A Mother's Heart

by Jean Fleming

Overwhelmed by the stress of parenting? Author Jean Fleming reveals to women what it means to be a godly mother and offers encouragement to moms of all ages and backgrounds by:
Showing women how to distinguish between their role and God's role in raising children
Explaining how to take a spiritual inventory of a child's life
Discussing how to pray effectively for children

Genres: Parenting, Christian, Nonfiction, Family, Christianity, Christian Living, Faith

208 pages, Paperback

First published April 1, 1982

About the author

Jean Fleming grew up in Maryland, came to Christ in her senior year of high school and met a Navigator-trained fellow student in college. She married Roger in 1965 and they went to their first staff assignment with The Navigators in San Diego, California, followed by assignments to South Korea, Okinawa, Tucson, Seattle, Colorado Springs, and Montrose, Colorado.

Jean's primary ministry focus has been one-to-one ministry with a passion to touch the generation behind her for the future of the work of Christ. She has also written A Mother’s Heart, Between Walden and the Whirlwind (reprinted as Finding Focus in a Whirlwind World), Homesick Heart, Feeding Your Soul, and magazine articles.

Reviews

[Jami Balmet · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best and deepest books I’ve read on motherhood in a long time! This will be one of my top recommendations and I will read this one again!

I was so convicted many times to make sure that I am making my kids the priority that they are, that I’m taking adequate time to teach, train, and come alongside them!

My one recommendation when reading this book is to keep it in mind that we will NEVER be perfect mothers. We will fail, we will stumble, we will make mistakes and God covers us in grace! It’s ultimately about Christ’s work in our children’s lives but we must strive to be obedient to what he teaches along the way!

Give yourself grace and accept that grace from God! Keep that in mind and pull out practical ideas from this book!

[Joni · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had expected this book to be quite counter-cultural, considering it was written more than 30 years ago by a foreign missionary. And indeed, it was. What was pleasing to me, though, was that it was counter-cultural in an accessible and applicable way, not in an outdated way. It was, in fact, a breath of fresh air in light of modern parenting practices - even Christian ones, that overload parents with demands and fears that they're ruining their children by neglecting various activities. The emphasis in this book was placed upon the importance of a mother's presence in her children's life and her active love for her children. Nothing more. And pretty much all the pressure is placed on God to move and lead - a mother's job is to lean on Him and listen to Him for direction on how to parent, and then to be willing to live sacrificially (like Christ) for her family, especially during the short period when her children are small. There are no to-do lists in this book, although there are plenty of helpful and practical suggestions for ways to actively love your family and direct them toward God.

I also very much like the way she emphasized that there are no guarantees when it comes to parenting. You could do everything "right," and still your child's future and spiritual path are dependent upon their own choices and upon the supernatural work of God in their life. Again, the pressure is on God, not on Mom.

[Rachel Hutton · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book so much more than I thought I would. I was encouraged but also challenged in my thinking as a new mother. She provided many practical ways to be a mother the way God calls us to. It is one that I will likely go back to and read in a few years and will get something different from it as our son gets older and our family grows!

[Shannon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Second read-through review: I am so incredibly grateful for the discipling I have received through this book. I read it again (two years in a row now) because I could feel my heart needed it. If anything, it was even more challenging and encouraging than before. The chapters "Getting in Step with God" and "Parenting by Faith or Fear?" are each individually worth the price of the book to me.

****

This is probably the parenting book that has most affected not my technique, not my mindset, but my HEART toward my kids. Reading this, I was able to change things I have long wanted to change but have not had the ability to maintain (like praying for my kids more). The motivation came not through guilt but through the effect the book had on my heart. I got the feeling as I was reading that the author must have prayed over this book a lot: I can't think of any other explanation for how her straightforward, relatively simple encouragements and insights caused my desires to shift to the degree that they did. Scripture-saturated Titus 2 wisdom.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is probably the best book on motherhood I have ever read and I would encourage, exhort every mother to read it through. I'm not so good at writing reviews and this won't do justice to the content of the book, but I'll give it a go...
Fleming challenges the mother to look carefully into the Scriptures and then a hard look at applying it skillfully as a mother. She elevates the role of mother as something to aspire to with laudable merits and high standards. She makes motherhood attractive and doable, in the sense that all mothers can do it well, even if they think they are not the mommy-type. She includes practical applications and ideas with remarkable spiritual insight.

