Guess what? You can make a new one now.Photo by Dominic Kurniawan Suryaputra on Unsplash

Everybody makes mistakes. There isn’t a single person on Planet Earth who doesn’t err, make a poor choice, or fuck up. Not. A. One.

You have made a poor choice in your life. I know that because you’re only human, and humans can, will, and do make poor choices. Guess what? You are not alone. So, so very not alone. Everyone. Every. Single. Person. Chooses badly from time to time.

Yes, some mistakes are so minor that they can be laughed off, disregarded, and glossed over. Some, however, are so epic, they can feel all-encompassing, utterly embarrassing, and upsetting in many different ways. Somewhere between these extremes, you’ll find general poor choices and mistakes, as well as small, medium, and large fuck ups.

When you make a poor choice, unless it kills you, you can make a new one.

Admittedly, there can be complications, challenges, obstacles, and all sorts of issues both within and utterly outside your control when it comes to making a new choice. That does not, however, take away the truth. Still here? You can make a new choice.

However, there’s a really important step that’s too easy to ignore that you can’t.

Take responsibility and/or be accountable

Everywhere you look, someone is blaming someone or something. Almost every politician, no matter which side they’re on, will cast blame long before taking any responsibility for anything.

These examples, right in front of us every day, create a false equivalency: If they can blame, I can blame. But that doesn’t work when all is said and done. If you don’t think the harmful practices of the Trump administration and its endless blame won’t come back to haunt them, you’ve not paid attention to world history. They might do a metric fuck-ton of damage and harm before it’s over, but ultimately, they will be held accountable.

In your personal life, you always have a choice. When you choose to take responsibility and be accountable for your actions, yes, you might suffer for a while. When you fuck up, make a poor choice, or do something stupid, it’s going to probably hurt. But, ultimately, by taking responsibility and being accountable, you open the way to make a new choice and do better.

One of the biggest problems with blame is its utter uselessness. Blame presents no way to fix a given issue, fans the flames, and passes the buck. But otherwise, blame does nothing to address or fix anything.

While you can’t do jack shit about the big picture matters, you can choose to take responsibility and be accountable in your life. That step is important because the recognition and acknowledgement it represents empowers you. That empowerment is how you can make a new and potentially better choice.

Photo by Arnaud Jaegers on UnsplashEveryone makes a poor choice from time to time

I’ve made my share of poor choices. Relationships I shouldn’t have entered. Jobs I should have pursued that I didn’t. Allowing that person to be blamed for the thing even after I knew they hadn’t done it. Supporting that person who proved to be awful. Giving up when I should have pushed on and pushing on when I should have given up.

Then, rather than take responsibility or be accountable, I blamed. Often, I blamed myself, which is just as disempowering and damaging as blaming someone else. Again, that’s because blame is utterly useless.

Since I began actively working with conscious reality creation, mindfulness, and nontoxic positivity, I’ve practiced taking responsibility and being accountable for my actions. Hence, after I went ahead and made a poor choice, I recognized it, acknowledged it, sat with it for a time, and then made a new one.

Granted, this is imperfect. My next choice might have been a poor choice, too. It happens. Know why? Because nobody can predict with 100% accuracy the outcome of anything. Also, being human, you can, will, and do make poor choices along the way.

Big or small, insignificant or horrifying, you’ll make a poor choice. Or many poor choices. Sometimes what looked like a good idea proves otherwise. Hence why I never compare most extremes as opposite ends of coins, but rather flexible cylinders. This allows for lots more wiggle room, which is the reality of the nature of the universe, after all.

When you make a poor choice, recognize it, acknowledge it, take responsibility, and be accountable for it. Yet before you make the next choice, you might need to add another step.

Forgive yourself

You have fucked up before. No matter what you do, you will fuck up again. Maybe you picked the wrong job when you chose between two options. Perhaps you voted for someone awful who played on your worst fear (or didn’t vote at all for some reason). Maybe you slept with that person you knew you shouldn’t have, and regret it. Congrats, you’re human.

Recognizing and acknowledging that you made a poor choice is one step. Taking responsibility and being accountable is another. But then, if you find that these still leave you feeling cold, empty, or otherwise disconnected, you might need to add one more stop: Forgive yourself.

Nobody is perfect. Everyone makes poor choices in their lives. Know why? Because life is all about balance and imbalance, growth and opportunity. If you always got it right, do you think that might stagnate your potential to grow? I do.

So when you make a poor choice and recognize you did so, you might need to forgive yourself. No, that doesn’t mean others will forgive you, especially if your poor choice caused them harm (looking at you, Trump voters). Doesn’t matter because the person who must always live with you is yourself. That’s why you can’t fix a poor choice until you recognize, acknowledge, take responsibility, and be accountable for it.

Did you make a poor choice? Would you care to make a better one to rectify it? The ball is in your court.

Making a new choice after making a poor choice isn’t hard

It’s all about practicing active conscious awareness of your thoughts, feelings, intentions, and the positivity or negativity of your approach to direct your actions.

When you recognize and acknowledge that you made a poor choice, you first need to take responsibility and be accountable for it to make a new one. Knowing that you still might not be in the right headspace to choose anew, you then might need to first forgive yourself before you make a new choice. What matters is mindfully making a consciously aware choice in the first place.

This empowers you, and your empowerment can empower others around you.

Consciously choosing your approach to life towards positivity or negativity — from the vast cylinder that exists between them — shifts life in a way that opens greater dialogue. From that dialogue, you can recognize, explore, and share where you are between the extremes and how that impacts you here and now.

Choosing thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions for yourself opens the way for a positive approach and attitude via your actions. This can lead to realizing amazing potential and possibilities for your life.

The better aware you are of yourself here and now, the better you can choose and decide what, how, and why your life experiences will be. When you empower yourself, that can spread to those around you for their empowerment.

Thank you for coming along on this journey.

This is the six-hundred-fourth (604) entry of my Positivity series. I hope that these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, reblog, and spread the positivity.

Please visit here to explore all my published fiction and non-fiction.

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