It's My F---ing Birthday

by Merrill Markoe

“In the coming year,” she said, hoisting her blindingly clean and gleaming glass into the air, “may half of all your dreams come true.”

“Mom,” I said to her, “isn’t that kind of pathetic?”

“Well, it’s realistic.”

It’s her thirty-sixth birthday, and she really thought things would be different this year—that she’d have figured out men and how to get along with her narcissistic parents enough to survive a birthday celebration. But nothing’s changed. Her disappointing day is capped off by the delivery of a huge bouquet of flowers from Carl, with whom she has recently, and bitterly, split. A gesture of reconciliation? Of passive aggression? She’s too unhinged to tell.

It’s My F---ing Birthday unfolds in seven state-of-my-life addresses this hapless high school art teacher writes to herself on consecutive birthdays, as she is determined to break the patterns of behavior that are keeping her down. Her to avoid making the same mistakes over and over and start making some new ones. Through seven outrageously funny years of needling parents, self-absorbed boyfriends, riots, O.J., and Monica—and bigger and bigger bouquets from Carl—she navigates a circuitous (and ultimately successful) route to happiness in a world where everything seems to conspire to the contrary.


What I Learned This Year That I Need to Remember

1. No more taking the bait from Mom. Even if the fight becomes about not taking the bait.

2. No more dwelling in the past.

3. Try much harder to continue being a vegetarian. This will limit the restaurants the folks can take me to.

4. No more trying to decode the flowers from Carl. If he sends them again, just think of them as a fun, free thing, like a little sample box of cereal or detergent that suddenly appears in the mailbox.

5. Don’t make a big deal out of the fact that there were no guys this year. Perhaps that’s a better thing than continuing to get involved with guys who exhibit behavior from the beginning that indicates the whole thing is completely hopeless. So try to remember the above as a coping strategy when I am so crazed with horniness that I want to throw myself off a building.

6. No more mumbo jumbo. This means no more calling 900 astrology numbers listed at the end of horoscopes in women’s magazines to find out my love forecast. And no more going to psychics, no matter how dicey things get.

Genres: Fiction, Humor, Chick Lit, Comedy, Adult Fiction, Book Club

210 pages, Hardcover

First published February 12, 2002

About the author

An author, a television writer and a sometime standup comedienne.

Reviews

[Heather · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book had so much promise in the beginning but it was wasted on a protagonist who doesn't change, doesn't grow, and doesn't ever learn from her mistakes. She's supposed to be in her 30s/40s but the entire novel reads like she's in her teens/20s with the amount of annoying drama she deals with. She has absolutely no spine which I get is the point of her issues, but if a book ends with the protagonist having never grown or changed from who they were at the outset, that is a HUGE red flag/no-no in fiction. Many characters were one-dimensional and the back of the book says it's "outrageously funny" which couldn't be farther from the truth. I gave it two stars: one because that's what it merits with its numerous flaws, and another because I can't believe I actually managed to finish the dang thing. Good Lord...

[Melanie · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was ok; the title was much better than the book.

[Wortmagie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ich habe keine Ahnung, wie es „Mein Geburtstag und andere Katastrophen“ von Merrill Markoe in mein Bücherregal geschafft hat. Das Buch passt so gar nicht in mein Beuteschema, daher vermute ich, dass es irgendwann einmal Gegenstand einer Rettungsmission war. In meiner Teenagerzeit habe ich häufig Bücher mitgenommen, die andernfalls auf dem Müll gelandet wären, unabhängig vom Inhalt. Das heißt, ich besitze dieses Buch schon sehr, sehr lange. In den letzten Jahren zweifelte ich daran, ob ich es jemals lesen würde, aber die heutige Rezension beweist, dass jedes Buch seine Zeit hat. Selbst ein Chic-Lit-Roman, der meinem Geschmack eigentlich widerspricht.

