If you’re struggling with Relationship OCD (ROCD), I want to start by acknowledging how tough this experience can be. The constant questioning of whether you’re truly in love, whether you’re with the right person, or if your partner is “the one” can be mentally and emotionally exhausting. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by these doubts, you’re not alone. I’ve been there, and I know firsthand how these thoughts can spiral and take over your life.

What Is Relationship OCD?

Relationship OCD is a type of OCD that creates persistent, intrusive thoughts about your relationship, making you question everything from your feelings of love to your partner’s qualities. It can feel like you’re stuck in a loop, where you doubt your emotions, your connection, or the validity of your relationship, even if deep down, you know your feelings are genuine.

When I was in the depths of ROCD, I often found myself obsessing over whether I was truly in love with my partner. I would replay conversations, revisit past experiences, and ask myself over and over, “Am I really happy here? Or am I just staying because it’s easier?” The doubts were suffocating, and it felt like they were making it impossible to simply enjoy my relationship.

Examples of Thoughts People with ROCD Experience:“Am I really in love with my partner, or am I just telling myself I am?”“What if I’m settling for this relationship, and I’m not truly happy?”“Do I want to be with my partner, or is it just fear of being alone?”“I feel distant from my partner—does this mean I don’t love them?”“What if someone else could make me happier?”Common Compulsions with Relationship OCD

Along with the constant intrusive thoughts, many people with ROCD also engage in compulsions to try and ease their anxiety. These compulsions might give temporary relief but ultimately feed the OCD cycle. Here are three common compulsions people with ROCD experience:

Seeking Reassurance: Constantly asking your partner or others whether you love them or if the relationship is “right.” This might include asking your partner if they’re truly happy or if they think you’re the right one for them.Overanalyzing Past Interactions: Replaying conversations, moments, or events to “figure out” how you really feel, looking for “proof” that your love is real or not.Comparing Your Relationship to Others: Constantly comparing your relationship to other relationships, wondering if your connection is strong enough or questioning if you’re experiencing what others are.The Cycle of Doubt and Anxiety

If you have ROCD, you’ve likely spent a lot of time analyzing your relationship, desperately searching for answers, hoping to find some form of certainty that will bring peace. But the truth is, the more you try to find definitive answers, the more you get caught in the obsessive cycle. I remember constantly questioning my feelings, seeking reassurance, and searching for “proof” that my love was real. But the more I sought reassurance, the more the doubts came flooding back.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that trying to solve the doubts is exactly what feeds them. The more you try to figure it all out, the deeper you get stuck in the cycle of anxiety. The key isn’t in finding the right answer—because OCD will never allow that—it’s in learning to live with the uncertainty and accepting that the doubts are just part of the process.

The Importance of Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP)

One of the most crucial tools I used in my recovery journey was Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). ERP is the gold standard for treating OCD, and it is especially effective for Relationship OCD. The premise of ERP is to intentionally expose yourself to the very things that trigger your OCD (such as the doubts and questions about your relationship) and then resist the compulsion to seek reassurance, analyze, or fix the problem.

With ERP, I practiced confronting my doubts head-on and allowing the anxiety to be present without giving in to the urge to find the answer. It was incredibly difficult at first, but over time, I noticed a shift. The more I practiced sitting with the discomfort and uncertainty, the less power my thoughts had over me. ERP helped me realize that I didn’t need to have everything figured out. It gave me the strength to live with the uncertainty and to stop letting it control my decisions.

Learning to Let Go

Another important tool that I learned in my recovery was the Letting Go technique. Letting go doesn’t mean pushing the doubts away or pretending they aren’t there—it means allowing them to be present without engaging with them. This technique allowed me to stop feeding the doubts and gave me the freedom to live my life without obsessing over every uncertainty. By practicing letting go, I could accept that the doubts existed, but I didn’t need to act on them or make them mean anything.

Letting go became one of the most empowering practices I used in my journey. Over time, it helped me detach from the OCD cycle and gave me back my peace and clarity.

You’re Not Alone

If you’re living with ROCD, please know that these doubts don’t define you or your relationship. The intrusive thoughts and fears are just that—thoughts and fears, not facts. You can learn to live with the uncertainty without letting it dictate your relationship or your happiness.

Recovery takes time, but it is absolutely possible. If you’re ready to take the next step and break free from ROCD, I invite you to apply for our hands-on OCD coaching program. This program offers personalized support to help you overcome the doubts and gain the peace you deserve in your relationship.

Click here to apply now and begin your journey to a life free from ROCD.

Take care,
Zach W.

Founder, OCD Coaching Services