Wednesday Writing Tip/Jule Selbo

DOUBT KILLS CONFIDENCE

Maybe someone’s got the provenance on the above observation, it’s often listed with Anger Kills Wisdom and Ego Kills Growth and a few other syllogisms that are bandied about on a ‘kill’ list appearing on self-help sites and Instagram posts (most we ignore, I know).

For lots of reasons of late, this particular ‘kill’ opinion has been plaguing me. I assume many of our brains work alike – some days our gray cells are strong and steady and act as cheerleaders, other times they are determined to make us question our every move, idea, determination, dreams and confidence.

Creative types have a history of falling into the pits that ‘doubt’ creates. Why? We’re building from our imaginations, our intellects, our points of view, our experiences (as we experience them) – plus, we want readers to buy in, enjoy, and consider our work worthy of a steady perusal. So we are, in essence, naked and unmasked and wanting to please.

Which can put us in a precarious, dangerous mindset. Even Stephen King, the beneficent and gentle friend-to-all-writers admits: I’m afraid of failing at whatever story I’m writing… or that I won’t be able to finish it. Another of his admissions: I have spent a good many years—too many, I think—being ashamed about what I write.

How to control that mindset? The ability to do so  is one of the most important parts of our craft.

Sidenote: When I was a prof at Cal State University in the Film Department, as chair of the department and head of the MFA in Screenwriting Program, I walked across campus from our relatively modest building to the huge new shiny Kinesiology Building to talk to the Sports Psychology profs. I wanted to add a course to the MFA in Screenwriting program – similar to the one that the college athletes and wanna-grow-up-to-be-coaches were taking. Basically, a course about how to get out of your doubts and fears of non-success and pave the way to a healthy commitment to doing what you love and enjoying the ups and downs of challenges.

Some of the mantras that the sports pysch profs recommended that their athletes and students use on a daily/hourly basis when workouts or events got tough and doubt crept in: “This is what I came for” .  “I am comfortable with being uncomfortable”   and  “I can do hard things” . 

I wanted to help the MFA writers in our program get over the DOUBT hurdle, the FEAR-of- finishing-hurdle and the THIS (I) SUCKS hurdle and reach the I AM, I CAN, I WILL, I DO bright yellow finish line.

DOUBT will be around, always, for many of us. It will creep in to snatch CONFIDENCE away. But we can recognize it and – at the best of times – boot it out of our brain. Some signs that sneaky “doubt” creepers are tapping on your shoulder:

Are you  asking yourself: who cares if I write this book?Maybe the most debilitating thought of all. ANSWER: YOU DO. That’s enough. YOU DO. Are you asking yourself: Am I smart enough to work out this mystery… what if the reader is so ahead of me that the book falls out of the mystery genre into the fait accompli genre by page twenty? Of course you are smart enough . You read and write and think and come up with characters and reasons and only YOU can write this story and create these characters and their motivations because it’s YOUR story. YOUR way of seeing life. It will always be original because it is YOURS.Sure, you argue. It’s “genre” fiction. Someone gets murdered. Someone is the murderer. Someone figures it out and (usually) the bad person is caught and needs to pay a consequence because a form of justice is part of the genre norm.  Remember, there are nearly 20 million crime mysteries sold every year. And new fans of mysteries that feature Nancy Drew or Holmes or Marple or Reacher or Kinsey Malone are born every year. The book will live on.  The same genre conventions are in work in each tale – but they are wrapped by the WRITER’S ORIGINAL takes and point of views. If you LOVE THE GENRE, WRITE THE HELL OUT OF IT. Some of the sports psychology advice that the Kinesiology Department shared with my MFA Writing Students – when you doubt you can finish (hit a a story block), keep telling yourself: “This is what I came for”.“I am comfortable with being uncomfortable” and “I can do hard things”. Do you ever asking yourself: Since I’ve written myself into this hole and can’t see a way out, why shouldn’t I just eat a bag of cookies and watch a Hallmark movie or a baseball game or football game or….Eat the bag of cookies. Watch the movie or sporting event. Your brain won’t stop. It’ll keep solving the puzzle (and the ah ha moment will come). That’s the mystery writers’ talent and their curse. WE CAN’T LET IT GO!If this eating and viewing crap binge goes on longer than one day – see a doctor. (Meaning a fellow writer that will give you a kick in your ass.)Kinesiology profs advice? Keep telling yourself: “Do or do not. There is no ‘try’”.

