If you’re reading this and you’re struggling with Sexual Orientation OCD (SO-OCD), I want you to know one thing: you’re not alone. I’ve been where you are, and I know how confusing, isolating, and overwhelming this experience can be. The constant doubts, the intrusive thoughts, the feeling like you’re losing control—it’s exhausting. And the worst part is that OCD doesn’t just stop at the surface level of thoughts; it digs deeper, pulling you into a cycle of guilt, shame, and anxiety that can seem never-ending.

What Is Sexual Orientation OCD?

Sexual Orientation OCD is a type of OCD where your mind relentlessly questions your sexual orientation. You may start doubting whether you are actually gay, bisexual, or straight—even if you’ve identified as one for your entire life. You might even start questioning your past relationships, wondering if you were “faking it” or if you were just “in denial.” These intrusive thoughts aren’t just thoughts—they come with intense anxiety and fear, often making you believe that unless you can find the “right” answer, you’ll never have peace of mind.

In my own experience, SO-OCD led me to question everything about myself. I’d constantly ask myself, “Am I really straight? Or am I just hiding something from myself?” Even the smallest interaction with someone of the same sex would send me spiraling into doubt. The thoughts felt so real, and the fear of them being true was almost unbearable. But here’s the thing: these doubts didn’t reflect who I truly was. They were just symptoms of OCD.

Examples of Thoughts People with SO-OCD Experience:“What if I’m just in denial about being gay and don’t even realize it?”“Am I really straight, or is this just something I’ve convinced myself of?”“What if I’m secretly attracted to the same sex, and I’m just lying to myself?”“I had a thought about a person of the same sex; does that mean I’m not straight?”“I feel confused about my feelings—does that mean I’m hiding something deep down?”Common Compulsions with Sexual Orientation OCD

Along with intrusive thoughts, people with SO-OCD often engage in compulsive behaviors to relieve the anxiety caused by the doubt and fear. These compulsions may feel like a way to alleviate the distress, but they actually serve to reinforce the OCD cycle. Here are some common compulsions:

Seeking Reassurance: Constantly asking others (or even yourself) if you are straight, if your feelings are “real,” or if you’re in the “right” relationship. This can involve repeatedly discussing your sexual orientation with friends, family, or even strangers, hoping for validation.Mental Checking: Replaying past experiences, such as moments of attraction, to analyze whether you’ve ever been attracted to someone of the same sex. You may even try to recall every interaction to find “evidence” that confirms or denies your sexuality.Avoidance: Avoiding situations or people that trigger doubt about your sexuality. For example, you might avoid spending time with someone of the same sex, or even limit exposure to media that could cause you to question your orientation.Intrusive Thought Suppression: Trying to push away or “force out” thoughts that challenge your sexuality. The more you try to suppress the thoughts, the more they tend to come back stronger, reinforcing the cycle.The Cycle of Doubt and Anxiety

If you’re living with SO-OCD, you’ve likely spent countless hours trying to figure out whether your doubts are real or just a product of your OCD. And I get it—you feel like you need that 100% definitive answer to make the anxiety stop. The thing is, the more you try to figure it out, the more the cycle deepens. This is where I got stuck for so long. I spent years trying to find a “cure” for the doubt, constantly seeking reassurance from others or even myself, hoping that one day the thoughts would just go away.

But here’s the hard truth: trying to solve the problem only makes it worse. The more I tried to confirm or deny my feelings, the more I got trapped in the OCD loop. It’s the nature of OCD—it thrives on uncertainty and doubt, and the more energy you give it, the more it feeds off that.

Learning to Let Go

One of the most important things I learned in my recovery from SO-OCD was the concept of letting go. This doesn’t mean that you push away the thoughts or ignore the feelings. In fact, trying to avoid or resist them is exactly what keeps them coming back. Letting go means accepting that the uncertainty is okay. It means living with the possibility that you might have the thoughts or doubts, but choosing not to engage with them or give them meaning. It’s allowing yourself to sit with the discomfort and learning that you can be okay, even with those intrusive thoughts.

This might be the hardest part of recovery, but it’s also the most freeing. By not needing to know the “right” answer, I was able to stop feeding the OCD. And, over time, those thoughts lost their power over me.

You’re Not Alone

If you’re struggling with SO-OCD, please know this: your thoughts do not define you. The intrusive thoughts, doubts, and fears you experience are a product of OCD, not a reflection of your true identity. You can learn to live with these thoughts without letting them control your life. And it’s absolutely possible to find peace and reclaim control.

Recovery takes time, patience, and a lot of self-compassion. But it is possible. If you need help, don’t hesitate to reach out for support—whether through a therapist or a community of people who get it. You don’t have to face this alone.

If you’re ready to break free from SO-OCD and reclaim your life, apply for our hands-on OCD coaching program. This program offers personalized support to help you regain your peace and freedom.

Click here to apply now and begin your journey to a life free from SO-OCD.

Take care,
Zach W.

Founder, OCD Coaching Services