The scents of charcoal, clay and paint filled the back office at my art shop. There were many times that I would work into the wee hours of the morning sketching something new or painting something old. So there were many times I would pass out on the sofa situated across from my desk. But today, I woke up with a yearning in my heart, a pit in my stomach, a solitary thought in my head.

Where is he?

This question has plagued me since I was old enough to realize my father was no more than an imaginary friend in my head. A nameless, faceless figure who would never scare boys away, who would never teach me how to drive, who would never walk me down the aisle on my wedding day. So as I have lived and learned, often the hard way until this point, his presence has been deemed unnecessary. I was never okay with this and never will be. However, I refuse to allow some stranger to dictate my emotions nor my future. And on the day Conrad rang my telephone, I knew that the barrier I had worked so hard to build was beginning to chip.

"Hey how ya doin baby girl?" his voice was raspy, not too deep, melodic and sweet. Sweet enough to talk you out of every penny you had ever earned.

"Who is this?" I asked into the phone. I already knew who it was. I had heard his voice plenty of times over the last few months. He came into my shop early one morning looking through my sketch book and explaining to me the kind of piece he wanted to commission. I was more than excited to get some new work, but when I asked if someone had recommended him he danced around the question until he finally said he walked past the shop a few times. He stood tall. We shared the same colored skin and the same grey eyes. Had I not been so excited about new work that could be billed by the hundreds, I would have noticed that I was the spitting image of him.

"Now don't play with me young lady I spoke with your mother today and she told me she spoke with you. The jig is up I suppose," Conrad spoke deliberately to cut thru my sarcasm.

"Does this mean you don't want the painting?" The thought of wasting so much time on this piece annoyed me greatly.

"Of course not. I'd gladly pay you double for it seeing as I have deceived you a bit. I didn't want to just come barreling into your life."

"I see...you wanted to feel me out. See how we would get along?"

"Something like that."

"So what exactly do you want?" I wanted to get straight to the point so I could find any reason not to continue this conversation.

"I know it's asking for too much, but all I want is lunch. An hour of your time to eat and talk," he put an emphasis on the word talk. It made me extremely uncomfortable. I knew that talking to Conrad would uncover emotions I had long buried.

"I guess that wouldn't be too much. Does today work? I should be free in about an hour. You can come by the shop and pick me up," I rushed the meeting so that he would have no choice but to decline and I would use it as my excuse to never see him again.

"That works for me baby girl. I'll see you in an hour," Conrad said fully knowing that he surprised me.

I puffed and then hung up the phone before he could say anything else. I didn't know if I should cry or if I should break something. I was mad and upset with this man who I'd just met a few weeks ago. I wanted to be upset with my mother as well, but somehow I know this wasn't her fault. No! This was all Conrad. He is a selfish asshole who wants things done when he's ready for them to happen. I think he knows that there is still a soft spot inside of my heart for the father I never knew; no matter how much I've tried to harden it.

By the time the bell jingled, letting me know someone was walking into the shop, I had already locked everything up. I never got around to hiring any other employees so I closed the shop whenever I had to leave during business hours. Conrad stepped over to the counter where the register sat. He placed a bag on the counter along with an envelope.

"What's in the bag?" I asked. My curiosity was outweighing my need to be hostile with him.

"Your lunch. I got you a chicken caesar salad. That's your favorite right?" he asked looking at me with those eyes that mirrored mine.

"It is, but I thought we were going out to eat."

"Well I know that it's only you here in the shop and I would hate for you to miss out on some business because you were out having lunch with me," he reasoned with me.

I shrugged my shoulders but agreed with his decision to stay in the shop. I didn't really care where we ate. I grabbed two chairs from the back room so we could sit down. I looked into the bag, eyeing my salad with lust, as my stomach ridiculed me for skipping breakfast this morning. Yet, somehow I couldn't bring myself to devour the food as hastily as I would have liked. It was Conrad's fault. He was sitting on the opposite side of the counter from me, just looking at me, staring at me, creeping me the fuck out!!

"Okay, enough! What's the story? Why now?" I blurted out. “I mean are you dying or something? Tryin to get right with the lord? Why come into my life now after all these years?"

"I was looking for you for a long time baby girl. But with my line of work, it's been difficult to keep people close to me. I don't have any excuses good enough to justify why I left and I don't have any good enough to justify why I'm here now. I honestly was supposed to come into town, do a job and leave. When I saw your mother... it had been so long and I just wanted to see how you guys were doing."

