1. The place you are most likely to get someone elses excrement on your hand in a public toilet is as you try and fish out the disappearing loo roll from the ridiculous dispenser. Yes – as part of my efforts to keep body and soul together as a writer I’ve done some interesting things to pay the bills. Many of them far less glamorous than people might expect of the creative life. One of these was cleaner in a public building during lockdown. And that was one of the many many disgusting things I discovered…

2. There are lots of very odd family set ups that would make soap operas look tame. Yes – another short term income stream was childminding. I’ve looked after lots of lovely children for super families. In fact the child of one of the families I really loved becomes a character in my pre-pandemic comedy Sex Violence and the Wrong Mobility Scooter. But I digress. I did childminding where it turned out it was the guy’s ‘secret’ family. And actually what he wanted was not so much childcare for the toddler – whose mum was home with him all day every day anyhow – but some company for his bit on the side. I didn’t last long.

3. I discovered that we waste so much STUFF – so so so much that I could earn enough to pay my council tax just by taking home random stuff folk dumped on the pavements. Often buggies that just needed cleaning. And then other folk who bought what are now referred to as TRAVEL SYSTEMS (pram/buggies to you and me – and frankly those hybrid things that cost the earth and are neither use nor ornament) because when they went on their 3 or 4 ecologically disastrous holiday’s abroad each year – they wanted a cheap buggy – and a lighter one that the airport baggage staff could trash without too much financial damage.

OF course there is glamorous stuff too. When I think of some I’ll let you know.