Rebecca Reilly's Blog - Posts Tagged "marriage"
Marriage Advice from the 1950′s
Tips for Women to Keep Their Marriage Strong and Their Husband Happy
The Week wrote a lovely article based on "How to be a Good Wife" by Edward Podolsky (written in 1943).
(http://theweek.com/article/index/2481...)
I’m going to look at Mr. Podolsky’s tips for a happy marriage one enlightening comment at a time.
Today’s Tip from Mr. Podolsky: Don't talk
Don't bother your husband with petty troubles and complaints when he comes home from work.
Be a good listener. Let him tell you his troubles; yours will seem trivial in comparison.
Remember your most important job is to build up and maintain his ego (which gets bruised plenty in business). Morale is a woman's business.
Let him relax before dinner. Discuss family problems after the inner man has been satisfied.
In his 1951 book, Sex Satisfaction and Happy Marriage, Reverend Alfred Henry Tyrer has more to add to that. Do not ask for things. This is called "nagging":
I verily believe that the happiness of homes is destroyed more frequently by the habit of nagging than by any other one. A man may stand that sort of thing (nagging) for a long time, but the chances are against his standing it permanently. If he needs peace to make life bearable, he will have to look for it elsewhere than in his own house. And it is quite likely that he will look.
Unless your husband wants you to talk. Then don't you dare disappoint him. Says Reverend Tyrer:
"If [the husband] is intellectually inclined, and from time to time seeks to explain little things to her so that she may have at least a bare knowledge of what it is that interests him, and, without the slightest comment, she takes up again the fashion magazine she laid down when he commenced to speak, we may be pretty sure that there is going to be a 'rift in the lute' sooner or later in that house."
What would a woman with only a few, trivial problems and an incredibly small intellect have to talk about anyway? Yes, I see, it’s in the last paragraph--fashion. No wonder we bore our husbands into leaving us!
This Neanderthal view of women is so out there, it’s difficult to believe anyone would take this seriously, but they did. And in some cultures, they still do. Sometimes women view themselves as ungifted, unworthy, subservient beings.
Sadly, the church can be one culture that subtly encourages this way of thinking.
I believe I should serve my husband. I believe I should strive to meet his social, physical, intellectual, and other needs.
I also believe my husband needs to strive to meet my needs in the same way. We are partners, not dominant and subservient. He respects my opinion and weighs my advice. He also does the laundry and the shopping while I do the cooking and handle anything that needs power tools.
And I am rarely silent.
Called and Gifted is a pamphlet put out by the Covenant Church that discusses the value and equality of women. Here is a excerpt:
Most importantly, Jesus Christ came to fully redeem all people, women as well as men. Paul emphasizes that all who believe in Christ are redeemed from sin and become new creations. Not only do we who believe become the children of God, and equal heirs, but we also become one in Christ. These blessings come through our faith in Christ, independent of our racial, social, physical, or gender distinctions (John 1:12-13; Romans 8:14-17; 2 Corinthians 5:17; Galatians 3:26-28).
In the world, characteristics such as “maleness” or “femaleness” function as primary markers of personal definition and are used to assign rank, status, and worth. In Christ, we are instead defined by being a new creation in Christ. As a result of becoming a new creation, a believer’s primary identity is his or her new life in Christ. Our old identities—those of gender, race, or social class—become secondary to our true identity in Christ. In our culture, like that of Jesus and Paul, maleness and female¬ness matter. But our beliefs and practices ought not to be determined by earthly cultures, as our citizenship is in heaven (Philippians 3:20).
You can read the complete article here:
http://www.covchurch.org/resources/fi...
Rebecca Reilly is a pastor and author. Her book, Diary of a Christian Woman: How I Used 50 Shades of Grey to Spice Up My Marriage is raising eyebrows, creating laugh wrinkles, and opening up dialogue between husbands and wives. Available on Amazon: http://bit.ly/diarychristianwoman
The Week wrote a lovely article based on "How to be a Good Wife" by Edward Podolsky (written in 1943).
(http://theweek.com/article/index/2481...)
