When all is said and done

No more bullets in the gun

No words to say

At the end of the day

I’m sorry you ever felt anything but love.

Shattered moments

Solitude

Serenity

Overarching aches and pains

Felt through the winds of time

And with every drop of rain

I’m sorry you ever felt anything but love.

Serenity prayers to say good night

Keep going one mere step at a time

Without a hint or a clue

Of the pain I’m storing

Because of what you left behind.

Creeping up

Before popping out

In front of everything and everyone

Leaving me in panic

Shouts of a Jack in the Box tune.

I’m sorry you ever felt anything but love.

A small warning for the disappearance of life

Moved on without me

Without the family we built

My heart only carrying guilt and shame

For what they sacrificed — for you

Yet…

I’m sorry you ever felt anything but love.

A wish…

An easy way out for you

A sense of belonging for me

Because everything you took,

Walking away without a final look,

Left my world crumbled and broken

I’m sorry you ever felt anything but love.

Never prepared to do this alone

After a promise broken

I reap what you have sown

A world where time is split

Because of your words went unspoken

…But only to me,

For she set you free

In the dark hours of the night

When you took her gift of light

I’m sorry… In your home…

You ever felt anything but love.

I carry the results

Insecurity and consequence

Because you voiced your needs

To someone other than me.

You see, This, It, and That

Do not define objection.

But from where you sat,

Your voice never heard

I’m sorry you ever felt anything but love.

When love takes its pain to another’s couch

And trust walks away with set boundaries

Love’s heart is left filled with doubt

Just like the one before me

Lying on the bathroom floor

Waiting for the beeping

Of our front door

And for you to walk inside

To simply talk.

No more a happenstance,

You left without a glance

And replaced everything we had

With new faces filled with grace

I’m still sorry you ever felt anything but love.

Eight months, shattered as you move on

Quickly

Numbing the pain with every puff and sip

Wishing

I could call anyone home

Except you

I begged no one to save me,

But save me, they did.

Unearthing the rubble

Shattered from my soul,

While you live in moments of strife

And words never said,

I stay in moments of life

Laughter

Love

Pure

Simple

Comfort

Home

Where you belong

I’m sorry you ever felt anything but love.

And angry you threw us away

Without a glance back

An apology

Validation that we deserve better

For the one who promised

Love

Dreams

Life

To live together

Through it all.

I’m sorry you ever felt anything but love.

In the spaces of the pain

You refused to share

And the trauma of a childhood misspent

Trust wasn’t a gift willing

To sit in my space

Presented to another

Whose broken promise

Shattered a world you took over.

I’m sad… you ever felt anything but love.

For it was love that lived here.

It was always love…

And you closed the door,

Dropping it

To shatter in broken pieces.

Shattered.

I’m sorry you ever felt anything but love.

~Stella Samuel ©2021