Here it is--a sneak peak for the sequel to I'll be Your Drill..




Phillip & Ryan and everyone else so they don't feel as shitty as I do. 22Dec2006
 
You guys suck. I mean, seriously freaking suck. Las Vegas? Really? If you tell us Elvis married you I swear to God you'll be officially the gayest couple I know! We were planning the wedding, but oh no you two have to go and get married in LAS FUCKING VEGAS?! I hate you both! You two said you were going on VACATION not 'oh by the way LET'S GET FUCKING MARRIED SO OUR FRIENDS CAN'T COME!'
 
I had plans! Phillip, you totally fucked it up again. Remember our wedding? The wedding of MY dreams? Yeah right. It was the Justice of the Peace and a nice dinner at fucking McDonalds. I hate you both.
 
Sandy
 
**
 
Sandy                                                                                                                           23Dec2006
 
Baby, we love you. We just didn't want to do this whole stupid wedding shit BUT we had to get married so they didn't PCS us apart. You love me, you know it. I'm better than Phil. I swear to God I told him we should have told you! But, he just HAD TO DO IT. Elvis didn't marry us...a Vulcan did...I'm pretty sure Phillip pissed his pants a little. He went sixteen-year-old geek on me when he saw it. We totally got married on the USS Enterprise. I had to convince him not to dress up as a Klingon.
 
Yeah, I know he's a geek. I love him but he is seriously a huge-assed geek. WE got married in a spaceship. Sooo forgive me. I didn't want to tell everyone we got married by a Vulcan. He also took me to Arbys.
 
Ryan.
 
**
 
Ryan 24Dec2006
 
A Vulcan? Oh god. I'm no longer mad at you ‘cause I may have had a shitty wedding and had all my plans dashed but you're obviously sadder than I am. Even with the Arbys. You got roast beef, I got something that LOOKED like hamburgers. (Which I promptly threw up because Hello Pregnant!)
 
That's it. He knocked you up, didn't he?
 
Sandy
 
PS Katie says she misses you but she's STILL running. And they are saying she's got a good chance at State this year. Wish you guys were closer.
 
 
**
 
 
 
Sandy 24Dec2006
 
 
I know Katie will do well. She's got great form. Tell her I said congrats. I'll try and make it to State. I'm starting my first cycle in two weeks.
 
Yeah, that’s EXACTLY it. He knocked me up...Sandy, I love you. You know this...but really? Knocked me up? Maybe I knocked HIM up.
 
Ryan.
 
**
 
Topping once does not make you a top, Ryan. Just saying...
 
Sandy
 
 
**
 
Sandy,
 
Why must you constantly tell my husband what a jerk I am? He's bitching now that I just took him to Arbys when HE wanted McDonalds. Now I'm gonna have to shell out like thirty bucks just to feed him soy burgers. Damnit! (BTW what did you expect from seventeen-year-old me? You're just lucky I didn't want the reception at Chucky E. Cheese.)
 
 
The Vulcan was cool as hell. He even said 'live long and prosper.’ I was all geeked out, not gonna lie about that. You love me bunches, Sandy-Sue. Don't lie.
 
Phillip.
 
**
 
 
26Dec2006
Everyone
 
Sorry about the belated Christmas wishes. We just got out of the field. They are trying to kill us although you guys would laugh. We did 'war games'. My driver, and I use that term in the loosest sense of the word, hit a bunch of trees and knocked every single one of our rucksacks onto the ground and damn near took my head off while he was at it. I swear to god they just get dumber as time goes on.
 
Anyways, A Vulcan? Dude, that is like fucking awesome. Some people get married in Churches, others get married by a judge but y'all got married by a motherfucking Vulcan. Was it Spock? Tell me it was Spock. I'll totally love you even more. And on the fucking USS Enterprise. You two are my official heroes. That is totally how I wanna get married!
 
Brendon
 
**
 
 
All, 26Dec2006
 
Oh. My. God. Seriously? A Vulcan married you? Brendon, if you plan on ever seeing me again you better get this whole Star Trek wedding theme right out of your head. I'll be damned if I’ll get married by a Wookie.
 
You both suck and I hope you know how much I hate you. I agree with Sandy except Ryan, my dear brother, you're still screwed because I know you well enough. They had a Borg didn't they? And you went all twelve-year-old girl screaming and crying! God, you both have shitty romantic notions.
 
Mac
 
**
 
27Dec2006

You two are without a doubt the geekiest couple EVER. At least when I married Patrica he was happy with a simple Justice of the Peace ceremony. But really! A Star Trek theme wedding?
 
Mac, honey, I'm PRETTY sure Wookie is a Star Wars thing.
Mark
 
**
 
Mark, 27Dec2006
 
Geekiest? That even beats anybody that gets a teacup Yorkie and carries it in a pink purse. I mean Whiskey Tango Foxtrot you two.
 
Phil, what the hell man? I have spent the last five days explaining to YOUR ex-wife why she shouldn't come to Jackson and kick both of y'all asses. No amount of sex is making up for this cluster fuck. Now I'm stuck trying to convince her to marry me but damned if you two didn't make her scared to death over what I'll want our wedding to be. You both suck ass and I hate hate hate you.
 
Kenny.
 
PS Although it would be way cool to be married by a Wookie.
 
 
**
 
27Dec2006
 
 
Don't let Mark fool you. He cried as he said his vows.
 
