This morning I watched the sun rise. It lit up the clouds with bold pinks, yellows, and oranges. It was so bright and beautiful but then almost as quickly as it illuminated the sky it disappeared leaving behind a sky of blue. I know the sun is still there. It is sitting behind the blanket of blue clouds. That knowledge of the sun’s existence comes from faith and reason, because even if I hadn’t seen the sunrise this morning I would know the sun is still there. I trust the sun is there.

2018 grew my faith deeper than I thought was possible. It was a difficult year without a doubt. There were great blessings in that year especially my job opportunity. With some time and new experiences, I expect that I will gain a deeper sense of gratitude among the pains it caused.

Growing isn’t easy, but it is worth it. I was incredibly aware how much of my life was operating by God’s grace last year. That was a valuable lesson. Walking into a classroom, driving down the road, and crawling into bed—time and time again I remember praying, “Jesus I don’t know how this is going to work, but I trust you.” He never let me down. He didn’t always work things out the way I expected but everything worked out. Even in the moments when everything was breaking and I was hurting so deeply, He was there. I clung to that knowledge in those moments.

Surviving a traumatic loss, while wicked and painful beyond
belief taught me life does not come with guarantees aside from one exception.
The exception? God. God is the guarantee whether you believe or not—He’s there.
Whether you turn to him or not—He’s there. He’s always there with open arms of
love and healing.

Knowing that releases the snares of control—the control of
others, the control of the world, the control of darkness, and the control of
our own sins.

For 2019 I had picked a word for the year, a word for contemplation and reflection. I’ve never done that before but I thought why not? My original word was ILLUMINATION but I’m changing that. Cause I’m a woman I can change my mind.