"Oh so now you care?" I could feel the tears welling up, "You breeze on by to ease your conscience and now you're gonna duck out again on us?" I wiped my tears with a napkin from the bag where my salad was waiting.

"That isn't what I meant Selena."

My name coming off his lips felt like acid dripping slowly down my skin. I hated him and it wasn't until this very moment that I knew it was so.

"Well you know what Conrad ... I don't care why you're here anymore! You can't just pop up and say 'Hey I'm your dad'! You can't expect me to find this fact the least bit useful! I grew up just fine without you, I don't need you anymore!" I was kind of hissing at him rather than yelling. My tears were getting in the way and I had to get out of there. I stood from my seat and began heading toward the door.

"Wait... please let me at least explain a few more things," he reached out and touched my hand. I nearly jumped three feet back.

"Don't you dare fucking touch me! I don't know why you're really here but you need to crawl back under whatever rock you came from. Don't call me! Don't come to my shop! Don't contact me at all! And stay the hell away from my mother too! We don't need you anymore! I'm leaving. I gotta get some air. You had better be gone when I get back or I'm calling the police!" I walked out of the front door to my own shop stepping into the most rejuvenating afternoon sun I had ever felt. But I turned around to poke my head back into the shop. Conrad looked up at me with the most pitiful gaze in his eyes as I told him, "And take your god damn painting with you!"


CONRAD'S DAUGHTER, SELENA


I was on my 5th machiatto sitting in the coffee house across the street from my shop. Conrad was still in there and he didn't look like he was leaving any time soon. He is such an asshole.

What does he want? Surely he doesn't just want to talk! He must WANT something.

The questions circling my mind about his sudden appearance in my life could only be answered by one person...but I don't want to talk to him! Conrad is such an asshole. I gathered up my belongings, paid my bill, and set off in the direction to the only other person who would have any sort of clue why he was really here, my Nonnie.

Nonnie is my ever so sweet, never harm a fly, never raise her voice, always making sure I'm fed grandmother. A woman so heavenly I don't know what I'm going to do if she ever leaves us. I'm secretly hoping that someone discovers the fountain of youth so I can keep her with me forever.

My smile is contagious as I walk down the street thinking about my Nonnie and what kinds of snacks she'll have out for today. I'm greeted with "Hello's" and "Good afternoon's" as I make my way. I normally stop by her house for tea and chit chat afterwork but in light of today's events, I'd say tea is needed much earlier.

I finally reach Nonnie's. I pick up her afternoon paper that was thrown onto her walkway, I grab the mail from her mailbox, and use my key to let myself in. Scents of blueberry muffins circulate making me feel warm and safe. "Something smells good in here Nonnie," I call out as I walk toward the kitchen.

"Lena, sugah, is that you?"

"Yes Nonnie," I answer kissing her on the cheek and hugging the old woman from behind. I stood next to her watching her wash the messy sink full of dishes. They must have come from those wonderful muffins that keep tempting me to sneak one away from its cooling rack on the stove. I silently lift my hand over to take one but Nonnie sees, "Lena don't go messin with those muffins yet. Let me finish these dishes and put the tea on. Then you can tell me why you're here a whole four hours early."

I shrink down inside myself like a toddler about to throw a tantrum. Shaking the refusal away I bump her slightly in the hip, take the soapy dish rag from her hand and start doing the dishes. She smiles at me while shaking the water from her hands and drying them on her apron. She let me take over so she can get the tea ready. After the kitchen is clean, the muffins are cooled, and the tea is ready, we adjourn to the back porch. It's always quiet back there...peaceful.

"So what's going on Lena?" Nonnie doesn't waste any time.

"Conrad is in town," I say with a twinge of disappointment.

"Your father?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Well what does he want? Did you talk to him? How are you feeling sugah?"

"I don't know what he wants. He's been pretending to be a customer, having me paint something for him, wasting my time for the last three weeks! Nonnie I'm so...I'm so... I'm so MAD!!!"

"Well I can understand that...you ain't never seen the man and now here he is, being all nice and bringing business to that wonderful shop of yours," she snickered at my outburst because she knew that's not how I really felt.

"It's not funny Nonnie! He's been lying to me this whole time and just expects me to want to listen to him! To want to know and understand... but I don't want to know! I don't care to know! And for all I know he's an asshole! And a liar!"

