I had some ISSUES in the early oughts.

Back when I was still willing to leave the house after 7 p.m., I spent a lot of time at a little comedy club that smelled like desperation, bleach, and Axe body spray. I was doing stand-up back then, trying to make people laugh while quietly unraveling inside. That’s where I met Crackhead Shelly.

Well, to be clear, she wasn’t Crackhead Shelly at first. She was just Shelly. A bartender, a mom with two kids, and a wife pulling a second job to keep the l...