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And then He decided to create a squirrel that shits exclamation points. I said to Him, “Begging your forgiveness, my Lord, but what’s the point of that?” Instead of answering, He created a zebra whose stripes swirl together until they form the Declaration of Independence. Next it was a butterfly that turns into a pupa and then goes into politics. I tried to sound reverential and polite – after all, this is God we’re talking about – when I warned Him that this whole blending nature with ideology business wouldn’t end well. But He just kept at it, creating an anti-vaxxer whale, a libertarian fly, and a climate activist pigeon.

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