I read this when Daniel was one or two and read it recently again, now that he's four. It is just as good, if not better the second time through. Each time, I have had to pause 3/4 of the way through to take an inventory and evaluate my mothering seriously. In fact, I'm still trying to work out the ideas on p. 148 into our home "curricula" with my children.

Jean Fleming's scripture-based insights and framework for motherhood is priceless. A must read!

[Jordan Payne · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5? Overall not my favorite, but I did appreciate how much she valued motherhood and had so many practical examples of how to love and devote yourself/time/creativity to your children.

[Jodi Howard · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this a lot more than I thought I would. I appreciated the call to pray over each of my kids specifically and to continue to create rhythms of discipleship in everyday interactions.

[Kelli Carsky · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have often shared how much I despised the Mama Bear Apologetics book, and for similar, but opposite, reasons I was so encouraged by Jean Fleming’s writings in this book. I love reading how other parents have clung to certain passages of scripture, and this book was no exception.

I especially loved the last two chapters on enchanting our children and parenting out of faith, not fear.

“When I think of giving my children wings, I think of doing “extras” beyond meeting their basic needs. I want to enrich and surprise them, stimulate and refresh them, delight and enchant them. I want them to see our home as full of life because God is there.”

“To live by faith is to live with tensions, with blurred lines and with an uncomfortable lack of definition, because God wants us to look to Him for wisdom, strength, and direction as we parent our children and live our lives.”

“For after all, in God’s eyes aren’t the high points of history those times when His people count on His character and His Word?”

[Tracy Scott · Rating 3 out of 5]

Loved this book, bit she's hard core. Don't read it if you are working full-time though, as it will pile on unneeded guilt. ;)

[Courtney Bellingar · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a beautiful book for a mother who aspires to be a positive, nurturing figure in her children’s’ lives. I didn’t grow up in a Christian home, with a God-fearing mother…this book provided a lot of practical application tips on how to love and guide your children. I will be referring back to this book often❤️

[Stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nothing groundbreaking, but timeless, Biblical truths to keep before my eyes.

[Claire · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was the best parenting book I’ve read! Just full of both inspirational and practical advice. I felt so refreshed while reading it.

[Faith · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was full of wonderful tidbits and was so encouraging to me! I will definitely read it again in the future!

[Gabby Miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book! Highly recommend to new or seasoned mothers. Good chapters on fear in parenting, the monotony of early stages, and how to teach your kids.

[Bethany · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best mothering book I've read! If you read it, prepare to be greatly convicted and encouraged in equal measure!

[Hunter Brock · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Being a mother is an important job, but one that can easily feel frustrating and unrewarding. Jean Fleming shares her hopes and frustrations about motherhood in A Mother’s Heart. The mother of three grown children and a grandmother, Jean reveals what it means to be a godly mother and offers encouragement to mothers of all ages and backgrounds.

She’ll show you how to distinguish between your role and God’s role in raising children, explain how to take a spiritual inventory of your child’s life, and teach you to pray effectively for your child. She’ll also help you be thankful for your child’s strengths and weaknesses.

You’ll be blessed by her insights as you learn how to develop godly values, vision, and character—and how to instill those same qualities in your children.”

