I couldn't sleep last night. I was tossing and turning, my mind totally tied up in knots. And I wasn't dwelling on one thing in particular – it was more just general turmoil over the life of a woman pushing 30. I was trying to psychoanalyze myself, and this idea popped into my head. It was the idea of a pie chart. A life pie chart. The Happiness Pie, if you will. (And why wouldn't you? It's pie!)

Although I am a very creative person, I also have a very practical and logical side. I'm not always controlled by my emotions, ok? *Dramatic sigh* I'm also very visual. And I like dessert. So the idea of a pie chart just works for me.

I really think I've got something here. I think I'm going to write a nonfiction book about my quest for the perfect Happiness Pie. Because I will find it by the time I'm 30. Well, 31. Let's not push it.

This idea is by no means completely fleshed out yet, but let me see if I can get the general principle down on paper. Errrr…on…internet. And don't steal my book idea, anyone. That would be rude.

Life needs variety

When you think of a pie chart, you think of many different categories represented by different colors. Some pieces of the pie are bigger than others. Some are just a little sliver. But there is definitely variety. (Because really, why even do a pie chart if you only have 2 or 3 categories? Do you really need a visual aide for that? I hope not.) I think in order to have a balanced life, you need to try to have some variety within your Life Pie.

It's like eating a balanced meal. They say that your plate should be very colorful. And I don't think they mean colorful with Cheetos, Skittles, and brightly frosted cupcakes. You need the rich greens of spinach, the bright reds of berries, etc. Same with your Life Pie. You need a rich array of colors in order to turn your Life Pie into the ever elusive Happiness Pie.

Yes, you can have too much of a good thing

Even if you do have every imaginable color in your Life Pie, that doesn't mean you've found the secret recipe for Happiness Pie. Would you want to eat a pie that has 5 cups of sugar, 1/16th of an apple, 2 grains of salt, and 1 drop of vanilla? (Ha! Clearly I've never made pie before, because I have no idea what the ingredient are. I just stuck with the basics for this analogy. I think.) No, that pie would be straight up nasty.

The problem of having too much of a good thing is twofold.

First, there is a limit to how much can fit in the pie tin. So logically, if you have more of one thing, you're going to have less of another. I have this friend who hates it when people say they are going to give 110%, because it's not possible. You're not going to be able to put 110% into your pie tin. You've got a limited amount of space and time in your life to work with, and obsessing over one thing won't leave you enough time to devote to others.

Second, we don't always have control over the ingredients we're using to build our Life Pies. Say I'm devoting 75% of my pie to a relationship, or to my job, or to watching reruns of The Real Housewives on Bravo. What happens when those things go away? What if you lose that relationship? What if you lose that job? What if The Real Housewives are no longer syndicated on Bravo? (Well, then you'd buy the DVDs. Bad example.) You're left with a Life Pie that is mostly empty.

This doesn't mean that you can't devote large portions of your pie to certain things. In fact, I think you should. I don't think your pie should have a bunch of equal pieces. But take caution when choosing how to distribute your time and your commitment. Certain things deserve a bigger slice of the pie, for sure. And you don't have to live in fear that your bigger slices will get taken away from you, that's not the point at all. Just know that there's more to life than that one person, that one addiction, or that one episode where Sheree pulled Kim's wig.

God deserves a big ol' slice

There are no certainties in this life, except for God. Sure, most likely you'll live a fairly happy life, you'll buy things, you'll have family, you'll do things that make you happy, and you'll die. But what if that doesn't happen? What if, heaven forbid, you lose everything? Your pie tin will never be completely empty as long as you have God. So doesn't it make sense to give him more than just a little sliver?

This reminds me of a scene from a Friends Thanksgiving episode that I quite enjoy. Joey had just succeeded in eating an entire turkey on a bet and was complaining about how full he was, and it was time for dessert:

Joey: What you got there? Pie?

Monica: Yeah, you want some?

Joey: Just a sliver

Monica starts cutting a small piece

Joey: Little bigger … mmmbigger … what, are you afraid you're gonna run out? CUT ME A REAL PIECE!

That had nothing to do with anything. I just like quoting Friends.

So what is The Happiness Pie?

I think The Happiness Pie is achieved when you find the perfect harmony of all of the elements of your life. Your pie will look colorful, unique, well-balanced, and it should excite you. You should be proud of all of the ingredients in your pie. It should represent hard work, discipline, your talents, your personality, and the things you hold most dear. The recipe should be constantly adjusted and refined. It should make you feel fulfilled, productive, and happy.

I'm doing a crap job at living a life that reflects the perfect Happiness Pie. And I'm going to fix that. And I'm going to write about it.

In closing, a pie chart for you: