I would like to preface this post by saying that John Cazale was an excellent actor who has been gone for over 40 years now. There’s no telling what heights he could have reached, but, hey, it’s 2020, and people are still referencing characters and lines he made famous, and that’s saying a lot for a man who made paper-thin roles into Teflon.

“Watch out for the quiet ones.”

I don’t understand why people don’t heed this oh-so accurate truth.

I am weary and wary of people who always, always, always, always, always, ALWAYS have something to say or a question to ask. Do you like hearing yourself talk, or are there just so many warring voices inside your head that you’re afraid that they will overtake you if you’re silent for more than two minutes?

I don’t know what I don’t know until I encounter a problem that will cause me to face my lack of knowledge, and even then, I will try to figure it out on my own; if I can’t, then I will ask for help.

I get giddy when I figure out sh*t on my own; it’s exhilarating . . . George Washington Carver must have felt like this when he discovered so many ways to use the peanut, and ya’ll motherf*ckers out here complaining about a peanut allergy.

Anyway, it’s my birthday month. Yep, another year older. And, another year of noticing that the more sh*t changes, the more sh*t stays the same. Just think about it. Bullsh*t changes settings but it’s still bullsh*t.

Eventually, I want to do what I really want to do: Write stories that people enjoy (or not) and make a decent living off it. I want to do that while listening to Eric B. and Rakim’s “Paid in Full,” or RM’s “Badbye,” or Big Freedia’s “Rent,” or Sia’s “The Greatest,” or Slick Rick’s “Children’s Story.”

I want to find the things that used to make my nerve-endings tingle. A couple of days ago I rediscovered a movie that used to scare the sh*t out of me when I was a kid. It was one of those straight-to-video movies, which were in full quantity at the video store back in the 90s. Usually, these movies had a cast of unknown actors or actors that were once known. However, this one had the incomparable Christopher Plummer (yep, Amanda’s daddy–I watched So I Married an Axe Murderer recently; did ya’ll know that was Luenell playing that desk officer? I didn’t, and I have watched that movie aplenty since it came out in 1993)–Plummer just became the oldest Oscar winner several years ago and a recent nomination just made him the oldest person nominated for an Oscar–in it. Margot Kidder (yes, Lois Lane), Tatyana Ali (yes, Ashley Banks), that hot dude from Independence Day that played Randy Quaid’s oldest son, and that guy that was the boyfriend of one of the twins in the Sweet Valley High television series rounded out the cast.

This little low-budget gem with a pretty stellar cast is called The Clown at Midnight.

I won’t share the plot, because, hell, the title gives it away. Just know it’s a horror film that is not as horrible as you would think. The main protagonist explained the fear factor of this movie well: (I’m kind of paraphrasing here) Imagine if you saw a clown earlier in the day doing his/her thing. Okay, not so scary–maybe. Now imagine that same clown sitting on your front porch at midnight . . . scared now?

Hell yeah!

Still, if you find this movie on the Internet, watch it.

It’s amazing how many nightmares that movie used to give me when I was younger, and now . . .

I wonder a lot at why I am no longer afraid of the things I used to be afraid of as I get older. I guess with time, you do grow tougher, stronger.

That’s why you can’t tell older adults sh*t; they have lived through so much and survived . . . they’re fearless.

As I age, I have to remember to always have faith and confidence in my abilities.

I’m free to be the greatest. I’m alive.

The greatest. The greatest. The greatest alive.

I’m going to make my dreams into reality. How do I know?

I got stamina.

Peace and health.