resolute to act defiant. And then I realized, I can’t live without love anymore. Love that I got from those black and white letters printed on papers with slightly coarse surface. I love them a bit too much to imagine my life without them. So, they are back. In all their pride and might, to my same very old wooden bookshelf. I behaved badly with them, therefore, I am now going to communicate with each of them, lingering through each word, to the content of my soul. I am sure, we will be friends again. 

The void in my heart has started to fill. Something has been lifted off my heart and I smile at myself as I feel the tender touch of books on my fingertips. There is a life waiting to be lived again and I am ready to embrace it tight, close … very close to my heart…

With a bated breath and trembling hand I touch the face of my old friend, I have just met after a long while. I run my finger through it and it holds me back- have found a part of my life back which was “Lost In Time”…

As I entered, I glanced upon the fellow travellers. In case I find a familiar face. But no luck, Ranchi airport was full of strangers. None of the faces looked even slightly familiar. I sighed, a bit of disappointment and grief. I craved to find someone I knew. Not for any other reasons, but to feel the belongingness to this small town in Jharkhand.

I grew up in this hilly town- small, cozy and beautiful with nature still in its purest and wildest form. It was then, 15 years back. Now t...

In that one moment

I lived a thousand lives

I crossed over ages with that one breath.

That moment was the eternity

my life stood still, Where I left

One moment, just one moment

I crossed thousand miles

With closed eyes…

Now to the moment… take me back

The moment is over & I am awake

Let me return the lives, through I traveled 

Take the miles back that make me unravelled

I want to live all over again,

All those moments that I walked by

Let me breathe again

Walking through thousands lives in one

Let my moments be untamed…

Grab your copy now!!

On the day Yamini accidentally finds herself behind the door of her parents’ bedroom, she witnesses the monster that her father is and her life is changed irrevocably. Scared, friendless and alone, she revolts in solitude. It is when her father sends her to a convent boarding school in the serene hills of Nainital does she find her true friend. Lavanya.

But Lavanya, a chirpy girl, has her share of problems from a broken family. In each other, the two young girls find their faithful confidantes and cultivate a deep friendship. Both girls have secrets of their own - painful past that refuses to abandon their thoughts.

They take their separate ways, Yamini in her quest to live with dignity and independence and Lavanya striving to find an honest relationship. But life has its own twists. Will the two friends meet again? Can friendships stand the test of time? Can scars of childhood be erased and forgotten? A story of courage To Live Once Again.