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Bold Blades Flashing
BEAUTIFUL BUCCANEERS!Garnet Shaw was only sixteen, but she was a diminutive spitfire, as Happy Jack Muldoon, captain of the pirate ship Dancing Lady , quickly learned when he claimed her as his prize on a sea-going raid.Garnet found that a life of piracy appealed to her, as did dashing Captain Jack, whose mistress she became.But then the Dancing Lady was boarded by the beautiful and arrogant Dell Fields. Her mysterious relationship with the pirate captain soon bound all three in a strange alliance whose links were forged in passion and in blood!
300 pages, Paperback
First published November 1, 1979
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About the author
Lorinda Hagen
18 books2 followersThe author's real name was Linda Du Breuil. She wrote under many pseudonyms: Kristin Anderson, L.J. Brown, L.J. Browning, Kate Cameron, S.C. Carewe, Alexandria DeMille, Daniel Dodge, Caroline Dragon, Ellen Evans, Emerald Evans, Edmund Griffen, Elizabeth Hanley, D. Berry Lindner, Margaret Maitland, Jon Mark, Catherine Power, D. Royal, Brian Summer and Toni Vaughn.
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
May 2, 2011
Courtesy of its unintentional hilarity & insane # of WTF moments, my terror-stricken tarantula eyebrows are permanently glued to my receding hairline. Whatevah planet the zany characters inhabit, it’s certainly not earth. The logic-defying cheezefest beggars belief, I was convinced that this story was set in a parallel universe. Godzilla attacking the city wouldn’t wreak as much havoc as this book did on my nerves. To call it a romance would be an insult, it’s a Historical Fiction w/ a microscopic speck of romance – a verra bhad romance @ that - & an overdose of women being victimized. The luv triangle is simply a sorry excuse for topping on this hyperactive gag-reflexor. A boatload of misery, corny lines, shifty POVs (mostly 1st person), cartoonish characters, meandering non-existent plot, ass-numbing, rambling narration, flowery prose (demon of desire ; wanton as any strumpet), ostentatious names (Philadelpus = Dell aka Other Woman ; Dr. Fearnot Waring ; Captain Solomon Merryweather ; Garnet ; Jack = the # 1 go-to name for pirate romance) ; odd choice of words (“Love bubbles” aka boobies that will pop if U poke ‘em w/ your pinky ; cunning slippers ; egg-shaped moon ; hail as big as eggs ; benevolent breeze ; boiling sea ; bowels of the earth ; the wind gusted & shrilled / screamed & bullied) ; peeps in the agony of death throes can still make a long ass last speech etc. U name it, this cuckoo book got it. Shots of Tequila wouldn’t be enuff to rouse interest, despite the author’s effort to throw everything but the kitchen sink. I’m not an advocate for physical violence against humankind, but the ditzy chick Garnet deserves a bitchslap for over-reacting, jumping to the wrong conclusions thanx to over-active imagination & consistent sheer stupidity. I was dazed & confused as to who’s actually the main heroine, Dell the OW or Garnet, ‘cuz it seemed like Dell had way more screen time & Garnet was just an afterthought. The cover says it all, the 2-timing dude embracing the flame-haired wench, Garnet a mere prop.
Since it’s mission : impossible to do a decent rant w/out being a spoiler whore, I’m just gonna go all-out, no holes barred.
Garnet is a 14 y/o bipolar, homicidal, demented twit who contributes to the growing stats of downtrodden, TSTL heroines in romancelandia. Daddy is MIA, she’s still in denial even tho’ everyone tells her daddy has Xpired. Oh no, see, she has inherited an on-and-off gift from her late mommie dearest, a 2nd sight. Mommie ‘s death was caused by chipmunk (could it be the ancestor of Alvin ?). I had to read that death-by-chipmunk passage twice just to make sure my crossed eyes didn’t deceive me. Mommie forecast her own death & feared animals. Ironic, ‘cuz Garnet’s daddy was an animal Vet.