I’m going to look at Mr. Podolsky’s tips for a happy marriage one enlightening comment at a time.
Today’s Tip from Mr. Podolsky: Don't talk
Don't bother your husband with petty troubles and complaints when he comes home from work.
Be a good listener. Let him tell you his troubles; yours will seem trivial in comparison.
Remember your most important job is to build up and maintain his ego (which gets bruised plenty in business). Morale is a woman's business.
Let him relax before dinner. Discuss family problems after the inner man has been satisfied.
In his 1951 book, Sex Satisfaction and Happy Marriage, Reverend Alfred Henry Tyrer has more to add to that. Do not ask for things. This is called "nagging":
I verily believe that the happiness of homes is destroyed more frequently by the habit of nagging than by any other one. A man may stand that sort of thing (nagging) for a long time, but the chances are against his standing it permanently. If he needs peace to make life bearable, he will have to look for it elsewhere than in his own house. And it is quite likely that he will look.
Unless your husband wants you to talk. Then don't you dare disappoint him. Says Reverend Tyrer:
"If [the husband] is intellectually inclined, and from time to time seeks to explain little things to her so that she may have at least a bare knowledge of what it is that interests him, and, without the slightest comment, she takes up again the fashion magazine she laid down when he commenced to speak, we may be pretty sure that there is going to be a 'rift in the lute' sooner or later in that house."
What would a woman with only a few, trivial problems and an incredibly small intellect have to talk about anyway? Yes, I see, it’s in the last paragraph--fashion. No wonder we bore our husbands into leaving us!
This Neanderthal view of women is so out there, it’s difficult to believe anyone would take this seriously, but they did. And in some cultures, they still do. Sometimes women view themselves as ungifted, unworthy, subservient beings.
Sadly, the church can be one culture that subtly encourages this way of thinking.
I believe I should serve my husband. I believe I should strive to meet his social, physical, intellectual, and other needs.
I also believe my husband needs to strive to meet my needs in the same way. We are partners, not dominant and subservient. He respects my opinion and weighs my advice. He also does the laundry and the shopping while I do the cooking and handle anything that needs power tools.
And I am rarely silent.
Called and Gifted is a pamphlet put out by the Covenant Church that discusses the value and equality of women. Here is a excerpt:
Most importantly, Jesus Christ came to fully redeem all people, women as well as men. Paul emphasizes that all who believe in Christ are redeemed from sin and become new creations. Not only do we who believe become the children of God, and equal heirs, but we also become one in Christ. These blessings come through our faith in Christ, independent of our racial, social, physical, or gender distinctions (John 1:12-13; Romans 8:14-17; 2 Corinthians 5:17; Galatians 3:26-28).
In the world, characteristics such as “maleness” or “femaleness” function as primary markers of personal definition and are used to assign rank, status, and worth. In Christ, we are instead defined by being a new creation in Christ. As a result of becoming a new creation, a believer’s primary identity is his or her new life in Christ. Our old identities—those of gender, race, or social class—become secondary to our true identity in Christ. In our culture, like that of Jesus and Paul, maleness and female¬ness matter. But our beliefs and practices ought not to be determined by earthly cultures, as our citizenship is in heaven (Philippians 3:20).
You can read the complete article here:
http://www.covchurch.org/resources/fi...
Rebecca Reilly is a pastor and author. Her book, Diary of a Christian Woman: How I Used 50 Shades of Grey to Spice Up My Marriage is raising eyebrows, creating laugh wrinkles, and opening up dialogue between husbands and wives. Available on Amazon: http://bit.ly/diarychristianwoman
My Bed Is Too Big!
“In a survey, 1,000 people reported their preferred sleeping positions, and also gave information about their personalities and relationship quality. It turned out that the farther apart people in relationships slept from their partners, the worse they rated their relationships.”
Fabulous. Another thing to worry about. George sleeps far enough away from me we could fit a 200-pound dog between us. Not only that, he sleeps with his back to me and he stuffs a pillow between his legs to protect his private parts from any roaming hands that might wander his way. Does that mean I have to worry about our relationship?