"Selena!" she only called me by my whole name when I did or said something she didn't care for.

"I'm sorry Nonnie, but he is a liar! And where has he been? And why now?"

"I'm sorry Lena, but baby the only person who can answer those questions is your dad."

I cringed and scrunched up my face with disgust, "Please don't call Conrad that. He is NOT my dad!"

"Well what if that's what he wants to be Lena?"

"It's too late for that Nonnie, I'm all grown up now. I managed to get this far without him and I'm pretty sure my path won't change much with him. I don't need a dad anymore," even as I said it I didn't fully believe it.

Nonnie picked up on that too, "Now you and I both know that no matter how old you get, no matter how strong you are, no matter how much success you achieve, there will always be a hole in your heart because the man you thought never existed has finally come around. You can't leave this wound open sugah. You need some closure. So just go on and talk to him. And if after that you're still mad, hurt, upset or whatever you don't have to speak to him ever again. But you at least owe it an explanation."

"I don't owe him shit Nonnie!" I was still fighting this absurd idea that Conrad could become apart of my life.

"Selena Peyton! You watch your mouth in my house! And I didn't say you owe him anything. If at all you owe yourself the explanation as to what happened and what went on."

"I'm sorry. Well you were there Nonnie can't you just tell me what happened?"

She rubbed the top of my hand with the warmest smile that melted my heart, "Sweet baby I was there, but what I know isn't enough to stitch up that hole that's bursting open. Please go talk to him, then get your mother's side of things, and then you come to a conclusion all your own to what you want to do. You're right, you're all grown up but somewhere deep inside this beautiful woman before me is a small girl who just wants to talk to her daddy. Go talk to him Lena, that's all you gotta do."

I exhaled heavily contemplating if I should do exactly what Nonnie said. I knew I had to but I just didn't feel ready to open up those flood gates. What's the worst thing that could happen?

I know I'll get all the answers I wanted to know but never truly wanted to hear. I'll spiral out of control into deep depression and won't be able to find my way out. I'll lose my business, I'll hate my mother, I'll kill Conrad, and then I'll go to jail.

"Lena stop running worst case scenarios, put down that muffin, and go talk to that man. Be done with this part."

I laughed a bit at how well this woman knew me. Oh Nonnie... I took one last bite of my muffin and kissed her on the cheek. I promised her that I would come back as soon as I closed up the shop for the night. She waved me on out of the house to confront my emotional demons.

I made it back to the shop, half hoping Conrad was still there looking pitiful. But he was gone. The salad was still there sitting on the counter. The chairs were still there, and so was the envelope I saw earlier. I looked at it, then I peeked inside of it since it was unsealed. My eyes bulged as I thumbed through the enormous wad of hundred dollar bills inside. There had to be over ten thousand dollars in the envelope. I looked around to see if there was a group of people and cameras ready to pounce out telling me I've been apart of some hilarious prank. But no one jumped out. I looked around again to make sure no one wanted to rob me looking for that envelope either. My heart started racing and my palms were sweaty. I flicked the bills under my thumb in the envelope one more time. This time something caught my eye. It was a folded piece of paper:


Baby girl,

Words can't express how truly sorry I am for all that I have done to you with my absence.
I've always loved you and thought of you often. However, involving you in my life would
have been extremely dangerous to all of us. It still is. I know this doesn't make any sense
and I hope that one day it will. Here's something I've been holding onto for you. Take it
please, use it how you wish. This is only a small attempt to begin to make things right.
I know you can use this for the shop, please don't be stubborn and give it your mother
I've already given her something too. The next time I swing through town, I hope you're
not as upset with me. I apologize for lying to you but I truly enjoyed spending time with
you, watching you work. Your mother has done an amazing job with you, you're such a
beautiful and talented young woman.

Until the next time
Your dad Conrad


I folded the piece of paper back up and stuck it back in the envelope with Conrad's guilt money. He took the painting with him which made me kind of sad but I didn't know why. Reasoning that I couldn't speak with him, I guess my next stop would be my mother's. Off to another tea time.


CONRAD'S BABY MOMMA, APRIL


I didn't know what to do with Conrad's guilt money and he had mentioned that he'd already given some to my mother so I shouldn't give it to her. Maybe Nonnie could use it. He can't tell me what to do with money he gave me. Or can he?

