Zane


I walk into my apartment, throwing my keys on the table by the door. I stalk my way to the mini bar beside the balcony entrance and pour a highball glass full of Jack. I take the glass and stand on the balcony watching the river below. Something that can be peaceful or torrential at any time feels like it is speaking to me right now. Like it understands these feelings and emotions running through me.
I fucking love Tori, but I don’t know what to do with it. I know ignoring her the last few weeks was probably a bad decision. I also know that nothing would have been resolved if I had answered. She would have lied or avoided my questions. She wouldn’t have opened up to me anymore than she did tonight.
“FUCK!” I yell out into the air not giving a single shit if it disturbs the neighbors. My neighbors can go fuck themselves.
Leave it to me to fall for the most difficult woman on the goddamn planet. She makes loving her fucking hard. Even though loving her is the easiest thing I’ve ever done.
The water on the river is rough tonight. A storm’s coming in. I can see the thunderheads in the distance as lightning flashes. It’s fitting considering how the rest of my day has gone. Shit game. Shit time at the club. Shit conversation with my girlfriend – if I can even really call her that. Just fucking shit.
My intercom buzzes bringing me out of my pity party for a moment. “Yeah,” I growl.
“Zane,” the only voice that makes everything in me both light on fire and turn to ice simultaneously comes through.
I lean my forehead against the wall as I continue to hold the button down.
“Zane, I’m sorry,” she says softly with a hiccup. My eyes squeeze shut at the sound, knowing that she’s crying.
But I’m not going to speak this time. I’m not going to fight or beg her to talk to me. If she’s going to talk, then she has to be the one to start the conversation.
“Zane, I – I’ve never done this before. Never felt like this,” she sobs. “Never wanted to. And now I don’t want to lose you.”
I suck in a breath. The back of my eyes burns and my chest squeezes. Breathing is a chore. Laborious and hard as I try to hear what she’s saying.
And I do hear. I hear her fear and worry. I hear the confusion and the doubt. The what ifs still running through her head.
But there have been a lot of what ifs running through my head lately. What if I let her go and never feel like this again? What if I’m giving up too easily? What if I need to take my own goddamned advice and pull my head out of my ass? What if I let her leave and never see her again? What if the gaping hole that will leave in my heart never heals?
Without so much as a whisper, I step into the elevator and begin my descent down. I swear to everything this fucking elevator has never been so slow. Thunder rumbles loudly and lights flicker. I swear and curse everything like my threats will stop the power from failing.
I fly out of the elevator before the doors have fully opened into the lobby of the building. I run toward the exit faster than I think I’ve ever moved before, bumping into several people as I try to hurry. My feet land outside to where the intercoms are. I look around, my heart pounding in my chest every second that I don’t see her. I stare through pouring rain looking for her.
“Tori,” I call out loudly as possible catching the glares of people passing by.
But I see her when she stops. In the middle of the street she stops dead. Slowly she turns while I move on a mission to reach her. Car horns blare and brakes squeal as they fight to go around her.
Everything feels like it is in slow motion and fast forward all at once. And when I reach her? Well I do the only thing I want to do in that moment. I grip her face between my hand and kiss her. I kiss her with everything in me. Letting her know that I’m here. That I’m not going anywhere. I let her know with that kiss that I can be her rock or the shoulder to cry on. That I will burn down the world for her or with her.
I grip her tightly, lifting her until her legs wrap around me. In the pouring rain, we continue to stand in the middle of the street mouth on mouth arms around each other pouring our souls into one another.
“Fuck, I love you,” I say against her mouth.
“I love you too, Zee,” she says.
And my heart stops and starts again. “Say it again,” I demand.
“I love you, Zane” she says with a laugh.
“Goddamn that sounds to fucking good coming from your mouth.”
“Zane, put me down,” she giggles and tries to remove herself from my body.
“Let them fucking stare.”

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Looking for something that you can read for a while?
Check out the Something in the Way box set available on Amazon. This is a beautiful story of two people whose timing always seems to be off. Two people that need to accept things about themselves before they can be right for each other. But one message is clear, when you love someone, moving on isn't easy. And when you're meant for each other, eventually you will find a way.

https://amzn.to/2Ir5mVo
While we are on Jessica Hawkins, why don't you check out the Slip of the Tongue series. Three interconnected couples find out relationships aren't always easy. If you aren't a fan of cheaters, then maybe you should skip these books. But they are real and show that the downfall of relationships aren't one-sided. I promise you won't be disappointed.


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