It’s that time of year when parents are busy checking off items on the Back To School To Do List. Our family is long past the specified school supplies list, but with our oldest starting Law School and our youngest headed off to college there are still plenty of preparations being made. I’ve always loved this time of year with its promise of clean slates and new beginnings. My bookworm brain sees more possibilities in the beginning of a school year than the start of a new year.

My kids haven’t always shared my enthusiasm no matter how many of my own first day of school stories I’ve shared with them or how many ways I’ve spun the New Year – New Adventure philosophy. When it comes to our kids, we often compare our experiences at their age to whatever they are experiencing right now. We often wish they could have similar experiences to our own, but that’s not often the case because the fact is they are not us. They are on their own path. Just because it looks different doesn’t mean it’s not right for them.

It’s not less than. It’s not more than. It’s just theirs. Don’t steal their struggle.

We want to guide them and help them navigate the challenges, avoid the pitfalls and dive into chasing their dreams. Yet, we are not in control. We can provide wisdom. We can nudge them in what we believe is the right direction, but we can’t take the journey for them. It’s like walking a tightrope. There’s a fine line between directing and dictating. Don’t steal their struggle.

At their age, our dreams looked different because they were our dreams. Our opportunities were different because our world was different. We had different goals and different ideas on how to achieve those goals. Our kids have their own goals and their own plan on how to reach them. We have to allow them to make their choices as well as their mistakes. Don’t steal their struggle.

“Wouldn’t it be easier for them if we just provided x, y, and z for them?”

“Couldn’t they just blindly follow when we lead them to the decision we just know in our hearts is right for them?”

“Why can’t they see that we bring to the table an abundance of life lessons that can make their life go smoother?”

It’s hard to step back and allow our babies to choose the road they will travel on. This past year, we had to sit back and watch our youngest weigh the pros and cons for each school that recruited him. At the same time, we had to watch our oldest weigh the benefit of scholarships offered and finances as she decided which Law School to attend. It was a tough process for them and for us, but it’s part of growing up. Don’t steal their struggle.

Each one of us is unique with our own mountains to climb before we can soar the way God intends us to. He has a plan for our kids just like He had a plan for us at their age. We are exactly where we are supposed to be even if we started with different hopes and dreams, even if we’ve taken some detours along the way. We approached life our way. We faced challenges our way. We viewed opportunities our way. Our children will too. If you need proof of this, try shopping for college essentials with your daughter vs. your son.

Daughter: Matching decor to coordinate with her roommate. Comforter to match throw pillows. Desk accessories. Matching shower curtain, bath mat, and sink caddy. Art work for the walls. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Son: I like the blanket I currently use at home. Love my pillow. Just gonna take the towel I have. I might hang a flag on the wall but not sure yet. We’ll see.

I’ll let you guess who has the easier moving day. Don’t steal their struggle.