<< According to my father, the chipmunk attacked her. It bit her ankle & held on, while she stood in the kitchen yard & screamed & screamed & screamed >>
I digress. Back to regularly scheduled programming. Garnet just knows in the pit of her heart that daddy’s still alive. In the interim, daddy’s lover, a benevolent Lady, gives her 100 pounds to tide her over. This nice lady unfortunately meets her demise soon after. Her harpy neighbor wants Garnet to marry her son & Garnet puts her foot down. No, no & no. She thinks she’s a smart cookie by lying to dear neighbor ‘bout the 100 pounds when asked what she’s done w/ it. When neighbor exits, Garnet finds out the dough is gone. Whoevah said “Love thy neighbor” apparently was in the wrong neighborhood. Gee whiz U’d think she woulda had the common sense to hide it under the rug / sew it into a curtain etc. But nope, she hides it in a secret cache inside her purse. Utterly brilliant. *Bangs head on desk*
Her OTT reactions to this disaster of epic proportion : frantically pulling hair strands outta her scalp, running from room to room, clawing @ arms ‘till they’re bloody, rending w/ fingernails and / or biting @ the frock she’s donning, flinging herself against doors & furnishings, screaming insane things @ the 4 walls of her kitchen, cowering on the floor contemplating ways of committing suicide, stamping her foot & swearing. She chickens out in the end tho’. Now @ this point, I wanted to reach inside the pages to stop her rampage by spraying her w/ a tranquilizer just to calm her down. If that didn’t work, I’d whip out my blessed cross, spray her w/ holy water & chant, “The power of Christ compels U ! The power of Christ compels U !” just for the hell of it. In a haze of rage, off she goes to neighbor’s dilapidated cottage & finds a whopping 5 pound note among the debris. Thieving lady & son are nowhere to be found. So she pockets it (hey, bettah than nuffink, right ?) & dissolves into a deranged hysterical laughter ‘till she has stitches on her side. I thought, this trigger-happy chick must’ve had a virulent laughing gas up her ass. Initially I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt that it’s just an isolated incident. It was merely 1 of many silly, inexplicable laughs @ the most inappropriate moments.
Garnet decides to pawn her necklace. The 1st pawnbroker deems it worth 7 bob, so she decides to go to anotha pawnbroker. After a long, exhausting walk, she reaches the shop & , finds out her necklace is not tied around her neck anymore & her meager 5 pounds are gone too < a double whammy ! >. U’d think the dense chick woulda had a grain of common sense to not walk around the streets of London w/ a valuable necklace around her neck. Yep, talk ‘bout making herself a ripe target for pickpockets. It nevah occurred to her that she coulda hidden the necklace someplace where the sun don’t shine. Caught red-handed stealing a bun outta starvation, a bleeding heart Captain comes to her rescue. The Captain turns out to be 1 of her daddy’s friends. He lures Garnet to sail away on his ship, just so she can read & write for him, ‘cuz he’s illiterate. Forgive my ignorance ‘cuz I’ve nevah dipped my toes in sailing, but I thought a Captain is supposed to be able to read maps / charts / the name of oncoming ships. How does he survive the high seas ? The epitome of the blind leading the blind. BTW, his navigator cum helmsman just happens to have an undiagnosed insanity & temporary blackouts. A couple of years later, almost the entire crew are wiped out by a disease. Garnet is almost raped by a creep but manages to kill him & be the master & commander of the depleted ship. Enters Jack – the luv of her life.
2 years ago, amidst her series of misfortune, Garnet had bumped into Jack, the so-called hero, @ a tavern. It’s insta luv for Jack, after just 1 kiss. @ this juncture, heroine was still underage, so despite my lifelong luv for May – December & vice versa theme, I found it cweepy & disturbing that stalkerific hero kisses a random teen @ a tavern & waits out 2 years before plundering Garnet’s bountiful treasure w/ his manly protuberance (the author’s words, not mine, hence its entrance to King-Dong Hall of fame). Garnet is given the necklace, the same 1 that was stolen from her. She adds up 2 + 2, comes up w/ 22 = Jack must be the lady killer, as in, he murdered her daddy’s lover. In her own words :
< “ Sometimes I become carried away by my imagination.” >
U don’t’ say ? She comes up w/ her diabolical plan of revenge, pretending that she goes ga-ga over him, it helps her lost cause that Jack flashes his oh-so-meaty ding-a-ling (bold blade indeed). Her conflicting personalities (delusions of grandeur) tell her that she’s beginning to feel respect of herself < cue Aretha Franklin’s mega hit R-e-s-p-e-c-t >.