Sure, when we were first married, we spooned while we slept. Of course, at the time we were so poor we couldn’t afford a bed big enough to sleep any other way. But still, it was nice and cozy. And romantic. I miss it.
How did we move so far apart?
Money, I guess, is the first answer. We earned enough to buy that king-sized bed. Suddenly, space to sleep in seemed important. Why should we breathe in each other’s bad breath when we could spread out and only smell our own? Why should my hair tickle George’s nose when all he had to do was turn his back on me and scooch over to avoid it? Why do we need to spontaneously touch in the middle of the night when we could routinely schedule intimacy twice a week whether we felt like it or not?
Time would have to be the second answer. We’re both so busy running from work to chores to kid-stuff to friends to church to bible study to whatever makes us feel busy and productive and self-righteous that we both want to get the most rest out of the time we set aside to sleep. We sleep deeper when we sleep on our own side of the bed. That makes me sad.
Our state of sheer exhaustion leads to more than a separation in our sleep. I am so busy with life that I’m too tired to invest in our relationship. I’m too tired to invest in our sex life. I’m too tired to invest in him.
Did God design us to run from activity to activity, from work to play, from ministry to bible study, from to-do list to to-do list without time to rest? Does our business give us some false sense of holiness or self-righteousness while we neglect our relationship with our spouse?
If we gave up some of our activities, could we give up that space between us at night? I don’t know. After fifteen years of marriage, we’re kind of stuck.
I wonder what George would do if I surprised him one night by getting rid of our king-sized bed and replacing it with a twin?
Written as "Phoebe" from Diary of a Christian Woman: How I Used 50 Shades of Grey to Spice Up My Marriage
Diary of a Christian Woman: How I Used 50 Shades of Grey to Spice Up My Marriage
You can read the article, What Your Sleeping Style Reveals About Your Relationship
By By Agata Blaszczak-Boxe at http://news.yahoo.com/sleeping-style-...
Fabulous. Another thing to worry about. George sleeps far enough away from me we could fit a 200-pound dog between us. Not only that, he sleeps with his back to me and he stuffs a pillow between his legs to protect his private parts from any roaming hands that might wander his way. Does that mean I have to worry about our relationship?
Sure, when we were first married, we spooned while we slept. Of course, at the time we were so poor we couldn’t afford a bed big enough to sleep any other way. But still, it was nice and cozy. And romantic. I miss it.
How did we move so far apart?
Money, I guess, is the first answer. We earned enough to buy that king-sized bed. Suddenly, space to sleep in seemed important. Why should we breathe in each other’s bad breath when we could spread out and only smell our own? Why should my hair tickle George’s nose when all he had to do was turn his back on me and scooch over to avoid it? Why do we need to spontaneously touch in the middle of the night when we could routinely schedule intimacy twice a week whether we felt like it or not?
Time would have to be the second answer. We’re both so busy running from work to chores to kid-stuff to friends to church to bible study to whatever makes us feel busy and productive and self-righteous that we both want to get the most rest out of the time we set aside to sleep. We sleep deeper when we sleep on our own side of the bed. That makes me sad.
Our state of sheer exhaustion leads to more than a separation in our sleep. I am so busy with life that I’m too tired to invest in our relationship. I’m too tired to invest in our sex life. I’m too tired to invest in him.
Did God design us to run from activity to activity, from work to play, from ministry to bible study, from to-do list to to-do list without time to rest? Does our business give us some false sense of holiness or self-righteousness while we neglect our relationship with our spouse?
If we gave up some of our activities, could we give up that space between us at night? I don’t know. After fifteen years of marriage, we’re kind of stuck.
I wonder what George would do if I surprised him one night by getting rid of our king-sized bed and replacing it with a twin?
Written as "Phoebe" from Diary of a Christian Woman: How I Used 50 Shades of Grey to Spice Up My Marriage
Diary of a Christian Woman: How I Used 50 Shades of Grey to Spice Up My Marriage
You can read the article, What Your Sleeping Style Reveals About Your Relationship
By By Agata Blaszczak-Boxe at http://news.yahoo.com/sleeping-style-...
