We’re dressed in suits – even wearing ties – and on our way to a secret location for our first professional family photo shoot ever. The kids are going scream-punch-crazy in anticipation, and while Reservoir Mum does her best to explain to them that they’ll need to listen to the photographer and do as they’re told if they want to go to K-Mart directly afterwards to pick out any toy they want no matter what the cost, I’m thinking about nothing but the vagina because I’ve been mocked for saying that women wee out of them.