From the Archives

This post was originally published as a newsletter on October 12th, 2023

A quote I often repeat to myself in times of envy AND self-doubt.

This week, I have struggled to sit down and write this particular newsletter. Not because I have nothing to say, but because in doing so, I will reveal my incredibly flawed self. My envious self. My contradictory self.

My human self.

Lately, I have been feeling an intense mixture of envy, self-consciousness, and self-doubt with regards to my debut novel. I have managed to tame these feelings for the most part, but they rear their heads most vehemently when I pop on to social media to do one thing (answer messages) but find myself scrolling, instead.

A handful of examples shine brightest in my mind with regards to feeling these “negative” feelings, and they are all related to other authors who are, more-or-less, traveling along the same path as I. These authors have landed major, traditional publishing deals, secured movie rights to bring their stories to the screen, or garnered thousands-upon-thousands of people “shelving” their upcoming novels via Goodreads.

It is wild that these feelings bloom so readily inside of me, triggering that nasty inner voice of mine who immediately springs up to tell me all sorts of lies like:

You aren’t good enough.

Get over yourself already and promote your book.

Don’t bother telling anyone about your story, it’s not nearly brilliant enough/ beautiful enough smart enough to mean anything to anyone.

This inner voice of mine knows all of my pressure points, all of the spots in which I am the most vulnerable. It whispers lies, telling me that no one is going to read my novel, much less enjoy it. That the negative reviews are going to dominate and that it was a frivolous endeavor to partake in.

But what I find funniest about all of this negativity (aside from the fact that most of what my inner voice spits at me isn’t remotely true) is that my feelings towards these milestones I see other authors reaching. . . those aren’t even milestones I necessarily wanted to reach myself.

I was never interested in landing a traditional publishing deal. I didn’t even try for one. I set out from the beginning to self-publish because I really wanted to get my feet wet and experience every. single. aspect that goes into crafting a novel, from start to finish. It was also really important to me to make this a collaborative process and to support other independent artists who connected most with Emiliana’s story.

I also didn’t set out writing this book in order to make me famous or land a movie/ television deal. And though I do think it’d be incredibly sweet and wholesome to see Emiliana’s story on screen, I also love the purity of books. I love that this story will live on forever through other people’s imaginations. That the world of Lily’s Valley can be built up in a unique and individualized way inside of your mind. That you might connect with a specific line of dialogue or find hidden meaning in the smallest of descriptions.

And finally, my goals for this novel have never been to reach thousands of readers. Would it delight me if thousands of people connected with the story that has lived inside my head for nearly two years?

Of course it would!

But my goals have always been relatively modest. I’d love to simply break even. Self-publishing is quite expensive, but I have absolutely fallen for the process and would love to continue writing my little stories every now and again. By breaking even, I would have the means to continue doing just that (I already have my second novel planned and ready to write!).

So, to break even would be marvelous. But if only 20 people ever purchase this book, I will be absolutely over the moon excited! 20 people, reading my story? A story that I pulled out by strands from the inside of my brain? How marvelous!

Instead of allowing my envy and self-doubt to continue to fester, or my nasty inner voice to take root and spread, I am taking the advice my friends and I bandy about, and that is to celebrate the small wins. Celebrate the tiniest thing that you did today that may not seem to be that big of a deal to others, but is a really big deal to YOU.

Today, that might simply mean celebrating the fact that you got out of bed and took a shower 10 minutes earlier than yesterday, even if your goal was to wake up 30 minutes earlier. Or celebrating the fact that you made yourself a home cooked meal once this week. Or that you called up your insurance company to sort things out when you loathe chatting on the phone.

One small step. One tiny win. That’s all that we need to move forward.

Novel News

In an effort to celebrate my own small wins, here are some things that have made me smile with regards to A Daisy in Lily’s Valley:

I have 9 followers and 5 people who want to read my book on Goodreads! That means there are 5 people who may have a real, physical copy of my novel sitting on their shelves next year.The final edit (sans proofread) is complete and the physical novel has been formatted. By Monday of next week, I will be placing an order for a copy of my book, and soon after, I will hold it for the very first time! I am very much prepared to bawl at the sight.Weekly Excerpt

I was having coffee with some friend’s this past weekend about my discomfort around promoting my novel (as it feels very conceited of my to do so) and one of them gave me the idea to share a small line from my novel. Just to become more comfortable talking about my work and hopefully getting you as excited about this project that means so much to me.

So each week, I will be sharing one of my favorite lines or small passages from A Daisy in Lily’s Valley, with bonus excerpts shared to paid subscribers. To start, I thought I would share the opening line of the entire novel:

And finally, here is a little encouragement/ testimonial that I recently received from my editor:

Until next time,

Brittani “B.A.” Franc