It Movie Review
Before I get into the meat and potatoes of the thing let me start of by saying that 'It' by Stephen King is one my favorite novels of all time.
It
rated R
2 hrs 15 minutes
***SPOILER ALERT*** I'm going to be giving an in-depth review here.
The movie starts off well enough, following the book fairly closely. The atmosphere and settings worked well. The child actors were cast nicely, and this could have been an amazing film. It wasn't. The moment CGI Georgie is shown running down the street in a computer generated rainstorm I knew they'd made a mistake. When Pennywise appears my first impression was of a retarded Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter. There was nothing menacing or interesting about him. The movie got worse from there (how is that possible?) There is no storyline. I mean none whatsoever.
Suddenly it's the end of the school year and we meet the Losers Club. They all interact in stilted ways, with Ritchie throwing out dull dirty one-liners. Henry Bowers, the books secondary antagonist is introduced as a mullet wearing bad boy who is about as intimidating as my 4 year old. Over the course of the next 90 years the Losers all have encounters with IT in rapid succession that make no sense. None were even remotely scary or entertaining.
We meet Mike Hannlon who seems to serve no purpose other than he was in the book and had to be included. His run in with It involves the clown standing in a meat locker. That's it. Just standing there like clowns do, surrounded by dead meat until Henry nearly runs Mike over for no reason. Stan gets attacked by a painting, Bill sees Georgie in his basement, Ben (who has a collection of Derry horror stories hanging from his bedroom walls that make him come off as a budding serial killer) runs from a headless boy, Bev gets attacked by hair (after her fathers not so subtle indication that he's molesting her) and Eddie meets a CGI leper in front of the Munster's house. Our serial killer in training Ben winds up being attacked by Henry and they end up in the Barrens where Patrick meets his off screen end. Ben is suddenly best friends with the Losers.
Somewhere in all of this Bev joins them just because, and they all catch hard ons watching her swim in her undies (perve alert, she's like 12. Sexy panties.....no) before staring at her sun bathing. Next they save Mike (who again serves no purpose) as Henry and Co. are beating him up (no explanation is given other than he lives outside town). A dull rock fight ensues (at which point my wife and I both contemplate leaving) and they decide to go after IT. Just because that's what the script says.
In the house on Neibolt Street mind numbing nonsense erupts. Sure, why don't we just leave half the cast outside while three of us go in to fight this thing that's existence is never explained. So in go Bill, Eddie, and Ritchie. Blah blah blah, dull mindless wannabe scary shit. Eddie breaks his arm, Ritchie goes alone into a room full of clown dolls and a coffin, Bill saves him. Methhead in a clown suit pops out of the fridge (how long is this piece of shit?) Bev rams a piece of rebar through his head (wasn't she outside the big dark house with the others? Oh wait, now they're all in the kitchen and it's sunny, makes sense).
Then a fist fight breaks out because they're all scared, Bev gets taken after daddy tries popping her cherry, (I ask can we leave? No. Damnit.) some other shit that makes no sense happens (which I've thankfully blocked out) Henry murders his dad (sure why not? He's got a mullet, lets just skip right from badass to batshit insane) and we're back at the house on Neibolt Street again.
So they're all going down a well now, the blood splattered one beneath the Munster House with the pile of bones in front of it. All are down except Mike. Here comes Henry. There goes Henry, down into the abyss for evermore (what happened to his friends? Why is he driving Belch's car, did he kill him too?). Bev isn't scared of no clown, even one with headlights in its throat. Now we're all here, for the final fight. Oh hey look, a YouTube channel uploaded a Randy Savage match. He could kick this junkies ass without the rebar, air gun, baseball bat, and other assorted foreign objects that would make Vince McMahon wet (OOOHHH YEAH! You got makeup on my tights! Here comes the madness mother fucker!). Sweet shit they beat him with ease. No tongue biting or going to the beyond. No turtle even. Its over? Thank Christ, I've had to piss for the last three decades and if I left there was no chance of my returning.
There was nothing good about this movie. It was a waste of $6.50. There was zero plot, no character development, and a Methhead clown who looked good but literally did nothing unless it was a stilted CGI run thing and face spilt. There was some blood, a few curse words, and that was it. No reason for an R rating. My final grade: F-
Stay home and cut your toenails instead, maybe eat something from between the couch cushions.