Wie ist es nur möglich, dass jedes Jahr gleich verläuft? Es kann doch nicht sein, dass man als erwachsene Frau von 36 Jahren ständig dieselben Fehler wiederholt und sich von den spitzen Kommentaren nörgelnder Eltern, gutmeinenden Ratschlägen ahnungsloser Freundinnen und verwirrenden Signalen kryptischer Männer langsam in den Wahnsinn treiben lässt. Etwas muss sich ändern! Eine neue Tradition muss her: einmal im Jahr, am Geburtstag, einen Brief an sich selbst zu verfassen, das Jahr Revue passieren zu lassen und sich daran zu erinnern, was man alles nicht mehr tun wollte, klingt wie eine gute Idee. Bestandsaufnahme und Vorsatzsammlung in einem. Dummerweise ist es gar nicht so leicht, sich zu ändern. Katastrophen scheren sich nicht um gute Vorsätze. Da helfen nur noch entschlossenes Krisenmanagement und der feste Glauben daran, dass irgendwann alles besser wird. Wird es doch, oder?

Die verzweifelte Stimme meines moralischen Gewissens hofft inständig, dass Merrill Markoe „Mein Geburtstag und andere Katastrophen“ ironisch meinte. Das Buch enthält so viele sexistische Klischees, dass ich unbedingt an eine absichtliche Überspitzung glauben muss. Ich möchte nicht in Betracht ziehen, dass diese Parade platter Vorurteile über Frauen, Männer und Beziehungen ernst gemeint ist. Ich muss an eine spottende Kritik glauben, an eine bewusste Überzeichnung. Andernfalls müsste ich mich nämlich dafür schämen, dass ich das Buch mochte. Ja, oh Wunder, ich fand es gut. Es ist natürlich kein literarisches Meisterwerk, doch unterhaltsam, amüsant und kurzweilig. Halb handelt es sich um einen Briefroman, halb um einen Tagebuchroman, denn die Protagonistin schreibt sich selbst einmal im Jahr an ihrem Geburtstag einen Brief, in dem sie das vergangene Jahr zusammenfasst und Verhaltensvorsätze für das nächste Jahr aufstellt. Ihr Name bleibt unbekannt, weil sie keine Anrede verwendet und dank der strikten Ich-Perspektive ihrer Briefe keine Notwendigkeit besteht, ihn zu nennen. Über sechs Jahre, von ihrem 36. bis zu ihrem 42. Geburtstag, durfte ich sie durch die Irrungen und Wirrungen ihres Lebens begleiten. Mir gefiel diese Struktur sehr gut; das Buch las sich flott und angenehm, weil ich nicht gezwungen war, jedes Jahr im Detail zu erleben, sondern bloß eine knappe Rekapitulation ihrer Highlights geboten bekam. Leider sind diese Highlights meist negativ, was mich animierte, über mich selbst nachzudenken. Der Frau passiert selten etwas Gutes. Hauptsächlich berichtet sie von ihrer katastrophalen Beziehung zu ihren Eltern und ihren unglücklichen Männergeschichten. Hin und wieder spielen ihre Freundinnen eine Rolle, die ihr mit wohlgesinnten, aber häufig umnachteten Ratschlägen zur Seite stehen, wodurch klar wird, dass sie ebenso blauäugig und einsam sind wie sie selbst. Vereinzelt erwähnt sie ihren Job als Kunstlehrerin an einer High-School, mit dem sie zufrieden ist, über den sie sich allerdings kaum zu definieren scheint. Ich konnte mich überhaupt nicht mit ihr identifizieren. Wir haben nichts gemeinsam. Sie verkörpert jedes Vorurteil, das jemals über Frauen jenseits der 30 formuliert wurde: sie hadert mit ihrem Aussehen, kann sich nicht gegen ihre Eltern durchsetzen, überanalysiert männliches Benehmen, hört eher auf ihre Freundinnen als auf ihre Intuition, manövriert sich wiederholt in ungesunde Liebschaften und hält an einer unrealistischen Erwartungshaltung an sich selbst und ihren Lebensentwurf fest. Obwohl sie weiß, was sie falsch macht, ist sie unfähig, ihre eigenen destruktiven Verhaltensmuster zu durchbrechen und sich aus ihren dysfunktionalen Beziehungen zu befreien. Sie tat mir leid und ihre Konzentration auf die negativen Aspekte ihres Lebens erschien mir tragisch. Dennoch fand ich „Mein Geburtstag und andere Katastrophen“ lustig. Was sagt es über mich aus, dass mich das klägliche Leben einer bedauernswerten Ü30 Single-Frau erheiterte? Der betont witzige Erzählstil hatte natürlich seinen Anteil daran – die Leser_innen sollen lachen. Eine gewisse Schadenfreude spielte zugegeben sicher auch mit rein. Aber ich glaube, der Hauptgrund ist der parodierende, karikierende Tenor des Buches. Ich konnte die Schilderungen der Protagonistin nicht ernstnehmen. Niemand ist so offensichtlich ein wandelndes Klischee. Mit dieser Überzeugung kann ich mein Gewissen beruhigen und deshalb fühle ich mich nicht schlecht, weil ich „Mein Geburtstag und andere Katastrophen“ mochte.