Oh yeah Jack also has an aunt who sails w/ him everywhere he goes & her hair is hung almost to her ankles. As if there’s plenty of water on board for hair maintenance. The rain & seawater prolly come in handy. This aunt is so blinded by her luv for dear nephew Jack that when he rapes Dell, the OW, she defends him & is more concerned for his chewed off ear. What is this, High school ? Typical, look the other way & blame the victim.
Jack’s ship is attacked by his ol’ foe ‘cuz per history, Jack ditches his bride @ the altar. The evil pirate is his bridezilla’s bro. Jack shows his resilience by smiling while enduring severe flogging on his front & back. Here comes 21 y/o Dell, his ol’ flame, to the rescue. Turns out Dell’s been on solo covert op on the evil pirate’s ship, biding her time to exact vengeance ‘cuz the villain had butchered her hubby & decapitated her baby gal right in front of her eyes. She stops the whipping in the nick of time & takes over the Spaniard pirate’s ship. Like Joker on crack, Jack can still grin from ear to ear despite the sores that haven’t yet healed on his lips. I don’t even wanna visualize that image. We backtrack to Dell’s tragic history & how she & Jack became lovers. In Jack’s nevah-ending tale of woes to Garnet, there’s a mention of Jack’s grandpa having over-fertile li’l swimmers (he popped out 19 illegit kids). Now that’s just TMI. How that juicy tidbit is relevant to the main plot (not that there was 1 to begin w/) is still a mystery to me. Are we to assume Jack’s not sterile ? Jack’s mommie – in the agony of death throes – had drawn her last strength to sit up, make a long ass speech & extract a promise outta Jack’s daddy to legitimize Jack, before letting go (reminded me of a heelarious episode of “3rd rock from the sun” where overacting John Lithgow just wouldn’t stay dead during a stage play). Jack’s daddy arranged to get Jack hitched to a gorgeous gal , language barrier be damned. He’s smitten @ 1st look of her miniature painting :
<< “She is more beautiful than a sunrise. Lovelier than a rainbow. The absolute in perfection.” He wished there were more ways to describe the stunning face he already worshiped & during the night he disturbed his rest by getting up & writing down the best of those that came to him. >>
Sight unseen, he’s already besotted w/ future wife. He finds out @ his farcical wedding that he’s been duped by daddy ‘cuz his real fiancée is actually a grotesque creature, since then on he’s been hunted by the poor gal’s enraged bro. Anyhoo, Jack proves the shallow depth of his luv for Garnet by claiming “I love that girl w/ all my heart & soul” & raping Dell :
<< His joy manifested itself as he laughed in exultation. >>
He gets caught by aunt & Garnet w/ his pants down & his lame defense :
<< “This isn’t @ all the way it may look, damn it.” >>
Hmmm… dear cheater, your dick & b@lls are still hanging out, fresh from dipping in the gravy. Your ear looks like Evander Holyfield’s after a bloody bout w/ Mike Tyson. I don’t need further proof. BTW, I’m still searching for my rolling eyeballs after reading that the victim Dell defends Jack da rapist.
Garnet & Dell become BFF & both go off on 1 mad adventure after anotha’. Awshucks, my Gaydar failed. Dell becomes horny & puts her groove on shagadelic Garnet, who cares if Garnet doesn’t swing for the otha team, Dell just needs a li’l human touch, any gender will do. It also boggles the mind that when their conveyance is hijacked by highwaymen & their small entourage is killed, the 2 women are spared from being molested. They really dodge a bullet there (pun intended). Dell checks outta reality due to shock after the highway robbery. Oops turns out Jack wasn’t shooting blanks either ‘cuz he left his bun in Dell’’s oven. Garnet has to cope w/ a pregger chick & an injured kid (an abused slave that Dell unofficially adopted). The tobacco-smokin’ hawt momma Dell checks in back to reality again, pops the baby out on her own. Super mom !
