Nah. For real. When people ask me what I do, I actually experience of few seconds of anxiety wading through all the things before plucking out the right one for the occasion.

I run a writing community.I run a nonprofit.I’m a writer.I’m an editor.I’m an author.I’m a producer.I’m a freelancer.I’m a mess.

The thing is, they (mostly) all compliment each other. I run a writing community while simultaneously doing charitable work for young writers and readers in underserved communities. Because I’m a writer and reader. See?

But I do all those things because I love them. Which is unfortunate because none of them pay my bills.

And that is where producing and freelancing comes in. Not only do I have to fund these other projects, but I also need to, you know, eat.

So what do I say when people ask me what I do? Do I rattle off my day jobs, the work that pays me? Or do I talk about what really matters? The things that make me happy, and feed my soul, and give me a sense of fulfillment. I dodo all of those things, more wholeheartedly than anything else, but why does it feel like I’m lying when I lead with them?

I find that balancing your “9-5” (or in my case, 12-12) with your labor of love is a common grievance amongst a lot of people my age, and that’s actually comforting. Not my misery loves company, but because I feel like it attests to the path I’m on, and the fact that this feeling is probably completely normal.

Whenever I feel too low, or discouraged, or like a dirty stinking failure—which, to be honest, is probably too often—I remind myself that every success story includes a struggle. They all have some failures. And this part of my life, including the negative feelings, is just that part of my success story.

Would love some advice on how other people keep themselves motivated, though. I think I feel most determined when I’m having bad days at said 12-12 (kidding, not kidding). But I also find myself hitting a lot of walls; I’ll look at my three page to-do list and suddenly feel the overwhelming need to lay down instead. Or a seemingly impossible-to-clear hurdle will present itself and suddenly I’m fighting the urge to do one of the double-arm table sweeps. Obviously these are the moments when I just have to keep pushing, and I guess I have, but I’m very interested in how other people keep pushing. What is it other people do to summon that internal fortitude and keep moving forward?

If you’re reading this, and you’re like “Whoa, yeah. Been there, done that,” (or something to that effect) tell me about it and let’s inspire each other.