Offenbar muss ich in meinem Bücherhirn eine neue Kategorie gründen: akzeptable Chic-Lit. „Mein Geburtstag und andere Katastrophen“ lehrte mich, dass ich in diesem Genre durchaus fündig werden kann, obwohl ich vermutlich nicht beginnen werde, gezielt nach entsprechender Literatur zu suchen. Als erfrischende, unkomplizierte Lektüre für Zwischendurch, die mir nichts abverlangte, war Merrill Markoes Brief-Tagebuchroman definitiv passend und amüsierte mich mühelos. Ich denke, der Unterschied zu Büchern wie P.S. Ich liebe Dich besteht darin, dass Markoe völlig auf kitschiges Melodram verzichtete. Sie bringt ihre Leser_innen lieber zum Lachen als zum Weinen. Das kam mir eindeutig entgegen. Es zahlt sich eben aus, manchmal außerhalb meiner Komfortzone zu lesen. Wieder was über mich gelernt.

[Julia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Given the title, I thought this book was going to be hilarious. It did have a lot of funny parts, but really it was triggering for me because I could relate to the narrator too well. Her parents are self-centered, neurotic and mean, and offer zero nurturing and support. In fact, they seem to demand an apology from her for even needing it from them.
When a person doesn't get these things from the very people who are supposed to provide them unconditionally, that person tends to stumble through life trying to get love in inappropriate ways from people who have none to give her. She does try to learn from her mistakes, but it's difficult when there is no support or model for the right way to succeed at life. Sure, it makes for mishaps that are funny stories along the way, but mostly it's sad. It tore my heart the way her own parents treated her on her birthday, especially when her father threatened that he "could get very nasty, young lady"-again, on her birthday!!-in response to her expressing a preference he didn't like. And the mystery of the boyfriend's flowers almost drew me to tears.
If this just looks like a dumb-girl story to you, congratulations, you are very fortunate to have parents who love you.

[Bernie · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Well, it's my fucking birthday again. One year ago today I remember being so sure that this was the year everything would turn around. I could sense it. I could feel it in the air. But here I am, a full year later, just as screwed up as ever, still making the same mistakes over and over. So I am initiating a new tradition. My plan is to carefully scrutinize my past in the name of not being condemned to repeat it by writing myself an annual report on my birthday. Kind of a personal state of the union to help me chart my profits and losses or at least get a clearer picture of what I am doing right and wrong. I'm not stupid enough to think it's going to keep me from making mistakes ever agin but it would be nice if at least I could start making some new ones."

So begins Merrill Markoe's laugh-out-loud-funny book about a 36-year old woman and her trials and tribulations (parents, men, you know...). Markoe is an Emmy-award winning writer from David Letterman's show, and her concise wit is wonderful and refreshing. A quick, enjoyable read!

[Sandra Lopez · Rating 3 out of 5]

First off, I loved the title! It was the first thing that grabbed me. Then it all just hits you with this morbid and candid humor.

The book basically chronicles every birthday since her thirties. Everybody knows birthdays are depressing. The parents are so arrogant and critical. Who wouldn’t want to hang themselves? And why would the ex-boyfriend send flowers? Weird.

The nameless narrator explains all the misery in her life and the mistakes she hopes to avoid in the coming years. At times, her bitterness and constant bitching became a bit of a bore that I wondered why I kept reading. Is there a point? Is there a story here?

