Becoming free from the opinions of others

“The wind cannot shake a mountain. Neither praise nor blame moves the wise man.”

– Buddha

Realizing who you really are

It is easy to find out what you really are. You are not what you think. If you think you are not what you think, you are not that either.

You are also not what others think you are. If you eliminate everything you and others think about you, what is left is really you. Some people may think you are clever and others may think you are stupid. In both cases you are still what you are. That is all.

It is like standing in a hall of mirrors. Depending on which mirror you look in, you seem tall, short, fat, thin or distorted in other ways. But there is a real you which is none of these, standing there looking in the mirrors.

Your opinion about yourself is an expression of your mental history. Whether you feel strong or weak, optimistic or pessimistic, these are traces of the habitual ways you have internalized your life experiences, a process starting long before your birth, even before your mother’s birth.

Research shows that a fetus, sharing its mother’s bloodstream, reacts to its mother’s hormonal changes and moods. Learning the nature of things started long ago.

Other people’s opinions about you are similarly expressions of their mental history. Can you watch these histories expressing themselves? They do not tell you who you are but they do tell you something about the historical conditioning of whoever holds these opinions.

When you realize this, both your and others’ opinions cease to disturb you. You watch them as you watch the waves on the beach.

In India there was a tradition of standing in the presence of a teacher out of respect. Two friends approached a group of students sitting with their teacher. One of them was shocked by this sight and asked his friend, “What is this? Why are they sitting?” His friend answered, “You say they are sitting only because you are standing.”

All opinions exist only through their opposites. The Tao Te Ching states:

“Under heaven all can see beauty as beauty only because there is ugliness.

All can know good as good only because there is evil.

Therefore having and not having arise together.

Difficult and easy complement each other.

Long and short contrast each other;

High and low rest upon each other;

Voice and sound harmonize each other;

Front and back follow one another.

Therefore the sage goes about doing nothing, teaching no-talking.

The ten thousand things rise and fall without cease,

Creating, yet not possessing;

Working, yet not taking credit.

Work is done, then forgotten.

Therefore it lasts forever.”

– Translated by Gia-Fu Feng and Jane English, 1972

When you clearly see the difference between opinions and reality, you are immune to both praise and criticism. Opinions are opinions. You are what you are.

Meditation

Write a one-page personal profile of yourself. Describe yourself and list your opinions about who and what you are.

Ask someone else to write a one-page profile of you. Ask them to describe you and list their opinions about you.

Compare them.

Write down who you really are, if not what you think and not what the other person thinks you are.

What are you if not that either?

Where does this end?

What are you really?

…?