I’m thrilled to announce that my debut science-fantasy novel, Bolted to the Bone, is now available!

And when I say thrilled, I mean terrified!

The entire process has been an incredible education for me, not just from the creative side (what I learned actually writing the book), or the collaborative (working with some truly fantastic editors, readers, and artists—including and , right here on SubStack!), or even the technical (what layout software to use, ad campaigns to run, etc.), but also very much from the mental health side as well.

I’m certainly not alone in this feeling, but there’s a very real fear when it comes to a personal creative project such as writing, wherein you can feel creatively emboldened when working on it privately. And then, boom—you play an Uno reverse card (played on yourself no less) and now anyone can read your work!

A recent episode of The Bill Simmons podcast had a conversation between Bill and Chuck Klosterman about this issue, and writing in general. Starts around 01:23:00, and well worth a listen.

It’s a risk, exposing the vulnerabilities of any creative endeavor, and part of my education with this project has been how overwhelming these feelings can get, at least for me.

But to start with a quick story…

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The Wooly Willy Incident

I’ve noted how the Shangri-La for many of our childhoods (which should instead be the “Sangria-La” as an adult) was a trip to Toys ‘R Us.

For me, it was usually my dad who would take me, or sometimes I’d go with a friend and their parents. This one time in particular, I went with my friend Jeff1 and his family. I’m sure Jeff and I each got a G.I. Joe figure. Jeff’s younger sister got yelled at.

Here’s why.

She chose, for whatever reason, a Wooly Willy2. If you’re not familiar, these are the kind of toys we had to play with as kids (shortly evolved after rolling hoops down the street)—a bunch of iron shavings held in a plastic bubble. Behind the bubble, it showed the face of a man suffering some form of severe hair loss. What you then did with the attached magnetic wand, was move the iron shavings around to give the guy whatever hair you wanted or could manage to manipulate into place.

A “magnetic personality”. Get it, kids? Eh? Eh?

It was always a weird toy to me, something akin to the old SNL “Bag of Glass” skit:

Jeff’s sister was excited for it, though.

So excited in fact, that on the car ride home she ripped open the plastic bubble, thinking it was just packaging, to get to the toy inside.

The iron shavings immediately burst all over the inside of their paneled station wagon, the toy was ruined, and Jeff’s parents were pissed.

The Dr. Mindbender Incident

A similar incident happened to me. As an adult. Like, maybe 3 weeks ago.

I recently managed to get my hands on a Dr. Mindbender Classified figure to add to my collection3. So, excited as I was to get to the figure, I ripped open the packaging and yanked him out of the plastic.

Notice anything missing?

For anyone not a diehard G.I. Joe collector, it’s his monocle. His Mr. Peanut-style monocle. Egads!

In my excitement, I popped Dr. Mindbender’s monocle right off his face. It flew… somewhere. Seriously, my home office is a cluttered mess, and it could now be anywhere. Not anywhere I looked, because I never did find it, but anywhere else I suppose. Maybe it’s in one of the fish tanks.4

Anyway, even as adults, we get excited, we rush things, and there’s a danger that doing so breaks the very thing we’re so excited about in the first place. Hence, the book—which I’ll still circle back to but not before talking about what I managed to not break from Dr. Mindbender.

When it comes to action figures, accessories are just the best. When I was a kid and actually played with them, accessories largely meant whatever weapons and gear they physically carried (the old “snap on/stay on” system of G.I. Joe). As an adult, and action figures are more posed and displayed than anything else (which is still satisfying!), accessories that help set the scene are also appreciated.

And look what we have accessory-wise with Dr. Mindbender: a mummified hand and a brain, both in jars!

In the original Marvel comics run (and in the cartoon series later that same year, 1986), Dr. Mindbender collects genetic samples from history’s military leaders in order to create Serpentor. I’m assuming that’s what the hand/brain are referencing. Or maybe he too is just into collecting stuff.

So as much as I detest Dr. Mindbender as a character… I’m all for it!

Things in a Jar

Part of my appreciation is also my love for the trope of “thing in a jar”.

I’m not even sure why; there must be something about the laboratories of evil scientists and eccentric geniuses that I find compelling. Maybe it’s the glass tanks, softly lit, in which we’re able to see their specimens, the promise of their works in progress… and their failures.

The trope of a “thing in a jar” is a favorite of mine. Luke Skywalker suspended in the bacta tank was an early example (as opposed to a BAFTA tank, in which only the finest British and international films are incubated).