Just when Dell & Garnet are about to marry their suitors, somefink horrific happens to ‘em (again). A band (70 – 80) of drunken, thieving cutthroats invade their home & gang-rape ‘em & their serving women for almost 24 hrs. Their bearded Tacos were prolly made of sterner stuff to have survived such a traumatizing event ‘cuz in the aftermath, Dell & Garnet are still able to not only walk around the perimeter, looking for survivors & taking stock of the leftover, but also RUN down to the shore to welcome the visitors (the adopted slave kid is the only 1 who escapes to find help, a li’l too late tho’). The psychological damage was glossed over as if lifelong therapy wasn’t needed. Oh they got their revenge in a dubious way. They manage to gather women from all walks of life to join ‘em on the high seas, even if none of ‘em had any experience in running the ship. Who do they encounter ? Yep, the same band of rapists who just committed the heinous crime. This time the all-chick ship wins the day & the rapists are made to slave away & left buck nekkid on an island. Dell & Garnet were too lenient !
Fast 4ward, Jack finally shows up again on stage, 23 pages before the end. He finds out he’s a daddy, marries Garnet, proceeds to bang Dell on the side. Weird, Garnet doesn’t mind @ all & rather likes it that he’s bed-hopping, ‘cuz it’s her BFF, yo. And Garnet’s preggers too. Her hormones are flipping backward. Wow, just rendered me speechless w/ the latest development. Dell is conveniently hanged to make room for H/h’s HEA.
This book was a work of art. The sheer # of rapes & deaths compelled me to give it zero star, but for all it’s worth, I did finish w/ a whimper of distress, sooo… a grudging 1*.
Since it’s mission : impossible to do a decent rant w/out being a spoiler whore, I’m just gonna go all-out, no holes barred.
Garnet is a 14 y/o bipolar, homicidal, demented twit who contributes to the growing stats of downtrodden, TSTL heroines in romancelandia. Daddy is MIA, she’s still in denial even tho’ everyone tells her daddy has Xpired. Oh no, see, she has inherited an on-and-off gift from her late mommie dearest, a 2nd sight. Mommie ‘s death was caused by chipmunk (could it be the ancestor of Alvin ?). I had to read that death-by-chipmunk passage twice just to make sure my crossed eyes didn’t deceive me. Mommie forecast her own death & feared animals. Ironic, ‘cuz Garnet’s daddy was an animal Vet.
<< According to my father, the chipmunk attacked her. It bit her ankle & held on, while she stood in the kitchen yard & screamed & screamed & screamed >>
I digress. Back to regularly scheduled programming. Garnet just knows in the pit of her heart that daddy’s still alive. In the interim, daddy’s lover, a benevolent Lady, gives her 100 pounds to tide her over. This nice lady unfortunately meets her demise soon after. Her harpy neighbor wants Garnet to marry her son & Garnet puts her foot down. No, no & no. She thinks she’s a smart cookie by lying to dear neighbor ‘bout the 100 pounds when asked what she’s done w/ it. When neighbor exits, Garnet finds out the dough is gone. Whoevah said “Love thy neighbor” apparently was in the wrong neighborhood. Gee whiz U’d think she woulda had the common sense to hide it under the rug / sew it into a curtain etc. But nope, she hides it in a secret cache inside her purse. Utterly brilliant. *Bangs head on desk*
Her OTT reactions to this disaster of epic proportion : frantically pulling hair strands outta her scalp, running from room to room, clawing @ arms ‘till they’re bloody, rending w/ fingernails and / or biting @ the frock she’s donning, flinging herself against doors & furnishings, screaming insane things @ the 4 walls of her kitchen, cowering on the floor contemplating ways of committing suicide, stamping her foot & swearing. She chickens out in the end tho’. Now @ this point, I wanted to reach inside the pages to stop her rampage by spraying her w/ a tranquilizer just to calm her down. If that didn’t work, I’d whip out my blessed cross, spray her w/ holy water & chant, “The power of Christ compels U ! The power of Christ compels U !” just for the hell of it. In a haze of rage, off she goes to neighbor’s dilapidated cottage & finds a whopping 5 pound note among the debris. Thieving lady & son are nowhere to be found. So she pockets it (hey, bettah than nuffink, right ?) & dissolves into a deranged hysterical laughter ‘till she has stitches on her side. I thought, this trigger-happy chick must’ve had a virulent laughing gas up her ass. Initially I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt that it’s just an isolated incident. It was merely 1 of many silly, inexplicable laughs @ the most inappropriate moments.