She also got a little vulgar when it came to men and sex. Yap, yap, yap—she doesn’t stop yapping! Even though the yapping was filtered with snarky and witty comments, it kind of stops being funny after a while. The character was obsessive and neurotic with serious self-esteem issues. She will always be that “dumb girl.”

[Tera · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book did not seem to have a plot (which... fine, as long as it entertains me, but it didn't). The main character is unlikable. Her parents are ridiculous. Most of the characters are not three dimensional. All in all, this book that MAY have been intended to be funny, was just depressing and badly written. The best part about it was the title. I would not recommend this to friends, even if we had opposite taste in books .... and honestly, I'm not sure why I rated it a 2 instead of a 1 (but I'm not reading it again to find out).

[Amy · Rating 1 out of 5]

Ummm...the best thing about this was the title...and maybe the explanations of Quantum Physics and String theory.

[Gina · Rating 1 out of 5]

Not one likable character in this entire book. I'm thinking this author is not for me.

[Sue]

This was a hard one to request from the library, but hysterical when the librarian called to tell me it was in....

[Carol · Rating 1 out of 5]

Boring and depressing. Plus the only mystery in the book I figured out chapter 1. Not really funny.

[boat_tiger · Rating 4 out of 5]

Side splitting funny! I loved this book. I think every woman can relate to the author's candor and humor.

[Cornelia · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's a quick read, with some genuinely funny/witty bits. It's enjoyable, but very flawed. The characters are one-dimensional and we never spend enough time with the likable ones to actually feel very fulfilled by them. When we do spend any time with a character, it's inevitably someone awful.

The protagonist/narrator is likable enough, and funny, but she doesn't grow all that much considering the book spans 7 years of her life. Her growth seems rushed and slapped on, not authentic. I get the feeling that if the book had continued a few more chapters, she'd be right back to some of her old ways in them. Instead of getting a little wiser each year, she bounces from one bad man to another, one helpless fad to another (psychics to pop psychology) and spinelessly exposes herself to her ever-disparaging family. What at first is outrageous and sort of hilarious, soon becomes just really pathetic and sad. She doesn't even seem to care about or enjoy any of the people in her life. Her friends (2 of them, dull as doors) are only mentioned in the context of her discussing her relationships with men. They don't talk about anything else. They don't do anything of substance. They aren't even interesting.

Though the whole premise of the novel seems a bit like a 7-year-long journal drummed up in the same self-evaluating vein as Bridget Jones's Diary, Markoe's gal is no Bridget. Difference is, Bridget was entertaining and endearing and surrounded by legitimately interesting people.

This book could've been more entertaining if we'd seen this woman (I think she had a name, somewhere) interact with more people. If we actually saw her do her job (teaching art at a high school. anyone who's taught even a week of high school will tell you there are some gems to be found there in the way of humor and good stories) or at art gallery functions that she mentions in passing. But no. The writer seems hell-bent on making her a relatively dull, soulless woman whose entire mental life is filled by her awful family and her awful boyfriends, with brief interludes from her cardboard friends.

[Katie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Oh my. This was supposed to be a humor book (I think) about a woman in her 30s/40s who writes a letter to herself on every birthday for 7 years, and tries to impart wisdom to her future self via these letters. The whole book is about her tortured relationship with her hypercritical parents, and her long string of unsuccessful relationships with men.

Like I said, I think the book was supposed to be funny, but to me the humor was pretty weak (the author, by the way, was a writer for the David Letterman show, so I'm really surprised it wasn't funnier because I think his show is hilarious). What was REALLY the main characteristic of this book was the extremeness of the dysfunctional relationships, both between the narrator and her parents, and the narrator and every man she ever dates. I'm talking extreme dysfunction, like fascinatingly so... I know this is a work of fiction, but it's really hard to imagine this being written by anyone who hasn't experienced this type of thing firsthand. The fact that this author used to date David Letterman makes me even more curious.

I was going to give it 2 stars, but I bumped it up to 3 just because I found the level of dysfunction so fascinating. It was dark, real dark. I kind of like that in a weird way, even though the whole thing was just supposed to be funny. You know what they say about comedians... they tend to be the most maladjusted personalities around, even above actors and actresses (which is saying a lot).

