Happy Mother's Day
My mom had my older brother at 16 years old. Given than my father is a fair bit older than she is, this never quite sat right with me, even though she has insisted over the years that "it was a different time" and that she was "the age of consent." Insisted vehemently. It wasn't until a few months ago that it hit me why those explanations didn't work. I won't go into the math I did, but the bottom line is she had to have been 15 when she got pregnant. My dad would have been 23 at the time. It disgusts me.
She was born and grew up in a very isolated, American-owned mining village in Liberia, West Africa, and anyone who is aware of such situations would immediately have sirens going off in their head. The substance abuse, mental illness, and draw of pedophlic individuals to such communities is rampant. The stories I've heard would fill a good sized tome -- mining communities are bad enough without all the other bonuses of being in isolated African locations.
"A different time" or not, she and my father moved to Canada when she was 20. Did things improve? In some ways, yes. My mom could have friends and community now, far healthier than anything she had growing up. But my father didn't change. He was never physically abusive, but always made sure she felt stupid enough not to be able to live without him. I'm not going into all the details... let's just say my mom had to give up a lot because of him. Her self esteem, her education, her dreams to become a nurse. It wasn't until she was in her 30s, I believe, that she began to recognise him for what he was. A pathological narcissist. A selfish sociopath. And yet she still believes it was all her fault -- it was a different time, and she was of consenting age.
They're still married. But they haven't lived on the same continent in 20+ years. She has managed to raise three children, basically on her own, and I'm proud of her for that. She also has three beautiful grandchildren. However, I'm saddened that she still thinks so little of herself and doesn't believe she could have ever attained her dreams. She gave up on happiness for herself a long time ago.
She was born and grew up in a very isolated, American-owned mining village in Liberia, West Africa, and anyone who is aware of such situations would immediately have sirens going off in their head. The substance abuse, mental illness, and draw of pedophlic individuals to such communities is rampant. The stories I've heard would fill a good sized tome -- mining communities are bad enough without all the other bonuses of being in isolated African locations.
"A different time" or not, she and my father moved to Canada when she was 20. Did things improve? In some ways, yes. My mom could have friends and community now, far healthier than anything she had growing up. But my father didn't change. He was never physically abusive, but always made sure she felt stupid enough not to be able to live without him. I'm not going into all the details... let's just say my mom had to give up a lot because of him. Her self esteem, her education, her dreams to become a nurse. It wasn't until she was in her 30s, I believe, that she began to recognise him for what he was. A pathological narcissist. A selfish sociopath. And yet she still believes it was all her fault -- it was a different time, and she was of consenting age.
They're still married. But they haven't lived on the same continent in 20+ years. She has managed to raise three children, basically on her own, and I'm proud of her for that. She also has three beautiful grandchildren. However, I'm saddened that she still thinks so little of herself and doesn't believe she could have ever attained her dreams. She gave up on happiness for herself a long time ago.
No comments have been added yet.