Garnet decides to pawn her necklace. The 1st pawnbroker deems it worth 7 bob, so she decides to go to anotha pawnbroker. After a long, exhausting walk, she reaches the shop & , finds out her necklace is not tied around her neck anymore & her meager 5 pounds are gone too < a double whammy ! >. U’d think the dense chick woulda had a grain of common sense to not walk around the streets of London w/ a valuable necklace around her neck. Yep, talk ‘bout making herself a ripe target for pickpockets. It nevah occurred to her that she coulda hidden the necklace someplace where the sun don’t shine. Caught red-handed stealing a bun outta starvation, a bleeding heart Captain comes to her rescue. The Captain turns out to be 1 of her daddy’s friends. He lures Garnet to sail away on his ship, just so she can read & write for him, ‘cuz he’s illiterate. Forgive my ignorance ‘cuz I’ve nevah dipped my toes in sailing, but I thought a Captain is supposed to be able to read maps / charts / the name of oncoming ships. How does he survive the high seas ? The epitome of the blind leading the blind. BTW, his navigator cum helmsman just happens to have an undiagnosed insanity & temporary blackouts. A couple of years later, almost the entire crew are wiped out by a disease. Garnet is almost raped by a creep but manages to kill him & be the master & commander of the depleted ship. Enters Jack – the luv of her life.
2 years ago, amidst her series of misfortune, Garnet had bumped into Jack, the so-called hero, @ a tavern. It’s insta luv for Jack, after just 1 kiss. @ this juncture, heroine was still underage, so despite my lifelong luv for May – December & vice versa theme, I found it cweepy & disturbing that stalkerific hero kisses a random teen @ a tavern & waits out 2 years before plundering Garnet’s bountiful treasure w/ his manly protuberance (the author’s words, not mine, hence its entrance to King-Dong Hall of fame). Garnet is given the necklace, the same 1 that was stolen from her. She adds up 2 + 2, comes up w/ 22 = Jack must be the lady killer, as in, he murdered her daddy’s lover. In her own words :
< “ Sometimes I become carried away by my imagination.” >
U don’t’ say ? She comes up w/ her diabolical plan of revenge, pretending that she goes ga-ga over him, it helps her lost cause that Jack flashes his oh-so-meaty ding-a-ling (bold blade indeed). Her conflicting personalities (delusions of grandeur) tell her that she’s beginning to feel respect of herself < cue Aretha Franklin’s mega hit R-e-s-p-e-c-t >.
Oh yeah Jack also has an aunt who sails w/ him everywhere he goes & her hair is hung almost to her ankles. As if there’s plenty of water on board for hair maintenance. The rain & seawater prolly come in handy. This aunt is so blinded by her luv for dear nephew Jack that when he rapes Dell, the OW, she defends him & is more concerned for his chewed off ear. What is this, High school ? Typical, look the other way & blame the victim.
