So, oh my gosh, like, would you believe it they only came crawling back on their hands and knees to beg me to do a one last job before retiring, and they were all like, but Paul, your so good at blogging that you make everyone feel like their lives can be better, plus your the prettiest an most heavily sexualised web personalley out there, and I was all like, well, yeah I am, as if I don’t already know that, but whatever, doucheholes, like, douchever, whatholes, like treble up yours with a big hard douche in your hole because

relaxing at home on bed of silver

i know, Im the bomb, and thats why im back with the blog to end all blogs and it’s not like anyone else is even up to scratch, there’s the scratching post over there, how many claws do you count, and before I let you yes ok you cn answer Im gonna give you a hint and tell you its just one pair, of claws, and theyre mine, okay, get over it, you douche-hungry lesbos, delicious douche in my big stupid face, but when you run a blog, life is just different, you know, and in a big and kind of realistic way that makes me better than most people without even trying, thats, like, the thing, thats how it gos, when the, like, facts are laid down straight up, that Im just better, and, you know, that doesn’t come easy, you can’t just bend down straight up over a douche and say GIMME A BLOG because I earned it, im the genius here, and you’r’e not… not a genius, like, you8re the anti-genius, meaning you hate geniuses and I’,  like, one, one genius, okay, one whole one, but as I said before, a retiring genius, one last job kind of like Danny Glover, I’m like the veteran blogger here with all the life experience and the skill cumin out the eyeholes in my douche, putting his toolbelt back on for one last interactive blogging experience, then its time to sit back and watch that

i had this lying around

hit contt6er tick in the upwards direction, one by 1, eight, nine, 10, like that, and ill count every single one of them until, like, fifty maybe, because after that long I’llget hungry and you know what they say about geniuses, they, you know, need to eat, that counter can hit sixty-5 by itself, no skin off my intellectuals nose, I’ve got a CASH COW roasting in the “millionaire’s oven”, and it’s rare meat, like my talent, which is better than raw talent actually because when things are raw they bleed and are more likely to harbor disase haorbu BE SICK AS FUCK and yeah I mean my style is ill like the flow of Vanilla Ice’s but actually im pretty resilient because yes I do yoga and pilates sometimes at the same time, which is called yolates, which is also my favroite drink

, but my points, like, i am pretty good, and thats more than you can say for some people isnt it, and besides the sight of blood genuinely makes me want to vomit whether a douche is present or not, and theres no way of coming back from that kind of defeat, so actually best to leave raw pieces of meat where you find them, once again unlike my talent, which is now available on iPhone Im told by the president apple, thats right, losers, I did a deal with Apple, they said of course it’s available on our web-integrated browser and it wasn’t necessary to email everyone in the company, just apple@apple.com would do, which as far as I can tell is like the red phone that my peer and good friend Barack Obama has directly linked to the end of the world, which, now I think about it, is

this one was easy

a lot like my creative output in a lots of ways which unfortunately I dot have the space to go into here, becayse its a story for another day, for another year mayhap, when humans once again learn to accept genre-smashing, no hooks, no punchlines, certainly no pandaring to convention or any consensus on what makes a piece of writing good or dare i say briliant, but good and honest self-confidence that has spiralled out of control on a wide and some migt say disgusting scale, that asks one too many questions for anyone’s good, but the most important of this is like, what makes life worth living,

i fukin hate you jethro

so in answer to your original question how to write a blog that gets the BIG G’s and the like. it’s that easy

Images here, here, here, and here. (Thanks/sorry)

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