Every action does not deserve a reaction but according to Newton’s 3rd law, ‘For every action there is an equal or opposite reaction.’ As Christians or even just decent human beings, we should get in the habit of treating people with love, kindness, and respect. As a Christian, we should pray for our enemies and treat them with love even when they treat us with hate (opposite reaction). To combat hatred with hatred or evil with evil (equal reaction) then that means we are no better than them. The devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy and sadly he uses the people close to us to do it…FAMILY!

For the last couple weeks, I’ve been wanting to deal with black families in my blog, but I really didn’t want to talk about my family because there is already enough divide and I didn’t want to add more flame to the fire, but last night that fire was ignited, and I knew then I had to say something. My initial response was to snapback, but I didn’t want to cause a bigger commotion on someone else’s page, so I just prayed on it and let it go.

This morning, I was reminded of something. Things can never be healed if you don’t talk about it. Too many times, my family have ignored the divide and separation among us as if it simply does not exist, then as soon as someone in the family dies, everybody want to preach about coming together as a family. Well, let’s not wait until someone else dies. Why not address the issues and work together as a FAMILY to overcome the obstacles that are tearing us apart?

So, let’s address this popularity in the family issue. FIRST OFF, THERE SHOULD BE NO POPULARITY IN THE FAMILY. THIS ISN’T HIGH SCHOOL AND THIS DAMN SURE ISN’T A COMPETITION. THE GOAL OF A FAMILY IS TOGETHERNESS. SECOND OF ALL, HAVING MORE MATERIAL THINGS THAN YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS DON’T MAKE YOU POPULAR. THIRDLY, SOME OF THE MOST POPULAR PEOPLE IN THE FAMILY ARE THE ASS-KISSERS AND THE ONES THAT KEEP UP THE MOST SHIT. POPULAR PEOPLE ALWAYS NEED AN AUDIENCE TO SHINE, BUT YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT A CROWD GOES TO HELL A FEW WILL MAKE IT TO HEAVEN. OUR LIFE GOAL ISN’T TO PLEASE MAN, BUT TO PLEASE GOD AND IF YOUR GOAL IS TO BE LIKED OR POPULAR THEN YOU HAVE MISSED THE WHOLE POINT OF LIVING!

Now, many of you are going to stop right there and frankly, I don’t give a damn, but I’m done sugarcoating the truth. We are quick to holler about family need to stick together when half of y’all see each other in the streets and won’t even speak! I can’t speak for other people in this family, but I can speak about my experiences. I sent two of the supposed to be popular family members friend requests on Facebook a while back. They both denied or ignored my request. Why? I don’t know. I let the issue go. I’ve been in a store and spoke to a cousin that looked all upside my head and spoke to my friend standing right next to me. I have cousins that no longer speak to me because of misunderstandings, hatred, jealousy, or whatever issue they feel justifiable enough to hate me. Hell, I even have a sister and niece that don’t speak to me.

Now here is the point where you tell me I should be the bigger person and forgive them and all that good stuff, right?

Well, I have forgiven them. I hold no hatred in my heart for anyone that how I’m able to sleep at night. Here is what I have decided: Just because you forgive somebody though, that does not mean to have to keep allowing toxic people to be in your life. I refuse to deal with the shenanigans and keep people in my life that doesn’t mean me any good. I love my sanity and I love my peace. I’ve come too far from the old Pattie to allow someone to drag me back to that person.

Now let’s talk about family get togethers are family reunions.

As big as this family is, you would think we would be closer right? It’s amazing how the people you grew up so close to can now be so far away and the people you didn’t grow up with treat you better than the ones down the street and up the road! My two cents on family reunion is the same: If you are going to plan a family get together or a family reunion, then it should be for everyone not just the ones you are closest to. Even the crackhead family member, the thieving family member, the weed-smoking, promiscuous, club-hopping, sanctified, judgment, or holier than thou family member. A family reunion should be for all family members and if you know you are going to exclude someone then let someone who has matured passed disagreements and misunderstanding handle the planning.

We don’t get to choose our family, but we should love them regardless. As we all get up today and some will make their way to church. I pray that every one of you will examine your heart and let all this bitterness and hatred go. Why go sit up in church, praising God knowing you still harboring hate in your heart? That’s no way to live and you only making your own bed hard because at the end of it all, we are responsible for our own sins and transgressions.

Ephesians 4:31-32 states Get rid of all bitterness, passion, and anger. No more shouting or insults, no more hateful feelings of any sort. Instead, be kind and tender-hearted to one another, and forgive one another, as God has forgiven you through Christ.

I’m end with this. I love all my family! Even the ones that think I hate them, I love you too because I’m not going to miss my blessings hating on the next person. What’s for you will be for you and no one can stop what God has already deemed for you! Once we realize that, then it will be easier for us to embrace our family members and extend them our grace as Christ gives us his grace every day!

Be blessed,

Pattie King-Doss