I closed up the shop and decided to go back to Nonnie's after I spoke with my mother. I headed to her house desperately hoping that this conversation would go smoothly. The few minutes it took me to get to her house gave me more than enough time to plan the questions I needed to ask. Every visit to my mother had to be strategic, an in-and-out mission, with very little of her time being wasted.

With a heavy sigh, I climbed the stairs to her porch and rang the doorbell. She didn't answer of course. I know she keeps a spare key hidden behind a removable piece of wood in the window sill. I let myself in and put the key back in its hiding spot, suddenly wishing I could hide now too.

My mother, such a special kind of woman. When I walked in, she was sitting at the kitchen table with a cigarette lit in one hand and a glass of Hennessy in the other. She was sitting there alone, smoking and drinking her misery away. With the money that Conrad said he left her, I had hoped she was in better spirits.

"Hey momma," I spoke lightly as I entered into the smoke filled room.

"What you doin here Lena?" She was straight to the point and very aggressive in her tone. Even as a grown woman, I always feel like a scared child in her presence.

"Conrad is gone and I didn't have a chance to speak to him."

"Wrong!" she asserted.

She was right, so I restated, "Conrad is gone and I ran away before he could speak to me."

"That's sounds about right. You always runnin from somethin or somebody. So I'ma ask you
again...What you doin here Lena?" She was getting impatient with me and my downright fear of
this woman jumbled up all the questions I had for her.

"I wanted to ask you about Conrad and what happened."

"Damn Lena why you gotta go diggin up old shit. Let sleeping dogs lie dammit!" she took a pull from her cigarette.

"Well what does he do that's so dangerous he can't be around us?"

"That ain't my business and it ain't none of yours neither!"

"But momma, why would he leave you? Why would he leave me?"

"Lena don't start that shit again! Askin me these same damn questions since you were old enough to talk. Let it go and next time the motherfucka come in town you talk to him!"

I was ready to break down and cry. I don't know what happened to her. I know her life was hard but it seems like she's hellbent on making me pay for it. This woman couldn't have come from my beautiful Nonnie.

"Well what the fuck Lena? You just gonna stand there or say something?"

Her quickdraw knocked me from my thoughts. "Well why did you tell me who Conrad was? I was perfectly fine with treating him like the stranger he was!"

"That's ya problem! You always tryin to stay blissfully ignorant to the shit going on around you! Wake the fuck up Lena! I told you about his snake in the grass ass because you was about to get took on a ride you wasn't ready to go on. I was helping you," her expression softened only for the moment.

"Well if he's such a snake then why did he leave me so much money?! Why did he give you money? What does he want? Really?"

She flicked the cigarette ash into the glass tray, "I don't know shit about any fuckin money and I don't know what he wants! All I know is every time he comes into town, shit hits the fucking fan and I gotta clean up whatever mess he leaves behind! I ain't feel like cleaning you up this time. Not my baby! I warned him about trying to get close to you and that arrogant motherfucka just couldn't stay away! Do me a favor baby and whatever money he gave you... put it into a safe. No banks! Just keep it tucked away for now until we figure out what he wants."

Her demeanor had lightened since I mentioned he gave me money. It didn't sound like she wanted any though. She was worried. It was an emotion I had rarely seen her express but if it was making her be nice to me than I'll take it. Now she wants to figure this Conrad situation out together. I stared at her, "We?"

"Yes Lena...WE will figure this shit out together. You don't know what kind of man he is. He's the reason why I am the way I am. And as blissfully ignorant as you may be, I need you to stay the beautiful soul you are."

She wouldn't look at me, staring only into the empty space in front of her. She took a sip from her glass. I have a feeling there are many things I don't know about what's going on. It's not as simple as I anticipated. It can't just be they fell in love and he got scared and ran off. There's definitely something else to their story. I guess I just gotta wait until Conrad comes back to town.


CONRAD COMES TO TOWN


I was finding it harder and harder to get to sleep. It may be this rock hard sofa in my studio, or these unresolved feelings I have with Conrad.

It had been weeks since I last ran out of the shop....away from him. I was suddenly beginning to realize that Nonnie was right. Since, I hadn't confronted him and got the answers I deserved, it was tearing an even wider hole in me than when I had no idea he'd even existed. I needed to do something but all I want to do right now is get some sleep. I felt around the floor for my phone and my headphones. Maybe if I played some music it would distract me from my thoughts long enough to get some rest. I scrolled through my playlist until I finally landed on some John Legend song. His music always put me to sleep. I turned in to face the couch, pulled my blanket up over my head and before I knew it I was knocked out.

