In my most recent trip to the Peruvian jungle searching for new plant medicines to assist in my inner space adventures I happened upon a crystal valley guarded by great snakes who slither through non-linear time. After answering their riddles and befriending the youngest of these ancient snakes I was initiated into their guild, whenceupon I slew them and annexed their booty.

Now I'm back in New York with a trunk full of glistening gems, and I've noticed that merely by being in their presence I have been effected by their magical powers. I haven't gained any powers myself, unless you consider peaceful silence and a glorious comfort with my own mind to be magical (and I admit that sometimes I feel like it is). I am slowly descending into a meditative trance, unbothered by my worldly troubles and unwilling to pull myself out of this reverie.

At first my lover was happy with the change in my attitude. I was no longer cutting her down with cruel remarks, as was my wont during my habitual drunken  tirades. And I was content to spend an afternoon indoors, listening to music with her or making love in the afternoon. But then she said I was becoming distant, and slithering on the floor.

"Distant?" I asked. "Slithering? Well maybe, or maybe you're too caught up in your fancy New York lifestyle to see what you really are: an awkward conceptual contraption built upon an ancient lizard-brain. Snort some of these crystals with me, my love, and we will see who sinks and who slithers."

Now we are coiled up together on the couch watching reruns of Game of Thrones and waiting for the pizza delivery gentleman. Snakes don't like pizza, of course. But some snakes are very fond of gentlemen.