It
rated R
2 hrs 15 minutes
***SPOILER ALERT*** I'm going to be giving an in-depth review here.
The movie starts off well enough, following the book fairly closely. The atmosphere and settings worked well. The child actors were cast nicely, and this could have been an amazing film. It wasn't. The moment CGI Georgie is shown running down the street in a computer generated rainstorm I knew they'd made a mistake. When Pennywise appears my first impression was of a retarded Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter. There was nothing menacing or interesting about him. The movie got worse from there (how is that possible?) There is no storyline. I mean none whatsoever.
Suddenly it's the end of the school year and we meet the Losers Club. They all interact in stilted ways, with Ritchie throwing out dull dirty one-liners. Henry Bowers, the books secondary antagonist is introduced as a mullet wearing bad boy who is about as intimidating as my 4 year old. Over the course of the next 90 years the Losers all have encounters with IT in rapid succession that make no sense. None were even remotely scary or entertaining.
We meet Mike Hannlon who seems to serve no purpose other than he was in the book and had to be included. His run in with It involves the clown standing in a meat locker. That's it. Just standing there like clowns do, surrounded by dead meat until Henry nearly runs Mike over for no reason. Stan gets attacked by a painting, Bill sees Georgie in his basement, Ben (who has a collection of Derry horror stories hanging from his bedroom walls that make him come off as a budding serial killer) runs from a headless boy, Bev gets attacked by hair (after her fathers not so subtle indication that he's molesting her) and Eddie meets a CGI leper in front of the Munster's house. Our serial killer in training Ben winds up being attacked by Henry and they end up in the Barrens where Patrick meets his off screen end. Ben is suddenly best friends with the Losers.
Somewhere in all of this Bev joins them just because, and they all catch hard ons watching her swim in her undies (perve alert, she's like 12. Sexy panties.....no) before staring at her sun bathing. Next they save Mike (who again serves no purpose) as Henry and Co. are beating him up (no explanation is given other than he lives outside town). A dull rock fight ensues (at which point my wife and I both contemplate leaving) and they decide to go after IT. Just because that's what the script says.
In the house on Neibolt Street mind numbing nonsense erupts. Sure, why don't we just leave half the cast outside while three of us go in to fight this thing that's existence is never explained. So in go Bill, Eddie, and Ritchie. Blah blah blah, dull mindless wannabe scary shit. Eddie breaks his arm, Ritchie goes alone into a room full of clown dolls and a coffin, Bill saves him. Methhead in a clown suit pops out of the fridge (how long is this piece of shit?) Bev rams a piece of rebar through his head (wasn't she outside the big dark house with the others? Oh wait, now they're all in the kitchen and it's sunny, makes sense).
Then a fist fight breaks out because they're all scared, Bev gets taken after daddy tries popping her cherry, (I ask can we leave? No. Damnit.) some other shit that makes no sense happens (which I've thankfully blocked out) Henry murders his dad (sure why not? He's got a mullet, lets just skip right from badass to batshit insane) and we're back at the house on Neibolt Street again.
So they're all going down a well now, the blood splattered one beneath the Munster House with the pile of bones in front of it. All are down except Mike. Here comes Henry. There goes Henry, down into the abyss for evermore (what happened to his friends? Why is he driving Belch's car, did he kill him too?). Bev isn't scared of no clown, even one with headlights in its throat. Now we're all here, for the final fight. Oh hey look, a YouTube channel uploaded a Randy Savage match. He could kick this junkies ass without the rebar, air gun, baseball bat, and other assorted foreign objects that would make Vince McMahon wet (OOOHHH YEAH! You got makeup on my tights! Here comes the madness mother fucker!). Sweet shit they beat him with ease. No tongue biting or going to the beyond. No turtle even. Its over? Thank Christ, I've had to piss for the last three decades and if I left there was no chance of my returning.
There was nothing good about this movie. It was a waste of $6.50. There was zero plot, no character development, and a Methhead clown who looked good but literally did nothing unless it was a stilted CGI run thing and face spilt. There was some blood, a few curse words, and that was it. No reason for an R rating. My final grade: F-
Stay home and cut your toenails instead, maybe eat something from between the couch cushions.
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