It wasn't until my cup full of paint brushes crashed onto the floor that I stirred from my slumber. I sat up to look around the dark studio. My eyes couldn't quite adjust to the darkness. I squinted around the room but didn't see anything. I pulled the headphone out of my ear just to be sure I didn't hear anything else...there was nothing. My sudden fear subsided as sleep washed over my weary eyes. I shrugged my shoulders, put my headphone back in my ear and laid back down to sleep. There wasn't anything for me to be afraid of. It was the middle of the night, the shop was locked up tight, and I was the only person here. Who would break into a boutique art gallery?

My question was answered shortly after that thought when my easle crashed onto the floor. I jolted up from the couch and turned the lamp on. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. There was a pale skinned woman standing in my studio with a gun pointed directly at me. My hands raised slowly toward the ceiling as I tried to figure out what was going on.

"Where is it?" the woman asked me with a softness I wasn't expecting. It made me calm but only for that moment.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I told her because I honestly didn't.

"I know Conrad was here and he left an envelope here!"

"You want the money?" I was so confused but I hadn't spent any of it. I moved slowly to my desk with my hands still in the air. I opened the drawer I had it in and pulled the envelope out. I tossed it on the floor at her feet and some of the bills spilled out.

The woman bent down with the gun still pointed at my head, and flicked through the contents. She dumped the money on the floor, tossed the note aside, and grumbled something to herself out of frustration.

"It's not here! You don't have too many options here Lena, either give me the flash drive or I'm going to put a bullet in your head!"

"I really have no idea what you're talking about!" I started pleading with her, "There was no flash drive! That's all he gave me! I swear that's all he gave me! The note and the money! So take it! Take it and leave! I don't have anything else of his!" It hadn't even dawned on me at that moment she had referred to me by name. And not my full name, the name reserved for family and close friends. She must feel like she knows me but I have no idea who this woman is.

"I don't have time for games Lena! Just give it to me and I'll go!"

"For the last time, I don't have a flash drive from Conrad. And why are you calling me Lena?"

"Fine, conversation over," the woman stated with finality. She cocked her gun but before she could pull the trigger, I heard two short muffled noises and she fell to the ground. I looked up and saw Conrad standing in the doorway with a gun in his hand. Smoke was billowing out from the silencer muzzle attached to his rather large firearm.

I crumbled at that moment falling back onto the couch. I was shaking and crying uncontrollably. I felt like I couldn't breathe, like I was having an asthma attack. Conrad moved toward me but didn't say anything. He simply touched my shoulders for me to bring my head down between my knees.

"Deep breath baby girl," he instructed.

I did as I was told.

"That's good just keep breathing baby girl. Everything is going to be alright," he assured me, but I didn't believe him. What had this asshole gotten me into?

He didn't say anything while I was having my panic attack. He waited until I sat up and was breathing regularly before retrieving a bottle of water from my mini fridge. I drank the entire bottle within a matter of seconds. I wish it was something way stronger than water in here but it will have to do for now.

"What the hell is going on?" I finally found my voice.

"That was Grace. An old associate of mine," he didn't offer up any more information than that. I was going to have to ask all of the questions.

"Why was she going to kill me?"

Conrad looked down at me with a look that said I knew the answer to that but he answered me anyway, "She was going to kill you because you weren't going to give her what she came here looking for."

"Alright fine... Why does she think you left whatever she was looking for here?"

"Because I did."

"Why the hell would you do that?!"

"Because I knew you would never think twice about this," he pulled a small pinkish object from his pocket and tossed it to me. It looked and felt like an eraser, but it opened into a flash drive. "I'm sorry Lena. Baby girl I didn't know she was involved. I trusted her."

"Conrad, what the hell is going on here? What's on this flash drive? Who was she to you? And why did she know to call me Lena?"

He took a deep breath now and sat next to me on the couch.