There are the face huggers from Aliens of course, and also the start of Balder’s Gate II escaping the dungeon of Jon Irenicus. And a thousand more examples…

When the opportunity came to design a creature for the 4th Edition D&D Open Grave sourcebook, I jumped at the chance to submit an updated Brain in a Jar. If memory serves, Bruce Cordell edited my version (fitting, as he added a 3.5 edition Brain in a Jar to the revised Tomb of Horrors we published to the D&D website).5

And when I designed Lost Laboratory of Kwalish, a 5th edition adventure in support of Extra Life, you bet there were brains in jars aplenty! In the final adventure, they were named alphabetically A-E (Alton through Editha), but in early designs I tried to get away with implying they were the brains of other in-game wizards (nothing so bold as Elminster, but Tenser and the like)6 to go along with Kwalish himself.

(To be honest, I’m still surprised Kwalish was allowed.)

Back to the Wolly Willy of It All

All of this to note that I’ve carried the trope into Bolted to the Bone as well. There are questionable scientists, hidden laboratories, and many, many things in jars. Some are released. Some break out.

Not all of them are helpful.

As the book leans into Celtic legend, the “jars” are renamed “cauldron-cells”. In part, to take advantage of magic cauldrons appearing in various legends, but also to reference the vat-grown trope of science fiction.

I love both jars and metaphors. So, like the creatures grown in cauldron-cells, my book has been developing in its own cauldron for a good, long while as well.

Now, one of the amazing things about writing nowadays is that while it’s easy enough to keep a project incubating forever, there are also tools and platforms to help bring it out into the world as well. Again, I’ve learned a lot during this process, and I look forward to sharing whatever recommendations and advice helped me.

Here’s one. One of the challenges I set for myself was, when I felt the book was close to ready, I set an end date. An actual publication date to work toward.

And here’s also where the mental challenges came into play.

There’s a very self-preservation component of my lizard brain, and getting close to the publication date (originally November 1) kicked it into high gear. I was worried about breaking open the Wolly Willy packaging by publishing too soon and ruining the thing inside. You would think that in the years leading up to release, I would have caught everything, every issue, every error, every possible reason to not publish it, but no…7

Now, the self-preservation part of our brain is there for a reason; oftentimes, it helps keep us alive (is that a snake in the tree or just a branch? Careful!). And there certainly were parts of the book that anxiety pushed into the forefront of my consciousness and forced me to address for the ultimate net benefit of the book.

(Someday I’ll explore more of these in depth, but let’s use this article as a microcosm: I wanted to add humor, but how dumb are the jokes? Or offensive? I’ve given it multiple read-throughs and found errors in it every time, so how many have I still not caught? How litigious is Wooly Willy or whoever the hell makes it now, because I wasn’t a fan?)

The downside is that anxiety can push well past a “reasonable awareness” of issues and straight into freakout mode, which happened more than once in recent weeks.

As far as tools to address this, I can only say what helped for me personally was having a support network of family and friends. Which is a blessing I realize, one I’m extremely thankful for (this being the season and all) and recognize that not everyone has to the same extent. In addition though, it’s also one thing to have a tool and another to use it… so in this case, actually reaching out to my support network and asking for help (even just to talk things through) was just as important.

And, to be honest, venting here, right now, about this, also helps.

My family is big into giving each other advent calendars each year (we even celebrate our own “calendar day,” usually the day after Thanksgiving). My kid wants his filled with sports cards. I’d be happy if mine were filled with bupropion and ASMR videos (somehow I got really big into Nate the Hoof Guy—if that even counts as ASMR or falls more into the Oddly Satisfying/Power Washing category).

Whatever works.

In any case, here we now are. The book is out, the “thing” is out of its jar, and I hope you enjoy! You can find the eBook here (softcover to follow shortly, in another week):

Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Apple | Google | Kobo

Next time: Maybe I’ll finally get back to playing with more action figures!

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1

My kid recently received a haircut from a “Jeff”. It pleased him greatly. So an added shout-out to the Jeffs of the world!

2

The more I write about it, the more “wooly willy” sounds way too euphemistic.

3

I was going to say, with self-effacing humor, my thoroughly cool and in every way adult collection. But then again, why should it? I love collecting action figures! Collecting stuff is awesome!

4

I’m trying to figure out who he looks like without his monocle. G. Gordon Liddy? The Iron Sheik? Wooly Willy with a mustache?

5

Noting that both of these can still be found online.

6

This brain in a jar was more officially added to the game with Icewind Dale: Rime of the Frostmaiden. One crucial bit of development for it, however, was needed: I somehow neglected to give my brain a simple attack action it could make every round. I believe it was Chris Perkins who fixed this by giving each brain the chill touch cantrip. You can find it here, with a D&D Beyond subscription.

7

To be counted as part of the learnings—the vast importance of ARC readers to help catch issues, raise questions and concerns, etc. To read your work with a careful and critical eye.