I’ve been reading a lot of things on Facebook this week since North Carolina voted down the gay marriage bill. I rarely get involved in political discussions, for various reasons. For one, I think they are mostly pointless, because I highly doubt I will be able to change anybody’s mind. I actually don’t think it’s my place to change anybody’s mind. I have my beliefs, you have yours. We cool. Also, I hate debating. I’m not good at it. And I like things to be harmonious.

I haven’t felt harmonious this week. I’ve felt attacked. Nobody has said anything to me personally, and I haven’t uttered a peep on my own views, and yet the posts that I see are hurtful to me.

So here is my attempt to explain myself. I’m not trying to change your mind, or debate, or anything. I just want to be heard and hopefully, understood and respected.

When California was voting on Prop 8, I wrestled with the topic. I know there are countless gay relationships out there which are loving and committed. The night before I voted (in my neighbor’s garage during a garage sale, which I thought was highly inappropriate, but that’s another story) I had a vivid dream. I dreamed of a very dear friend of mine who I have known most of my life. He’s gay. And he’s wonderful. And in my dream, he came up to me at the voting booth. He looked me in the eyes, and with equal parts sincerity and pain, asked me if I really wanted to forbid him to get married.

I woke up with a heavy heart. Who am I to say what’s right and wrong? Who am I to tell people who they can and can’t love? But then I realized something.

My beliefs are not based on my feelings toward people. My beliefs are based on the extreme love and reverent fear I have for my God.

I’m sure there are a lot of hateful Christians out there. People can be judgmental and cruel. But I feel like anyone who opposes gay marriage is automatically labeled as intolerant, old fashioned, stupid, and hateful. And that is just not fair.

I think someday, probably in the somewhat near future, gay marriage will be legal. And when that day comes, I’m not going to be out on street corner waving a sign with a hateful message on it. I’ll be sitting quietly in my room, reading God’s word and praying for people who are hurting. Ok, let’s be honest. I’ll probably be playing a game on my iPad, and THEN I’ll do those other things. Hey, I’m human. And I’ll continue to love my gay friends.

But don’t you dare call me ignorant. Or hateful. Or stupid. Do not compare me to racist people in the Civil Rights era. Don’t tell me I don’t know how to think for myself. Don’t tell me I have not yet evolved, or I don’t believe in human rights.

My job as a Christian is actually simple. I need to love people and to follow Christ. And one day I will stand before my Maker. I want to be proud of the way I lived my life, and not ashamed for wavering on issues with which the Bible is very clear just because my opinion may be unpopular.

And to my wonderful, caring, loving gay friends out there – I mean you no disrespect, and please take no offense to this post. I love you, and hope you feel no judgment from me. I respect your right to make your own decisions, and I hope you respect my right to put God above all else.