I am 1/4 of the way through

Give or take. I’m not actually certain how long this novel is going to be. From the looks of it, I am guessing pretty long, especially considering I have plans for my main character to travel to four different countries, including her country of birth. And considering I have a lot to say with this novel.

I have just finished writing all of my main character’s primary interactions in one of the four countries (yay!), but not all of her time spent in these various places will be given equal weight. Hence, I have no idea if I am actually a quarter of the way through writing.

Throughout this novel, I am exploring a couple of different themes and ideas, but the one I am most interested in diving deep into is trauma. I am curious to explore how trauma shapes us as well as those we interact with and our perception of the world as well as its inverse: how another’s trauma might shape us, in turn. All the while keeping a bit of beauty and hope woven throughout. I don’t want this to be a trauma-dumping story.

It’s just. . . I am so interested in how trauma and heartache builds itself upon our skin, layer by layer. I want to explore how unearthing trauma takes on a spiraling form for most people, how we might notice a layer of our trauma, work really hard at fixing the issue or moving past it, only for the exact same issue to arise again. Only this time, it’s buried deeper, revealing a hidden part of our first layer of trauma we hadn’t be ready to examine closely that first time we noticed it.

And around and around we go until we find – if we are lucky – the center of our pain with roots that aren’t so easily pulled out because they have threaded themselves throughout our very being, the core of who we are. It’s wild to think about, isn’t it?

July has been a really wonderful month to start writing. Thus far, I have not only managed to stick with my near-daily writing goal, but I’ve also felt the creative energy surging. It’s almost like that thing that happens when you start working out and it becomes a habit and one day you wake up craving your yoga mat or treadmill or whatever.

That’s the space I’m in right now. I am itching nearly every day to sit at the computer and see what unfolds.

Which is great because I’m not entirely sure what’ i’s going to unfold for me.

I had a lot of ideas at the start of this novel, but as I work my way through it piece-by-piece, I’m seeing things change, seeing ideas fall away and others gain momentum. That is equal parts thrilling and terrifying.

Thrilling because the doors are wide open and I can go practically anywhere this this story.

Terrifying because I truly thought I knew what I wanted this novel to be in its entirety. I knew what I wanted A Daisy in Lily’s Valley to be, from start to finish. And I had similar ideas bubble up to the surface for my Project Magic story. But I’m quickly realizing some of those initial ideas I had no longer feel true or correct or honest for this cast of characters.

Instead of fretting too much, (breathe, Brittani) I keep reminding myself to simply show up to my laptop every day, write in the general direction I think I want to go, and let things unfold from there as they want to naturally. It really is all I can do. To put my trust in the process and hope it sorts itself out the further along I fall into this new world.

Wish me luck?