I have very few qualms with this book, and nothing about it made it difficult for me as a reader. As far as structure, grammar, and clarity are concerned, everything was spot on. The topics Fleming discussed were relevant, none of the chapters felt too long or too short, and practical examples were given both at the end of each chapter along with being sprinkled throughout. In addition to these things, Fleming did a great job of putting herself into her book. She wrote out of experience, included her husband’s role in the lives of her children (even with it being a book for mothers), and talked through the imperfections of her own parenting without making the reader lose confidence in her advice. Reading it was thoroughly enjoyable, challenging, and encouraging. The only criticism I had of the book was out of my own insecure thought of, “But what if my children aren’t like Jean Fleming’s children?”, a thought that God will have to keep whittling down by  His sanctification of me, and purification of my heart.


I have so many thoughts…

The first major takeaway had to do with the Great Commission (Matthew 28:18-20) and the vision God has for mothering.

“Unless we mothers relate our lives to God’s Great Commission, no matter how noble our goals for ourselves and our children, we will miss the mark if we fail to experience this redemption personally and involve our lives in helping others experience it…[with this], we need to remind ourselves and each other that our family is our primary ministry and not a frustrating obstacle to ‘real’ ministry.” (pg 30 of A Mother’s Heart)

I think one of the things that will be hard to “get used to” is the idea that my children will qualify as disciples. They might not be grown women, and I might not be meeting up with them every other day at a coffee shop to pray and talk about deep, complicated, spiritual matters (at least not at first), but they will be disciples to whom God has called me to be faithful.

With these thoughts, I appreciated Jean Fleming mentioning several times how she and her husband did ministry together both outside and inside the home. She talked about having a few young men stay with them for the purpose of discipleship even as she mothered. She talked about doing mission work in Korea, again, even as she mothered. While her children were her and her husband’s disciples, they were not their only ministry. They valued having their kids watch them do ministry with other people as well…Which is pretty cool

It’s always encouraging for me to see this, since Jake and I have already begun moving people in for life-on-life ministry, practicing opening our home to anyone and everyone, and figuring out how to use the stewardship responsibilities God has given us concerning our lives, our children, and our possessions…It’s encouraging to see it be done with kids.

“The best possible parenting cannot produce children who are spiritually responsive to God any more than our witnessing can make people Christians. Something spiritual happens in a child’s life because God has done something. ‘Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit’ (John 3:6).” (pg 73 of A Mother’s Heart)

Okay, so this has been, of course, one of my greatest submission points in preparing for motherhood. “But God! What if they end up not following you? What if I totally screw them up? What if they all grow up to be apostates and deliberately lead people away from freedom in Christ? What if I fail?”

This thought of “What if I fail?” is of course rooted in a wrong definition of success in parenting. Jean Fleming talks about being faithful with your children, as does God. God’s definition of success in anything has to do with our faithfulness to Him, not our outward results. God is the one who gives the increase of our labor, and I cannot force my children to bear fruit, to become Christians, etc. God does something. All I am called to do is be faithful. Am I praying? Am I seeking to bring them to God’s Word? Am I seeking to apply the Word to my own life, follow God in my own actions, and trust Him in all my endeavors, so that they can see Christ in my walk through this world until eternity? Even if I do all of these things perfectly and they still reject the gospel, I do not get the blame. And yet, even if they see my and Jake’s life and thoroughly embrace the gospel and go off to be great, spiritual giants, we do not get the credit…God does, in all of it.

With this thought came a realization of fear, and what it could do to my own family. Jean Fleming says:
“Recognize that your fears do your family more harm than good. Fears make us controlling. Fears make us tense. Fears show us, at that moment, not to be people of faith. Fears show us, at that moment, not to be people of hope. And unfortunately, fears often show us, at that moment, not to be people of love. Just as love casts out fear (1 John 4:18), it seems fears cast out love. Parents often drive their children from them and from faith by their fears. Our fears may press us either to frenzied decision or paralyzed indecision, to rash and regrettable words or a petrified silence, to unwarranted suspicions or unwise denial. For certain, our fears do our families more harm than good.” (pg 190 of A Mother’s Heart)

This places an urgency on trusting God and forsaking fear that I haven’t experienced before…Granted, I’ve heard a lot of encouragements to not fear (it’s all throughout Scripture). But the way Jean Fleming worded this warning exclaimed, “There are consequences to your fear. Fear doesn’t just make you feel bad…It wounds the people around you.” Yikes. And this is true of all sin…I can often fall into the fantastical belief that my sins affect no one but me, when, in reality, I affect the whole Church Body and beyond; I affect Jake, I affect the women discipling me, I affect the women I’m discipling, I affect…gosh, everyone. How much more so my very impressionable children?