[Gabby · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is easy to see why Merrill Markoe was the head writer for the David Letterman Show. She has such a wonderful way with wry humor and wit. I loved this book as we traveled through birthdays with the narrator and her unbelievably atrocious celebrations. I could sympathize and relate to the characterizations of her mother... to some degree most women will be able to do that, although I take no pride in the fact that I understood it in the extreme.

At the beginning of this book, the narrator seems overwhelmed by the relationships in her life and how on earth to adequately deal with them. Through the years she becomes better at understanding her participation in continuing these disasters, and we hope that by the end of the book she'll be able to anticipate the catastrophies rather than constantly have to clean up after them. That doesn't necessarily mean a happy ending; but there is certainly a satisfying one.

Normally when I finish my books I give them away, unless I plan to read them again. I'm going to hold on to It's My F---ing Birthday: A Novel because I know I'll be rereading it.

[Jana · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve told writers, “Know your audience.†But we should also tell audiences of fiction, “Know your book.†Someone else wrote about this story that it/the protagonist was depressing. No! It’s a delight! But maybe that’s just for those who can appreciate the humor as found in her situations. Yes, I thoroughly enjoyed this book, read, as a never-married, during the week before and after my 41st birthday. Thus, I giggled and groaned right along with the main character as she faced birthdays 36 through 43, telling the tale of that past year’s failed romance, dealing with the dysfunction of familial relations, and leaning on and relying on friends. And so to me, yes, it was a delight! Of course, that means to someone who’s not lived this life, the parts I delight in could easily be completely lost on you. Of course, that’d be a shame, because you’d miss Markoe’s wonderful wit in this story. But I’ve also learned that people not in this life often just really cannot grasp it--or see the things with an eye of humor that you earn as you grow, living this unique situation.

[Lauren · Rating 2 out of 5]

When I first began this novel I couldn't help but laugh-out-loud. I could completely understand where the narrator was coming from. What girl/woman hasn't over analyzed a situation? Now, to the point of looking up the meaning of individual flowers, I'm not sure, but I got the point --we tend to over think simple gestures or situations.

It's My F---ing Birthday is a fun and easy read but after reading 75% of it, I started getting tired of the continued drama that never seemed to resolve. I felt the novel was building up tension and movement for a moment that never really seemed to come. The ending was rather predictable and unsatisfying. Sure, it was clever, but all in all I give this book two stars.

[Chisa Puckett · Rating 2 out of 5]

I picked up this book thinking it would be funny. It started out well enough with the first line being, "Well, it's my fucking birthday." Cool, it is what it says on the ten.

I was prepared for the horrible awkwardness the narrator has to deal with. Horrible parents, worse relationships, unhappiness with her life in general. Okay, this is amusing and what I more or less expected.

But then the mom died and it just go really depressing really fast. The narrator keeps making the same old mistakes and gets crazy intrusive with her detectiving of Mike's old relationships. All for the result of, "Meh, doesn't matter."

It just ends on this incredible down note without any feeling of accomplishment at all.

[Liz · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received this book for - surprise - my 40th birthday, and I waited until I was 41 to read it. Which totally fits in with the tone of the book. Merill Markoe (former Letterman writer) is extremely funny and this book, told in diary format, will appeal to any woman who has crossed any age landmark (25, 30, 40) and faces the pressures that our family and society put upon us. Her family stories are hilarious and her attempts at love are both funny and heartbreaking. This book is short and makes for great entertainment (with a few little life lessons thrown in), so it makes a great follow-up to a serious read or when you just need to laugh. And if you like to laugh at yourself, even better.

[Tara · Rating 3 out of 5]

What a quick read! This book is witty and light. The main character, whose name remains a mystery, has the worst relationship with her parents and even more unlucky romantic relationships. Her hijinx, though brief, are comical. This story isn't going to change your life, but it is a nice way to spend a weekend.

**Disclaimer** This review comes from a person about 10 years too young to relate to the main character, so it's entirely possible that I would have gotten more out of the book if I was 10 years older.

