How negative self talk effects your health

“It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day for a neighbor…”     Or is it?

Most of us remember the gentle tune that started the PBS show Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood, inviting us into a world of kindness, connection, and authenticity. We all felt we could connect in some way to the people and characters that showed up there.

The problem that I found, was that I could watch Mr. Rogers, or any other show that reflected kindness, compassion, and acceptance, however, when the show was over, I was left with myself and the voices in my own head.

I had a whole neighborhood living up there and they certainly were not kind and compassionate.  The neighbors living in my head felt more like enemies and bully’s instead, because they were constantly putting me down, criticizing, judging me and comparing me to others.

These voices began to feel like not only neighbors, but roommates too.

Roommates and neighbors

Where do these voices come from?  Why are they so loud?

Well, the truth is that we learn how to talk to ourselves from our experiences and the people around us.  We took in what they said and then began repeating it to ourselves over and over and over again.

They get planted in our brain like seeds in a garden. We planted these seeds as children, about our who we think we are, due to what other people are saying about us, and about how we interpret others actions, and words.

As a result of all of this, these seeds take root and become what we believe to be true about ourselves, our identity. (dive deeper by reading The Body Joyful…where I share how this all works!)

Let’s take a minute to talk about these inner neighbors, these familiar voices in your head that have taken up residence and love to weigh in on every move you make, or action you take.

Your neighbors may sound like:“You’re so fat and lazy, no wonder no one wants to hang out with you.”“You’ll never be good enough.”“What’s wrong with you? Are you that stupid?”“Who do you think you are?”“You blew it. You always blow it, you can’t do anything right.”

These are some examples of what my inner roommates used to say. (They started as neighbors, but as the years went on, they got louder, and meaner.)  They were consistent and constant, and therefore became roommates, who never asked for permission to move in.

They just showed up and spoke up, gathered friends and got louder and louder.  In addition they don’t pay rent, and they’ve been there for decades, degrading, nagging, shaming, judging, and criticizing me.

Sometimes they even pretend to be motivating. But really? They just made me feel smaller, more stuck, and more ashamed of myself.

I know I am not alone.

I have worked with hundreds of others who have very similar roommates and neighbors.  Showing up daily, making sure they are heard: loud and clear.

The Weight of Words

Brene Brown talks about how our inner critic is both the Bully and we are the bullied.  Thus, we are both bullying ourselves and being bullied at the same time.  Our inner self-talk isn’t harmless.

It has a very real impact on your:

Behavior: You stop doing the things you love, and start doing things to try and quiet this inner voice.  (dieting, exercising, drinking, smoking, shopping, seeking approval, etc)Health: Negative self-talk triggers the stress response (fight, flight, freeze and fawn), raising cortisol levels, that contributes to weight gain, erratic behavior, sleep disruption, and inflammation.Body image: You start to believe your body is the problem and blame it for everything that is not going wellEmotional well-being: Feelings of more an isolation, anxiousness, and exhaustion, lead to depression and addictive behaviors.

When you’re constantly bombarded with this type of internal criticism, the choices you make tend to reflect that via your behavior.

So, you may:

Numb with food, alcohol or another type of numbing behaviorCancel plans with friends. (No is an easy choice)Isolate and hide yourself from others.Skip joyful movement…because ‘it doesn’t matter anyway’Retreat under the weight of “not enough” -by assuming what others might be thinking.

And then you blame your body for all of it.

And, the root cause isn’t your body.    It’s the inner voices talking about your body.

Rewriting the Narrative: A Neighborhood Makeover

This negative, degrading self-talk keeps us stuck.

Let me ask you this…How has beating yourself up been working for you so far? (definition of insanity; doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results)

What if you could evict those old, mean, critical and bulling tenants and you could recruit some new neighbors that were kind, compassionate, supportive, and encouraging?

Maybe then…

Decisions would be made on based on self-preservation and care, not fear.You could eat with intention, not guilt and shame.There may be movement because it feels good, not because you thought you “had to.”You’d see your body as an ally, not an enemy.

Every week I talk about how self-compassion puts you in solution mode, while self-criticism keeps you stuck in the problem.

Why not start to enlist some more compassionate self-talk?  What do you have to lose?

It starts with a choice.

Your self-talk shapes your inner world. The way you think and feel about yourself.

Not only that it also shapes your outer world via your choices and decisions.   None of this is about “thinking positive”.  It’s about creating a safer, kinder place to live inside your own head.

So, the next time your inner critic starts bullying you, yelling at you, imagine holding up a new lease agreement:  “This headspace is under new management.”

Time to find a new space to dwell, way on the outskirts of town…

Remember…

You don’t have to keep your harshest inner critics living in your bedroom.  It’s time to retire those voices and move them out of your neighborhood.  You have the choice to choose new ones that honor who you truly are.

Because your worth was never up for debate. And your overall health begins with the way you talk to yourself.

If you are interested in learning how to shift your thoughts and self-talk so you stop hiding in the shadows and start showing up fully in your life, sign up for the Midlife Body Reset Masterclass September 25, 7pm ET.

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