In the post game interview after his number one seeded Milwaukee Bucks had just been knocked out of the NBA playoffs by the eighth-seeded Miami Heat reporter Eric Nehm asked Giannis Antetokounmpo this question:

“Do you view this season as a failure?”

Among other things Giannis replied: “So every year you work is a failure — yes or no? You work towards a goal. It’s not a failure. It’s steps to success.”

For over thirty years of my life I told myself I wanted to break free from the habitual sin of lust and porn.  Yet I was a failure.  I say that because I kept going back and repeating the same mistakes week after week, year after year.  “Try harder next time” without changing strategy, doomed me to failure.

When I finally began to seek help and make serious changes in my life I could see a real difference.  Yes, I still messed up.  But as I journaled about what happened, I was able to see and identify where I was getting off track and what I needed to change in order to avoid repeating those same mistakes next time.

It’s not easy for a child to learn to ride a bicycle, but with time and practice, the child can learn to ride a bike without even thinking about keeping his balance.  Like a kid learning to ride a bike, I fell down many times.  But I would just dust off my pants and get back on my bike and start pedaling again.  At the time it seemed like an endless task, and sometimes, it felt like I would never make it.  But with God’s grace and mercy, I fought each battle in an attempt to win the war, and He helped me every step of the way.

As Giannis stated, learning and growing is a process.  We need to use every mistake as a building block to help us throw off old habits and develop wholesome, godly habits. With God’s help we can view stumbling blocks as learning experiences. In order to move forward we must learn from our mistakes and do better next time.  These are steps we take on our journey to the light.

Bad habits are a curse; good habits are a blessing.  In order to live the life I wanted to live, I needed to unlearn my bad ways of acting and begin to develop good habits.  Just like learning to ride a bike, the person who wants to learn a new sport or acquire a new habit will fail.  Slips and falls are to be expected.  Then with the Lord’s help we must see where and why we failed and intentionally work to acquire new habits.

My journal was especially helpful in this regard.  It was a place to go and write out what happened.  When I made a mistake, I then had an excellent opportunity to analyze how it took place.  What led up to acting out?  What changes would I make to avoid “slipping up” next time? 

I realized that so many of my behaviors happened subconsciously, without me really thinking about them.  Lusting had become second nature for me.  I had developed the habit of looking for something to stimulate me.  While I may have said I was opposed to this kind of behavior, my actions showed I found it pleasurable.  In order to get rid of these bad habits, I needed to replace them with good habits. I had to remain focused and maintain my mind in “battle mode” in order to make good choices quickly and easily.  Recovery is basically the process of replacing old, unhealthy habits with positive habits so that the right thing becomes the “automatic” behavior.

All of this has been in the Bible for close to two thousand years.  Writing to believers in the church in Rome the apostle Paul said:  “Don’t be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what is the good, well-pleasing, and perfect will of God.” Romans 12.2  In order to find a new life and break free from the old behavior patterns which had become my “go to” way of coping with life, I had to renew my mind. 

Are you a failure?  Not when you use mistakes as stepping stones to move closer to your goal. God gave each one of us the ability to choose. Today you can choose to learn from past mistakes, ask for help, make a plan and move forward to carry out that plan.  And do all of this of course, with prayer and help from our Father in heaven.

Learn more about living a life worth living in the book:  Jesus Is Better Than Porn