This fear of fear should of course not drive us to fear, Fleming urges, but to greater trust in God’s control of and sovereignty over the children with whom He’s entrusted us.

The third and final takeaway of this book was this:

“Training can modify or develop a child’s natural bent, but we must realize she is not a blank paper on which we sketch her full personality and destiny. She came to us already an individual—a person without language, experience, or maturity, but still a person.” (pg 81 of A Mother’s Heart)

This is one of the aspects of myself that I most fear in my preparation for motherhood. My perfectionism and my continual struggle with trying to fit people into my expectations while forgetting God’s design for their lives was, before reading this book, a part of myself I felt I needed to fix before my and Jake’s first child. Granted, I’m still in one of the many layers of the onion God is peeling back in my heart, but I was relieved to read Fleming’s take on this aspect of parenting: expect your child to do great things, but do not suffocate them by your expectations.

Reading her challenge to mothers in this area felt like God saying, “Look, I know this is one of your sin struggles, and it will affect your parenting. So let Me point out the way it will show up in how you interact with your children, and give you thoughts to go back to when you’re struggling with it…” Or something deep and important and gentle and relieving like that.
Jean Fleming offered this practical application for struggling with various kinds of perfectionism concerning your children:

“(prayerfully) Acknowledge that God’s hand was on your child in the way he or she was formed before birth, according to God’s good plan. Admit any areas you resent in the way God put your child together. Accept God’s design for your child. Thank God for making your child the way he is. Affirm God’s purpose in creating your child for His glory. Ally yourself with God in His plans for your child’s life…We must recognize that God has already designed them.” (pg 89 of A Mother’s Heart)

I feel like this is another thing, along with prayer, that God keeps bringing up in my life, particularly in discipleship of other women. How am I partnering with God in what He wants to accomplish in the lives of these ladies? How has He uniquely designed them (in personality, passions, spiritual gifting, strengths, weaknesses, and so on) to fulfill His purpose in their lives for the sake of His kingdom and their relationships with Him? Similarly with children: how am I partnering with God in what He wants to accomplish in the lives of His children, whom He’s given to me and Jake? How has He uniquely designed these children to fulfill His purpose in their lives for the sake of His kingdom and their relationships with Him?

All of the takeaways discussed by Fleming are bathed in Scripture and rooted in solid doctrine. And so, as I continue to prepare for the newness and kingdom charge of motherhood, I feel more equipped and established in God’s vision for parenting. I’m excited to see how God will continue to use Jean Fleming’s advice to mothers throughout the world and in all age groups and backgrounds.

This is a beneficial book for anybody, but especially for mothers who feel overwhelmed and defeated in their parenting, for women who are preparing to be mothers and even those whose children have grown up and moved on, and for mothers looking to figure out what God’s desire is for them in the lives of their children.

About the Author:
“Jean Fleming is the author of Finding Focus in a Whirlwind World (Roper) and The Homesick Heart (NavPress). In addition to her writing ministry, she also speaks to women’s groups. Jean and her husband, Roger, have served on staff with The Navigators in California, Korea, Okinawa, Arizona, and Washington. They currently live in Colorado Springs, Colorado.”

[Brittany · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book-- so encouraging as a mother. Provides a lot of wisdom on spiritual & practical matters of being a mother-- and parenting.. Also offered lots of fun ideas to make memories as a family.

[Andrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found some of the examples and writing style to be a bit dated at times, but on the whole, I appreciated the encouragement and advice. Ended up marking a few sections to refer to later.