[Krista · Rating 1 out of 5]

I have read a few other reviews of this book, and I find that I agree with them - this book doesn't really "go" anywhere or accomplish much. I found the premise of the book interesting - a chapter written on each birthday - but after a few years of the same horrible birthday with the author's manipulative parents and no real action to change her life, I began to feel depressed for the author and had to put the book down and move on to better and more inspiring authors. I think I had hoped I had found another Laurie Notaro (a snarky life/humor author whom I adore), but no.

[Ruby · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a stand alone this is a great, funny, yet at the same time devastatingly depressing look at someone who grew with crazy narcissistic parents who take each successful birthday to remind her of her miserable failings.

But anyone who has read Markoe's blog or other books knows that this work of "fiction" is only thinly veiled snipets of her actual life and relationships. The Pshyco-Ex Game is a better version of this that uses a lot of the same material. Although this book focuses more on the relationship with the mentally ill parents, with boyfriend stories thrown in.

[Patty · Rating 4 out of 5]

I re-read this one after ten years. Still funny. The second reading was only slightly less interesting because I knew the ending. I read straight through the whole thing in two sittings. I was hooked by a lot of commonalities in my own life. Like a typical girl, she over-analyzes everything....like "He sent me flowers what does that mean? Ok they are white flowers, and I looked it up online and that means a truce so is he saying he wants to get over our differences and be friends?" (That wasn't a quote from her, just an example of the kind of stuff she says.) But yeah, a nice, light read.

[Bibliophile · Rating 2 out of 5]

There’s nothing particularly profound about It’s My F------ Birthday, but since it’s only 200 pages long, it’s not a huge commitment of your time. So if you’re looking for a fun read, with some great comic lines (the author, Merrill Markoe, was once the head writer for David Letterman) and a couple of shrewd observations about how women react to the approach of the dreaded 40th
birthday and beyond, then look no further.

[David Peters · Rating 3 out of 5]

A thirty-something high school art teacher writes her personal state of the union address on her birthday, assessing the current status of her life. This book covers 7 years, and the horror of what this special day has become.

Merrill Markoe is an Emmy award winning writer for the Dave Letterman show. A coworker reccommended one of her more recent books focusing on her dogs, and I found this book by her at my library. Quick and easy read, very funny.

[Blue Hummingbird · Rating 4 out of 5]

A sarcastic, hysterical peek into a womans life through the years. Making a state of address on her birthday, she points out all of her dating woes, the tyranny that is her parents, the quizzical floral arrangements she keeps getting from her ex and her continuous fight to not fall into The Hole.

I quite enjoyed this one, a rather quick read, page after page offering some laugh out loud moments. A character we probably all know, Markoes book made me smile.

[Julie · Rating 3 out of 5]

While there are some serious parts to the book, this is really a light, fluffy read, from a woman in her late 30's thru early 40's with relationship issues. A good beach book. Each entry is on her birthday, reviewing the good and bad of the year, and usually having a meal with her parents where they belittle her, and don't understand why she gets upset with them. Not much substance, but sometimes that's what you want.

[Brian · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book, which I finished in its entirety was a very cute, quick read but had very little to no substance. The writing style is humorous, and I laughed exactly once. The book takes place in a formula, with each chapter being devoted to a birthday. The main character has an encounter with her parents, gets a bad gift, tells a story or two about a bad guy she dated, then it starts over again in the next chapter. I'd recommend this book if you are on a red eye flight.

[Cheryl · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was entertaining. The way in which is was presented - as a series of letters - reminded me of things like Dear Mr. Henshaw. I liked that the wry humor. You could actually see the main character grow throughout the years - until she became kind of crazy when stalking the exes of a boyfriend. I was so hopeful for her until then. But by the end, even though she was in the same situation as in the beginning, you could see how she was happier.

[Chi Dubinski · Rating 4 out of 5]

The nameless art teacher in this first novel by Markoe, former head writer for David Letterman, writes an essay on each of her birthdays, starting with the 36th. The essays are her annual reports, to keep track of her profits and losses. Typical observations are: "One great thing I have noticed about living all by myself: All of my annoying habits seem to have disappeared." And "When you have never loved at all, at least you have enough attention span left to get some reading done"