Juliet Escoria's Blog

Juliet Escoria wrote YOU ARE THE SNAKE (forthcoming from Soft Skull in 2024), JULIET THE MANIAC (Melville House 2019), WITCH HUNT (Lazy Fascist 2016), and BLACK CLOUD (CCM/Emily Books 2014).

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email: julietescoria at gmail.com

Juliet Escoria wrote JULIET THE MANIAC (Melville House 2019), WITCH HUNT (Lazy Fascist 2016), and BLACK CLOUD (CCM/Emily Books 2014).

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email: julietescoria at gmail.com

Torrey Pines, 1918, 6 years before the 101 was constructed.

juliet escoria wrote JULIET THE MANIAC (Melville House 2019), WITCH HUNT (Lazy Fascist 2016), and BLACK CLOUD (CCM/Emily Books 214).

contact: email // twitter // instagram

Up at Catapult: “A Myth About Self-Harm”

In this anthology:

alongside Peruvian writers and many of my favorite American writers.

The poems are in English, Spanish, and Quechuan :D

can’t stop looking at photos of the ronettes

So everyone in WV is like, real proud of ramps, which are this onion-garlic hybrid that grow wild here. I’ve never had ramps. I assumed they would be like pepperoni rolls, the other culinary “pride” of WV, which are exactly what they sound like – rolls with pepperoni in them – and taste exactly like rolls with pepperoni in them, i.e. disturbingly overrated.

But I’d never seen them at the grocery store and these food websites are always saying how amazing they are so when my friend Diane asked me if I wanted some, I wasn’t going to say no.

I took them home, made some “butter” with them (quotes because I used smart balance). It was amazing, onion-garlicky but not as powerful and also with a freshness that neither onion nor garlic have. So then I made some with eggs. ALSO AMAZING!!! So then I read hella ramps recipes. Most of the best-looking ones involved dairy, which I try not to eat because it makes me break out and I’m vain. I wound up creating this: CARMELIZED RAMP CASHEW “CHEESE”

WHICH IS LITERALLY ONE OF THE BEST THINGS I’VE EVER EATEN

TASTES LIKE GOD

Also during my research, I learned I’ve never seen them for sale because their season is short, they don’t stay fresh for very long once you’ve removed them from the ground, they’re temperamental, and you have to forage them. Apparently most people have to get them very early in the morning from farmers’ markets and they’re expensive. So basically my friend Diane is a goddess.

Gonna pretend this is a food blog and post the recipe

CARMELIZED RAMP CHEESE

-3 tbsp butter or butter substitute

-1 bunch ramps

-1 c raw cashews

-1 tbsp minced parsley

-2 tsp lemon juice

-2 tsp olive oil

-salt and pepper

Soak the cashews in water overnight in a large mason jar.

Dice the ramps, keeping the white and green parts separate. Heat the butter in a heavy skillet on medium until lightly browned (I actually used real butter because cooked butter doesn’t bother me, I don’t understand bodies). Add the whites of the ramps and cook 1-2 mins until tender. Then add the leaves, cooking until lightly charred. Place on a paper towel to soak up excess butter (or not).

Drain the cashews, rinse them, and then put them back in the jar (they should be damp). Add the remaining ingredients, and then purée with an immersion blender until smooth. Add more salt, pepper, lemon juice, or olive oil to taste.

some linxxxxxxx, many of them months old 

I wrote a review-essay thing about PERSON/A by Elizabeth Ellen, which is the most interesting, complicated book to come out in a long long time.
I did the Tiny Spills interview at the magical Cosmonauts Avenue
I had a “prose poem” (?) up at Tyrant
Christopher Higgs did a really mind-blowing review thing of Witch Hunt at the newly resurrected HTMLGIANT
I interviewed Chloe Caldwell and April Ayers Lawson (both amazing books)

ALSO! Scott McClanahan’s THE SARAH BOOK will be out in June. You can pre-order it now. Apparently you can also pre-order it from Target. Here is an excerpt. 

some linxxxxxxx, many of them months old 

I wrote a review-essay thing about PERSON/A by Elizabeth Ellen, which is the most interesting, complicated book to come out in a long long time.
I did the Tiny Spills interview at the magical Cosmonauts Avenue
I had a “prose poem” (?) up at Tyrant
Christopher Higgs did a really mind-blowing review thing of Witch Hunt at the newly resurrected HTMLGIANT
I interviewed Chloe Caldwell and April Ayers Lawson (both amazing books)

ALSO! Scott McClanahan’s THE SARAH BOOK will be out in June. You can pre-order it now. Apparently you can also pre-order it from Target. Here is an excerpt. 

In other news, I am very excited to announce that I am going on Accutane in two weeks. You have to pass two pregnancy tests before they let you take it because of the likelihood of a deformed baby. You also have to take monthly quizzes on birth control. I learned in my educational pamphlet that some people believe: you can’t get pregnant if you don’t orgasm (meaning the woman doesn’t orgasm), and you can’t get pregnant if you don’t move, because ‘sexually active’ is apparently taken literally, i.e. if you aren’t physically active during sex you won’t get pregnant. So basically only slutty sluts who like sex get pregnant. Anyway, I’m super excited to have flaky dry skin and chapped-to-hell lips, after a lifetime of being a greasy zitball. 

Lately I have been considering purchasing a wind chime, which makes me concerned for myself.