"Grace has been my partner for over fifteen years now. We've spent all this time together and I never thought that she could ever be turned. But I guessed wrong and I'm sorry for that. Over the years, I've been in contact with your mother...checking up on you and whatnot. I even sent her here once to see how you were, that's how she knew to call you Lena. It was to get you comfortable, to let your guard down so you ould tell her what she wanted to know. But sending her here that time didn't go over so well with your mother. And now I know your mother was right about her, I'm just mad it had to come to this for me to see."

"What's on the flash drive?"

"Information," again he offered little explanation.

"Right, information security. So you keep secrets?"

"That's an extremely layman's term for it, but yes I keep secrets for very important people. Sometimes corporations, and even governments every once in a while. But my specialty with Grace was procuring them."

"You steal secrets?!"

"No we secure information for the party paying us to do so by any means necessary."

"Why not just steal money?"

He smiled, "Because information...knowledge... it's worth so much more than money and it can be traded more times than you can ever know. Information is such a valuable commodity."

"Well give me some information then... Why did you drag me into this? Why now? Is this all I was, an opportunity to stash your secrets?"

"I didn't mean to drag you into this. Grace is the only one from my company that knows about you and your actual relation to me. I got wind of something fishy going on so I downloaded all my files onto that drive and stashed it here. It wasn't until Grace was half way here that I knew she was in on it. She mentioned something about the painting and I knew she knew it was going to be here. I'm just glad I made it here in time."

"This is too much all at once. I don't know what to believe."

"You don't have to believe me right now, but what you do have to do is come with me to your mother."

I looked at him like he had three heads, "There's no way I'm bringing any of this nonsense to her doorstep. She'll kill the both of us!"

"She won't... and as a matter of fact she'll be able to tell you see some things to make you believe me. But we gotta go. There will be a cleanup crew here shortly to torch this place and get rid of the body."

"What?" my eyes watered, "but this shop is my life!" I couldn't stop the tears from streaming down
my cheeks.

"Grab that money and build a new one!"


THE END OF CONRAD CHAMBERS


It was still too much for me to grasp. I had no idea of what was really going on. As I walked with
Conrad to my mother's house, things weren't becoming any clearer. He was walking faster than me,
just short of running.

"Please slow down," I called out to him as I struggled to get air into my lungs.

"Keep your goddamn voice down and hurry up! We need to get out of the open!" He grumbled at me. He was angry. I wanted to know why.

"Conrad STOP!" I demanded. I stopped trotting after him and stood firmly rooted to the sidewalk.

He turned around to notice I was no longer following him. He turned around immediately. He charged me and grabbed me by the arm, damn near throwing me into the nearby alleyway. I tripped and stumbled back, falling against the wall behind me. He reached towards me...

While I thought he was going to strike, he grabbed my hand and helped me up to steady myself.

"I thought you were going to hit me," I mumbled with my eyes never lifting from the ground. I stared at our feet. I couldn't look at him, but I still wanted to know what was going on. "Why are you so angry at me? I didn't do anything wrong! As a matter of fact I should be angry with you... And is what you said true? About my shop?"

Just at that moment a fire engine screamed past them down the street. I poked my head out of the alley to see the smoke wafting up into the night sky. The scent of burning paints and paper were beginning to fill the air. I couldn't see the shop, but I knew that's where the fire was. I didn't need Conrad to validate that fact for me anymore. A tear rolled down my cheek.

"I'm not angry at you," he said to me pulling me back into the alley; away from the revealing glare of the street lights. "I'm angry at this situation. It should have never happened. I should have never come here." The anger was absent from his tone. All that was there was the sound of resentment.

"So why did you come? Why come in and pretend to be a complete stranger? Why come and leave a piece of work in MY shop that you knew people would come looking for? Why put my life in jeopardy?"

"I'm getting old, baby girl. Too old to be running around doing what I'm doing. I came here to see if we could bond, to see if we could have some sort of connection, even if it was just as strangers. If your mother hadn't said anything to you I wasn't. I didn't want this for you. I didn't want to come barging in as your father. I just wanted you to like me, so I could ask you to forgive me later. I know it's too late for me to be your dad, but I really just want to be your friend."

Something stirred in the dark corner of the alley. It rattled us both a bit. Conrad grabbed my hand, ending our heart to heart, and pulled me back out onto the street. "Now keep close to me and keep quiet. We gotta get to your mother's."

I never saw anyone chasing us and when we finally got to my mother's house her front door was wide open. Conrad pushed me back and held up his hand, "Wait here."

