It is said that once an artist made a painting and displayed it on a corner of the street and stood aside. After a while, as a few passersby went by, finally one person came, looked closely then pointed out a few errors in the painting and moved on. Another man saw it, he too looked at it and pointed out some issues and moved on. It happened for quite a while. The artist decides to make a change. He wrote under the picture “Correct if there is any mistake or issue”. Many people passed by, looked at the picture but no one bothered to actually make any corrections to the painting. It is because people love to complain a lot and when it comes to doing something about the things we have a problem with, we step back.

Complaining is a very common habit and, in fact, the most loved habit of many people is to sit and complain about things and gain sympathy from anyone who will listen. However, this is really unhealthy for our relationships. According to Dennis prager, a famous TV host, columnist and journalist:

“Complaining not only ruins everybody else’s day, it ruins the complainer’s day, too. The more we complain, the more unhappy we get.”

Complaining is the Biggest Source of Unhappiness

When you complain about a situation, you are basically saying: “I have no control over this situation. Someone has done something to me that is unacceptable, and there is nothing I can do about it.” You put yourself in a “victim state of powerlessness.” forgetting that you may have had a hand in the situation, you blame the other party and vent your frustration that fuels the situation even further.

People say they “feel better” after venting to a friend or colleague about “how this person did this and that.” Both people, when in complaining mode, seek to serve and further support the negative cycle that created the situation in the first place.

Remember, as it was said by William Shakespeare, “Nothing is either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” Weak thoughts lead to weak words; weak words and thoughts combined together creates a negative state of mind and the way to justify this state it is to criticize the source of misery that put us there.

Get Out of the “Poor Me” Trap

Complaining is a negative habit that accomplishes what it sets out to do:  Thinking you have been taken advantage of encourages it or if only this person would stop behaving this way, my life would be better. Poor me poor me poor me. Now, take a moment to step out of yourself. Observe yourself from a distance and try to see the person you are being as you are complaining and venting, getting things off your chest while someone of like thought shares in your grief.

As Eckhart Tolle states: “There are three things you can do. Leave the situation, change the situation, or accept the situation. All else is madness.” Complaining is the minds way of making itself “right” and “justified”.

It is the easy way out. You go on believing that as long as this crisis is in your life, and that you have no part in it and can do nothing about it, you feel powerless to do anything about it. Your thoughts support this illusion and give you more of the same suffering tomorrow and the rest of the week. This pattern of thinking develops into a negative pattern of repetitive actions. Something happens that you are not happy with, you look to somehow make it right, to justify how you have been victimized, and to frame the other person for acting so irresponsibility.

I have conversations with my “self” in my own head where I am complaining, blaming and labeling something. Regardless of whether you are telling someone about it who will listen, or just telling it to yourself, the result is the same. It creates the same emotional state. You are still operating from an old thought pattern conditioned to respond a certain way when faced with situation you label not acceptable.

You have to catch this thought pattern when it rises to action. We are responsible for their own minds and the quality of thinking that goes into it. A computer system only operates based on the data it is given; your mind works in a similar function. It has also been programmed. You can give it a new operating system to go by. You have a choice here and you don’t have to be a powerless victim to the attitudes or actions of others. You will see that complaining feeds into the illusion and supports the situation, but inevitably doesn’t alter it. It keeps you trapped.

Solutions and Gratitude

As the story states in the beginning, we love to complain but when it comes to actually doing something we all step back. We need to develop an attitude of working to improve things instead of merely talking and complaining about them.

Everyone loves a problem solver; complainers are avoided and add nothing of value. So if you become a problem solver, you will be able to have a lot of strong relationships in your life. Author, Anthony J. D’Angelo argues in favor of positive attitude, “If you have time to whine and complain about something then you have the time to do something about it.”

Be grateful for what you have. Once you realize the blessings that you possess, you will never feel an urge to complain again. Always look at people with lower status than yours and see how life treats them and you will get a realization of how blessed you are to have all those facilities in life. As you start feeling grateful, you will not find reasons to complain about.

The frequent complainer personality is not liked by many. Everyone wants to get rid of the person who has problem with everything in life despite having everything. While grateful people are always loved by all. So stop yourself before you become a complaining addict and lose many valuable relationships. Just as famous Christian Author Joyce Meyer said,

“Complaining is dangerous business. It can damage or even destroy your relationship with God, your relationships with other people, and even with your relationship with yourself.”
Take Away Action Steps:

1. Take the 7 day “No-Complaints” Challenge: Now it is time to see how much of  complainer you really are. I challenge you to give up your complaints for 7 days. It doesn’t seem that long? Try it. For many people, complaining has become so ingrained into character they usually aren’t aware it’s happening until they start observing their actions. This is your chance to catch yourself in the act.

2. Turn a Complaint into Praise: When you catch yourself on the complaint train, stop and ask yourself three questions. 1. Is this really helping the situation? 2. What can I do to make this situation better, or, gain a deeper perspective around this? 3. If the person I am complaining about were standing right behind me now, how would they feel?

3. Decide to become a solution seeker. Make a conscious choice to give up complaining altogether. Turn this habit into a new habit of seeking solutions instead of pointing the finger. You will avoid building resentment, the #1 killer of happiness.

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