[Maggie Roberts · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5/5 Really enjoyed this book and would strongly recommend to other Christian Mothers. I was given this book as a gift by a dear friend who has many decades of mothering experience. The book is also a few decades old, which is noticeable in some of the references. Very thought provoking and took me time to sit with the ideas. Many of the topics or ideas do not currently apply to my season of motherhood, but reading about them helped me to mentally ponder these ideas for the future. I imagine I will be re reading this in the years to come as my daughter grows and we enter new chapters as a family

[Maria Gable · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can’t recommend this book highly enough. I often can easily become frustrated by Christian authors and their easy ways of bending scripture to fit their dogma but this book is nothing like that. It truly felt like an experienced wife and mother took me by the hand and brought me to the word to drink it deep and how to thankfully take in the meat of the Word as it pertained to my role as mother. It also had its moments where my iron was bent back into shape by striking against hers. And that is how it should be.

If you can get a hold of a copy, do so. Read it slowly, and answer all the questions for reflection or discussion at the end of the chapters.

Eye-opening. Simply eye-opening.

[Laura M. · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book was surprisingly impractical in the best possible way. I was expecting step-by-step instructions for things that I needed to be doing in order to be the ideal Christian mother. However, I was grateful to see that the foundation of the book rested on finding comfort in God’s providence and faithfulness, relying on prayer, and letting go of my control so that I could make room for God to work. The focus on prayer and scripture helped the task of motherhood stay grounded in the grace and faith that we find in Christ.

[Roberta Aleshire · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the best of the many Christian parenting books I have ever read. It goes much deeper than most and truly puts you on a spiritual journey that transcends parenting. I am now a sixty-four year old grandmother and read this years ago when it was just by Jan Fleming and Eugene Petersen was not out there yet and it was great than and I’m betting it’s even better now. Mothers, please read ‘‘this book!”

[Danielle · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the third time I've read this book. It actually was the very first mothering book I read when my twins were infants. It's one of my favorites. Fleming writes in such a refreshing and inspiring way about motherhood. It encouraged me to do really think of my kids as individuals and write them each personal letters about 10 things I love about them. I like rereading this book when my kids are in different stages because it impacts me differently each time.

[Stace · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was written in 1982 and is still relevant in 2020. Oh how my momma heart wishes I could’ve read it back in the 90’s, but alas I can still apply many principles with my adult children, grandkids, and even employees. It also grew and strengthened my Christian faith. Very sweet read and not preachy Christianese. I took lots of notes and answered each chapter’s reflection questions in my journal.

[Cate · Rating 4 out of 5]

My Mom had this on her bookshelf during my growing up years. I heard from Jami Balmet (podcast!) how amazing this book is for Moms in this generation. She was right! This book is full of mothering wisdom that stands the test of time. This book inspired me to hone in on my purpose as a Mom and specifically pray for each little one. This is such an encouraging read!

[Danielle Page · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wonderful and practical guide to parenting well and intentionally. It is older, so some of the language and metaphors are outdated, but the principles still stand. I definitely recommend it for moms in the throes of parenting. I'm not there yet, but it was nice to begin thinking about raising a child in the ways Fleming offers.

[Jennie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great encouragement to mothers to center their own lives first on Christ, and then to look to Him for strength and wisdom in raising their children. Very biblically based with a high view of God. Excellent parenting resource.

[Melissa Ward · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would highly recommend this book to every mother. A different approach to parenthood, looking at things from an emotional, spiritual, and practical standpoint. Great advice, will be reading this book often!

[Cynthia Robinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

a very sweet book about the practical and faithful calling of being a mother. got to read with two other moms I admire and I really valued our discussion from jeans questions in each chapter and getting to process together. Jean is so wise and has such a pure love for her children!

[Serenity Ward · Rating 5 out of 5]

if you are a woman who has chosen to follow after the things of Christ, i implore you to read this book. doesn't matter if you have your own kids or not, read this