When Partners Become Parents: The Big Life Change for Couples

by Carolyn Pape Cowan, Philip A. Cowan

When it first appeared in 1992, this book became an instant must-read on the lists of new parents and family studies professionals alike. Its message is just as relevant, just as timely, and perhaps even more important today. As indicated in the new foreword, by John M. Gottman, and in the updates and new afterword provided by the authors, the transition to parenthood remains one of the most challenging periods in adulthood. Readers today will be rewarded, just as earlier readers have been, by the stories reported in the pages of this book and by the wise counsel of the authors who put those stories in context.

Genres: Parenting, Marriage, Psychology, Nonfiction, School

280 pages, Paperback

First published March 1, 1992

Reviews

[Jackson · Rating 3 out of 5]

At times a rather dense read (sometimes it just felt like the font was too small). But here are a few tidbits which I’ll hang onto:

- fathers who are dissatisfied in their marriages are far more likely to be cold to their preschool aged daughters than sons
-the healthcare system is narrowly focused on the physical health of the mother and the fetus, and preparing the expecting couple for labor and delivery. We ought to spend more energy on the mental and emotional changes and stresses that often accompany this stage of life.

[Christine Lepird · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fascinating academic look at 100 couples in the 90s who either became parents around the same time or decided they'd rather be childfree. It follows them from pregnancy to kindergarten to understand how they feel as individuals, as a couple, and as parents. I'd highly recommend it to anyone who is considering having a child or starting on that journey. It provides insights into the impact of age, conflict-resolution, gender, and family history on the unique challenges of parenthood.

[Sarah]

Learned from The Cut article.

[Kristin Maschka · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just wish someone had handed me this book before our daughter arrived. What no one tells you is how becoming parents transforms your marriage on so many levels. The results of a study of couples groups, the Cowans' book is still readable and practical enough to give mothers and fathers the understanding they need to make it through this major life transition as a couple.

[Alicia Eskew]

Another one of those 'textbook' types that transcends the dust shelf. This is well-written to engage the reader and contains some excellent tips for understanding and counseling couples before or after children.