Patrick.
 
 
**
 
28Dec2006
 
Oh for fucks sake. Get the hell over it, guys. We got married. We're in domesticated bliss. Can't any of you bastards say congrats and get us a fuckin’ toaster?
 
Besides, the Star Wars theme was my idea but Phillip said and I quote “Ryan, everyone will blow a gasket if we get married by Admiral Ackbar. “ Obviously a nameless Vulcan was a much better choice...
 
BTW, I still love you guys even if you have made this a huge deal.
 
Ryan.
 
 
**
 
28Dec2006
 
I'm not making a huge deal. Congrats and all that happy horseshit..
 
Just one question.
 
Got a sex tape my wife could watch?
 
Alexander
 
**
Dec 2006
 
I agree with Alexander, a sex tape would make up for everything. Just saying, Guys.
 
 
Tory
 
PS. Are you registered at Startrek.com so we can find you cool wedding gifts?
 
**
 
All Feb 2007
 
We're at Jackson. I got my first group. Folks, I'm training girls. Not women. Girls. They want me to turn a bunch of girls into soldiers. I haven't dealt with girls since before I joined the Military. Fuck my life.
 
Ryan
**
 
Ryan, 22Feb2007
 
 
Sorry, this would have came sooner, but the idea of you and a bunch of girls made me laugh for nearly a week straight. That is freaking priceless. Big Bad Ryan Grabowski, training fucking girls. Dude, that's like poetic justice. I'm rolling here...
 
Do you have to clean up that potty mouth? And bring cookies for jobs well done?
 
Brendon
 
**
Feb2007
Brendon/ He-who-will-never-get-laid-ever-again-until-he-stops-being-an-asshole.
 
And to my sexist dipshit brother.
 
You both are assholes. Women can train just as well as men. But, obviously having a dick makes you so much superior than all of us women. Obviously having tits means all our brains are in our asses. If it weren't for a woman neither of you two would fucking exist. So put that in your crack pipe and smoke it, ASSHOLES.
 
Mackenzie
 
**
 
1March2007
 
Wow, and everyone says I'm all brawn and no brains. See, this is why I'm respectful of my momma and women in general.
 
Kenneth
 
**
 
1March2007
 
Kenneth,
 
You traitor! You laughed your ass off when I called!
 
Brendon
 
**
 
Kenneth 1March2007
 
You might want to have them mark off the spots you've already kissed. That way their ass doesn't have your slobbers overlapping.
 
Ryan
**
 
Ryan, 2March2007
 
Don't be a dick.
 
Brendon. Funny how you grow a pair when Mac is a hundred miles away...
 
Sandy
 
**
 
Both of you are jerks. And don't expect any good Christmas cookies ever again. Not until you both grovel like fools. That was uncalled for!
 
Tory
 
 
 
**
 
Ladies, 2March2007
 
You're talking to two men who joined the Army to blow shit up and you're amazed they are sexist? You should be happy they can form thoughts and sentences that don't start with ‘Ka’ and end with ‘Boom’.
 
Think of it this way. They spend most of their time in the company of men. I bet they don't see a woman in uniform except once every six months. Forgive them for being assholes.
 
It's funny to us because we kinda see where they’re coming from except Kenneth, who's trying desperately not to get himself relegated to the couch.
 
Alexander
 
**
2March2007
 
Fuck off.
 
Sandy.
 
**
2March2007
Fuck you.
 
Mac
 
**
2March2007
Really, Alexander? Enjoy the couch, manly man!
 
Tory
 
**
3March2007
Dude, I thought it was funny. Mark is still laughing under his breath. He says “He feels your pain. What is he gonna do when it's that time of the month?”
 
Patrick
 
**
3March2007
God, I hate you all. Fine. I'm sorry for being a sexist jerk. I'll happily train these girls...one who by the way burst into tears just because I said 'Do you have any sense at all or did you leave it back home? If I ever have to hear “But Drill Sergeant Grabowski I have female problems,” I may kill something…WTF am I supposed to know about anything remotely related to PMS? I never even listened to Mac when she went off on her female problems…So you tell me if I should be training women?
 
Ryan
 
PS. Alexander you jerk. You're on the trail with me and you talk shit? I love you Tory for kicking his ass to the couch.
 
**
3March2007
ROFL...Female Problems? Really? Oh my god. I would have paid good money to see the look on your face.
 
Hey, where is Phillip? I was sure he would have had some snappy comeback.
 
Sandy
 
**
 
3March2007
 
You're not forgiven but that is seriously funny. I can tell you about 'female problems'...
 
Mac
 
 
**
3March2007
 
I'm here, just didn't have much to say.
 
Phillip
 
**
To: Ryan 4March2007
I'm just emailing you privately because of Phillip's email. What is going on? He doesn't sound like himself.
 
Sandy.
 
**
 
To: Sandy 4March2007
 
Hey honey.
 
He's tired and sore. Between work and his PT he doesn't joke around as much. It hasn't been a year yet but he thinks he should be able to run two miles under fifteen minutes like he did before...he can't. I think once he gets into the groove of things it will be okay. You know Phil. He does things his own way. He's working to keep up the bad ass Drill routine going plus dealing with the pain of all his PT. He has a new therapist named Frank. Phil likes him. I haven't met him yet.
 
Ryan