Franklin Gillette's Blog - Posts Tagged "non-judgement"
Compatibility Part 1
-Excerpt from Compatibility Code of Harmony for Love and Unity
First, we must do what we can to help resolve the situation.
Second, it is important to access the relationship on the basis of need and expectation.
We all have certain needs which are met within harmonious relationships such as the need for companionship, for love given to receive, given and received, for compassion, for recognition, and acceptance.
We must come to the reality that most of the time inharmonious relationships between two people are coming from either both or one.
Neither can come to a sensible acceptance that it could be themselves.
There with, they cast the stone.
We all know that when we live and work in harmony with others, we release creative energies to achieve great goals than we are capable to do on our own.
Relationships are jeopardized when we translate needs into unrealistic expectations, and in most cases to our own benefit.
Meaning, we tend to look into the eyes of others but to see from our own hearts.
As adults, the two most common distortions are the result of expecting to be taken care of and/or expecting one other person to be everything to you according to your wishes, according to your likes, dislikes, and your expectations.
However, mutual trust and respect and acceptance are the best nurtures when we are willing to risk vulnerability.
Most people engage in relationships where they expect the party to be the source of all the intellectual and emotional feeds.
They tend to rest in another person’s responsibilities, and therefore blaming the next person when they can’t come to mutual agreements on things that are based on their own inner thoughts.
They count 1,2,3,4, and 5, and expect the person to pick up 6, 7, 8, and 9 without having any root understanding or emotional meaning to what they’re trying to say.
Most people when they approach you they begin a conversation abruptly, and they assume that you started out in their head with them.
They start such conversations as, “remember when we did such and such?” or “if you had so and so?” or “did you see so and so?” or “didn’t you see it the way I see it?”
And no two people will ever see anything the exact same way because everybody that exists is a personal individual and an incident that will never ever happen again in life, nor has it ever happened before.
Often what happens is we shut out all possibilities for true loving relationships because we allow fear to dominate our thoughts, feelings, and behavior.
Compatibility: The Code of Harmony for Love and Unity
Franklin Gillette
First, we must do what we can to help resolve the situation.
Second, it is important to access the relationship on the basis of need and expectation.
We all have certain needs which are met within harmonious relationships such as the need for companionship, for love given to receive, given and received, for compassion, for recognition, and acceptance.
We must come to the reality that most of the time inharmonious relationships between two people are coming from either both or one.
Neither can come to a sensible acceptance that it could be themselves.
There with, they cast the stone.
We all know that when we live and work in harmony with others, we release creative energies to achieve great goals than we are capable to do on our own.
Relationships are jeopardized when we translate needs into unrealistic expectations, and in most cases to our own benefit.
Meaning, we tend to look into the eyes of others but to see from our own hearts.
As adults, the two most common distortions are the result of expecting to be taken care of and/or expecting one other person to be everything to you according to your wishes, according to your likes, dislikes, and your expectations.
However, mutual trust and respect and acceptance are the best nurtures when we are willing to risk vulnerability.
Most people engage in relationships where they expect the party to be the source of all the intellectual and emotional feeds.
They tend to rest in another person’s responsibilities, and therefore blaming the next person when they can’t come to mutual agreements on things that are based on their own inner thoughts.
They count 1,2,3,4, and 5, and expect the person to pick up 6, 7, 8, and 9 without having any root understanding or emotional meaning to what they’re trying to say.
Most people when they approach you they begin a conversation abruptly, and they assume that you started out in their head with them.
They start such conversations as, “remember when we did such and such?” or “if you had so and so?” or “did you see so and so?” or “didn’t you see it the way I see it?”
And no two people will ever see anything the exact same way because everybody that exists is a personal individual and an incident that will never ever happen again in life, nor has it ever happened before.
Often what happens is we shut out all possibilities for true loving relationships because we allow fear to dominate our thoughts, feelings, and behavior.
Compatibility: The Code of Harmony for Love and Unity
Franklin Gillette
Compatibility Part 2
It is very difficult to solve a situation between one person to another when you’re dealing with one person to a group of others.
For each person has their own motive for trying to solve the situation or to not solve the situation.
So you can never solve a personal relationship when one person is confronted with a group, and the reason being when one person is confronted with a group of people it’s not like when one mind is confronted with one mind and therefore they can come to a clear distinctive definition of their words.
When a group of people are confronting one man we have mass confusion for each person that comes to this meeting to solve the problem comes with their own motives and their own reasons and whether or not they personally want to or don’t want to solve the problem.
So it is important that when you imagine a person in your mind’s eye that you imagine just one person in your mind’s eye.
So I repeat, imagine the other person in your mind’s eye and begin to talk to them.
How are you assuming their response?
Are either of you hurt, angry, defensive, fearful?
Is there some way you can speak to them so that they will respond in a more positive way, or so that you can face them more compassionately?
Do either of you have an unrealistic expectation of the other?
What would your life be without them?
How would their life be different without you?
In what way and ways are your lives connected?
What is the context of your relationship?
Is there a particular issue that causes tension between you?
Can you visualize a solution that will ease the tension?
Are you willing to negotiate a resolution?
Explore the relationship in your mind’s eye from as many different perspectives as possible.
Be aware that your relationship grows and changes as you do.
The more objective you become, the more you free yourself from fears, the more insightful and creative your thoughts will become.
Gradually you will be able to relate fear with feelings of self-love, worth, and compassion.
Compatibility: The Code of Harmony for Love and Unity
Franklin Gillette
For each person has their own motive for trying to solve the situation or to not solve the situation.
So you can never solve a personal relationship when one person is confronted with a group, and the reason being when one person is confronted with a group of people it’s not like when one mind is confronted with one mind and therefore they can come to a clear distinctive definition of their words.
When a group of people are confronting one man we have mass confusion for each person that comes to this meeting to solve the problem comes with their own motives and their own reasons and whether or not they personally want to or don’t want to solve the problem.
So it is important that when you imagine a person in your mind’s eye that you imagine just one person in your mind’s eye.
So I repeat, imagine the other person in your mind’s eye and begin to talk to them.
How are you assuming their response?
Are either of you hurt, angry, defensive, fearful?
Is there some way you can speak to them so that they will respond in a more positive way, or so that you can face them more compassionately?
Do either of you have an unrealistic expectation of the other?
What would your life be without them?
How would their life be different without you?
In what way and ways are your lives connected?
What is the context of your relationship?
Is there a particular issue that causes tension between you?
Can you visualize a solution that will ease the tension?
Are you willing to negotiate a resolution?
Explore the relationship in your mind’s eye from as many different perspectives as possible.
Be aware that your relationship grows and changes as you do.
The more objective you become, the more you free yourself from fears, the more insightful and creative your thoughts will become.
Gradually you will be able to relate fear with feelings of self-love, worth, and compassion.
Compatibility: The Code of Harmony for Love and Unity
Franklin Gillette