5. Do you ever asking yourself: Why are I so  hypersensitive to criticism? Why do I always focus on my shortcomings?

Shrinks/science says: The brain has a negativity bias – it’s an evolutionary leftover that prioritizes potential threats, causing us to pay more attention to negative information to ensure survival. To help us prepare for the worst.Blah blah blah, you say. It looks to me like some people just believe they are great and just race ahead – all the time. Are they just the better pretenders? Who’s to say we can’t show every negative neurosis (proudly) and still produce?No one.Sport profs advice: 100% effort is just as important at 100% attitude . Embrace the suck. Just keep running/writing.Ask yourself: Am I more engaged in other-people-pleasing or I am engaged in pleasing myself?Do you have days when you’re in the pit of people-pleasing and days you are not? (I know, I know, it usually depends on publishing deadlines).We need to get in the habit of making those “writing to please myself” days grow. Agree? Disagree?SIDENOTE: Watch the new Martin Scorcese documentary (October 2025). He went through variations of these questions and came to some strong conclusions. (Basically, the movies he made to please others did not ultimately resonate with him or the audience.)Do you ever ask yourself: Why do I compare my work and my career to others’ working in my field? No need to. YOUR work is YOURS. Someone else’s success does not diminish yours. Someone else’s creative misstep does not make you any better.Humility is a good thing. Let others be great too. Keep the head down, enjoy being part of your “genre” group, enjoy all the successes around you.Sport shrinks will say: Break your own limits. Create your own destiny. Ask yourself: Do I surround myself with supporters or negators? Is it time to shift to a new writing group? Is it time to NOT let Negative Nelly be one of your beta readers?Curb all career-masochist tendencies.Focus on surrounding yourself with a solid, supportive peer support.Find the people who appreciate your voice and your thought process, your personal quirks and interests. Find those who admire your stick-to-itive-ness and your love of getting a story on paper.Sport Psych’s words: “High-quality coach-athlete relationships, characterized by mutual respect, trust, and appreciation, are associated with lower rates of athlete burnout and a reduction in psychological fatigue and depressive symptoms. Supportive coaches contribute to an athlete’s overall mental health. This, in turn, boosts intrinsic motivation and self-confidence, key components of peak performance.”Take a good look and ask: Am I acting as my own supporter or as my own negator? Am I a good and supportive critic of my own work or am I a Debbie Downer who will never let myself off the hook?Rewriting and rewriting and rewriting…??? Is it healthy?  As we age, as we grow, our work will change. FINISH ONE THING and move on before YOU CHANGE. Let each piece reflect who you are AT THE TIME you came up with the idea and characters.Celebrate completion.Let it be done. Celebrate starting a NEW book.

According to The Synergy Whisperer, 97% percent of people who start to write a book NEVER finish it. That means that out of every 1,000 people who start a book, only 30 people completed one.  Another statistic that popped up: 81% !!!! of Americans “want” to write a book. We all know these people and love them because we see the respect, the curiosity, the desire to use that part of their brain – but it does not happen for them. What’s missing? Discipline? Inability to get beyond the idea into a story?

REMEMBER: WE ARE DOING IT!  COMPLETING WORK!  LETTING IT BE OUR OWN! KICK DOUBT TO THE CURB TODAY!

 

For those of you who want to comment/share/agree/disagree –  please do so!  You will be automatically entered into a FREE E-BOOK AWARD – book of your choice!  One of mine (or if you have read them (thank you)   –  it can be any crime/mystery you have been wanting to order (your choice). I will be send it to you via this wonderful computer thing we’ve got going!

Best – Jule