Looking for Honest Testimonies from Christians with Marital Issues--Share your story
To my brothers and sisters in Christ,
I am delving into issues of sex, marriage, intimacy, and faith for my current nonfiction book, Christian Sex and Marriage—It’s Complicated. Each section begins with interviews and/or testimonies of Jesus followers. I am looking for real life stories that illustrate difficult issues believers face. Happy endings are not necessary—truth is. Even if you are living your struggle today, you have a valid story to tell. Your story may help someone else heal, or make a better choice in his or her marriage.
Some testimonies are a single paragraph. Some are pages long. All names and enough details will be changed to protect anonymity—you may make these changes yourself.
I need the following:
• Christian men and women who have had extra-marital affairs or whose spouse had an affair.
My goal is to provide a tool to help others work through pain and move forward in healing, and/or learn to recognize signs in their hearts and lives that might prevent them from stepping out of their vows.
I am most interested in emotions and thoughts before, during, and after an affair. The why’s are important. Advice to others who may be in your situation will help.
• Men and women in the later half of life—How does aging change your sex-life? Any advice on how to keep active and new after decades of marriage? What about the physical limitations? How do you compensate for those?
• Your story as it relates to sex and marriage—whatever it is. The scope of this book has grown as I’ve received testimonies. We deal with many issues. Hearing what you have gone through may be just what someone else needs.
Several people who have shared their stories have reported personal breakthroughs and healing during the process of writing their testimonies.
There are two ways to share your testimony. You can write your testimony, change your name and identifying factors, and mail it anonymously to:
Rebecca Reilly
c/o Lakehills Church
7000 Rossmore Lane
El Dorado Hills, CA 95762
Or, you can message me on facebook (https://www.facebook.com/RebeccaLynnR...) or email me (rebeccareilly.author@gmail.com).
By sending your stories to me, you grant me permission to use your words without acknowledgement of source, and you grant me permission to shorten, edit, or not use your words.
My prayer for you is abundant peace, joy, and health!
Rebecca Reilly
Rebeccareilly.net
http://bit.ly/RReillyAmazonAuthor
I am delving into issues of sex, marriage, intimacy, and faith for my current nonfiction book, Christian Sex and Marriage—It’s Complicated. Each section begins with interviews and/or testimonies of Jesus followers. I am looking for real life stories that illustrate difficult issues believers face. Happy endings are not necessary—truth is. Even if you are living your struggle today, you have a valid story to tell. Your story may help someone else heal, or make a better choice in his or her marriage.
Some testimonies are a single paragraph. Some are pages long. All names and enough details will be changed to protect anonymity—you may make these changes yourself.
I need the following:
• Christian men and women who have had extra-marital affairs or whose spouse had an affair.
My goal is to provide a tool to help others work through pain and move forward in healing, and/or learn to recognize signs in their hearts and lives that might prevent them from stepping out of their vows.
I am most interested in emotions and thoughts before, during, and after an affair. The why’s are important. Advice to others who may be in your situation will help.
• Men and women in the later half of life—How does aging change your sex-life? Any advice on how to keep active and new after decades of marriage? What about the physical limitations? How do you compensate for those?
• Your story as it relates to sex and marriage—whatever it is. The scope of this book has grown as I’ve received testimonies. We deal with many issues. Hearing what you have gone through may be just what someone else needs.
Several people who have shared their stories have reported personal breakthroughs and healing during the process of writing their testimonies.
There are two ways to share your testimony. You can write your testimony, change your name and identifying factors, and mail it anonymously to:
Rebecca Reilly
c/o Lakehills Church
7000 Rossmore Lane
El Dorado Hills, CA 95762
Or, you can message me on facebook (https://www.facebook.com/RebeccaLynnR...) or email me (rebeccareilly.author@gmail.com).
By sending your stories to me, you grant me permission to use your words without acknowledgement of source, and you grant me permission to shorten, edit, or not use your words.
My prayer for you is abundant peace, joy, and health!
Rebecca Reilly
Rebeccareilly.net
http://bit.ly/RReillyAmazonAuthor