Jack’s ship is attacked by his ol’ foe ‘cuz per history, Jack ditches his bride @ the altar. The evil pirate is his bridezilla’s bro. Jack shows his resilience by smiling while enduring severe flogging on his front & back. Here comes 21 y/o Dell, his ol’ flame, to the rescue. Turns out Dell’s been on solo covert op on the evil pirate’s ship, biding her time to exact vengeance ‘cuz the villain had butchered her hubby & decapitated her baby gal right in front of her eyes. She stops the whipping in the nick of time & takes over the Spaniard pirate’s ship. Like Joker on crack, Jack can still grin from ear to ear despite the sores that haven’t yet healed on his lips. I don’t even wanna visualize that image. We backtrack to Dell’s tragic history & how she & Jack became lovers. In Jack’s nevah-ending tale of woes to Garnet, there’s a mention of Jack’s grandpa having over-fertile li’l swimmers (he popped out 19 illegit kids). Now that’s just TMI. How that juicy tidbit is relevant to the main plot (not that there was 1 to begin w/) is still a mystery to me. Are we to assume Jack’s not sterile ? Jack’s mommie – in the agony of death throes – had drawn her last strength to sit up, make a long ass speech & extract a promise outta Jack’s daddy to legitimize Jack, before letting go (reminded me of a heelarious episode of “3rd rock from the sun” where overacting John Lithgow just wouldn’t stay dead during a stage play). Jack’s daddy arranged to get Jack hitched to a gorgeous gal , language barrier be damned. He’s smitten @ 1st look of her miniature painting :
<< “She is more beautiful than a sunrise. Lovelier than a rainbow. The absolute in perfection.” He wished there were more ways to describe the stunning face he already worshiped & during the night he disturbed his rest by getting up & writing down the best of those that came to him. >>
Sight unseen, he’s already besotted w/ future wife. He finds out @ his farcical wedding that he’s been duped by daddy ‘cuz his real fiancée is actually a grotesque creature, since then on he’s been hunted by the poor gal’s enraged bro. Anyhoo, Jack proves the shallow depth of his luv for Garnet by claiming “I love that girl w/ all my heart & soul” & raping Dell :
<< His joy manifested itself as he laughed in exultation. >>
He gets caught by aunt & Garnet w/ his pants down & his lame defense :
<< “This isn’t @ all the way it may look, damn it.” >>
Hmmm… dear cheater, your dick & b@lls are still hanging out, fresh from dipping in the gravy. Your ear looks like Evander Holyfield’s after a bloody bout w/ Mike Tyson. I don’t need further proof. BTW, I’m still searching for my rolling eyeballs after reading that the victim Dell defends Jack da rapist.
Garnet & Dell become BFF & both go off on 1 mad adventure after anotha’. Awshucks, my Gaydar failed. Dell becomes horny & puts her groove on shagadelic Garnet, who cares if Garnet doesn’t swing for the otha team, Dell just needs a li’l human touch, any gender will do. It also boggles the mind that when their conveyance is hijacked by highwaymen & their small entourage is killed, the 2 women are spared from being molested. They really dodge a bullet there (pun intended). Dell checks outta reality due to shock after the highway robbery. Oops turns out Jack wasn’t shooting blanks either ‘cuz he left his bun in Dell’’s oven. Garnet has to cope w/ a pregger chick & an injured kid (an abused slave that Dell unofficially adopted). The tobacco-smokin’ hawt momma Dell checks in back to reality again, pops the baby out on her own. Super mom !
Just when Dell & Garnet are about to marry their suitors, somefink horrific happens to ‘em (again). A band (70 – 80) of drunken, thieving cutthroats invade their home & gang-rape ‘em & their serving women for almost 24 hrs. Their bearded Tacos were prolly made of sterner stuff to have survived such a traumatizing event ‘cuz in the aftermath, Dell & Garnet are still able to not only walk around the perimeter, looking for survivors & taking stock of the leftover, but also RUN down to the shore to welcome the visitors (the adopted slave kid is the only 1 who escapes to find help, a li’l too late tho’). The psychological damage was glossed over as if lifelong therapy wasn’t needed. Oh they got their revenge in a dubious way. They manage to gather women from all walks of life to join ‘em on the high seas, even if none of ‘em had any experience in running the ship. Who do they encounter ? Yep, the same band of rapists who just committed the heinous crime. This time the all-chick ship wins the day & the rapists are made to slave away & left buck nekkid on an island. Dell & Garnet were too lenient !
Fast 4ward, Jack finally shows up again on stage, 23 pages before the end. He finds out he’s a daddy, marries Garnet, proceeds to bang Dell on the side. Weird, Garnet doesn’t mind @ all & rather likes it that he’s bed-hopping, ‘cuz it’s her BFF, yo. And Garnet’s preggers too. Her hormones are flipping backward. Wow, just rendered me speechless w/ the latest development. Dell is conveniently hanged to make room for H/h’s HEA.
This book was a work of art. The sheer # of rapes & deaths compelled me to give it zero star, but for all it’s worth, I did finish w/ a whimper of distress, sooo… a grudging 1*.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 28, 2013
No words to describe this one
Verity's Review say's it all.
Verity's Review say's it all.
April 26, 2011
Wow, this book was all kinds of crazy.
September 29, 2013
read 1992
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews