How Hidden Beliefs Keep You Playing Small

“Each of us has an inner thermostat setting that determines how much love, success, and creativity we allow ourselves to enjoy. When we exceed our inner thermostat setting, we will often do something to sabotage ourselves, causing us to drop back into the old, familiar zone where we feel secure.” — Gay Hendricks.

Have you ever wondered if what’s holding you back in life is not your past failures, but the fear of your own potential? Many people believe they are running away from their problems when, in truth, they’re afraid of what will happen if they step into their potential. This type of fear doesn’t make itself known by screaming from a rooftop but whispers through self-doubt, silently guiding our choices and keeping us tethered to old wounds.

Gay Hendricks’ opening quote reminds us that our minds possess an internal comfort gauge that dictates our limit for happiness and success. When we exceed this capacity, we unconsciously limit our own achievements and withdraw to a familiar state we’ve always known. Until we heal the past, it is impossible to step into a future filled with hope and enthusiasm.

We all desire to live with passion and confidence, but our early experiences can sometimes influence the amount of joy or success we allow ourselves. As a child, my fear of water prevented me from joining swimming lessons with my classmates. Over time, I interpreted that to mean ‘I’m not good enough,’ a belief that reappeared whenever I doubted my intelligence or worth.

In adulthood, I noticed this theme emerge frequently. When speaking on stage in front of audiences, I noticed an inner dialogue about not being worthy and convinced myself that others were more intelligent and more talented than I. Therefore, I felt unworthy of success. My inner critic offered many reasons to substantiate my beliefs, such as: “Who am I to be talented, wise, and smart?” The inner chatter dominated my thoughts for a long time. Eventually, I learned to ask myself: If others are allowed to shine, why not me? Is this something you can identify with? If so, how did you confront the inner talk?

My journey of inner discovery revealed that I had wrongly labeled my inability to swim during childhood as a sign of unworthiness. I further complicated this by believing I was unworthy of love. It’s incredible how our minds can distort our early experiences into lasting stories.

Through self-enquiry, I came to realize that my six-year-old self didn’t have the knowledge to judge his own worth; however, that judgment remained with me into adulthood. It took patience and self-compassion to release this belief and create an empowering one. If this resonates with you, consider similar beliefs you may have formed early in your life.

 Your Memories Aren’t Your Identity

“You will begin to heal when you let go of past hurts, forgive those who have wronged you, and learn to forgive yourself for your mistakes.” — Anonymous.

If a negative pattern keeps reappearing in your life, it may be attributed to a limiting belief. If a belief no longer serves you, it might be time to release it, but first, you must recognize it. Look closely at aspects of your life that cause you distress. Is it relationship issues? Is it money, health, career, or something else? You may notice the same patterns and find yourself unable to navigate your way out of them. Limited beliefs originate at the unconscious level of the mind. Therefore, we must go to the source and update our beliefs to coincide with the reality we wish to create.

Below is a list of how limited beliefs may show up in your life. In clarifying the points, here are my suggestions in the right-hand column about what the unconscious belief may reveal.

The StruggleHidden BeliefThe Money Drain: You constantly overspend and accumulate debt, wondering why you can’t achieve financial stability.Unworthiness or Fear of Receiving: I don’t deserve wealth, or there is a subconscious need to reject abundance.The Relationship Rollercoaster: You desire a fulfilling relationship, yet you repeatedly attract unavailable, complex, or toxic partners.Low Self-Esteem or Fear of Intimacy: A belief that you aren’t worthy of true love, or a subconscious fear of the vulnerability that comes with deep connection.The Sabotage Switch: You self-destruct relationships, projects, or progress just as they start moving in a successful direction.Fear of Change or Fear of Success: A subconscious script that what is familiar is safe, causing you to panic and return to a known state.The Missed Opportunity: You work hard and perform well, but you consistently miss out on promotions and professional advancement.Fear of Success or Unworthiness: A belief that you can’t handle the pressure of higher visibility, or that you aren’t adequate for the next level.The Health Backslide: You start a new health regimen with motivation, only to unconsciously abandon it for unhealthy habits.Fear of Failure or Self-Rejection: A defense mechanism that prefers guaranteed, predictable failure (I always quit) over risking success and potentially losing it later.

The key is knowing which beliefs to work through, to release the memories and wounds of the past. The present moment is your key to the future. Memories are mental revisions, not permanent realities. They can guide us, but they shouldn’t define who we are. I’m not suggesting your memories don’t exist or aren’t important; instead, avoid referencing them to describe yourself in the here and now.

The path from limitation to expansion begins with a courageous choice to stop letting the past define your present moment. You’ve seen how unconscious beliefs formed during childhood confusion or adult disappointment can masquerade as truth, holding you prisoner for years. You’ve also seen that patterns you keep repeating, whether in relationships, money, career, or health, are the result of limiting beliefs waiting to be examined and transformed.

Now comes the crucial part. I invite you to address one area of your life where you feel stuck and the obstacles that keep resurfacing in a different form. Ask yourself: “What belief am I holding onto that is creating this reality?” You might want to write your answer in a journal and examine it with an open heart and self-compassion. Then, come up with a new empowered belief that aligns with the life you wish to create. This exercise isn’t about positive thinking or denying your past. It’s about refusing to allow the younger and less informed child within you to know what’s possible for your future. Your light has always been there; you only need to stop hiding it.

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