I did as I was instructed, but after about 20 minutes went by I decided to go into the house. The feeling in the air was heavy and mournful. I was tense and afraid as I stepped into my mother's space. I looked around and tried to listen but I didn't hear anything.

"Lena get yo ass in here girl!"

My mother's voice cut through me like a shard of glass. I walked into the dining room as I had done before. And just like before it was filled with smoke and she had a drink in her hand.

"Where's Conrad?" I questioned her.

"Don't worry about that snake! I took care of him for you."

"What did you do momma?"

"I did what was fucking necessary! He can't just keep popping up like this! It ain't good for you!"

"What did you do?!" My voice was growing frantic with horror in anticipation to what she had done.

She didn't say anything. Her eyes were real low as she took a drag from her cigarette. She motioned her head to the side as she blew the smoke out through her nose. I peered over to the side of the table. There lying on the floor was Conrad Chambers. His eyes looked like they were frozen, gazing out into the unknown. There was a foamy liquid trailing from his nostrils and lips. His fingers were whiteknuckled, clutching a glass. He must have spilled what was inside as he fell to the floor. He never had the chance to let go of the glass as whatever she poisoned him with ran its course through his body. I couldn't stop the tears from falling.

"Why would you do this?" I ran to his body and looked at the stranger laying before me. I didn't have the guts to touch him.

"I told you already Goddammit! Lena, he was no good for you or for any of us! You see how that woman came to kill you right? That was his fault!"

"How did you know about that? That just happened!" I got up and started backing away slowly from my mother and the table between us.

"Don't go getting any ideas! Just sit down and wait here. The authorities will be here soon to clean this up," she said with a devious smile on her face. I knew what that meant... the same people that were probably setting up my shop to make it look like an accident and happened to make it catch fire; would be here next to tie up loose ends.

"So they got rid of my shop, you got rid of Conrad..." my eyes started to dart around the room looking for my nearest escape route.

"You got it baby girl. It's about time you woke up," her smile broke into laughter, and the laughter echoed into the recesses of my mind. They were coming to kill me and it was all her fault. I screamed and ran back towards the front door. It was closed but something looked odd. I could still hear her laughing in the dining room, shouting to me, "It's about time you woke up Lena!"

That's it! The door knob was gone! I banged on it hoping someone would hear me and let me out of this place! I ran to the windows in hopes that I could crawl out into the yard but when I moved the curtain there was a wall. It was as if a window had never been there. I ran opening to opening, doorway to doorway. All I found were knob-less doors, and walls behind curtains. I kicked, banged, and screamed hoping someone would rescue me. Her laughter and her taunting followed me everywhere through the house and she never got up from the table, continuously screaming out to me, "It's about time you woke up Lena! It's about time you woke up girl!"

I finally did.

I sat straight up in my bed looking around the white room. The stocky woman dressed in scrubs made her way over to me. She had a tiny cup, just big enough to hold my morning meds, on her tray with a steaming hot towel and a cup of water. She came close to me with the towel, I moved back quickly out of her reach.

"Now Lena girl, don't make me chase you with this towel and these meds goddammit!" Her voice was that of my mother's. Shrill and sharp. "You been sweatin up a storm, fussin and hollerin in here like something wrong wit you! Let me wipe your face down. It's about time you woke up."

I sat there in my white flanel pajamas and let her wipe the sweat off my head. I looked at her curiously, "Where am I? What did you do with Conrad? Where's Nonnie? And what's happening at my shop?"

The woman looked at me and sighed heavily, "Oh that nightmare again huh? Conrad's shift ends at seven a.m. every morning Lena. You know that. You been here at the Shady Oaks mental health institution for some time now. You used to be a painter, had a small boutique gallery, until one day someone came in that set you off. You burned your shop down honey. Killed that poor man and his family inside. You ain't been right ever since. I'll tell Dr. Nonnie she should come in and speak to you before your session later this evening."

She handed me the cup with my meds, and I took them down with a swig of water. I opened my mouth and lifted my tongue for the nurse to see I had swallowed them. She left me alone in my room, and locked the door behind her. I swung my feet to the ground and slid them into the slippers right beside my bed. I walked over to the window. I was too short to see out of it completely. I could barely make out the top of whatever tree was right outside the glass. The double paned glass was thick, virtually sound proof. My entire room was for that matter. They put me in here so when I screamed for hours on end no one would have to hear, "He was MY father first!"