Painstakingly difficult. When the love of your life passed away, grief took away your light. Everything is shrouded with dark clouds; you’re in so much pain. You have promised everlasting devotion and love to your spouse, and now he’s gone.

Years passed by without him on your side, then suddenly, a miracle happened—you fall in love again. Is it wrong to let your heart beat for another? Definitely not. As 1 Timothy 5:14 says, “So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander” (ESV). More so, the heart knows no bounds, regardless of how many times it was broken—the heart always heals if treated right.

Now, you’re ready to promise yourself to another man—for better or for worse, ’til death do you part. But this time, as you utter the words “I do,” you are not only marrying the man standing beside you at the altar. You are also marrying his children and the bond they have formed prior to your marriage. Are your heart and mind prepared to start a new journey?

It’s not to say that remarriage after the death of a spouse and having stepchildren are difficult things to do. Some families ease into the transition without a hitch provided the right kind of care and love is put into the process, although the average blended family takes at least five years to adjust. Now, if you want some tips on how to become a good stepparent, then here are three things to keep in mind.

Love Your Stepchildren Unconditionally

Blame it on fairy tales or movies, but some people see stepparents as selfish and evil. This is your chance to prove them wrong. Make sure you treat your stepchildren like your own flesh and blood because they are your children. The moment you married their father, you have become their mother, so act like one.

Be there when they need you. Always make their needs a priority. Teach them good family values. Inspire them to become the better version of themselves. Most importantly, never give up on them.

Respect Their Adjustment Period

Allow your stepchildren to adapt to their new environment. Do not force yourself into their personal space. Just make yourself available for them and let them get to know you through time. Who knows, your occasional chitchats while you’re making them breakfast will give way to more meaningful conversations in the future.

Avoid Any Expectations

Every story of being a stepmom is different. You may have heard about a successful one, but you may have also seen some stepmom efforts gone wrong. Instead of comparing your family with others, why don’t you try to create a wonderful story that is completely your own. This will help you soften the challenges of living in a new environment with your stepchildren.

Remarriage and expanding your family may sound hard, but it’s all worth it. Just trust that you can handle the pressure of creating new bonds and relationships. It may take some time before you can become a full-time stepparent. The most important thing is to never give up.

References

GotQuestions.org. “What does the Bible say about remarriage after the death of your spouse?” Accessed June 14, 2017. https://www.gotquestions.org/remarriage-death.html.

Young, Karen. n.d. “Being a Stepparent: What You Need to Know to Make It Work.” Hey Sigmund. Accessed June 14, 2017. http://www.heysigmund.com/being-a-stepparent/.

Lyness, D’Arcy. 2013. “Becoming a Stepparent.” KidsHealth, September. Accessed June 14, 2017. http://kidshealth.org/en/parents/stepparent.html.

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