Once every ten years (maybe), or whenever I’m really struggling for content (probably), I plan to comb through the books I read since the last installment and present awards in a host of categories that don’t exist in popular book competitions, but certainly should. This inaugural celebration includes a couple books that I read outside of the 2011-2020 decade, but hey, it’s my awards, my rules. And without further ado, and in no particular order  …

Best Book About the Creation of Another Book

The Professor and the Madman by Simon Winchester

Like the consultants in Office Space, I celebrate Winchester’s entire catalog. With rare exception, I’ve found every single book of his to be absolutely fascinating. But this? Hoo boy! You’re forgiven for thinking the story behind the creation of the Oxford English Dictionary might be dull, but the truth is pure, wait for it, madness. Also a movie.

Best Book About Baseball Featuring the Exhumation of a Corpse

Art of Fielding by Chad Harbach

A beautifully written book about college, love, family and ambition. And baseball. I read this book multiple times in 2015, studying its structure, its prose. As someone who dealt with their own ups and downs in college sports, it really spoke to me. And, between you and me, I’ve always wanted to dig up a grave.

Best Book by an Author Who Fed His Tumor to a Turtle

Let’s Explore Diabetes with Owls by David Sedaris

Yes, I know the essay in which he feeds his tumor to a turtle actually appears in Calypso, and no I haven’t read all of Sedaris’s very funny books, but Let’s Explore Diabetes with Owls is laugh out loud hilarious. If you ever get a chance to see Sedaris … read? perform? speak? … do it. It’s not a cheap night out, but you’ll enjoy yourself.

Funniest Book to Itemize Everything Newcomers Hate About Seattle

Where’d You Go, Bernadette by Maria Semple

Few books elicit more than a chuckle from me. But I found myself laughing with every turn of the page throughout chunks of this book. It’s about a woman from Los Angeles who, after years of silently hating her Seattle life – and every one of the very real peculiarities of life in the Pacific Northwest – disappears. In fact, she has quite the meltdown. And it’s glorious. Also a movie.

Best Book to Remind You that All Dog Stories End in Tears

The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein

Kristin and I were flying home from Seoul back in 2007 or so, before we all had our own screens to watch movies on. We were at Air Canada’s mercy for entertainment. They played Marley & Me. I haven’t flown Air Canada since. The memory of crying alongside several hundred strangers lives on. The Art of Racing in the Rain is kind of like that. With race cars. It’s terrific. Bring tissues. Also a movie.

Marked Incomplete: Most Notable Series I Refuse to Finish

Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling

I tore through the first three Harry Potter books in a week’s time during our bicycle tour. Every afternoon, in Italy, upon arriving in camp, I’d plop myself down with my Kindle and a beer, and read for hours. But by the time I finished the fifth book, presumably titled Harry Potter and the Adjective Noun, I stopped. Rowling did a fantastic job of aging her cast of tweens into teens. And, by definition, teenagers suck. I’m told there are movies.

Best Book Featuring the Most Off-Putting Title

The Worst Hard Time by Timothy Egan

A staple of PBS documentaries involving the American West, Egan is, as far as I’m concerned, the Simon Winchester of America. He tends to focus on the natural world – forest fires, dust bowls, etc., — and is an exceptional researcher. The Worst Hard Time is about the Dust Bowl and Great Depression, but rather than take an approach like Steinbeck, Egan dives deep into the causes, effects, and lessons learned. Simply fascinating.

Scariest Book to Haunt Me Into Adulthood

Cujo by Stephen King

To this day, August 2020, at the ripe age of 44, I seldom fail to hurriedly shut the car door behind me and scan the immediate area with a sense of trepidation. I’m looking for him. Cujo. The rabid, killer St. Bernard that terrified me as a child. Though I read the book years after seeing the 1983 movie (at a way-too-young-age, mom!), I’m listing it here because Stephen King needs to be on this list somewhere. Have you ever wondered how strong the windows in your car are? If they can keep a 140-pound dog at bay? I have. Every. Single. Day.

Best Book About the Ex-Wives of a Famous Dead White Guy

Mrs. Hemingway by Naomi Wood

By and large, I don’t really care about the personal lives of the artists, authors, and musicians I enjoy. But I can make exceptions. Especially if it’s as imaginative, well-written, and believable as this. Divided into four parts, Mrs. Hemingway brings to life the complicated tangle of love, sex, and alcohol-soaked desire that led Ernest Hemingway in and out of marriage with four women. Terrific book.

Excellence in Cover Design: NSFW Edition

Tampa by Alissa Nutting

We’ve all read the headlines about young female teachers getting involved with their adolescent students. And many of us have read Lolita or seen American Beauty. Let me assure you, neither goes where Tampa goes. And with conviction! Told through the point-of-view of a female 8th grade teacher, this is a scorching hot, disturbing, erotic, and very uncomfortable tale. It will titillate and repulse. But this award is for the cover design. Well done. It stopped my scroll dead in its tracks.

I Hate It Cause I Wish I Wrote It Award

Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens

I recommended this book in a recent newsletter and yet here it is again. Back to rub my face in its wonderful prose and memorable characters. I’ve showered enough praise on this book already. It doesn’t need anymore. Soon to be a movie. Shocker.

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